The first thought Susan had waking up was that she has certainly died. In her mind, what she was staring at is impossible. It is something she never thought she’d see or do again. She couldn’t decide whether to call it heaven or hell but one thing is certain: she could almost drown all over again staring deep into the emerald eyes of Harry James Potter.
“This is not possible…” She murmured. Last she remembers was being thrown away by Hagrid as a dragon attack them. She was kneeling on the ground, checking Dean’s wound when there was a flash of green light and it felt like all the worry in the world disappeared from her shoulder.
“Sorry about the imperius curse…” A gruff voice spoke somewhere to her left.
Then it was like life was turned on and the noise of the forest and nearby fighting assailed her, making her realized that she is still alive and that she is still amidst an invasion. As she stared into the depth of his emerald eye, she remembers the last time she stared into his eyes.
It was during their sixth year when the world has gone horribly dark for them. Her aunt, ever so strong and courageous has fallen against the Dark Lord. She was her anchor in the world slowly plunging into darkness. She thought that as long as Aunt Amelia is there to protect them, they will forever be safe.
She didn’t recon her dying so soon.
She wasn’t a stranger to tragedy. Her family has endured sufferings cause by the Death Eaters before. But Aunt Amelia’s death brought into clarity their current situation. The Dark Lord is back and no one is safe.
Due to fear and due to a mourning heart, she had made it a habit of hiding in the new Divination professor’s room during free period were she could cry her eyes out. Professor Firenze maintained a forest-like room where she could lose herself amidst the forest sound. In there, she cried tears that never seemed to stop flowing when she is alone.
In hindsight, she realized Professor Firenze must have been looking after her though never making his presence felt while she slumped, crying against a tree. She would sometimes fall asleep to wake up surrounded by aromas that calmed and slowly healed her heart. Back then, she thought it was probably just the aroma of the forest. Now, she knows that Firenze, in his own way, was helping her recover from her grief.
It was two months into the school year when it happened: something special yet unwanted that help her move on from her grief yet brought new tears into her eyes and broke her heart all over again.
She woke up with her eyes stinging expecting to smell the sweet aroma that usually envelops her but instead found herself staring into the emerald eyes of Harry Potter. She should have noticed the passion clouding those wonderful eyes but as she sat up, all that had mattered to her was those emerald eyes staring at her, digging deep into her soul. She felt a mysterious force pulling her toward him, all sense of grieving gone from her heart and mind.
“Harry…” she murmured, still staring at his eyes as he took a seat beside her.
“I saw you come here crying. I just wanted to make sure you are all right.” Harry replied, looking a little daze as if he himself couldn’t understand why he was here. “I saw you crying and I felt like an interloper that I stayed away. I didn’t look, promised. I just sat behind a tree just close enough for me to hear you cry. When you stopped crying I took a look and found you sleeping. I stayed to make sure you are safe…that no one disturbs you…” His brows puckered. Even to him his explanation sounded flimsy.
“Why take the effort?” She asked. Unbidden, she didn’t even notice her hand was now on his, their fingers intertwined. Even Harry seems not to be aware that they are now holding hands nor that they are now talking really close to each other.
“I know why you are crying and I think it is my fault…” Harry spoke softly, leaning toward her until there foreheads touched. “It is because of me that he is back…if I could have only done something more when he came back during the Triwizard Cup…if I could have exerted more effort…perhaps your aunt would still be alive…”
“Harry…” She held tightly to his hand while her left hand cupped his right cheek. “Never blame yourself for what that madman does. You have done more than enough for this world already.”
She spoke haltingly as she panted with the effort of restraining the soaring feeling that is slowly engulfing her. Her breathing got hotter and her heart beating faster. She knew Harry was feeling the same thing, she could see it his eyes, feel it in his hand. She doesn’t know what has gotten to them both. All she knows was right here, right now, she wanted Harry so badly. And he wants her as badly as well. She wished he’d take the initiative to take the plunge.
Harry finally took the plunge. Pulling her toward him, he kissed her ardently on the lips. Passion bloomed within her as she answered his kisses, her hand shaking around his neck. She leaned back, pulling him on top of her.
Her mind argued with her desire as Harry tore her school robe open. Her mind was telling her that this was wrong, that she did not want this but her body seems to have a mind of its own. She could do nothing against the mysterious pull that even now compels her to undo the buttons of her blouse.
She gasped when Harry’s mouth claimed the pinkish tip that no man has ever kissed before. All thought of protest was lost as the unwanted passion swept over her and she gave herself whole-heartedly to Harry.
“Harry…” She murmured, the distant sounds of battle rattling her from her memories. “It can’t be…”
“Hello, Susan.” Harry smiled tentatively. The mysterious pull has led him directly to her. Even now, it is making him think of things that are making his blood run hot and heartbeat quicken. He took a big gulp of air, trying to steady himself. He was about to speak when there was a flash of light and he found himself sprawled on the group with Luna standing protectively over him.
“What are you playing at, Lovegood?” Susan asked angrily as she pointed her wand at Luna. “Who is this and how the hell did you make him look like Harry? Stole a strand of Harry’s hair or something from the Burrow?”
“Better put it down, girl.” Aberforth growled though he wasn’t paying much attention to them. His eyes were on the direction of the fight. “By the sound of it, they have everything under control…” He murmured to himself. “Looks like, they found help…blast it…I missed a good fight…”
“If you would just let me explain…” Luna slowly lowered her own wand. “Actually I can’t explain everything. All you need to know is that this is truly Harry back from the grave and he needs your help.”
“It is impossible.” Susan muttered, still pointing her wand at Luna. Deep in her heart, she knew it is Harry. She can already feel the pull but this time, knowing the outcome the last time she allowed herself to be swayed by the pull, she fought it.
“Susan…” Harry stood up, dusting himself off. “I can’t explain it myself but I am back and I need your help. I lost some of my memories while I was sleeping…they were somehow given for safekeeping to those that I have been…er...close with. I don’t remember much but somehow I was led here to you…”
“He needs you to give him back his memories.” Luna said simply.
“Let say I believe he is Harry.” Susan said tentatively. In the distance, the sound of fighting has disappeared, signaling the end of the fighting. She hopes that it is her side who has won the day. “How do I return the memories I don’t know I even have?”
“The same way it was transferred to you.” Luna raised an eyebrow. “You need to sleep with him.”
“No way!” Susan’s nose flared as she raised her wand again. “I will never…”
Susan watched as Harry disappeared under his invisibility cloak. He is truly Harry. She turned and released a sigh of relief when she saw it was just Firenze cantering calmly toward them.
“Aberforth…it is nice to see you again.” The centaur nodded at the old man who has his wand pointed at him. “Your arrival is a little late though for the invasion has already been repelled thanks to the timely arrival of Kingsley and his forces.”
“I did not actually came here to help you lot.” Aberforth smirked as he lowered his wand.
“Miss Lovegood…” Firenze inclined his head toward Luna who was standing tense. “Fear not for I do not wish Harry Potter harm.”
“How did you know I was here?” Harry asked as he pulled off the cloak.
“I have already forgotten the number of times your father and Sirius Black disappeared under it as they try to explore the forest without the centaur knowing.” Firenze nod to him. “My heart is gladdened for your return. Yet I fear that you only bring more fighting before you could accomplish your destiny.”
“Harry is not yet well enough…” Luna said. “He needs Susan’s help.”
“Never again…” Susan turned away, her hand crossed over her chest. Already she could feel the pull getting stronger. I got pregnant the last time. She mumbled it as a mantra as she fought with the mysterious influence.
“You have accomplished a lot, Miss Lovegood but I feel that your task here is now finished.” Firenze smiled compassionately at Luna. “Perhaps you and Aberforth can come with me and help me scout the area for any fleeing enemies while Harry and Susan have a heart to heart talk.”
“Firenze…” Susan protested.
“Remember what I told you before. Everything happens for a reason whether such things are easy or not. What is important is how we make the best of things the stars has given us.” Firenze knelt down to cup her cheeks. “Follow your heart, Susan. It will never lead you astray.”
Susan sighed in surrender.
“I cannot promise anything…” She mumbled.
“Harry…” Luna smiled wryly at him. “Firenze is right. I can no longer accompany you from this point forward. It is no longer my place.”
“Thank you, Luna…” Harry kissed her on the forehead. “You are a dearest friend like no other.”
“Just wow her like you did me.” She smiled sadly as she pulled away from Harry. “And don’t let any Snargle gets into your nose.”
Harry watched in sadness as Firenze pulled Luna up and deposited her on his back.
“Er…Have fun.” Aberforth shrugged as he jogged after Luna and Firenze.
Without word, Harry conjured a blanket on the ground. He silently gestured for Susan to sit. Grumbling, she sat beside him.
“I will not…”
“We will find another way.” Harry said before she could finish.
“What?” She turned to him in surprise.
“It is okay. We don’t have to do it.” Harry said honestly. “I don’t remember how or when we did it before but judging by what I am feeling right now, I think we were unduly influenced. Luna says it is coming from the Hallows…I don’t know what they are but Luna says it is important that I remember.”
“And we need to do it for you to remember…” Susan muttered, looking away. The pull was still strong and it is taking all her resolve not to kiss Harry right now. Her joy at finding out that the Chosen is alive is making the pull stronger but it is conflicting with her apprehension on what happened the last time she was close to him. She tried to hold on to the feeling of anger when she found out she was pregnant.
“Luna said we need to experience life…perhaps there is another way to it.” Harry lied down on his back, his head resting on his hands as he looked up at the stars. “I don’t think life is just about doing…er…that. It is just the easiest route and since when did I ever take the easiest one? We will find a way. It is not impossible. After all, I found away to return from the dead.”
“Do you feel the pull?” Susan looked down on his serious face. “Do you feel it now?”
“Yes…” Harry looked into her eyes, recognizing the passion burning within it. He also saw the resolve not to be swept by it. “But I am doing my best not to let it rule over me. I will not let it decide for me who I sleep with or who I don’t.”
“If you…we don’t find away then sooner or later you will face the Dark Lord without your full memories.” Susan muttered, wracking her mind for ways that he could remember without resorting to the extreme.
“Perhaps or perhaps not. What is important is that we do not lose our principles in our attempt to find ways to defeat him. Otherwise, we only lower ourselves to his level.” Harry tried to smile bravely but it only came as a grimace. “Who knows? The things I remember might be enough against him.”
“Do you want to do it?” Susan asked, hugging her knees. He is so closed that the pull is almost overriding her hesitation…a hesitation that is slowly dwindling as she looks at Harry. Even without the mysterious influence, she sees the nobility in him, the silent suffering for the world, the strength and the courage that never fails to touch a woman’s heart. Now, more than ever she understands what Cho, Ginny and quite possibly Luna sees in him. In the brief moment she sat with him, she realized something. Harry is the Chosen One not because of some prophecy or because the Dark Lord chose him. He is the chosen because he took it up himself. He owned the title by his deeds and by his words.
“You are beautiful and desirable woman.” Harry answered honestly. “I can’t blame all that I am feeling right now to a mysterious pull. No sane man would say no to a woman like you, Susan. Don’t worry though. I am fighting it and I will not force myself on you, necessity or not. You deserve someone that you chose.”
Susan looked toward the centaur settlement. Smoke is spiraling from it toward the sky but she could no longer hear any sound of battle. Peace has once more settled into the Forbidden Forest…a peace that is so inviting. She closed her eyes, remembering the last time she was with Harry…the first time he claimed her. It was an unwanted passion yet it felt wonderful as she came with Harry and they became one.
“I could do worse.” She said to herself. When she looked back to that fateful day, she realizes she wasn’t angry that something happened between her and Harry. In fact, she relished the memory. What really set her off is the knowledge that both of them were unwitting pawns to some mysterious pull that even up to now they can’t explain.
Only this time it is different.
She has a say in the matter.
She is the one making the decision.
And for better or worse, whether she admits it or not, she has already chosen to taste again such an unwanted passion.
She leaned down on Harry, finally decided. She imagined herself slowly letting go of her restraint. She felt the mysterious pull floods her system like a jubilant child let go to play by his parents. All doubts were swept away.
“Harry…” She asked almost panting as she held on to last vestige of her restraint. “Can you conjure a tent for us? I don’t think I can right now…”
“Are you…?” Harry asked perplexed though the pull in him intensified the moment he looked into Susan’s eyes.
“I chose you…” Susan murmured before she kissed him.
disclaimer: everything belongs to jk rowling
next chapter: witch hunt!
Write a Review Harry Potter: Hallowed Existence: CHAPTER 13: UNWANTED PASSION