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Witch against the World by Pottergirl7
Chapter 8 : The One with the Teletubbies
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 6

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Gorgeous chapter image by aspen_aureline

Chapter Eight

“See you guys in a minute!” Molly shouted, before disappearing through the portrait hole. Abi looked at us and grinned. It was Tuesday night and we were currently perched on the window seat hiding behind the thick drapes in the common room. It was dinnertime and Molly had just run down to lure the Marauders up here.

 We’d gone a little overboard and all dressed in black. Although the group looked a little morose the overall effect was pretty cool. We were all wearing black leggings, black jumpers and black beanie hats. The look was completed by black leather gloves and knee high black boots. With some additional black eyeliner smeared across our cheeks for fun.

“Okay Ninjas are we ready to roll?” Abi grinned.

“Oh hell yeah, this is gonna be so funny.” Jess giggled. I was rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet in anticipation. The Marauders had never been pranked back before and I think they needed to be knocked down a peg or two. By us of course.

“So does everyone remember the plan?” Abi asked, shifting from one foot to the other somewhat nervously. I could relate. If we pulled this off, we would be rewarded with everlasting respect not just from the majority of the student body, but from the Prank Masters themselves as well.

“Yes Abi we all remember,” I rolled my eyes. “Molly runs in and hides with us behind the curtain. I do the charm shizzle to lock our boys in and then you and Nik release the terror.” Abi clapped her hands together.

“Okay thank you- oh what’s that?” We fell silent and listened intently. There seemed to be some sort of commotion going on outside of the portrait hole.

“I think its Molly.” Jess whispered in my ear. Suddenly there was a bang and Molly threw herself behind the curtains. We quickly moved up and made space for her to perch on the window seat with us.

“I- I- just r- ran up seven- seven flights of st- stairs.” Molly panted incredibly red in the face. “Y- You guys so ow- owe m- me.” I patted her on the back.

“Take deep breaths Mol. How far were they behind you?” I asked, glancing in the direction of the door every few seconds.

“I had to cave in a wall on the way here to slow them down.” Molly answered. Was that really necessary? The portrait hole flew open and through the crack in between the curtains, I watched the Marauders stumble in.

“Where the hell did she go?” Sirius huffed, bending over and taking deep breaths.

“Why did she have to dump the spaghetti bolognaise over my head?” Remus complained. I moved slightly so I could get a better look at Remus and I had to bite down on the inside of my cheek to stop myself laughing when I did. Spaghetti was stuck in his clothes and on the top of his head and he was dripping from head to toe in bolognaise sauce.

I looked to my left and saw Jess silently berating Molly.

Abi nudged me and I realized it was time for me to do my charm.

 Well I hope I don’t screw this up.

 Remembering what Professor Flitwick had told me about wrist movements, I flicked my wrist in a weird, jerky way and watched as it left golden threads in the air. I held my breath as I finished the spell. The room’s temperature suddenly increased and I breathed a sigh of relief. That’s a good sign.

“Did it just get warmer in here?” James asked.

Peter shrugged. “I don’t feel anything.”

“Your turn,” I murmured softly in Abi’s ear. Abi nodded and nudged Niki. Together they muttered under their breaths and flicked their wands in a very sharp manner.

“Let the mayhem begin.”

Screams pierced the silence and we began to grin.


“Petrificus Totalus!”



“Really Peter? We’re faced with possible death and you try to ward off the enemy with birds?” That sounded like James. I see his point…

“It’s a defensive spell.” Peter protested.

“Yeah if you-”

“Guys now is not the time to be having this conversation!” Cue Remus.

Another scream.

I couldn’t help but lean forwards to try and see what was going on. As is the way I happened to lean a little too far forwards and fell off, rolling out into the open.

“Lily?” I looked up and saw James peering over me. My eyes widened and I jumped to my feet, running in the direction of the window.

“Abort! Abort!” I screamed.

“Lily watch out!”

Too late.

I ran straight into the stomach of Tinky Winky; the murderous purple Teletubbie with the triangle attached to his head. He stood 7ft tall and towered way over me. That’s 7ft of pure purple terror.  

Of course I didn’t really get a chance to have a proper look at him as I ran into his stomach, my nose cracked and I went down like a sack of potatoes. My vision flickered and I tried to clear my head of the darkness that was enveloping it. I could feel something wet running down my face and when it dripped into my mouth; I realized from the coppery taste that it was my blood. Great, now my nose is broken and I think I have a concussion.

He pulled me in, holding me in a tight embrace. I slowly but forcefully pushed arm down my leg and toward my pocket. Slipping my hand into the pocket, I grasped my wand and managed to pull it out. My arm’s movement was severely limited so I twisted my wrist slightly and pushed the tip of my wand into the Teletubbie’s stomach. I frantically tried to think of the shut off word we had devised, as my breathing was getting shallower.

“Rainbow!” I shouted.

Nothing happened.

“RAINBOW!” I screamed frantically. Still nothing happened.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit!!! Jess forgot to charm them so we can shut them off! So to sum up; I’m locked in the common room with four boys, four evil Teletubbies and no way out. We are so screwed.

“Lily I’ll save you!” James shouted, directing his wand at my captor. I ducked just in time as his stunning spell bounced off of Tinky Winky and narrowly missed my head.

“Jamebths it’s no use!”

“Let me try another one-”

“-No I bean magic won’t work on dem.” I said thickly. My arms were trapped so I couldn’t wipe the blood from my face. I struggled in the Teletubbie’s grasp. It was gradually getting tighter and I had to ration my breaths.

“Wha- how do you know tha-?” The red Teletubbie, Po, came up behind James and kicked him in the back. My eyes widened and I drew in a sharp breath. They were supposed to scare the boys a little not try to kill them! James landed sprawled out on the floor, hitting his head on a table as he did. He lay unmoving, a small trickle of blood beginning to run down his forehead. Po simply kicked him out of the way before continuing on.

I screamed and got Sirius’ attention, who was trying to stab Dipsy in the eye with his wand. “Lily I’m coming!” he shouted; diving past Po and jumping onto Tinky Winky’s back. I felt the breath leaving me and everything was becoming fainter and fainter. Until the Teletubbie’s arms were no longer around me and I was on the floor, gasping for air.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, getting to my feet. I wiped my hand across my face and winced as I touched my nose. “Episkey,” I muttered, pointing my wand at my face. My nose went cold suddenly and then with a crack, I felt it right itself on my face.

 Sirius grinned. “No problem, now shall we go kick some ass?” I nodded.

“One thing first though,” I skirted around the purple Teletubbie who was on the floor and I ran to the window. I climbed up onto the window seat and stuck my head out of the window.

“Guys?” I called. The girls popped into view on their brooms.

“Lily what kept you? We were starting to worry- Ohmygod what happened to your face?” Jess cried; pointing to the wet blood smeared across my face.

“Never mind that, we have a problem! There’s no off switch for these things!” The colour drained from Molly and Jess’ faces, Niki’s mouth dropped open and Abi face-palmed.

“Oh dammit, I knew I’d forgotten something!” Jess cried.

“Jess!” Nicola shouted.

“I’m sorry! I forgot okay? It happens!”

“So basically we’ve set four mean and scary creatures on the loose with no way of stopping them?”

I nodded grimly. “Pretty much, so get your arses in here and help us. James is out cold and Peter disappeared so it’s just Sirius, Remus and I.”

“Move back then.” Jess said flying in through the window and landing on the seat. The other three copied her and we hopped off the seat.


Within minutes the whole common room was in disarray. It was like a warzone. As magic didn’t work we had to result to physical fighting which was not easy as the Teletubbies fought back with as much vigour and claws as we did. Peter reappeared out of somewhere and James woke up and joined the fight with a vengeance.

“I can’t do this for much longer.” Remus panted, swerving to avoid Laa-Laa’s right fist. He kicked out, missed and almost fell over. I winced as the black-eye Remus was sporting, hit the light. I too was beginning to tire and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep this up for. It was exhausting work fighting a soft and spongy killer. Out of the corner of my eye I watched Jess pick up a lamp and smash it over Po’s head. The red devil went down went down with a satisfactory thump.

There was a loud bang and the portrait hole flew open to reveal a very angry McGonagall. And in case you couldn’t grasp how furious she really was I think there was in fact steam coming off of the top of her head and out of her ears and nostrils.

We all froze mid-fight and so did the Teletubbies. I think even they recognized the authority that had just stepped into the room. She stopped in the entrance way and her mouth dropped open. She looked like she was about to pass out.

“Why hello Professor,” Sirius said lightly, wiping the blood from his mouth. “And how are you this fine evening?” I think something snapped inside of me then and I couldn’t help it. I started to giggle; then chuckle and then I burst into full out, raucous, uncontrollable, tear inducing laughter. Eventually everyone began to do the same. I think it was just the fact that we were fighting fictional children’s characters to the death that got to us. McGonagall on the other hand, did not see the humorous side of this. Which quite frankly I think is rude considering we almost died and we’re laughing but she can’t even crack a smile? Despicable.

“I- I don’t know what to say,” she finally said. “In all my years I have never come across nine children as… as…”










“Destructible,” McGonagall said with a grimace. She flicked her wand and the Teletubbies disappeared. “Clean up.” Then she left, closing the portrait hole behind her.


A/N- Reviews and favourites are loved!


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