Chapter Twelve - Dust
Voices from the shop become distant and vague as every particle of my being focuses itself on the silhouette in the doorway. My heart beat picks up its pace and begins to hammer against my chest. What is he doing here?
“Hello Roxanne,” he murmurs causing my whole body to quiver. I thought it was getting better, I thought that I was getting over him, that he was losing his hold over me but evidently, I was wrong. His mere presence so close to me sends shivers down my spine and my mind into a whirlwind of desire.
Neither of us speaks, we just stare at each other, his face becoming clearer and clearer the long I stare at it. It is like no one else exists in the entire world but the two of us. All the emotion that has been building up in me since I boarded the Hogwarts Express in June threatens to overflow and I have to bite my lip to stop myself from crying. I cannot cry in front of him. Not now. Not after everything.
“I miss you,” he chokes out.
“I miss you too,” my whisper is barely audible but I can tell by the way his entire countenance relaxes slightly that he heard me. He steps one step closer and then stops.
“What are we doing Rox?” he sighs.
“I- I don’t know…” I shake my head, still biting back tears. He steps another step towards me, disturbing the settling dust on the floor and making it dance once more in the lines of light that surround his shadow.
“Is it… Is it worth it?” he frowns down at me. I stare up at him from my place on the floor, surrounded by the old, dusty boxes.
“What do you mean?” I mutter.
“Not being with me…but also not being friends with Rose?” his grey eyes board into mine and my heart begins to race even faster. Is it worth it? Is this constant denial actually worth it? Rose has not forgiven me… she is still angry but she will get over it, eventually. I know Rose. Is it worth it… not being with Scorpius? Every part of me is screaming no. It is not worth it… but there is just one small part of me that says I cannot go back to him… because if I do, Rose might never forgive me… and I would be giving him the power to hurt me. It makes me afraid. He is still watching me, waiting for me to reply.
“I don’t know,” I confess, shaking my head slightly. The emotions become too much and I collapse against the pile of boxes, tilting my head back and trying to keep the tears from falling. The sound of footsteps and the swish of the air beside me, inform me that Scorpius has come to sit with me, not quite touching but close enough for me to feel his presence all the more painfully.
My eyes remain closed as we sit in silence, both lost in our own thoughts. I remember what he said that day in the Room of Requirement… We will end up together because that is just the way things are supposed to be. Was he right? Was that really the way things were supposed to be? Was I really supposed to be with Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy? Was that my destiny? Did I actually believe in destiny? Does it really matter? And what he said afterwards: I want to be yours, Rox. Did he mean it? Did he really want to be mine? Did he love me that much? And then he had said: I know that deep down, you want to be mine. Was he right? Did I really want to be his…? Of course I did.
“I love you,” the words escape from my lips without my consent. I had not meant to say that aloud… but it was true. I did love him. I was completely in love with him. Why else would he have such an effect on me? Why else can he alone send my heart racing and my breath quickening? I love him. I love Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy.
Turning my head, I see him watching me. A half-smile playing on his perfect lips. The lips I love. He bends his head closer to me until there is nothing but a breath between us. As he lowers his lips onto mine in the gentlest kiss he has ever given me, I know that I will never love another the way I love Scorpius Malfoy. He is like my other half: he can rile me up when I am calm and he can clam me when I am angry; he knows what I am thinking without me even saying a word; he knows more about me than people I have known since I was born and spent much more time with and he loves me.
He loves me.
I love him.
It really is as simple as that.
The tear drops from my cheek onto the collar of my robes. I cannot hold them back any more and they come flooding over, running down my face, unstoppable. Scorpius pulls me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me and letting me cry my eyes out into his chest.
But can I really do this? Can I really give everything to him? My whole heart?
I am not angry with Rose anymore, I just wish she would understand… one day, she will fall in love in the same way I have fallen for Scorpius and she will remember her feelings for Scorpius as nothing more than a school girl crush. She will realise that not being with Scorpius is something I will never be able to do. It is just hurting all of us by me and Scorpius being apart… I love him and I think I always will.
I can do this. I know I can give Scorpius my everything… because I already have. I have already fallen completely and irrevocably in love with him and nothing is going to change that. Tilting my head up to look into his beautiful, dark grey eyes, I bring my lips up to his and kiss him through a haze of tears… letting him know that I am his entirely.
“I love you,” he murmurs against my lips.
“I love you too,” I laugh. “But you’re still an arrogant toe-rag Malfoy, never forget that!” He snorts and I kiss him again, not caring that my parents (or any customer really) could walk in and find us like this. Because I, Roxanne Hannah Weasley, have fallen completely in love with Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy and that is all there is to it.
The dust continues to swirl across the floor, dancing in the stream of sunlight filtering through the open door…
Just the Epilogue left and then Roxanne's story is finished! She will appear in my other stories too though if you want to see more of her. Thank you so much for reading this, it means a lot,