Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out. DON’T FREAK OUT!
I figure if I say these words enough, I will actually listen to them. Unfortunately, it’s not working. I am freaking the fuck out. Maybe I don’t have to be. Maybe it is just a very strange coincidence that Lucy, my cousin and supposed best friend, just so happens to be missing from my comfort team after I broke up with my boyfriend, the same boyfriend whom she has been spending every second of the last few months with. Pure coincidence.
I am also sure that those looks of pity and sadness on Andi and Lily’s faces have nothing to do with the question I just asked. After all, “where is Lucy?” always makes me look like I have to tell a child its pet owl just died.
“Just answer my question,” I finally choke out.
“Roxy, I am so sorry..” Lily starts before I raise my hand and motion for her to stop talking. My breath catches in my throat. This isn’t really happening.
“She’s with Lysander isn’t she?” I say, trying to sound calm but a sob escapes my mouth.
“Well she said that she would meet us down here in a few minutes…but first she needed to talk to..” Lily trails off.
“…him,” Andi finishes, “we tried to explain to her how bad it would look to you, but she just wouldn’t listen to us Roxy.
“So you think something is going on with them?” I ask, regretting it immediately when I see those ‘‘sorry Timmy, your owl is dead’’ faces again.
“Surely we are all just jumping to conclusion,” Lily says quickly.
“Don’t be daft Lily. Roxanne doesn’t need to be given false hope. If anyone here thinks Lucy and Lysander’s relationship is strictly platonic then we are in serious denial,” Andi states.
“I need to talk to Lucy,” I say through gritted teeth.
As much as I have always loved Lucy, nothing will stop me from “muggle dueling” her (as Andi would put it) if she tells me what I am dreading to hear. To be quite honest, I will probably still hit her even if she tells me nothing is going on with her and Lysander, just for making me feel like throwing up my delicious dinner.
All three of our heads snap to the door where we see Lucy stumbling in. It looks as if she has been crying. See was crying?! My urge to slap her has increased dramatically.
“Where have you been Lucy?” I almost scream at her.
She winces at the accusation in my voice. I have hardly ever seen Lucy cower to anyone except her mother and Nana Weasley. The sight ebbs away my anger for a few seconds, but it doesn’t last long. I need some answers now.
“Were you with Lysander?” I ask (a little too loudly again), even though I already know the answer.
Again she winces and clenches at my question.
“Did you come here to talk or just stand there looking like you might cry, though for what reason I am unsure of.” Andi finally says when it’s clear Lucy doesn’t plan on talking.
“Maybe Roxanne and I should talk alone?” Lucy finally offers.
My chest clenches.
“Maybe Roxanne needs the support of a few true friends. If you have something to say, we are all ears,” Andi retorts.
Lucy’s eyes begin to well up with tears and she quickly wipes them away. As awful as it sounds, seeing Lucy in such a distressed state just pisses me off even more.
“I am more than a true friend Andi, I am family,” Lucy says.
“As if that means anything to you. That just makes you look ten times worse, running around with your family member’s boyfriend!” Andi snaps.
“It means everything to me! I would like to talk to my family alone, and that doesn’t include you Andi!” Lucy barks.
“Unfortunately for you, you lost the privilege of using the family card the minute you started snogging your cousin’s boyfriend! Clearly family means absolutely nothing to you.”
“How dare you!” Lucy shrieks, “You have no idea what I’ve been going through. Do you think I enjoy seeing Roxanne like this?”
“It sure as hell looks like it, or you wouldn’t have been sneaking around with her fucking boyfriend!”
It looks like Andi has this conversation under wraps. It’s a good thing to because I am having an extremely hard time finding my voice.
“Andi calm down. Lucy hasn’t seriously been sneaking around with Lysander…right Lucy?” Lily asks skeptically.
Lucy looks past Andi and Lily and stares at me until I look at her. I don’t want to look at her. There is a very interesting pattern on this table cloth. It looks like one of those pictures that turn into something if you stare at it long enough. Perhaps this one is supposed to be a unicorn. It’s a far better sight than the look on Lucy’s face that’s for sure.
“I’m sorry Roxanne,” she whispers as a single tear slides down her cheek.
I try to get past the lump in my throat and speak, but I am failing miserably. Finally after a few seconds I manage to choke out, “sorry for what” before I have to start clearing my throat again.
“I love him.”
Who would have thought three simple words could hurt you so much? My insides are ice cold. My heart might have actually stopped beating. And as pathetic as it sounds, the only thing I want to do right now is cause her as much physical pain as she is causing me.
I try to stand but don’t even make it a centimeter off the chair before Lucy hits the ground.
It happened so fast I’m surprised I even noticed it at all. But with the look of shock plastered on Lily’s face, Lucy’s lip gushing blood, and Andi nursing her right hand, it’s pretty obvious what just happened.
I am officially in love with Andi Alexander.
“I didn’t deserve that,” Lucy states boldly. Tears and blood are now streaming down her face, and once again I almost feel sorry for her. Almost.
“I think you deserved much more than that,” Andi says matter-of-factly.
“How long?” I ask breaking the tension building up between Andi and Lucy.
“Since I was five.”
“Five? What are you talking about?” Lily asks.
“She asked how long I’ve loved him. Since I was five. My mum had just cut all my hair off and everyone was teasing me about it.”
I remember that. She looked ridiculous! Aunt Audrey even put the ugliest red bow in her hair that clashed horribly with its color. It was the day of one of our play dates with Lorcan and Lysander. That’s actually the day me and Lily claimed we would marry the Scamander twins.
“Lysander said my bow was cute,” Lucy continued, “He didn’t even mention the hack job on my hair. Just the bow. So I fell in love with a boy who was forever off limits from that day on.”
Ensue awkward silence.
“If you’ve liked him for so long why didn’t you ever say anything about it?” Lily asks finally.
“And what, be shunned by you and Roxanne? No thanks.”
“We wouldn’t have shunned you,” I say quietly, though I’m not sure if I believe myself.
“You would have. It has always been about you and Lysander and Lily and Lorcan. How many friends have you lost after they admitted their crushes on the boys? How many times did you cry when they did manage to get other girlfriends? Hell, Lily is at war with a girl we have been friends with since our first year just because she is dating Lorcan now. I wouldn’t have even stood a chance and you know it.”
“Well that’s all sad and depressing, but that really doesn’t give you an excuse to be the girl Roxanne’s boyfriend cheated on her with,” Andi says.
“For once you’re right Andi,” Lucy says, sounding defeated.
“It’s not an excuse. And I am not proud of the way it happened. I never planned to let anyone know how I felt about Lysander, but this year changed everything. We just fit together. Sort of like how you and Andi’s friendship works,” Lucy explains, “we have the same interests, personality, ambitions, it just works for us and after spending so much time together these past few months I couldn’t ignore the feelings anymore.”
“He told me how unhappy you two have been, and how I made it all better. He started scheduling all of our prefect duties together, and always needed my help with homework, I finally felt like he returned some of the feelings I had for him. I got carried away in a fantasy I so badly wanted to live. And as ashamed as I am to admit this, I was so happy that I wouldn’t let myself think about the pain I knew I would be causing you. I am sorry Roxanne, and I hope you can forgive me.”
“Are you going to keep seeing him?” I ask.
“I want to,” she replies honestly.
“If I told you to choose between us, who would you choose?”
“I would hope you wouldn’t force me to make that decision Roxanne. I love you both.”
“Roxanne, please forgive me. I never wanted to hurt you, to be honest I wasn’t even sure I would. You never really acted as in love with him as you wanted to be.”
I’m not sure what she means by that. Am I hurt? Yes, that much is clear. Am I sad that I’m losing my boyfriend? Yes, we have so much history together. Am I in love with Lysander still? Have I really ever been? I think so.
“I forgive you,” I choke out.
Lucy smiles and steps forwards as if she wants to embrace me but I stop her.
“I forgive you, but I’m not ready to forget and until then I don’t want to see you.” I tell her.
It came out sounding harsher than I intended it to. She looks hurt, but right now I don’t care. Right now all I want to do is sleep.
“Were family Roxanne, and were spending the holidays together like we do every year. How am I supposed to avoid you?” Lucy asks.
“You’re the brains of the family, you will figure it out.”
I grab my bag and exit the kitchen before anyone has time to stop me. Knowing that I don’t want to spend the night in the same dorm room as Lucy, I make my way to the Room of Requirement. I think really hard about what I want right now, which is actually a really hard thing to do when your head is spinning.
I need a place to sleep. I need a place where I can be happy. I need a place where I can relax and clear my head. I need a sanctuary.
I repeat this several times as I walk back and forth down the corridor. Finally, a solid door appears and I rush inside. This place never ceases to amaze me. A king sized four poster bed (much like the one Andi and I shared on Halloween) is in the middle of the room, a comfy looking couch is sitting in front of a roaring fireplace and a giant bathtub with waterfalls pouring gallons of water into it from the ceiling is in the far corner.
I smile as I make my way to the bathtub and notice several bottles of bath scents and bubbles. As I start pouring different products into the tub something on the bed catches my eye. I turn my attention to it and notice the room supplied me with a swim suit. Make that two swim suits. I am starting to think this room is becoming faulty after all these years of students abusing it.
“It’s not messing up, it just knew I was coming,” Andi giggles from behind me causing me to jump.
“How’d you find me?” I ask, thoroughly impressed.
“Well I didn’t figure you would stay in our dorm, we were already in the kitchens so nix that idea, I knew you didn’t have the energy to walk down to the quidditch pitch or your dads, so I figured you would be here. My Roxanne senses are never wrong.”
I smile. I can’t help it.
“How are you holding up?” she asks, sounding concerned.
“Better now,” I reply honestly, “Care to go for a swim?”
“In the tub?” she laughs.
“I get the gold swim suit!” she declares and snatches it off the bed before I even have time to move.
You know, she would have made an excellent seeker. She is extremely quick.
“No fair! I wanted gold, scarlet looks horrible with my hair!” I whine.
“You look perfect in everything. Now suit up!” she jokes.
I have to admit, after breaking up with my boyfriend, and finding out my cousin
has been secretly in love with said boyfriend all her life, I ended up having an extremely fun night. Andi and I lounged in the tub experimenting with different soaps and bubbles for what felt like hours. Somehow we managed to make one that exploded after a few seconds and were pleased to see parchment and a quill appear beside us so we could write down the formula for possible future Weasley Wizard Wheezes products.
We eventually changed into our pajamas (which the room supplied) and climbed into bed together. As soon as my head hit the pillow my eyes immediately began to close.
“Are you going to cover up your tattoo when you get home?” Andi asked me suddenly jerking me awake.
“Your tattoo,” she says patiently.
“Oh, I guess I forgot about it. Yes I probably should. My mom would flip if she saw it. I’m sure she will already be upset about me and Lysander, I don’t want to make it worse. What about you?”
“Nope! I can’t wait to show them,” she replies happily.
“Seriously? They won’t get mad?”
“I already told them all about it. How it was part of our mandatory charms assignment, and how it’s completely removable whenever we pass the class,” she laughs.
“They didn’t really believe you did they?”
“Of course. They are muggles, they don’t know our ways. You would be surprised with the stuff Lane and I get away with.”
“You are so devious Andi!” I laugh.
“True, but you love it,” she remarks playfully.
“That I do.” I yawn.
“At least Lucy was right about one thing,” she says, mimicking my yawn.
“What’s that?” I ask.
“Me and you. We just work.”
“I couldn’t agree more.” I manage to mumble before I drift off into a peaceful sleep.
A/N: I planned on posting this chapter two weeks ago, but I got so busy I didnt have the time. :( Hopefully it was worth the wait though. I'm already working on the next chapter, so as soon as this validates I will post Chapter 13. What do you think about Lucy? I loved her to much to make her completely evil, but not enough to make her innocent. Thoughts? Concerns? Let me know! :)