Chapter 9 : Chapter Nine
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A/N: Nothing belongs to me =) please review! The song is Taylor Swift's Innocent and you should probably check it out if you like her and you don't know it. It might be featured in some other chapters too. Um... SUPER DRAMA. So enjoy, and I hope that this is long enough to make up for the ridiculously short past chapters! Thanks! xx
I knew it was going happen today.
Sometimes you get that... that feeling.
A bad feeling. A cold feeling. A wrong feeling.
It started a month after we came back to Hogwarts. We'd been walking through the area of the grounds where the thestrals stayed in Care Of Magical Creatures.
Whilst the rest of the class carried on obliviously, Professor Hagrid and I stopped and stared at them.
He must've seen so much in the war.
Innocent, brave children dying all around him. And I bet he tried to stop it and there was some things he was just a second late to prevent from happening.
Maybe I was a second late to prevent my mother's death.
We both stared wordlessly at them.
Little flashes of my mother's pretty face flashed before my eyes. She was laughing, smiling, crying...
And suddenly, I began to see little snippets of the more scary times, the dark times.
I stumbled slightly, my eyes widening and my pulse quickening.
I heard Danny, Dom and Louis laughing somewhere that seemed far off.
"You know what I mean right E- Emmy?" Louis asked, confused.
I didn't respond, still staring at the innocent thestral. It looked up at me curiously. I gasped and staggered backwards.
It seemed to be looking right through me, as if it knew what I was seeing in my mind - knew what it was making me see.
"Ah thestrals. Beu'iful creatures. They don't do no 'arm, but the memories they make yer think of..." Hagrid trailed off sadly.
Danny cursed, understanding. He rushed over to me and came down to my height. "Emmy, are you okay?"
"I-I-I..." I stuttered, still staring past him at the thestral.
"Hey," he said, putting his hand on my jaw. "Don't look at them. Look at me. Em stop looking at them," he repeated, his voice slightly urgent with worry.
My eyes darted back and forth quickly between him, slowly filling with tears.
"C'mere," he said quietly, standing and hugging me.
A few tears dribbled out of my eyes, but I managed to stop myself from making a full on scene like I had done when I got into the carriage at the start of the year.
"Miss Malfoy? What's wrong? Wait a minute, did you see the thestrals? What did you see?" Professor Hagrid asked, concerned, a slightly authorative note coming into his voice as the realisation that I must've seen death dawned on him.
I briefly panicked before I remembered Scorp's cover up story about our Grandpa.
"She'll be fine Sir, she just hasn't been feeling well-" Danny began.
"None of that nonsense. Miss Malfoy 'ere saw the thestrals, didn't yer?"
I felt Danny's heart start to beat faster, but he kept calm. He sighed defeatedly. "Sir, Emerald really doesn't like to talk about it."
"I understand that, but as a professor, if there's somethin' goin' on I need to know, so that we know that the pupils are safe, and don't need some 'elp."
"No need to worry, Sir. Madamme Pomfrey knows about the situation, and she's confirmed that Emerald should be okay. It's okay for it to get to her sometime," Danny said confidently.
"Right," he said, sounding relieved. "Well I need to catch up with the class, if you don't mind. Emerald, you can be excused. You too, Daniel. Make sure she's okay."
"Yes sir. Thank you," Danny replied, before taking my hand and walking with me to a point in the grounds about a mile away, before he turned to face me quickly.
"Are you okay? Do you need me to go get Scorpious?"
"No, it's okay. It's the last period anyway. And I have you."
He chuckled and kissed my head. "Yes you do."
After that everything was fine. Danny felt possesed to tell Scorpious because he didn't want to be the only worrying and now had someone to ask, "Will she be okay?" over and over again.
Scorpious was practically glued to me from the minute Danny told him.
I thought that there was no need to worry, that it wouldn't effect me too much, but I know better than that from past experience.
Everything was going good until I fell asleep that night.
I kept having nightmares about my father and my mother. Nightmares about things that had really happened, and nightmares about the things I was scared would happen in the future.
I was shaken awake by Danny, who was looking down at me with concern and worry. He knew a secret passageway into the girl's dorm, and had decided to stay over in case, well, this happened. He'd made a little bed for himself near my bed.
"EMMY!" he cried.
My eyes shot open and I looked up at him, startled, blinking rapidly as my eyes adjusted.
"Love, you were screaming. Were you having a nightmare?"
"Yeah," I muttered quietly, sitting up and climbing out from under my cover.
Though concern was the main expression on his face, the panic in his eyes was replaced by a sad, knowing look.
"Everything okay?" Lisa asked worriedly, her head popping through the curtain. "I thought I heard a scream?"
"Oh, yeah, it's fine. Sorry, Lisa. Just a little nightmare."
"You okay?" she checked.
"Alright. I'm gonna take a shower."
I forced a smile. "'Kay."
Once she left, I turned to Dan questioningly. "There's a silencio on the curtains."
"She must've heard you when I opened the curtains," he said, shrugging.
"Well how did you know I was having a nightmare?"
"I know when something's wrong. Like you do."
I thought about it.
I guess he was right.
I knew when something was wrong, and I didn't even need to be near Dan most of the time. Sometimes I just knew I had to apparate to his house, and sure enough, he'd been crying or drunk on the living room floor.
The same as he knew where I would hide when I was upset, and he'd come and find me. Sometimes he could guess what had happened too, which I thought was quite impressive.
"I guess it's gonna be one of those days," he said sadly, taking my hands. He knows me so well. "You wanna stay here?"
"Nah. There's no point. I'll just be careful."
"We've got all our lessons together today on the bright side."
"Yeah. Well I'm gonna get ready. Lisa's like superman in the morning - she'll be done with the shower by now."
"Alright. I'll meet you in the common room. Or should I stay up here?"
I rolled my eyes. "I'm not an invalid, Dan."
"I know you're not. I just wanna make sure you're okay."
"I'm fine. But before you go, can you jump on Dom? It's the only way to wake her up."
I headed to the bathroom, and heard and outraged cry before closing the door.
I smiled slightly.
"Just don't think about it," I told myself. "Don't overthink things and the day'll be over before you know it."
Danny and Scorpious were watching me intently as I came down the girl's staircase, making me blush slightly. I turned my attention to the wailing monstrosity that is Dominique Weasley in the morning. I was dragging her by her hand like you would with a little kid.
"-Don't understand why lessons start so soon anyway! I mean, there's no need!"
"Shut up, Dom."
"No seriously, what's so great about mornings anyway?"
Waking up from nightmares?
"You love breakfast," I reminded her.
She brightened up considerably.
I don't understand her obsession with breakfast anyway. It's the worst meal of the day. It's just stupid. I tend to glare at the toast until we head to lessons because it just annoys me.
I have an irrational hatred of breakfast, as you can probably guess.
"Hey," Scorp said once we reached the bottom of the staircase, staring at me searchingly.
"Hey," I replied nonchalantly. There was a thud, and we all turned to see Louis at the bottom of the staircase.
On his arse.
"What did you do?" Dom sighed.
"Stupid bastard tripped me up," he muttered resentfully, sticking up his middle finger at Martin Thomas, who was grinning down at him from the doorway of the sixth year boy's dorm.
"Stupid teenager," Dom muttered.
We all raised an eyebrow at her.
"What? We're Wotters, so we don't count!"
"HEY!" Scorp, Dan and I shouted defensively.
"Wotters and friends," she corrected herself.
"A tad biased, don't you think?" Al remarked.
I loved the way his uniform was so laid back. His shirt was crumpled and untucked, his tie undone around his neck. His grey pants were crumpled too.
I grinned. It was the way Scorp wore his uniform too.
There was something just... friendly about it.
I needed friendly right now.
"We all ready to go to breakfast?" Al said, clapping his hands together.
We agreed and headed out the door. Louis went on ahead with Al, and Dan engaged Dom in conversation. Scorp purposely grabbed my arm gently to hold me back before we started walking behind our friends at a slower pace.
"You were having nightmares," Scorp stated.
There was no point in lying.
"Danny tell you?" I sighed.
"Yeah," he said slowly, nodding thoughtfully as he looked intently at me. "And you're paler than normal. Not ill pale - scared pale."
I tugged on my hair self concsiously. "Uh, should I be worried about that?"
"No. I can tell because I'm your brother. I've seen that specific type of pale. Look, are you sure you don't wanna go back to the dorm? I'll stay with you."
"It's fine, Scorp."
"Em, what if you collapse? I don't want-"
"I'm not gonna stay in my dorm just in case something happens. What are you gonna tell people? If I was ill I'd just heal myself or get you or Lisa to do it."
He sighed. "Just be careful, okay? If you start getting upset just leave with Danny or come and find me."
"I really don't wanna find you in the hospital wing, Em."
"I can't make any promises," I admitted timidly.
A shamed look came into his eyes. He hung his head slightly. "I'm so, so sorry. I should've stopped it before it got to-"
Scorp always did this. He thought it was his fault that Father went crazy and his fault that I got hurt and his fault that Mum died and his fault that I was raised by my brother, a guy only a year older than me.
But it wasn't his fault. It wasn't anyone's. And if it was, it was our Grandparents.
Father was a bully in school, and he was a death eater before he graduated. He will wear a dark tatoo on his arm forever, if he's still alive. But he had a good heart, no matter what anyone says.
It wasn't the best. It wasn't the biggest. But he had a heart all the same, and it wasn't made of ice.
He loved me and Scorpious, and above all and everything, he loved Mother.
Anything he did growing up was due to the way he was raised. As he turned from a young teenager to a young man, anything he did was due to fear. And anything he did to us was due to the guilt in his heart.
A man who feels so guilty that he goes mad surely has a heart.
I'll admit, I went through the process normal teenagers go through when their parents split up, though we're not normal teenagers, and our parents did not split up. But all the same, I sat in my room for a month, convinced it was all my fault, as did Scorp.
After that month, the shock passed and the sadness of what had happened overtook.
I sat with a box of photographs and cried floods. I was almost convinced to leave the room when I saw the picture of Danny, and the picture of Alice, and I knew that they were worried sick and really, they needed me to be okay.
But the thing that triggered my exit from the room was a picture of me and Scorp, aged two (me) and four (Scorp). I was asleep, my head in his lap. He was stroking my hair and smiling the warmest smile down at me - that special Scorpious smile that melts my heart - as his eyes drooped slightly. We were in the living room, on the floor in front of the fire. Mother was sat on the couch behind us, Father with his arm around her.
Father was smiling Scorpious's warm smile. It made him seem beautiful. I could remember that smile clearly, as if it hadn't been nine years since I'd seen it.
But the most wonderful thing about the picture was that Mother and Father were singing a song. All these years later, it was still my favourite song, because though it was very sad, Mother and Father sang it together in the warmest memories of them. It was called Innocent.
Mother had heard it somewhere and fallen in love with it. She would play it over and over again, and sing it around the house, or when Scorpious and I couldn't sleep.
Mother said it was very special to her and Father because of what it was about. Back then, I didn't know what that was.
Now I do.
Even in memories that didn't involve them, it had come onto my iPod, or onto the radio. Playing somewhere in the background in sad and happy memories, I suppose. But whether the memory was happy or sad, it was always warm.
I guess you really did it this time
Left yourself in your war path
Lost your balance on a tight rope
Lost your mind trying to get it back
And suddenly, I lept up and I ran from my room. I sped across the first floor until I reached Scorp's room and I forced the door open. He looked up in schock.
There were streaks of tears down his face, and I was willing to bet he only started crying recently too.
I lifted the picture up and understanding dawned on his face.
I stood there, holding the picture tightly, shaking and crying. The hand that wasn't gripping the photograph for dear life was clenched in a fist at my side, shaking violently, as if Scorpious should do something and I was determined to make sure he did whatever the hell I wanted - needed - him to do, but I didn't know what it was.
And then he gently walked up to me and pulled the photo out of my hand. I didn't struggle to keep hold of it. I wanted to see what he was doing.
He placed it delicately on the desk as if it was the most precious thing in the world. And then he turned to me and grabbed me and pulled me into a tight, firm hug. I sobbed into his shoulder as he did into mine and we fell to the floor like that.
We didn't let go of each other all day and all night.
And for the next month, we slept in the same bed, and woke one another from nightmares and pulled out the picture of Mother singing and listened until we calmed enough to fall asleep.
I blinked rapidly and looked up at Scorpious's panicked face. It was ironic really, that the same thing had happened with Dan hours before...
Or was it hours before?
I looked around.
I was lay on a bench - the one behind the tapestry of the unicorn.
Scorp's face was inches from mine, and he appeared to be knelt next to the bench. Al was stood behind Scorpious. Danny was kneeling next to Scorp and Louis and Dom were stood near my legs.
"I'm fine," I mumbled, with a sniffle, wiping tears off my face and sitting up.
"Emmy, it's not even first period yet. If that happens again-" Scorp began but I cut him off.
"It was just a little one, Scorpious. I'm awake. I'm fine."
"Are you sure? Em, you just passed out," Louis said worriedly. "We looked around and Scorp was carrying you in here."
"Yeah," I nodded, sending him a reassuring smile. It was pretty weak, but still. "It happens sometimes. Nothing to worry about."
Hesitantly, they let me come out from behind the tapestry. The bell rang. Scorp ushered the others to go on ahead. Then he took my hand like he had before, but pulled me to a stop completely.
He stared at me determinedly, his eyes looking deeper into mine than anyone else's could, right into my heart and my soul and thoughts, it seemed.
"What was it about?" he whispered.
"A month after Mum died," I replied in a shaky voice.
He nodded and pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me. I began to sob quietly. He kissed my head. "It'll be okay. We're gonna be okay, Emmy. I'll look after you," he whispered.
I nodded against his chest, knowing I shouldn't really bother attempting to form a sentence humans could understand in my state.
"It's alright," he continued. "We'll keep an eye on you."
Danny and Scorp make the nightmares go away. They protect me and keep me safe. But there has to be nightmares for them to chase away.
And unfortuanately, I wasn't done when I woke up.
I wasn't done when I passed out.
You see, when it's 'one of those days', it lasts for the whole day, and you don't know when nightmares will creep up on you, and you don't know what'll trigger them.
But if you should flashback to your old life, and you should do it during lessons, it's likely that you'll wake up in the hospital wing.
And you won't sleep again for a while.
I know this all too well.
And yet I still hadn't learnt my lesson, according to what happened later that day...
A/N: How did you like it? This is sort of a To Be Continued DUN DUN DUN kinda thing, so I hope that you want to know what happens next and you'll read it =)
People who I need to thank for their awesomesauceness:
Galaxy567 reviewed the last chapter, which seriously made my day, so thank you so much!
I don't know if I already thanked Bethan and Potterfan310 (you are superduper awesomesauce for leaving MORE THAN ONE review by the way! ^_^) for their reviews on the seventh chapter, which was YAYNESS, so thank you guys!
Lunaginny added my story to their favourites so THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Um, B.Oreo.B (Bob from the last A/N) for evaluating this chapter before I posted it
Krissy Bear for actually being interested. Seriously though, I'll kill you if you ever even think about putting my stuff in dirty puddles again, because that was DEEP. I LOVE YOU ALL xx
Kay, I'm done rambling now. Harry Potter = JK Rowling and Innocent = Taylor Swift. All four are completely awesome and not mine. xx
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