Chapter 1 : I Want the Bliss
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Dorcas Meadows could attest to that. She hated the humdrum life. She hated staying alive, at seventeen she felt as if there was nothing left for her to do.
In fact at seventeen she felt as if she should have died already. She didn’t really have an anchor in the world. She didn’t see her parents as much as she probably should have, and her friend was more of a banter buddy. Poor Marlene McKinnion.
Dorcas didn’t want any ties though, the people here were stupid, she had attested. Satisfied with their humdrum life of tests, sports and food.
She acted normal; she made sure to make it look as if she barely passed her tests. She played it off as if she was one of them.
She hated them. Their tiny little brains that could barely comprehend a simple transfiguration charm. The way they were satisfied with so little, the way they were happy even if things were imperfect.
Dorcas wanted everything to be perfect. She planned everything down to the last nub, and everything normally went her way. Except now.
Now she felt as though she was stuck in between space and time, her mind seemed to be asking its body what went wrong. Why wasn’t it dead already? It should have chuffed off a long time ago.
She didn’t want to be seventeen. Being seventeen meant that next year she’d have to get a job, probably somewhere at the Ministry like her father. She’d probably be a typist, she’d probably have to fetch coffee for people whose brain cells were almost diminished.
She’d probably get asked out by a proper pureblood man who was eons older then her, he’d probably use her as nothing more than a trophy to show off, and he’d probably call her his good little wife.
All of these reasons were the answer to way she was standing on the railing surrounding the astronomy tower. The railing was so thin that her toes stuck out of the edge.
Dorcas never had felt so charged in her life. She felt connected; she could feel the wind rushing around her, her robes billowed around her uniform.
This would be the perfect way to die.
Humble was not a word in Dorcas’s vocabulary. She loved showing off, which was the only reason why she was “friends” with Marlene McKinnion, she wanted someone to acknowledge her. To praise her.
Even in death she had decided she would not be forgotten, this would be her big bang, all her life she had folded to the conforms of society and their actions. But not in death.
Her death would be for the world to see. She’d fly like a bird. Flight before fall.
It was dramatic and showy, just like Dorcas herself.
Darkness engulfed her, she looked up, the stars were so beautiful, the clouds had cleared and the sky shone with what looked like millions of diamonds. No one from the grounds could see her.
She didn’t care, they’d find her tomorrow, or maybe they’d see her falling past their bedroom window.
Lifting her left foot she dangled it over the railing, letting it feel all the empty space. There was nothing to catch her if she fell.
While other people would have felt fear at this all she felt was bliss.
Fog from the lake was circling around the lower end of the castle, it was beautiful to watch, especially when you were above it all.
Dorcas knew she was above it all and couldn’t stand that she would never be treated the way she should be.
She’d be a trophy wife, in her thirties she’d get pregnant, by her forties her husband would be having an affair with a younger woman and he’d come home smelling like perfume and expect his wife and children not to be any wiser.
Dorcas was wiser.
The left foot still dangled in mid-air. Dorcas had made up her mind and placed all her weight on it.
The fall was an eternity in a second, her mind entered itself and Dorcas could feel herself falling out of space and time, falling fast towards the earth.
The bliss would be eternal.
“Come on Peter, hurry up, it’s two o’clock in the morning,”
“I just need you to show me where Mars is! Before the first years come up for their class.”
Dorcas opened her eyes. She wasn’t falling, she wasn’t dead. Instead she was still standing on the railing, with her foot dangling off.
She sighed, disappointed. Her bliss was over. The door to the Astronomy Tower was opening and in the next couple of sentences two people would walk through.
“What the hell are you doing?”
She glanced at her watch. Twelve thirty. Spinning around on her heels she saw the two people that had walked in on her.
“Get down from there,” the blonde boy rushed towards her, ignoring her previous statement. “Please get down, what are you doing?” he sounded genuinely worried.
Dorcas ignored the hand he had extended to her and jumped down herself. Her mother would have been scandalized ‘a lady never refuses a gentleman’s hand.’
“I’m Remus Lupin,” the boy said, he rested his hand by his side.
“If you ever need to talk Dorcas,” said Remus anxiously following after her as she walked away. “I’m in your year, we share Charms. I’ll be there for you.”
She acknowledged his statement with a curt nod. “Thank you.”
Perhaps she had an anchor after all.