I think there is a very definite chance of me being completely unlovable.
I'm twenty years old, I'm not particularly foul-looking, I do have functioning braincells, and I shower regularly.
But in spite of all this, I have not come even close to falling in love. Ever. I was at my peak in fourth grade, before the awkward-period set in, where I had something one would maybe call a boyfriend. But I was nine. And I wasn't in love - I just wanted someone to do my math homework for me.
God, I hate math.
But then I started my first year at Hogwarts, and I never saw him again.
Of course there is my ex - whom I went out with for about eight months, and it ended with me losing all my belief in this thing they call 'love'. And I've felt like that until now - now that basically everyone in my whole family(and it's a rather large family) has found their soulmate. At least it looks like it.
They don't even try to dial down the public show of affection when I'm near - even though they know too well about my never-changing single status. I'm a third wheel all the sodding time.
So that's why I started thinking: Is there something wrong with me?
I hate those women who blame everyone else for their problems - and tell themselves that it's not them it's something wrong with; it's the men. And I was one of those. For two years I was undeniably sure about how love didn't exist, and that men were horrendous; that their sole mission in life was tricking women to think they love them when all they wanted was to get in their pants.
Sex is always the root of every problem, you see.
I know this because after I broke up with 'The Git', I went through a long phase of controlling men by their need of sex; and it worked. Well, at least until I found out that I was tired of having meaningless one-night-stands and friends with benefits - I wanted what all the others had. I wanted love. This was hard though, because then I'd already gotten known as 'the flirt', the girl without emotions, who did everything(i.e: everyone) she wanted without shame. So nobody would have taken me seriously if I said I wanted something with more substance.
But I've wanted love for a whole six months now, and I still haven't found a scrap of it anywhere. Luckily Dom, my flatmate, was on team Down With Love along with me(she didn't - and still doesn't - know that I was actually transferred over to team Desperate For Companionship), so I've had nothing to fear when it came to her rubbing a romantic relationship in my lonesome face.
Now she's flitting about on a cloud, singing love songs and grinning like a goof all the livelong day. She usually greets me every morning, or when I get home, with a grunt; now she almost dances around me. It makes me sick. I want my old sarcastic and cynical Dom back! She was way more fun, and much less sickening.
So this is why I must come to terms with the fact that I may be simply unlovable. My family has to love me, and I guess my selected group of friends feel some affection toward me too; but nobody loves me.
I sound desperate. I am desperate.
"It is like they say," Dom told me after she got home from her first date with Emilio(I had to bite my tongue to refrain from laughing when she told me), "love comes when you least expect it. I just stopped looking, and there it was."
I wanted to vomit.
Because I can't stop looking! It's like a disease; I can't help it. You know when you really have to cough, but it's like in the middle of an important test, or something, so it's very quiet around you? Yeah, sooner or later you do make the walls in the room vibrate, and everyone turn to stare at you, because the tickle in your throat grew until it in the end sounded like the beginning of an apocalypse.
Maybe something as dramatic as an apocalypse has to strike for someone to love me; that when most of the earth's inhabitants are a goner, I'll be the only female left who's got all their limbs intact, and I am therefore the better choice.
Who am I kidding... I'd never survive an apocalypse; I can't even bang my toe on the couch without seeing my life pass before my eyes.
I'll die a girl with no idea what love feels like. How depressing.
No, I need to find someone; there are over 7 billion people in the world, half of which are men - one of them has to be Mr Right? I simply have to look harder.
Just one problem though...
I'm seeking love, but it keeps running away from me. And since I haven't hit the gym for like... I can't even remember the last time - that means something bad, doesn't it? Well, anyways, since I apparently do not have any muscles whatsoever, I tend to lose my track on that treacherous little weasel called Cupid. One would think I'd outrun a chubby, little baby, but it seems I can't.
Maybe he can't get over the fact that I for two years snorted whenever anybody brought him up? Very possible. What a vengeful, little rat.
I hope he gets a diaper rash.
Hahah, guess who I got all this inspiration from? Yeah, me! xD Well, I'm not that desperate; I had to over-dramatise a bit, but everything else is true.
What do you think of this? :) Should I keep going?
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