I was moving because I was kissing Teddy back. My hands were in his hair and I was pulling him closer to me.
I felt Teddy smile against my lips, as if he was glad that I was responding, that I wanted this as much as he did.
I don't think he realized how badly I wanted this.
He put his hands on my waist and pulled me away from the door and closer to him, as close as I could possibly be. His hands rested on my waist and one hand moved to my back and touched right where my skirt didn't meet my shirt, his hand warming the skin there.
For the most part, I had no idea what I was doing. Like I said, I was in shock. My heart was racing and I couldn't think straight.
My thoughts were like this: SKDAJFDSLIFEAINFDSKLJFASLFIVOJDAFLSDJAFLDSHBIFIAJF.
However, my body was (somehow) very aware of what I was doing. My lips moved against Teddy's and I somehow knew how to French Kiss.
My French side was finally coming in handy.
It was wonderful. It was blissful.
Teddy pulled away first and put his forehead on mine, breathing heavily. I was surprised to see that I was breathing just as heavily, feeling like I had just ran two laps around the Quidditch Pitch (I'm not athletic don't judge!). I leaned up and gave him a quick kiss and loved the feeling of him smiling against my lips.
"I guess you weren't lying when you said you liked me last night," he whispered, a smile on his face. "Though I'm not sure I believe you never kissed anyone before."
"Well I haven't," I said. "It's all natural ability."
I leaned my head against his shoulder and looked around the Astronomy tower. I couldn't imagine a more perfect place to have my first kiss.
Teddy pulled my chin up and kissed me softly.
And that's when I remembered why I was here in the first place.
Because Teddy was dating my best friend.
And I had just snogged him.
I pulled away from Teddy quickly, pulling myself out of his grip. I pulled away so quickly that Teddy's eyes were still closed and he opened them and looked at me worriedly.
"What's wrong?" He asked, walking towards me.
"Stay there," I said, backing away from him as if he were Voldemort. I felt tears of guilt rushing up, threatening to overflow. "Just stay there."
"Vic," he said, coming closer to me, looking concerned.
I couldn't speak. I just saw him standing there, looking so concerned and I just lost it. The tears brimmed over and I stopped trying to back away from him.
Merlin, I cry a lot.
"Hey," he said softly and was somehow right in front of me. He grabbed both sides of my face and tilted my head up towards him. "Hey, it'll be okay."
I shook my head, still unable to find my voice.
Teddy kissed me and I felt a new wave of guilt, one that was angry that I wanted this so much, that I enjoyed this so much.
I'm a horrible, horrible friend.
Teddy pulled away and rested his forehead on mine.
"Gabrielle," I whispered to him, hoping he would understand.
But he didn't. Instead he smirked. "Actually, my names Teddy."
He leaned in to kiss me again but this time I pushed him away. He hands were still cupping my face and I saw him look down at me, confused.
"No," I said. "Gabrielle. Your- your girlfriend. And my best friend."
Teddy's eyes went wide when he realized what I was talking about.
But he didn't let go of my face.
"Shit," he whispered. "Vic, look I promise you I'm going to tell-"
"No," I said, putting my hands over his and pulling them off my face. "No. Gabrielle doesn't need to know about this." I let go of his hands and stood up straight trying to compose myself. "This was a mistake."
And with that lie, I ran from the Astronomy tower.
As I promised Michael, I found him after I was done with my alone time. After fleeing the Astronomy tower, I went up to his dorm. I didn't tell him anything, he just held me while I cried, rubbing my back soothingly. When I was mostly done, he asked me if I wanted to go on a walk and I nodded.
We were walking for a while, his arm around my shoulder, his fingers moving up and down on my arm, comforting me. I leaned into him, one arm around his waist letting him lead me through the halls.
If you didn't know us you'd think we were a couple.
"So are you going to tell me why you came to me, more upset than when you let?" he asked as we walked through the fourth floor.
"I suppose I should, shouldn't I?" I asked him, not really wanting to have to relive the guilt.
"It might make you feel better," he suggested.
"Can we sit down?" I asked. He nodded and we found a window ledge to sit on. "Before I tell you anything, you need to promise me that you won't judge me or yell at me or anything like that."
"Course," he said. "Shit, Tor you got me worried. What did you do?"
I bit my lip. "Teddy and I snogged," I said quietly.
"You and who did what?" Michael asked, leaning in closely to hear me correctly.
I looked down at my hands and felt the overwhelming guilt take over me again.
"Teddy and I snogged," I said, loud enough so that only he could hear me. "Well, he snogged me. But I didn't really object."
Michael stared at me, eyes wide. he was silent before running a hand through his hair and going, "Shit, Tor."
My eyes welled up. He was judging me. "You promised you wouldn't judge me."
"I'm not," he said quickly. He touched my face. "I promise you I'm not. I'm just in shock. I just...I don't know why we didn't think of that sooner."
I furrowed my eyebrows at him. "What do you mean?"
"You haven't lost Tor," he said. "We should have realized that it wasn't only a matter of making him jealous. Because someone can be jealous and not realize it. We needed to make him realize his feelings for you. And the only way to do that was to have him kiss you." Michael smiled at me. "It's probably only a few more hours until he's yours."
I looked away from his smiling, happy face. "That's not true."
"Of course it is," Michael insisted. "Clearly he feels something for you-"
"I don’t mean that," I said. "It's not true because I...I told him it was a mistake."
"You what?" Michael said, jerking away from me. "Why would you do that?"
"Because..." I said trying to think of a reason.
I came up blank.
"What did he say after you two snogged?" Michael asked.
"Before or after I freaked out?" I asked him. He gave me a 'what do you think' look in response. "Well, he swore and then said that he was going to tell her...something."
"What was he going to tell her?"
I looked down, angry with myself for realizing what an idiot I had been. "I don't know. I interrupted him."
Michael face palmed. "Dammit, Tor are you trying to make this harder for yourself?"
"I thought he was going to say that he was going tell her about us kissing," I said quietly. I put my head in my hands. "I'm such an idiot."
"Hey, don't say that," Michael said, putting his arm around me. "You panicked. No big deal."
"But what if that was my one chance with him? What if he was telling me that he was going to tell her he couldn't be with her because he wanted me?" I asked him.
"There's one way to find that out," Michael said, giving me a pointed look. "Just talk to the bloke."
"No," I said. "What would I possibly say?"
"I don't know," Michael said. "Maybe 'Hi I really like you and I wish that we could be together. I screwed up by saying that the kiss was a mistake'?"
It sounded good, easy almost. I could go find him right now and say that I freaked out, that I thought he was going to say that the kiss was a mistake. I could make this better.
But something was holding me back.
"I can't," I said. "I couldn't do that to Gabrielle. I know you're saying I should fight for him but I can't betray her like that."
Michael shook his head. "I think you're making a mistake Tor. You just got proven that you have a chance and you're letting it get away. You're giving up."
I didn't want to look at it that way. I hated giving up. That's why I stuck out with trying to help James's nightmares go away. I refused to give up. On myself, on others, on something I wanted. I wanted to become Prefect, I knew that I couldn't be a big Quidditch star or be the smartest, so I worked my ass of to be Prefect, to show that I was able to do something great.
I don't give up.
And I don't want to give up on Teddy.
But I feel like I have to.
"I don't think I have a choice," I said, looking at Michael. "It's either miss out on a chance to be with Teddy or lose Gabrielle forever. It's a lose/lose situation, really, but I feel like missing out on a chance to be with Teddy is easier than losing Gabrielle."
"So you're picking the manipulative bitch who stole the guy you liked instead of the guy you've liked since you were two, the one guy who might just be perfect for you?" Michael said, shaking his head. "That is probably the dumbest thing I ever heard." He looked at me and sighed. "But as your best friend, I have to support you, whether or not I agree."
I smiled and leaned my head against him as his arm came around my shoulder. I closed my eyes. "Thank you."
"What are best friends for?" Michael asked, resting his head on top of mine.
It was moments like this where I wished I could have feelings for him. These small moments, where we just sit together like this. He was my support system. He knew more about me than most. I wouldn't trade him for the world. And if there was anyway that I could fall madly and passionately in love with him, I would. If we were promised to stay together forever and never break up, I would fall for him.
But in my heart, I knew that I couldn't.
I knew that, no matter how hard I tried to deny otherwise, my heart was taken.
I gave my heart away at a young age.
But, under the circumstances, I had to pull my heart away from Teddy's hands and escape with as much of it as I possibly could.
Even though I'd probably end up breaking it during my escape.
We sat in the window ledge for a long time, not saying anything. I rested my head against his shoulder and he had his arm wrapped around me, moving his hand up and down gently.
"I'm sorry, Michael," I said quietly.
Michael looked down at me. "For what?"
I pulled my head off of his shoulder and looked at him. "For this."
Michael still looked at me, confused.
Slowly, I leaned in and put my lips to his.
Michael didn't react, I didn't expect him to. I wasn't full on snogging him, like Teddy and I had been. I was simply kissing him, to see if there was anything, even the tiniest firework, there.
But there wasn't.
I pulled away and looked at Michael. His eyes were still closed and he appeared to still be in shock.
"Nothing," he whispered. He opened his eyes and looked at me. "I felt nothing."
And then suddenly he was standing up and doing a happy dance.
"I felt nothing! I'm getting over you! Yes!"
I couldn't help but smile at what an idiot he was being.
"Looks like we're stuck in the friendzone," I said.
"And I have never been more happy about that!" Michael said. "I'm in the friendzone! WOOO WHOOO!!"
I watched Michael dance and laughed at his idiocy. Eventually, he calmed down and sat back on the window ledge.
"Sorry," Michael said, ruffling his hair. "I'm just happy that I'm getting over you."
"It's okay," I said. "Truthfully, I was seeing it to see if there was any possible way that I could have feelings for you to help me get over Teddy."
"You were going to use me?!" Michael said, placing his hand over his heart. "I am hurt!"
I rolled my eyes and pushed him off the windowsill. "Don't worry, I'm not going to use you."
"Nothing, huh?" Michael asked from his perch on the ground. I shook my head. "Oh well. I guess it was worth a try."
"Too bad it wouldn't have mattered anyway," I said. "Since you're getting over me and all."
"Thank Merlin for that," he said. "Not that you're a bad person to like! Just that you are totally in love with someone else and that sucked for me to like you. Don't worry, now you'll have one less person staring at your ass when you walk."
"Hey!" I said, reaching out to hit him only to have him duck. "No one stares at my ass!"
"Um, Tor, nearly all the guys in the Gryffindor Common Room stare at your ass on a daily basis," he said, standing up. "I know. I used to be one of them."
"Boys are such pigs."
"Yeah well your little lover boy stares at your ass too." Michael said, reaching out a hand to pull me up.
"Really?" I asked as he pulled me up. I tried to look at my butt. "Is my butt really a good butt?"
"Oh dear," Michael said, flinging an arm around my shoulders as we walked. "I think I just inflated your ego."
"Yeah well, I could use an ego boost once in a while," I said.
"I'm pretty sure Lupin gives you those a lot," Michael said. "'Vic, you're so beautiful and pure and amazing and I lurrrve you' and 'Vic, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen'. And I think snogging at the top of the Astronomy Tower is quite the ego boost too." He flashed a smirk at me.
"Shut up, Michael," I said, poking him in the side.
A few feet in front of us, two people came rushing out of a broom cupboard, the girl without her shirt fully buttoned because she still had her lips attached to whatever asshole thought it was appropriate to snog a girl in a broom cupboard.
I don't understand why girls do that. It makes them look like trash. And clearly the guy doesn't care enough about you to take you on a date or be you're boyfriend. You're just a good snog.
And possibly shag, but I don't want to think about people shagging in broom closets.
Because by that point you're basically a prostitute.
"Jason?!" Michael said, staring at the guy. I looked and saw that it was in fact, Jason.
Jason detached his lips from the girl (cough slag cough) and looked over at us. When he realized who we were, his eyes went wide.
"Oh, ugh hey Mike, Victoire," he said, nodding at us and looking down on the ground, trying to find his shirt. When he saw it he made a quick grab for it and started buttoning the buttons as quickly as he could. "What are you doing here?"
"Going to dinner," Michael said, eyeing the girl behind Jason. "You?"
Jason took a few steps toward us and I noticed his little, ahem, friend shooting him an annoyed look because he was ignoring her. "Oh you know, just hanging out."
"That's cool," I said. I looked back at the girl, who stood there watching Jason, seemingly very annoyed. I took pity on her, even though she put herself into this situation. "Who's this?"
"Oh," Jason said, not even turning around to see that her smile increased and she started taking steps toward Jason, as if to introduce herself. "No one."
She halted in her steps and glared at Michael before grabbing the nearest thing she could (a bucket) and throwing it at Jason's head before stomping away.
"Ow," Jason said, rubbing his head and looking after her. "Crazy bint. At least she was a good snog."
"Jason!" I said, appalled. "That's horrible to say! You know, she seemed to really like you and you're such an ass to use her. And to only snog her in a broom cupboard, you may as well just have a sign on your head saying 'Hi I'm a total tool!' on your forehead and-"
"Victoire, I don't need you to lecture me," Jason said, interrupting me. "I know I shouldn't have done it. But I did it anyway. I was having a crappy day and she came along and basically invited me to snog her, so I took her up on the offer. I know how you feel about snogging in broom cupboards and I know that I am an ass, but could you just cut me a break, just this once? I promise that if you find me snogging another girl in a broom cupboard that you can lecture me all you want."
"Fine," I said and crossed my arms.
"Now, let's move on to other topics," Jason said, eyeing Michael's arm around me. "You two a couple now?"
"Nope," Michael said, popping the p. "You want to head down to dinner with us?"
"Sure," Jason said and also flung his arm around my shoulders.
I got two guy's arms around my shoulders.
"Jas, doesn't Tor have a nice ass?"
"Um, hell yeah."
"You both are pigs."
That night, it was only Jason, Michael and I at dinner since Madison and Aaron were out to dinner with her parents in Hogsmeade and none of us had any idea where Gabrielle was.
Not that I really cared.
I didn't want to face her. I knew that if I did, I'd be so consumed with guilt over kissing Teddy. For liking him. For wanting to kiss him again.
I knew that no matter how hard I tried my guilt would consume me and make me do whatever she wanted me to do.
And I liked not having to do things for her if I didn’t want to.
"Hey, Victoire," a voice said from behind me. I turned around and saw Milly Devans, the Head Girl, standing there. She handed me a piece of parchment. "Here are the new set of rounds. You're scheduled for tonight."
"Okay, no problem," I said. "Who's my partner?"
"Teddy," she said and I felt the blood rush from my face. "McGonagall wanted the Heads to start doing rounds with the Prefects. I suggested that you and him should start it off since you two know each other. He'll meet you in the Common Room after dinner and you guys will do rounds until 9:30."
"Alright," I said, faking a smile. "Thanks."
I turned back in my seat and looked down at my food, suddenly losing my appetite.
I was planning on talking to Teddy. I was.
Just not today.
Or this week.
But, you know, I was going to talk to him eventually.
"You okay, Tor?" Jason asked me.
"Fine," I said. "I'm just not feeling well. I think I'm going to head up to the dorms."
"Alright," Michael said. "You sure you're okay?"
I looked down at him, telling him that I wasn't really sure if I was okay or not.
"I'll be fine," I lied.
I walked back up to the dorms, longing to get out of this skirt and into my sweats. It was fun to look cute and all but right now I just wanted to look like a homeless grandma.
I opened the door and saw Gabrielle sitting on her bed, staring expectantly at the door.
"Victoire," she said.
"Hey Gabs," I said, shutting the door and heading towards my side of the room. "What's up?"
"I know," she said her dark eyes meeting my light ones. "I know what's going on with you and Teddy."
He told her. I can't believe he told her.
I turned around, acting calm. "What do you mean?"
Merlin has only showed me mercy in one area, and that is by giving me the gift of being an incredible liar.
So, thank you Merlin. I know that I don't say that a lot, I often just swear at you, but thank you for giving me the ability to be an amazing liar.
"Don't act dumb Tor," she said, almost soothingly. She didn't seem angry. If I had found out my best friend had kissed my boyfriend, I'd probably go on a killing spree.
That could just be the Veela/Werewolf/Weasley in me though.
"I'm not acting dumb," I said, pulling my sweatpants on and going to sit on her bed. "What do you mean, you know what's going on with Teddy and I?"
Here it comes.
She's going to yell at me, insult me, and tell me what a horrible friend I am.
Okay, here we go.
"I know," Gabrielle said, taking a deep breath. "That this is hard for you. Me dating Teddy. And I just want to say that you have nothing to worry about, that I won't forget you or steal Teddy away from you. I know that we're both important to you, so I just want you to know that we both care about you and that we aren't going to leave you behind. Just because we're dating doesn't mean we don't care about you, Tor."
"Um, thanks," I said, confused as to why I wasn't being yelled at. She thought that I was worried about losing them both because they were dating? That's ridiculous. "I'm glad you cleared that up. I was really worried."
That actually sounded convincing.
I'm such an amazing liar.
"I know," Gabrielle said. "I realized that that was why you were avoiding us all week." Gabrielle came over and held my shoulders, looking at me very concerningly. "And I want you to know that you mean so much to me. I don't want you to think that just because I have a boyfriend that I'll forget about you. I know this is weird for you and I know you're probably jealous, but don't worry, it'll be okay."
"I'm sorry, what?" I said. Why would I be jealous?
...okay other than me liking Teddy. She doesn't know about that though.
"Because I have a boyfriend," she said simply. "I know you may be jealous that I have another boyfriend but don't worry, I've talked to some of Teddy's friends. They've said that they're into you but Teddy won't let them near you. So I've decided that you are going to double date with Teddy and I and one of Teddy's friends. Sound good to you?"
"Sounds great," I said, barely registering what she said. "I should go, I have to patrol with Teddy."
"Alright, bye!" Gabrielle said, cheerfully.
I walked out of the dorm as quickly as I could.
But then I realized that walking to the Common Room meant having to meet Teddy for rounds for an hour and a half.
I was tempted to run up to my bed and hide from the world.
I didn't though.
I have a little more courage than that.
I walked down to the Common Room and when I saw Teddy, my heart started racing.
"Hey," he said when he saw me. I nodded my head at him and walked out of the Common Room with him close behind.
Once we were out, I almost suggested that we do the rounds separately even though we weren't technically allowed to do that. One year, a student got attacked while on rounds so they made a new rule that all rounds must be done in pairs.
So I decided to take the ignoring approach.
If that didn't work, I'd take the bitch approach.
Either way, I wasn't going to be nice to Teddy.
Not because I was mad at him.
I was worried that if I was nice to him that I’d kiss him again.
We spent the first half hour walking through the castle in complete silence. There didn't seem to be anybody out, which was surprising since it was a Saturday night. We literally just walked in an awkward silence with nothing to distract us.
Until Teddy decided to be a butt and decide to break our awkward silence streak.
We were probably at a world record for Longest Awkward Silence Ever.
"So, we should probably talk," Teddy said. "About what happened earlier."
"Can we not talk about that now?" I said, starting to walk faster in order to get away from him.
"I think now is as good a time as any," he growled. He caught up to me and moved so that he was in front of me, blocking my path. "I know you, Vic. You're going to ignore me if I don't force you to talk about this."
"You aren't going to force me to do anything," I said fiercely, and pushed him out of my way.
"Get back here Vic!" He yelled and grabbed my wrist, turning me around to look at him. "I know that you think it was a mistake, but I don't. So we need to talk about what it means!"
"I don't think it's a mistake!" I yelled, yanking my wrist from his grasp. "I said that because I felt guilty! Not because I actually thought it was a mistake! Trust me, Teddy, I have wanted nothing more than to kiss you for the last thirteen years! Remember? I like you!"
"Good!" Teddy yelled back. "Because I like you too!"
We stood there staring at each other, my heart pounding.
He liked me.
He just admitted it.
"You...you like me?" I asked, softly and slightly out of breath.
"Yeah," he said, looking down at me. "I've liked you for about nine years now."
Nine whole years.
I couldn't help but let a huge smile slip onto my face. And even though every part of my brain was telling me not to do it, that he was Gabrielle’s boyfriend, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed Teddy.
Right in the middle of the hallway.
But I didn't care. He liked me and that’s all that mattered.
Teddy didn’t seem to care either. He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me off the ground, spinning me around. I giggled and kissed his smiling mouth when he set me back on the ground, wanting nothing more than to stay in this moment forever.
I was on a high unlike anything else.
I didn't care about the guilt, I didn't care about Gabrielle. I didn't care about anything. The only thing I cared about was the fact that I was kissing the guy that I've liked since I was two years old and that he liked me back. Despite everything that said otherwise, this was perfect.
Until I heard a cough.
Slowly, and unwillingly, I pulled my lips off of Teddy's. I looked down the hallway and saw Michael standing there, a huge smirk on his face.
I buried my head into Teddy's chest, hiding my now red cheeks.
While I was completely at ease, Teddy seemed otherwise. He had instantly stiffened, although he didn't move his arms from my waist. His eyes were wide, like he was a little kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar or doing something equally as bad.
"Don't worry, Lupin," Michael said, walking towards us. "I'm Tor's best friend. She told me everything. Your secret is safe with me."
Teddy relaxed a bit but I could tell he was apprehensive.
"Do you mind if I talk to her for a bit?" Michael asked.
"No problem," Teddy said and looked down at me. "We'll talk about this later, okay?"
I smiled up at him. I didn't care that this was wrong and that I should be a better friend. Because this is the first time that something felt totally right and like Merlin didn't hate me.
"Sounds good," I said, giving him a quick peck on the lips before letting go of him.
"Bye," Teddy said, smiling at me before turning and walking away.
I turned around to face Michael, who was standing there smirking at me.
"Well," he said. "Looks like you did a complete 180 from earlier. What's going on there?"
"I have no idea," I said. "But honestly, I don't care."
"Not feeling guilty?"
"Not one bit," I said, smiling in the direction Teddy went.
I didn't care what came next. I didn't even care if Teddy told Gabrielle.
I had Teddy.
And I wasn't going to go down without a fight.
A/N: Yay!! New chapter and a quick update! Vic did a bit of a 180 in the span of a few hours.
For those of you who read the new chapter of Perfect, I said that I was going to put Madness on the backburner so that I could catch Perfect and this story up to it, but I find myself missing Addie. So I might go back on that promise.
So what did you think? Favorite part? Quote? Character? Do I have any fangirls out there? Any crazy shippers?