Chapter 17 : Secrets Revealed
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I loved kissing Ron. He wasn't all that experienced, but he made up for it with intensity and passion. I could always feel him focusing all of his energy on me. I liked that a lot. He always made me feel important, something Draco sometimes wasn't good at.
I know, I shouldn't be comparing my relationship with Ron to my relationship with Draco, but I can't help it. I don't even realize I'm doing it sometimes either, that's what makes it worse.
It's not that I don't like being with Ron, it's just I loved being with Draco. He had been right when he said Ron couldn't make me feel the way he did, but that doesn't make up for all that he did to me.
"How much do you like me, Lina?" Ron asked.
I laughed. "Do you have to ask me that every day?"
"Yes." He said simply. "Now answer the question."
"Even more than I did yesterday." I replied.
"Do you have to have the same answer every day?"
"Yes." I said.
He shook his head, smiling. "The things I put up with because I like you so much." He joked.
I raised my eyebrows. "Well, how much do you like me Ron?" I asked.
"More than I like food." He said giving me a haughty look, knowing he had a good answer.
I smiled. "Really?" I asked.
"Of course, Lina. You're one of the best things in my life right now." He replied.
"I like you more than I like that beech tree next to the lake." I said quietly.
Ron stared at me a moment. This was the first time I had ever given a real answer to his question. He seemed pleased with it too, because he smiled and kissed me.
"I like that answer." He said.
I laughed. "Do you like the answer more than you like me?"
"I haven't decided yet." He grinned.
"Well, you let me know when you do." I said wrapping my arms around him, and snuggling him closer.
He rested his chin on my head, as we sat together in silence. "I never knew Slytherins could feel like this." He said suddenly. "You all seem so in love with your own selves, I didn't know you could have real feelings about other people."
"Everyone thinks we're vicous and our hearts are carved out of stone or something. But we feel." I said. "More than most people actually. You have no idea the pressure we're all under to be the best and act superior to others. We're looked down upon even if we date someone outside of our house. Our parents influence us to marry into pureblood families. We don't choose to act like this, we're expected to."
"Wow. I would have never guessed." He said quietly. "You guys seem like you want all that."
"Wanna know a secret?" I asked. Ron nodded. "It's all part of the show. We have to act like we know exactly what we want. Most of us don't have a damn clue."
"What about you?" He asked. "Do you know what you want?"
"At this time in my life I do." I answered.
"What is that?"
"To be with you." I whispered.
"That's exactly what I want too." He said.
That's it, I'm done. I can't live like this anymore. All of these secrets are killing me. I have to tell somebody, anybody, I just have to get this stuff off my chest before I have a breakdown or something.
But who could I tell all that I've done? All that Pansy's done? Jolina? No she would never believe me. Draco? He'd kill me before I finished telling him everything. There's got to be someone I can tell. I just know it.
Two years ago everything was great. Draco, Jolina, Pansy and I ruled over all the third years. We were popular, and each for a different thing. Draco was a natural born leader, everyone wanted to follow him. Jolina was (and still is) gorgeous, every guy wanted her, and every girl wanted to be her. Pansy had information on everyone, and was the biggest gossiper out there. And me, I was smart. The only one who could brew a potion better than Hermione Granger.
We were all best friends, and things were perfect. That is until feelings got in the way. Jolina liked Draco, Draco liked Jolina, Pansy liked Draco, and I liked Jolina. Only I'm the only one who realized this problem early on. It wasn't until later that everyone else realized too.
Draco had told me he liked Jolina. Like really liked her, more than the best friends they had always been. I knew she liked him back, so when he told me, I started mentally preparing myself for seeing them together. He decided to go to Pansy before asking Jolina out. Making sure that she liked him like that too. He didn't want to ruin their friendship. What Draco didn't know was that Pansy liked him.
So, Draco asked Pansy to talk to her for him. Another thing he didn't know was that Pansy never talked to Jolina about Draco liking her. Infact this is what happened. Later that very day I had been passing by when I heard Jolina and Pansy talking.
"So...I like Draco." Jolina had said. Hearing the words come out of her mouth was a little painful.
"As more than a friend?" Pansy asked, the panic clear in her voice. Well, clear to me anyways.
"Yeah...is that bad?" Jolina asked.
"No, it just that, I like Draco too." Pansy said.
There was silence for a moment. "But you saw him first and he is your best friend, so you should have him." Pansy said.
"Really? You're sure it's okay?" Jolina asked. Pansy nodded. "Do you think Draco likes me back?" She continued.
I held my breath waiting for Pansy to tell her that Draco did indeed feel the same way.
"I'm not sure." Pansy said. I put my hand over my mouth, so not to be given away. Why was Pansy lying? "But I'll talk to him for you."
"Thanks." Jolina said.
None of it made sense. Pansy already knew that Draco liked Jolina, so why was she going to talk to him?
The next day, I was sitting with Draco when Pansy approached him. "So, I talked to Jolina." She started.
"And?" Draco asked anxiously.
"She doesn't feel the same way." I gaped at Pansy. How could she betray her best friends like that?
"Oh." Draco said sadly.
"She said that she would never want to ruin you guy's friendship like that. She says you're like a brother." She carried on.
These were complete and utter lies. But I couldn't find the voice to say anything. Maybe because deep down, this is what I wanted. To keep Draco and Jolina apart. And I didn't have to feel guilty, because it wasn't my fault.
"I get it." Draco said. "She doesn't know I like her right?" He asked.
"No, I made sure that she didn't know about your feelings." Pansy answered. At least she was telling the truth about something.
"Good." He said. "Thanks for the help anyways."
"Of course." She said. When Draco turned away, a triumphant smile came across her face.
Later that day, I had followed Pansy when she was going to talk to Jolina.
"Did you talk to Draco?" Jolina asked.
Pansy sighed. "Yes, and...he doesn't like you as more than a friend. He said you were like a sister to him. He didn't want to mess that up."
Jolina looked as though she was on the verge of tears. "Well,that makes sense." She said quietly. "I was stupid for even thinking he could have liked me like that anyways. We're just friends. I shouldn't ruin that."
With every word, her eyes filled up with tears even more. I should have said something. I should have exposed Pansy for what she did. But instead, I watched the girl I was in love with cry over another guy. I hated seeing her cry like that, it hurt me, but I was too selfish to make it stop.
"I'm really sorry." Pansy said.
"It's fine." She insisted. "It's not your fault." If only she knew.
"So, I know this is completely wrong time to ask, but would you hate me if Draco and I got together?"
Jolina paused for a moment. "Um..." she sighed. "No. If he doesn't like me,then there's no point in keeping him away from you, is there?"
"Really? Okay good, cause I think he might like me." Now she was rubbing it her face. That was just cruel.
"Well, I hope it works out." Jolina said. What was worse than the defeated tone in her voice was the fact that she meant what she said. That was it. I was stopping Pansy.
"I know what you did." I said to her.
"All right, it was me that started that rumor about you liking Daphne Greengrass." Pansy shrugged.
"I meant I know you lied to both Jolina and Draco. And that was you?!'
Pansy glared me. "I don't know what you're talking about." She said.
"Don't lie." I said. "Jolina and Draco told you they liked eachother, and then you lied and said they didn't. How could you treat your best friends like that?"
"Don't judge me." She said. "I did what I had to do. Jolina gets everything she wants. Why should she have Draco too?"
"Because they like eachother." I said.
"That's not a good enough reason." Pansy growled.
"I'm going to tell them." I said.
Pansy raised her eyebrows. "Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you. You have a little secret of your own, don't you, Blaise?"
"No." I lied.
"Yes you do." She smirked. "You like everyone else are in love with Jolina. How would your best friend Draco feel if he found out that you liked the same girl he did? Especially his best girl friend?"
I said nothing. There was nothing to say. We both knew that Draco would hate me for liking her.
"He wouldn't like that, would he?" Pansy asked giving a laugh. "And Jolina would never give you the time of day if she knew Draco liked her. So I'm going to help both of us out. I'm going to tell Draco that Jolina thinks he and I should date, we both know he'll do whatever would make Jolina happy, and you're going to tell him you heard her say it, just in case he doesn't believe me."
I was hating this. Why did she have to drag me into her web of lies?
"Then you're going to be the one to tell Jolina that Draco and I are together-"
"No." I said quietly.
"Yes. Or I'll tell them about your feelings." She threatened.
I had no choice. I couldn't let them find out. "Fine."
"Good. And after that, you are going to tell her that Draco likes me so much and he's always talking about me, just so she doesn't get suspicious. And to top it all off, you're going to tell her that Cam Sturgess likes her and Draco thinks they should date." She finished.
I didn't want to do it, any of it. But there was no other way. I had to do it. "Okay." I said quietly.
So when the time came, I did everything Pansy told me to do. I told Draco that Jolina thought he and Pansy should be together. When Draco decided to ask Pansy out because she was a safe choice as a girlfriend, I was the one who broke the news to Jolina. She actually cried on my shoulder for an hour, and then begged me not to tell anyone. The next day I told her about Cam Sturgess. A few days later they were dating.
Draco was none too happy, but he pretended it didn't bother him, because he didn't want Jolina to think he liked her or anything. After two weeks, Jolina had broken up with Cam to which Draco and I were happy about. But two days later, she began dating Steven Bessette. A week and a half later, it was over.
With Jolina dating so many guys and Draco dating Pansy, they were both quite convinced that the other didn't like them. Pansy's plan worked brilliantly. And no one would ever know we kept them apart.
Of course back then, I never thought the guilt would be eating away at me like this. I knew what we did was wrong, but I didn't expect to regret it so badly.
And now I was dying to tell somebody. Jolina walked by with Weasley's arm wrapped around her waist and waved to me. I waved back and then it hit me who I should tell. Weasley. He's not my friend, but he cares enough about Jolina to tell her so I won't have to.
"Hey, Weasley, wait up." I called hurrying over to him. He looked shocked and confused.
"You're not going to hit me, are you?" He asked.
"What? No." I said. "I have to tell you something. But first, do you care about Jolina?"
"Yes." He said without hesitation.
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Positive." He insisted.
"Okay, I'm about to tell you something huge that has to do with Jolina, okay? I need you to listen to the whole story very carefully, do you understand?"
"This is serious, huh?" Weasley asked.
I nodded. Then I told him everything, from two years ago to when Pansy blackmailed Draco into breaking up with Jolina. He doesn't speak for a few moments. It's all sinking in.
Finally, he says something. "We have to tell Lina!"
I honestly can't believe all that Zabini just told me. I always knew there was something suspicious about Parkinson, something no one should trust. And it was more than just her being a Slytherin, I knew she wasn't a real friend.
She hurt Lina in more ways than one, and she continued to do it over the years. A part of me wonders if I should be grateful for that. I mean, if Parkinson never betrayed Lina, I would have never gotten close to her, and we wouldn't be dating. And that would be sad.
And I'm also scared to tell Lina all of this. It might change things. She'd find out that Malfoy didn't cheat on her of his own accord and that would right all of his wrongs. Would that mean it would be over between us? I know she still loves him, but I was hoping one day she would stop loving him and be fully happy with me. I didn't see that happening with this new discovery.
Anyways, I couldn't not tell Lina about this. She had the right to know her 'best friend' had lied and betrayed her. After all of this time of Lina worried about hurting Pansy, Pansy had been hurting her for two years, and it had to stop.
Finally we found Lina. "Hey, Lina." I said.
She looked at us strangely. "What are you two doing together?" She asked.
"We have to tell you something." I said. And then together, Zabini and I told her everything.
A/N: So, now you know what Pansy did. Don't you just hate her? I know I do. How will Jo take finding out what Pansy did? How will Draco? You'll find out in the next chapter. Thanks for reading. :)
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