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Hit Me With Your Best Shot by ohmymerlin
Chapter 1 : KASPLAT
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 4

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Sirus Black leapt forward and tackled his best mate to the ground.

“Arghhhh!” James fell forward into the ground and swore.

“Merlin, Padfoot! What the hell was that for?!” James asked angrily, rubbing his head.

Sirius let out his signature bark of laughter. “Just testing out some new skills!”

“What skills would you have, Black?” A snide voice cut in.

Sirius turned around and smirked. “Ah, Snivellus. How I haven't missed you.”

“How original, Black. I'm guessing your skills don't fall in the category of originality?”

“No they don't. They fall in the category of being ridiculously good-looking and ever-so smart.”

Snape snorted, “You are not smart, Black. You just seem to fool everyone with your-“

“With my what? Good looks? Charms?” Sirius suggested.

Snape scowled at him and James got up off the floor. “Maybe you should leave, Snape.”

The greasy-haired boy glared at them and then swooped off to bother someone else.

“He looks like an overgrown bat,” Sirius observed.

James shrugged and wiped dust off his shoulders. “So what skills were you testing, Padfoot?”

Sirius grinned cheekily. “I'll only tell you if you fight me for it!”

James frowned, “I'm not going to get in a muggle brawl with you, Sirius. I'm Head Boy, I have a position to uphold.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. The real reason is because you want to look mature in front of Evans. Don't try and deny it, Prongsie.”

James flushed and fixed his glasses with a tap of his wand. “Whatever. Believe what you want to believe. Do you want to head down to dinner?”

Sirius nodded and as they walked past the tapestry of Lazarus the Lazy, James -hoping to catch Sirius off guard- asked, “What skills were you testing out?”

“Like I said, you'll have to fight me for it.”

“I was your dummy-tester. I feel as if I should know,” James said stubbornly.

“Let me think about it... No.”



“Pretty please?”

“No and don't say 'pretty' ever again. That word just sucks out my manliness.”

“Okay... Ugly please?”

“Prongs, what is wrong with you? Who asks 'ugly please'?” Sirius made a face

“I just want to know what these super special skills my best friend has! Is that so bad?”

Sirius sighed, “I'll tell you if you fight me. Simple as that.”

James rolled his eyes and went over to sit next to the rest of the Marauders.

“Padfoot won't tell me what skills he has!” James complained.

“Wait, Padfoot has skills?” Remus asked interestedly.

“That was mean, Moony,” Sirius pouted at his friend.

“Do you want some cheese?” Peter squeaked.

Sirius rolled his eyes. James said, “Well apparently so. He knocked me down on the second floor corridor saying he was “testing out some new skills”. When I asked him why, he asked me to fight him.”

“Do you mean like a duel, or a muggle brawl?” Remus asked Sirius.

“Muggle,” Sirius grunted.

Remus leant back, “Well I'm not fighting with you, if it was a duel I'd consider it but...”

“Come on, Moony! I need someone to fight me so I can test these skills I have!” Sirius pleaded.

Remus shook his head, so Sirius turned to Peter. “Wormy? Will you fight me?”

Peter squeaked and shook his head. “Padfoot, if I was to fight you I'd lose horribly.”

Sirius sighed. “I don't think anyone will fight me.”

“You know, I'm sure there's some Slytherins who will want to fight you,” James pointed out.

Sirius brightened. “You're right! Maybe I should go ask them!”

Sirius turned around and yelled over the to the Slytherin side, “Oi! Which one of you slimeballs wants to fight me?”

Nearly every single Slytherin stood up and Sirius grinned with a manic look in his eye.

“And it begins,” he said ominously with an evil laugh to follow.

“Entrance Hall after dinner,” Sirius said confidently, “And you'll have to line up.”

Remus noticed there were a few first and second years so he intervened, “Maybe only those who are 16 and 17 should fight him.”

All of them groaned but Sirius nodded, “Yeah. I don't fancy going to Azkaban for injuring minors. It might mess up my hair.”

Peter chuckled and munched on some cheese.

“You're just scared an eleven year old could beat you up, Black!” A weedy first year called out.

Sirius scoffed, “I just don't want you to go running to Mummy because you were stupid enough to get in a fight with an eighteen year old bloke.”

The first year scowled but Professor McGonagall came down. “There will be no fights in this school! Do you all understand?”

A collective groan went through the Great Hall but the Professor didn't waver. “If there's any chance of a fight, you will all be put in detention.”

“Ah, Minnie, if you wanted some time alone, you could have just asked!” Sirius winked at McGonagall but she just pursed her lips.

“Mister Black, if you speak like that to a teacher again, I will have to give you a detention.”

Sirius grinned cheekily at the Professor as she walked off. When they had all finished their dinner, a burly seventh year appeared.

“Oi Black,” he grunted, “You wanna fight?”

Sirius grinned, “I'm guessing you're one of the contenders?”

He scowled, “There's a whole heap of us, Black. I'd watch your back because we will get that fight you promised.”

Sirius nodded and said, “Just make sure they're only 16 or 17, it would be dangerous for the youngin’s.”

The Slytherin grunted at him and stalked off.

“Padfoot are you really going to fight them?” James asked.

“Yes I will,” Sirius replied arrogantly.

James shrugged and said, “Well I have to go do some Head duties with Lily. I'll see all of you later?” The three Marauders nodded at him and walked the other way.

The three of them were on their way to the Gryffindor common room when they heard someone call out.

“Black! You wanted a fight? Well I'll give you a fight!” The sixth year ran up to him and swung at Sirius.

Sirius dodged the punch and kicked the boy in the stomach. The boy keeled over and Sirius grinned, “You'll have to wake up faster than that, Nott.”

Nott responded with a rude hand gesture and Sirius slapped it away. “Come on, you said I could fight you. Why aren't you fighting?”

He stood up and started punching him again. Sirius dodged the blows with ease. “My mother could fight better than you!” he taunted.

Sirius punched him, not once, but twice, thrice, four, five, six times and the seventh was delivered to his jaw with a sickening crunch. A circle had gathered around them and when Nott was knocked unconscious, the Gryffindors cheered.

Sirius took a mock-bow and said, “So who's next?”

A slightly larger Slytherin stood forward this time. “Me,” he called out.

“Ah, you,” Sirius said, obviously not knowing this boy’s name.

“It's Webber,” he spat, “And I'm going to beat you!”

Sirius opened his arms wide, “Be my guest,” he said before leaning forward and knocking Webber out in one punch.

Again the Gryffindors cheered but Sirius said, “It's not like you're even trying to challenge me!”

The burly seventh year Slytherin that talked to them earlier stood forward.

“My turn,” he said menacingly, cracking his knuckles.

“Ooh! I am so scared,” Sirius teased him.

The seventh year reached forward and punched him, only to find that he missed. Sirius side-stepped him and grabbed him in a headlock.

“Now, now, Goyle, don't be too afraid, Sirius won't hurt you that bad.”

Goyle grunted and stomped on Sirius' foot. Sirius punched him in the face. “Don't do that again, or I'll punch you even harder.”

Again, Goyle grunted. Sirius sighed and said, “I really wish I had a challenge.”

He threw Goyle to the side of the wall and jumped on him to start punching him again.

Goyle held out quite well but Sirius was much more agile and could dodge every blow.

After a few minutes, Goyle had been knocked out cold with a bloody nose.

Sirius pretended to wipe dust off his robes and looked at his nails. “Anyone else?” he asked, feigning boredom.

Snape was about to step forward but Lily Evans interrupted. “Sirius! You can't go picking fights! You heard McGonagall; she'll put all of you in detention!”

Sirius grinned. “Ah, Lily, it's just I needed to test out some of my new skills!”

“Told you,” James said to Lily.

She rolled her eyes, “Come on, Sirius. You don't have to do this. Just test it out on a magic dummy or something.”

“But Slytherins are magic dummies,” Sirius said confusedly.

The Gryffindors roared with laughter whereas the Slytherins called Sirius rude names. Lily bit her lip to hide her laughter but James wasn't so subtle.

Lily asked him, “Can you please talk some sense into him?”

“Come on Padfoot, you already knocked out three guys. Isn't that enough?” James reasoned.

“No,” chorused Sirius, the Gryffindors and the Slytherins.

James shrugged, “You can't talk sense into Sirius, Lily. Once his mind is made up, you can't change it.”

Lily sighed, “Can we just pretend we never saw this then?”

“I kind of want to watch, but if you don't...” James admitted.

“No, no, I'll stay with y- everyone,” Lily blushed and Sirius smirked.

“Now that sexual tension is over,” ignoring Lily and James' splutters, he asked, “who’s next?”

“Me,” three of them chorused at once and Sirius’ face lit up.

Excellent,” he clapped his hands together. “All three of you, step forward.”

“As if you could beat three people!” they jeered.

“Try me, biatches!”

“I think I’m forever scarred,” Lily whispered to James, who chuckled quietly.

Sirius danced around them singing, “Hit me with your best shot! Why don’t you hit me with your best shot! Fire awa-aay!”

“I think he’s actually gone loopy,” Peter said worriedly.

“Nonsense, he’s always been loopy,” Remus reassured him.

“You’re the real tough cookie with the long history!” One of the Slytherins mocked him.

That took Sirius by surprise. “You know muggle songs?”

“I’m a half-blood, Black. And plus, muggle music is much better than any wizarding music, I mean, can we all agree on that?”

The whole crowd nodded and Remus whispered, “This is so weird.” The remaining Marauders and Lily nodded fervently.

After everyone nodded, the Slytherin cracked his knuckles.

“Let’s get this started then, Black,” he said menacingly.

Sirius nodded and the three of them lunged forward. Sirius, however, seemed to be quite an expert. He dodged their blows perfectly, smacked them all at the same time and knocked one out already.




“Oh look, is that a tooth?!” someone said excitedly.




The Slytherin spat into the corner and wobbled slightly. “You-you’ll pay, Bl-Black.”

Sirius, who didn’t even have a hair out of place, merely shrugged.

He swayed over to Sirius. Sirius waited for him to start to raise his fist until he gently poked him.

The guy passed out.

The last Slytherin –who had a bruise blooming under his right eye- said, “I can still go, Black.”

“Bring it,” Sirius stood in the typical boxer position, two fists raised up and legs spread apart for balance.

The other guy shuffled forward nervously, only just realising that he was alone. Sirius didn’t wait for a second before upper-cutting the underside of his jaw.



“Wow! Did you see that?”

“He must have some sort of super human skills in him!”

The guy swung a fist blindly and one had to admire how he kept persevering. Sirius jabbed him in the stomach and the poor boy bent over, gasping. Sirius took this opportunity to knee him in the family jewels.

He whined and sunk to the floor. “You- win,” he gasped.

Sirius smirked and Remus clicked his fingers.

“It was super fighting skills, wasn’t it?”

disclaimer: the title, summary and lyrics are all from pat benatars awesome song 'hit me with your best shot' and i in no way own it

so, this was the first challenge i've ever done, my thing was super fighting skills, obviously... but please tell me how you liked it :D
oh and i know hit me with your best shot would have come out after the marauders era, but it just fit so well with the story ;)

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