Chapter Ten - Rejection
I tried, I honestly did. I tried to prove to Rose that she was more important to me than Scorpius could ever be; that her friendship was more important than anything a guy could give me. But she would not listen. In fact, she would not even look at me. In the end, I gave up. In the end, I accepted that only time could heal the wounds I had unintentionally inflicted one her. In the end, I realised there was nothing more I could do.
So why am I so mad?
It has been three weeks since Rose has spoken to me. Three weeks without my best friend. I had to endure OWLs without her constant nagging for us to revise, I didn’t have her talking endlessly about how the exams went when we had finished. Nothing. She just ignored my very existence and now I am mad. Really, really, really mad. Because what else could I have done? I never meant for any of this to happen! Did she honestly think I wanted her hurt her? Was she that stupid?
Albus isn’t helping either. I am seriously starting to worry about him – I haven’t seen him smile since we got back from the Easter holidays. I miss my care free cousin. He used to so happy all the time, he used to laugh and pull pranks on poor unsuspecting Third Years with James… I haven’t seen him and James together for a while either. I don’t understand what is going through Al’s head. He used to be so grounded, so completely realistic and open to new ideas. Now he is just a close book. I have a very sneaking suspicion that I know why he married her. But I cannot be right, I mean, he never used to speak to Vivian… I see her around occasionally as well but she seems distracted and her friendship with Scorpius is much stronger than any friendship she ever had with me so I cannot blame her for keeping her distance.
Scorpius. I miss him more than I thought I was capable of. When I see him around, I have to resist the urge to turn and run back down the corridor. I can sometimes feel his eyes on me and it takes all my will power not to turn around and look him in the eye, letting him know how much I miss him. I don’t dare go to the kitchens anymore in case he is there… besides, the memories would be a little overwhelming.
So lost in thought, I stride around the corner and straight into a hulk of muscle that towers over me, which is quite an achievement seeing as I am the tallest girl in Hogwarts. Looking up, my eyes become fixed on a pair of silvery grey ones. Oh Merlin he is so close. I realise my hands are on his chest as he stares down at me, his face a closed mask.
“Weasley,” he says slowly, as if unsure if he should say anything at all. At the sound of his deep, husky voice, all my anger and frustration overflows and I grab his forearm and drag him behind me. He does not say a word and neither do I. I just drag him down one corridor and then another, up several flights of stairs and down more corridors. Still clutching onto his forearm, I begin to pace up and down in front of a blank wall.
“Roxanne… what are you doing?” he asks hesitantly. I ignore him. “Rox, is something wrong?”
The door appears in front of me and I shove it open roughly, still ignoring Scorpius’ questions as I drag him into the dimly lit room. The Room of Requirement has served me well. I turn to shut the door behind us and smile slightly as I hear a loud click as the door locks itself. Scorpius looks bewildered as I push him up against the door.
The fire I had unknowingly been missing relights in the pit of my stomach as I begin to kiss him. I do not know how long I kiss him for but the anger is still coursing through my taunt body as I hook a finger into the rim of his trousers and pull him forward. Feeling the edges of the bed the room had so kindly provided for me against the back of my knees and I let myself fall, pulling Scorpius down with me.
We continue kissing as I roll him over onto his back and climb on top of him. The anger turning to an energy and determination I never knew I had. His hands are tangled in my hair as he pulls me closer to deepen our kiss. I sink into him a moment before pulling away and trailing kisses down his neck and over his chest, undoing the buttons on his shirt to give me access to his beautifully toned abs. Merlin this boy is hot.
He groans as I run my hands over his chest. Even his groan sends shivers running down my body. His eyes flicker open as I stop running my hands over him and he looks up in confusion to see me slowly undoing the buttons of my own shirt. By now I am sat on top of him, a leg either side. He just watches me as I begin to pull my shirt off to reveal his favourite bra… It is complete coincidence that I am wearing it today; I haven’t worn it since I chose Rose over him. The thought of Rose makes me angry again and I yank the shirt from my arms and bend down to continue our kiss.
Kissing Scorpius is like drinking an entire cauldron of Euphoria inducing potion. Seriously, there is nothing I would rather do… Well, almost nothing. Breaking away from our kiss again, causing Scorpius to huff in irritation, I run my hands down to the buckle of his belt. His entire body stiffens beneath me. He stops running his hands up my thighs and just stares at me. I smirk at him just as the buckle comes undone.
“What are you doing?” he asks, his voice husky with lust. I just grin at him, lifting myself up slightly to push his trousers down. Looking back up to his face, I am somewhat disgruntled to see he is still looking confused… and a little scared. “Roxie… Seriously, what are you doing?”
“What does it look like I am doing Scorpius,” I purr.
“Roxie, I really don’t think this is a good idea…” he murmurs. I look up at him in shock.
“What do you mean?” I can feel my body go cold as he wiggles away from underneath me, pulling his trousers back up. I stay froze by the edge of the bed as he stands up, fiddling with the buttons on his shirt.
“I just… I just…” he stutters, looking uncomfortable.
“You just what Malfoy?” I spit, noticing with delight that he flinches at the use of his last name. “What's wrong? Are you not up for it; are you afraid that you won’t be able to live up to your reputation?” I sneer, hardly caring how much of a low blow it is. “Think you can’t handle me Malfoy? Is that it?”
“No Weasley, I just don’t want my first time to be with a girl who is just doing it because she is mad and who will probably regret it in the morning!” I stare at him in absolute shock. Then the blinding red rage sweeps across my vision at his lies; I launch myself at him, intent on bruising every inch of his flesh. He grabs a hold of my arms and pins my flailing body to the door. “Calm down Roxanne!” he orders. I just keep kicking at him until he presses his entire body against me so that I cannot actually move.
“Get off me Malfoy you lying bastard!” I yell.
“Come on Roxie,” his voice has taken on a pleading tone. “I’m just trying to do the right bloody thing! I don’t want you to be mad at me later for allowing you to do something you’ll regret – it’s not like you really want to lose your virginity just because you are angry with Rose, it won’t make you feel any better and it is a crap idea for revenge anyway,” he sighs.
“Who says I’m a virgin Malfoy?” I sneer, trying to make him uncomfortable enough to let me go. For a second I think I have succeeded as he pulls away slightly but then I see the look on his face and realise he doesn’t believe me. The blush that crawls onto my cheeks confirms my lie.
“Look Roxanne… I am crazy about you but I either want all of you or nothing. I cannot do this half-hearted business with just an occasional kissing session here and there. I want you Roxanne, not just your body,” he sighs, pressing his fore head to mine.
“I can’t-” I choke out. I cannot betray Rose again. Closing my eyes so that I don’t risk losing myself in his endless grey ones, I hear him sigh in resignation.
“It doesn’t really matter what you say now Roxanne because we both know that you will not be able to survive without me for long. We will end up together because that is just the way things are supposed to be. I want to be yours, Rox and I know that deep down, you want to be mine. It is fate, if you will,” he shrugs, at last pulling away from me and pushing me out of the way so that he can open the door and disappear down the deserted corridor.
The door swings shut again as I slide down the wall. The tears I had been biting back overflow as I sink to the floor, resting my head on my knees and letting myself cry out all of my anger at Rose, my frustration with myself and the hurt of Scorpius’ rejection. Because that is what this feels like: rejection. I feel as if I wasn’t good enough for him, as if I didn’t deserve him… as if he didn’t want me. Because he didn’t did he? He left. He didn’t want me.
My whole body wracks with sobs as I continue to cry my eyes out on the floor. Well at least I’m not in a toilet cubicle like most girls. My cheeks are burning red with embarrassment and anger. How could he do this to me? I thought he wanted me. I thought he would be happy… I didn’t think he would scarper as soon as he realised what I was suggesting.
Wiping the tears from my face, I look up to see the Room of Requirement has proved me with a mirror and tissues – it truly is amazing. Fred made sure that James showed it to me in my First Year; he would never tell me how he found it though. It has come in handy a few times, especially when all the cousins wanted to have a catch up away from the rest of the student body. I have never shown it to anyone before… I probably should not have shown it to Scorpius, it is a family secret.
I clean my face up, and retrieve my shirt. Scorpius’ words playing over and over in my head: I want to be yours, Rox and I know that deep down, you want to be mine. He was right of course, about me wanting to be his at least. I had never understood that before, how someone could want to belong to someone… it is a weird feeling. And he wanted to be mine? I found that harder to believe. How could he still want me after everything…? I had hurt him both physically and emotionally and yet he claims to still want to be mine? It just doesn’t make sense. How can one person be so screwed up?
The corridors are still empty as I creep back to the common room. I have to wake the Fat Lady to let me in which she does not appreciate… it must be later than I thought. How long was I in the Room of Requirement? No one is in the common room – it really must be late – so I head up to my dorm. As is becoming usual, Rose is in bed with her curtains pulled shut. Madison is also asleep but her curtains are still wide open.
“Hey Roxie,” Nina smiles as I walk in. I join her on Lara’s bed, eager for some mindless babbling gossip to get my mind off of Scorpius and the embarrassment I still feel. “You okay? Where’ve you been?”
“The Owlery,” I lie. It is a plausible lie though; I have been spending an awful lot of time in the Owlery lately. “You look like you were in the middle of an intense gossiping session, anything interesting?” Nina glances at Lara and Lara buries her face in her pillow. “I’ll take that as a yes… spill,” I order.
“Well… You know Connor Hudson in Hufflepuff?” Nina asks grinning at Lara. “He and Lara went on a date last Hogsmeade trip and since then-”
“He asked me to be his girlfriend!” Lara squeals, in a hurry to get to the point.
“Connor Hudson… He’s the Beater on the Hufflepuff team right? I think he was my first Hogsmeade date in Third Year,” I laugh.
“Well he’s all mine now,” Lara sticks her tongue out at me and I cannot help but laugh, letting my embarrassment drift to the back of my mind as I gossip with my friends. I have missed this… The only thing that would make it better would be if Rose were gossiping with us rather than sleeping with her curtains drawn.
The last week of school passes in a blur. Lara spends a lot of time with Connor and Madison has gone off with some Sixth Year Ravenclaw with nice hair… I’ll give them two weeks at best. As a result, Nina and I spend most of our time together, it is kind of nice to have her just to myself, she is such a calming influence and never asks questions that she knows I don’t want to answer. She is trying her hardest to be civil to Rose but I can tell that it is bothering her that Rose is being so stubborn. Welcome to the club Nina.
My relief as the Hogwarts Express pulls away from Hogsmeade is almost overwhelming. As much as I love Hogwarts, I really need a break at the moment. I watch as the imposing figure of the castle merges into its surroundings as the train speeds away.
Eeek! There are only two more chapters left plus an Epilogue! Thanks for reading and please drop a review, everything is appreciated. Sorry it's a bit short by the way.