Chapter 7 : Oh Nostalgia
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A soul mate's purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life,…"
-Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)-
You know you're going to die here, don't you?" His low vicious voice growled through my screams. "I'm going to kill you and send your parts back to your family."
Jumping out of my sleep and into consciousness, I snatched my wand and starred wildly around the room. Looking for any sense of danger I began to calm down once I saw there was no danger. My wand arm shook in fear, but I lowered it slowly. It was just a dream. Just a dream. My heart rate was high and I tried to lower it, but it took longer than it should of. The feeling of his jagged breath hot on my neck. It was as real as it was when the memory first occurred.
Disgusting sweat covered me head to toe, scrunching my covers to me I held myself as I cried. I hadn't had that dream in awhile, but almost every night I had a nightmare of some kind. There are a lot of things in life you can work through. Things that if you just work the right approach everything really will be okay. But with this it never was. I always awoke terrified and alone just like I was in that dungeon. Eventually, I always calmed down, it usually just took a shower and a swift cup of coffee, but this time I knew it would take more. I was more shaken this time.
My clock blinked 3:45 back at me and I groaned. I had three hours before I had to get ready for work. This wouldn't take three hours, but I will need to limit myself to control my emotions well before I walk into that building.
Slowly slinking of my bed I went into my closet and grabbed a cloak and some sneakers. It was warm out, but cool enough to were the cloak wouldn't over heat me. It didn't matter much anyway. Either way I was going. Pocketing my wand, I left making sure to make as little noise as possible.
Apparating a mile away from my destination, I felt my body begin to shake as the tears shuddered out of my overwhelmed eyes. A cool breeze attempted to comfort me, it reassured me silently and ungrudgingly. It told me I would make it and that I would be okay. I hoped with a hope I never spoke out loud that it was right. I hoped that I wouldn't break like everyone thought I would, like perhaps I should have. Once I made it to the cemetery I shifted past the familiar names to a large plot.
I took great happiness that no one was here. In the dead of the night, I could let it out. All of the pain, all of the torture I went through to be here without my father. His name was itched into the aging tomb, and my eyes glided across reading the words I'd read a million times. God I missed him. We fought, we ignored each other, but at the end of every single day no matter what we did to each other we loved each other. Dropping to my knees, I cried freely with no fear of anyone discovering me. There was no shame here, just forgiveness and peace.
But I could release my guilt. I could apologize to every single person on the earth for every single thing I'd ever done to them, but I could never once apologize to my father for anything. I couldn't tell him I loved him. I couldn't make him understand how much he meant to me and how great of a father he truly was. All I had was my memories, which was more than most people had in a life time I knew, but I still felt robbed. My father was a great person, and he was flawed, so severally flawed, but he was my father.
Letting out a shuddering breath, I swiped away my shuddering tears and smiled at his tombstone, "I wonder what you think of all this…"
My expression became serious as my thoughts became more and more vivid. "I just want it all to stop you know?" I asked knowing full well that no one in the world could hear me. "I'm sick of feeling this pain. So I'm going to shut it off. I'm going to do whatever I have to get back to the person I was…I know that won't be easy, but I can't…I can't do this anymore. I can't be this weak person who's waiting for the wave down come down and crush her anymore. I need to move on."
Letting out a swift breath another unwilling tear rolled down my cheek. "I understand why he wouldn't let me have it, I do." I scoffed at my feet, "His pride prevents him from letting any part of my words in. He has to block me out. It's just the way he is but I wish he wouldn't have." I choked a bitter laugh, "I guess no one can take me seriously when I'm trying to do an honestly nice thing. I have to always have an alternative motive…But I don't. I just want to be a better person. I want him to have a good life, and if he does then I'm happy for him even if that doesn't include me, because….he deserves it and I don't want to look back and think for even a second I stopped him for having that."
I shook my head, "Look at me. I'm sitting at your grave in the middle of the night, crying…" I swallowed my tears and bit my lip. "I just want it all to be better and I don't know what I should do to make it so."
Collecting myself I carefully let some slow breaths. I was going to be okay. I was going to be okay. I needed to be okay. And with my dad's support, I would be. Brushing my hair out of my face, I let the tears on my face dry naturally as I starred up at the sky. Today would be different. Today, I will be happy. I won't let the past get to me. I'm going to push through, I have to.
Pushing myself up to my feet, I let out a sigh. "Bye dad."
Lauren leaned against the doorway as I was busy in my bathroom getting ready for work. "You okay?"
I smiled at her. "Yep."
"You sure?" Her face filled with disbelief. "I know it's May 15th."
A sharp jab hit me in the chest. Exactly five years ago I was kidnapped. Damn. It felt like it was yesterday. I forced a smile on my face. "I'll be fine."
Lauren strolled up behind me. "I know you will." Her arm slunk around me supportively, "I know you will, but if not, I'm here."
I had an hour before I had to be at work. That was plenty of time to see Hugo. Lauren left before I did. So I took a moment to make sure I was really alright. I was. I just wanted to see my brother. He probably didn't remember. I was actually shocked that Lauren remembered. It wasn't shocking that Lauren was the one that remembered, it was weird that anyone besides me would think to.
My father would want me to be happy and he would most certainly want Hugo happy. So I'm going to make both of those true.
Knocking on Hugo's loft I re-arranged, the coffee's in my hands and leaned against the doorway. "Hugo, come on, I know you're in there!"
"Hold on!" He called.
I sighed and took a sip out of my own coffee.
My brother's sleepy face answered the door. "What's up?"
"Just checking on you," I handed him his coffee, "Brought you some morning refreshments."
I eyed him suspiciously, "Why aren't you inviting me in?" A bolt of inspiration came to me. "Do you have a girl in there?"
A deep Weasley blush appeared on his cheeks, as he moved to block the doorway with his chest. "No."
"Really?" I giggled evilly, "Then why do you look so guilty baby brother?"
Hugo's brown eyes narrowed down at me. "I don't look guilty Rose."
"Oh? Then why won't you invite me in?" I insisted teasingly.
"Because you didn't owl to ask to come over in advance." He corrected me casually.
"Today is Tuesday Hugo. We always have breakfast on Tuesday's unless otherwise engaged," My blue eyes sparkled with mirth. "Are you otherwise engaged Hugo?"
Letting out a haughty sigh, he shook his head. "I will have to reschedule with you. Thank you for the coffee."
"Come on! Are you seriously not going to tell me?"
"Not a chance sis." He smirked, moving out of the doorway and shutting the door.
Starring at his doorframe, my curiosity grew and I knew who would know what was going on better than anyone. So I skipped down to the end of the hall and apparated into Madame Claire's, a high end boutique in Diagon Alley that was operated by none other than my cousin, Lily.
She, did not look pleased to see me. "What do you want Rose?" She chirped, before I even uttered a word.
I looked at her, she was in a high-end dress, her red hair was pulled back off her face, with the ends curled. Her amber make-up was flawless. It was hard to remember that the woman in front of me was not only my baby cousin, but was only twenty-two years old. She looked like she could be heading towards her thirties instead of just easing into her twenties.
"Well hello to you to Lily." I scoffed.
"You know I'm busy Rose, so I ask again, what do you want?"
I rolled my eyes. "Do you know who my brother is shagging?"
"Not a clue, but I can snoop and find something out from my brother." Her smirk was wide and catlike. "You know Albus, can't help, but tell me everything."
I smiled. "Yes I do know that."
Lily gave me a once over. "What are you wearing? Those aren't the clothes I picked out for you."
"Yeah I gave them to goodwill." I told her without shame. "They weren't me Lil."
"Well that may or may not be true, but at least for a year or two you had style." She told me condescendingly with a warm smile. "But at least you're fighting me again. I don't like it when you give into me blindly. It's too easy."
Giving her a look, I crossed my arms. "Well don't worry. I won't blindly support you again."
"I have to go back to work."
"I know…" My face softened, "Will you be at dinner Friday?"
Shock hit her perfect features. "Why will you?"
"I was there for the past three weeks, and I noticed you haven't been there."
Lily frowned, guilt surfacing in her eyes. "Yeah. I couldn't get away from here…" She grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the register, there I could see the stress straining her eyes. "My boss is killing me. She keeps giving me overtime and then not promoting me. I should be executive manager by now!"
"Lil," I grabbed her shoulders, "You have to say something. You've been working here for three years. This would be the time to stand up for yourself."
"What if they fire me?" She groaned.
"Lily Luna Potter!" I scolded her, "Then they don't deserve you!"
Her brown eyes narrowed on me. "And if I can't afford my rent and I become destitute?"
"Then you will move in with me, and judge me on my style choices every day."
Her gorgeous little face, broke out into a warm smile and I saw my little cousin. She took a few seconds to stop being this cold fashion diva and shifted back into the Lily I grew up with. Before I could react, she threw her arms around me tightly, her seven-inch heels clicking ecstatically as she did so.
I laughed at her sudden embrace. "Just talk to your boss. You can't live in fear for the rest of your life. It will be fine and if it isn't you know who to call."
"I've missed you Rose."
"I've missed you too Lily," I checked my watch and groaned. "I have to get to work, but I'll owl you later to see how it went."
She bit her lip nervously. "Okay."
"Not okay!" I told her fiercely, "You got this! You're a Weasley!"
"Technically, I'm a Potter," She said under her breath.
"Even better!" I said excitedly. "You are a Potter! You don't take shit from anyone!"
Rolling her eyes at me, she nodded. "Okay."
I gave her arm one last squeeze before letting her go back into work. Then I headed off to work myself. Walking through security I felt like I'd been awake for a million years. This day was so long already and it wasn't even 10 o'clock yet. As I waited for the elevator I stood and finished the remains of my coffee. The crowd spilled out of the elevator and I got in. Shortly afterwards, I drained my cup and leaned against the side of the wall. Just before the door was about to seal shut, an arm slinked through and stopped it. My eyes shot up, just in time to see Scorpius Malfoy strut into the elevator and walk to the other side without so much as a side-glance at me.
For two weeks, Scorpius and I successively stayed away from each other. Somehow even though our desks were thirty feet away from each other we managed to find every escape possible to stop us from running into each other. It was easy at first. I was constantly on assignment, and from what I knew of James's schedule so were they. For a moment there I really did think I would never have to run into him. I let myself become naïve and buy into the fact that unless we become partners we don't have to interact. I let myself believe that the world might leave us alone and just simply let us live our lives without bothering each other, I was wrong.
For ten minutes excoriating minutes we both stood in the most absolute and hateful silence. Neither of us looked at each other, but as the moments grew on I felt like the room was getting smaller and smaller. Every breath we took, was heated and angry and it felt like we were right next to each other instead of feet a part.
We just wanted to be apart. Was that really that big of a request to make? Was it really too convenient to just leave us alone to our individual lives? Could the world just not stand for us to not have any drama involving one another?
Right before the elevator was about to stop on our floor I let out a breath of relief. We wouldn't have to be near each other for much longer. We could separate soon enough and go back to ignoring each other for the rest of time.
It's funny, for a long time if someone would have asked me who the most important person in my life was…he would have been it. Yes my family was always at the top too, but Lauren, Kelly and him were the only non-blood related people that I'd do anything for. I knew every second of every day if he needed to I would walk through fire for him. I'd go to hell and back to save him and he would have done the same for me. Now we were just strangers that just happened to know each other exceptionally well.
But as fate would have it, or rather our elevator system would have it, we didn't make it to our floor. Suddenly, without any warning it stopped, jarring us and locking in between floors in the process. My eyes panicked, and I went to the button I'd never seen anyone use and pushed it.
"Yes," A cool voice came over the intercom, "We are aware of the issue and someone will be there shortly. Please stay calm."
And then there was nothing but silence. Was she fucking serious? Stay calm? My eyes snapped shut as I death gripped the railing next to me. Why today of all days did I have to get trapped in here with my ex? What could I have possibly done in a past life to deserve this?
I wanted to pace the space to calm down but I couldn't. If I moved I could make the elevator drop or run into Scorpius. Either way it was awful. My heart rate and blood pressure began to process this. I could pretend for a million years that I didn't give a shit about the man a few across from me, but this wasn't a good way to test it. This was the worst case scenario and I was freaking out.
"Okay we've been standing here for ten minutes!" I exclaimed in outrage into the com. "How the hell can the elevator be stuck? It's run by magic!"
"Ms. Weasley, we are assessing the situation." A cool voice announced. "The lift should be working shortly."
I drummed my forehead against the steel wall, "Thank you." I replied bitterly through gritted teeth.
I could feel him fighting every urge he had to not talk to me. Scorpius wasn't a big talker, but he was huge on shit talking people he didn't like. It was a hobby of his, to get his enemies going and then leave with a huge pompous smirk on his unnaturally attractive face. But I wasn't the type of enemy he was used to having. He was used to being around people who were so clearly beneath him, people that ruthlessly annoyed him to no end. Though I'm sure I'm not his favorite person, I'm sure I don't fall in either category. I'm sure that since the demise of our relationship he's made an entirely new category for me. Cause somehow I can't see him throwing me on the pile of ex-girlfriends he's had over the years. Maybe it's my arrogance, but even I know that what happened hit him hard, even if it only took him ten seconds to get over it.
My attention snapped on him as he shifted to lean back against the back wall of the elevator. His cool eyes avoided mine, they were detached from any emotion, but as soon as he saw me glance at him, they flipped over to me aggressively. We glared at each other for a few minutes. My glaring was purely reactive, but his wasn't at all. He looked like he wanted nothing better than to tell me exactly what he thought of me. Every hateful thing he never said to me was burning under the surface waiting for the time to strike. I wasn't going to give that to him. I've apologized; I have nothing else to say to him. He can hate me for as long as he wants. As I pressed my forehead against the cool steel wall I went back to a memory from long ago.
"Are you crying?" He whispered, his hands cupping my face to turn me to face me.
"No." I lied horribly.
I let out a shuddering breath, "Bad dream…I'll ….I'll be alright…"
"I know you will," He kissed my lips gently and despite the fact that he was sleepy he pulled me into his chest and stroked my hair. "Don't worry I've got you."
"I'm fine really. I just …I dreamed you left me and I was trapped a room all alone and I couldn't get out." I admitted freely in his shoulder.
He pulled away so I could see his face. "I will never leave you. Got that? No matter what you do. I will never leave you. I love you, which translates to you're stuck with me. Okay? I'd never let you be trapped anywhere okay?"
I choked out a laugh, as I shifted closer in his arms. "So you're saying no matter where I am you'd always come after me?"
"Of course." He smirked, "I'm the hero. I come in, wand out, swag on and save the day."
I busted out laughing, "I can't believe you just said that with a straight face!"
"What? Don't I have swag?" He teased me knowingly, his gray eyes alive and full with mirth.
"I love you, you know." I told him, straddling his waist and stroking his hair out of his face. "No matter what happens. No matter how many times I screw this up promise me you'll always remember that."
His face darkened and his arms held me tightly. "Only if you promise me you'll never leave me either."
"I can't promise I won't leave in a fit of rage to clear my head," I admitted, before linking my arms around his neck. "But I will promise that I will always come back."
"Fair enough." His smile became devilish, "Now since you woke me up…and we have a few hours to kill…and you happen to not be wearing any bottoms."
I giggled, "What ever do you have in mind Mr. Malfoy?"
"Oh I think you know Ms. Weasley!"
As soon as the elevator opened I bolted right out of it. I couldn't take one more second in there. Not even one more minute. I headed as far away from him as possible, but in the course of my escape I slammed right into someone bruising my nose in the process.
"I'm so so-" I began clutching my nose, but then I stopped as I saw who it was. "Aiden?"
His sleazy smile grew, "Well hello beautiful."
"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked in a rush as I threw my arms around him in a tight hug.
Aiden laughed into my hair as he picked me up and twirled me in the middle of the Auror lobby. "I just transferred back home. I thought six years away was long enough."
"Well I have to go," I groaned seeing my watch, "But we need to catch up. What's your schedule like for this week?"
"I'm free tomorrow, and Sunday."
I frowned thoughtfully considering my own schedule, "Well I work tomorrow, but I can do lunch."
"It's a date," He winked, before walking into the elevator.
A bright smile took residence on my face removing all bad feelings I had from my elevator experience as I headed into the office. When I came in I saw a stack of mail waiting for me on my desk. One was an anonymous tip on my suspect. Sampson of course was nowhere to be found. Procedure told me to wait for him. It wasn't safe for a newly legalized Auror to go off by myself, but fuck it. This prick has had the jump on us everytime and I'm not wasting anytime waiting for Sampson to drop the donut and get to the office. Grabbing my jacket I dropped the note off on James's desk so someone would know where I am, and I left.
The air was warm and sprightly in downtown London, and I couldn't help, but feel this could be a trap. I wanted to check out the area first. If anything was suspicious I could pull out and wait for Sampson. There was nothing wrong and just checking out a halfhearted lead. Nothing at all.
Scorpius reached his desk with a scowl etched on his face. Ever since he got back he hadn't smiled once. It was her fault. Why did she have to become an Auror? This was just annoying. Like a fly that just wouldn't die no matter how many days went by and how many times he swatted it, it lingered. When he arrived at his desk, he saw James waiting for him with his usual smirk.
"What Potter?" Scorpius asked dryly.
James shrugged innocently. "Nothing."
"That's horseshit," He retorted knowingly as he took off his jacket, "What are you gloating about?"
"Oh nothing…I just happened to get a date with Stella."
Scorpius's jaw dropped, "What? She's been blowing you off for weeks."
"I don't know Malfoy," James began with a voice full of arrogance as he flexed a muscle. "I'm just the whole package."
"I really don't need to throw up this morning so why don't you save that for your fake date?"
James rose from his desk, feigning offense. "You don't believe me?"
"That you have suddenly become the office stud?" Scorpius laughed at him mercilessly, "No I don't."
James's tan face lit up, "Well one of little faith I'll prove it."
"Go for it." Scorpius snorted as he went through his mail. "I would love to see how that would work out."
"You are such a negative noodle."
Scorpius's eyebrows furrowed together. "Now you're just making shit up."
"Well hurry up, we're on training duty today."
"Both of us?"
James paused to think, but then walked over to the bulletin board. He scratched his unshaven stubble as his dark eyes searched the board for the assignment for the day. "Huh…I guess you're right. It's just me." James pouted, "I hate going by myself."
"That sounds like a personal problem," Scorpius informed him slyly without glancing up.
James rolled his eyes as he strolled over to his desk to grab his wand. "Well what are you going to do while I'm gone?"
"I don't know solve world hunger, maybe negotiate a bit of world piece, the usual."
"Good luck with that."
As James walked away Scorpius sunk down into his seat with a laugh. A month ago he would have thought the idea of him being partner's with a Potter would be unbearable and would have never considered he could be friends with one. But it happened. James went out of his way to show from day one that he wasn't at all like his younger brother. And overtime a weird sort of friendship formed. James was funny, stupid, but so annoyingly likeable that Scorpius couldn't help, but be thankful that he was put with him and not some of the other idiots here.
Mindlessly, he looked around his desk, and saw a note straddling his desk and James's. It wasn't until he was halfway through it he realized it was for James and it was written by Rose. He was about to throw it on James's desk when he read the line,
'Sampson hasn't shown up, but I'm going anyway. If I'm not back by 11:00, you might want to check on me.'
Scorpius's watch told him it was 10:53. So he sat there and literally watched the next six minutes pass on his watch. He should go tell James to take care of it. He should. But he didn't. His own mind confused him, and struggled with what to do. This wasn't his problem. She didn't even address the note to him, he shouldn't have even read the note, but he did. And now in there was tug in his gut that something was wrong.
He reminded himself that no matter what trouble she had gotten herself into this time she wasn't his to save. The only reason she had even left the note in the first place was to basically as an insurance policy. But no matter what rationality he tried to tell himself, nothing stuck. Why? Because at the end of the day he still gave a shit, and no matter what he did he couldn't turn that part of himself off.
Checking his watch again he saw that it was 11:09. Rose's partner was nowhere to be found and James was all the way in the basement. No one would ever know if he did nothing. He could just go about his business and stop caring about her completely. He hesitated, his cool gray eyes glued to the address printed on the paper.
"I'm such a fucking idiot!" Scorpius growled under his breath, as he grabbed his jacket and rushed out of the office.
Song in the summary and title is Oh Nostalgia By: Patrick Stump. I'm sorry this took so long! I've had this written for weeks, but I keep forgetting things when I update so then it delays me getting published. Anyway THANK YOU FOR READING! I hope you guys liked it. PLEASE REVIEW!
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