Chapter 1 : Veela Eyes
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CI by smarticl398@tda
I have always believed that friendship will always be the best part of your life, mostly because of its underlying emotion between those people. Before friendship there must be a common ground. It doesn't even matter if you are the complete opposite of each other and don't have anything in common on the surface. It helps when you have the same ideals, the same morals and the willingness to trust that person. Once you have that you can build anything upon that if you let it. If you let yourself have a common basis like that then there's hope.
Once your acquaintance has blossomed into a friendship, you can learn about each other. You can learn that they are your confidante. You can learn that they will look over the faults to get to your true character. You can learn when they accept you as you are, and help you get through the bad patches. You can learn to accept and use their advice.
No matter how long you are together or far apart isn't that what makes two people grow close together? Isn't that important? Isn't that why people need friends? To be those people, in all seriousness, when we need them? When we need them to be stupid with us, and to be human, they will be the person you need.
There's a reason why friendship lasts so long and are the best memories of your life - because you went through everything together and because neither of you left.
This is why I have never, and probably never will, understand people who abuse that. I don't understand why people are so hypocritical, or why they use you, or why they are spiteful in a friendship.
You see so many 'popular' people who are adored by many and are constantly surrounded by friends who, but when it comes to some sort of bad drama they're out of there like there's a sale on at Gladrags, but you never expect your friends to be like that. You never expect to be surrounded by people, who you're supposed to confide to, who are the very essence of your most hated qualities in people.
I have generated so many questions about these kinds of people who label themselves as 'friends'. Questions like, why didn't you trust me? Or why did you take advantage of my companionship? Why didn't some of you accept my shortcomings? Why didn't you help me?
I found that they were useless when it came to relationships. They were so oblivious and stupid and hypocritical that I came up with even more questions.
Why do they support a relationship in their early days and constantly coo and coddle you? Why do they then defile your relationship and that person after you've had a fight, or if you've broken up? Why do they suddenly label them as a "mistake"? The person who's been such a big part of your life, no matter how short or long that time is now described as "scum" and " a good-for-nothing toe-rag" before you've even fully explained to them what happened. When did it happen, that the person you supported and liked enough to hang around with if I wanted him to, fell apart in your eyes?
It makes me wonder, did my friends ever like any of my boyfriends? Did they support me, or just tell me what I wanted to hear? Did they respect my choices, or did they just let me fall when they thought I shouldn't have jumped in the first place? Did they ever try, or was I just unimportant, a means to an end in their scheme of things?
So if you are constantly surrounded by people like that then how could you ever truly understand what a relationship is? Because how could you have a person so intimately close to you without being their friend?
So surely all those beautiful things in companionship should also be applied just as much, if not more, in a relationship?†
Why can't you share the same basis with the added attraction? †Thinking back on my life, that is often where it had gone wrong - that I was never friends with my boyfriends, except for Teddy.
If you can't trust someone, to rely on them or share with them then how could you possibly see yourself sticking to a relationship that has no basis? How can you not accept parts of their personality, or help them to be better in the shadier areas? How can you not bear to have them know you as well as you know yourself? Why would you ever be in that kind of situation?
You need a basis for your relationship, and the only thing that I can think of is friendship.
Friendship is when you want something for that person what you want for yourself. When you respect and advise them, and are patient with them when they need you to be. Where you don't fantasise them as false perceptions of their true selves. Where you don't focus on what you like, or dislike about them turning them into this unidentifiable thing that will never exist. You focus on the person that has the flaws. And then remember that you live with them every second you're together. That you wholeheartedly accept and embrace them and care for them when they overwhelm that person. When their character accentuates the beauty and attraction that they behold in their persona.
If you don't try hard enough to learn this in your friendships then how will you ever get through your relationship? It is a two-way street. Hard work and emotion must be on both sides and must come together to form something absolute. If you don't try in your friendships then how can you progress into a relationship?
I understand now that that was where I had gone wrong many times before. Where I had jumped into a relationship thinking it was about attraction and liking the same things and spending your day together. Where I thought that materialistic things were important and how good it felt to be adored and almost cared for. When physicality was more important than intellect or emotion. When I was young and foolish and didn't understand. When I made those glorious mistakes to come to where I am now.
It is because of those wondrous mistakes that I have never regretted the beginning or middle of any relationship I have ever had. I have regretted the ending of one, but that was when I didn't have the perspective I have now. I have never wished to change anything that has happened to me in that area of my life. I don't even regret the fact that I allowed to be persuaded by so-called hypocritical and contradicting friends that opinions and views didn't matter. Because I love where I am now and it is the place that I want to be in.
I understand where I went wrong. I understand why it went wrong. I understand that it was partially my fault, and partially his fault. I also know now that it was no one else's business what went on despite them thinking that it was, or even that I thought it was appropriate to talk about my intimate relationship when it wasn't.
The fact is that I shouldn't have told anyone about my business with Teddy, because he should have been my confidante, the person I could trust with everything, and he wasn't. We didn't work on our relationship, and we focused on all the wrong things, and I understand. I understand that it had to go wrong - it needed to, because that's why I'm here in this position right now.
I understand that even when everyone tells you that you need someone to be happy - that you need a girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife... that they talk absolute bollocks. I understand that you don't need anyone to be happy. That you are not dependant on others making you happy, but rather those people help make you happy by doing the things that make you happy. That, sometimes, includes another person's happiness, but it isn't always the case. And that's what you need to focus on: to find happiness in yourself, because no one else is going to do it.
If making other people happy is a type of happiness that you enjoy then that's fine - but don't depend on them and don't depend on that just to make you happy for the rest of your life because it won't. And just like you try to make others happy, whether that is family, friends or your other half... they want to make you happy. But you can't give someone something unless you have it, too. You have to be genuine in your emotions to share that with another person, because faking it won't cut it. Faking it just makes the other person sadder, because they know you enough to know that you aren't happy. And you hurt that other person more than you could have realised. You hurt them by not trusting them, nor giving your uttermost friendship.
The point is that I did so many things that I will never regret, and I found out secrets that I don't regret knowing now. And the best of them all, finding out that I don't need anyone. Not really. I just need to prioritise my life appropriately and accept that my choices have been for the best. That, no matter what, there is always a brighter end in the darkest of dark even when it is disguised as something atrocious and scary and disturbing. There is always something.
And that just proves that I didn't need Teddy for the rest of my life, because I'm doing so well now. It proves that I can do anything, if I really wanted to. And no matter how many sympathetic or disapproving looks I get I know I'm right for doing what I needed to do for me.
Teddy was so beautifully human, but wasn't for me. No matter how many times we were told we were the fairytale couple. No matter how many fights and break-ups and make-ups we went through. Itís nice to have him at a distance. Itís nice to have him as an acquaintance. The person he is, that took me so long to know, is not for me. I have changed. I have blossomed. I have lived.
So now I know. Even if my children won't know the same things in the future, or my siblings, or my parents, they will find their own way to define themselves. They will live their life as they see fit. And I sincerely hope they do. That whatever path they take that they will live through it, and not just exist. That they will live just as I am living. Oh, so beautifully human and flawed.
AN: Hello! This was written for "The Photograph Challenge" by rindingo on TGS & The No Dialogue Challenge by CloakAuror on the Forums.
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