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The Wrong Reason by lizmusic45
Chapter 1 : I'll fight with you.
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 9


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 It’s more than cold. It’s more than freezing outside, or at least it feels like that with only a thin blanket wrapped around my shoulders. I used to like the cold, I liked it for very few reasons, but I liked it, and due to all that has happened, I don’t want to like it anymore.

I hear footsteps and I turn around to see Hermione carrying a cup of tea. She sits next to me, handing it over.  “Here,” she whispers, her hands shaking.

“Couldn’t sleep?” I ask, taking the tea down, gulp by gulp. I don’t even mind the feeling of a burnt tongue.

“I don’t like it here,” she murmurs, looking around the snow covered grounds. She bites her lip so hard it looks like it’s about to bleed.

“Neither do I,” I reply, taking the last sip of tea.

“I would stay here just so I don’t have to face what’s out there,” says Hermione, looking down at her hands. “It makes me sound horrible, but I would.”

I glance at her, but she doesn’t look back. She takes the cup out of my hands and mutters something about seeing if Ron’s ok. I stare at her in disbelief as she walks back into the tent. Staying here for the rest of time? I can’t stay here; I might lose all I’m fighting for.

I keep telling myself that I’m fighting for the Wizarding world. That I’m fighting for everyone that has lost something. That I’m fighting because Dumbledore told me to, that I’m fighting for all the reasons I’m supposed to be, but I know I’m not, at least not enough to be the real reason.

I want to be. I wish I didn’t even care. Because then it would have been easier to give up, to pretend like I was really noble and not selfish. I am selfish because I’m doing this for the reasons that I want, I’m selfish because I don’t want to lose the feeling of happiness.  I’m not the noble hero they all claim me to be, I just want to her to be ok.

I’m fighting this war for you, Ginny. I’m fighting because I want you to live in a better world, I’m fighting so that you can have all your hopes and dreams can come true. I’m fighting because I want you to be so, so, happy.  I may not see you, but maybe I can make your world better. You deserve that much, for making me the happiest man alive.

I know that’s not how you see it. I know you see it like being brave and going out to fight for all the reasons I’m supposed to. I know you see me as leaving you so that I can do all I was told to do, so that I can fight. I know you think I didn’t think about how you would take all this, I did, but I didn’t listen.

I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know where the next horcrux is, I don’t know what could happen from now to whenever. I don’t know when this will end. I don’t know if anyone will be safe, I don’t know if whatever I’m doing is helping at all, but I can try. I can try to make sure you have a safe life. That you can live in peace, that you live without being scared. I can at least try for you.

I can’t stop because I’m tired, because it’s cold, because I’m not getting anywhere. I can’t stop because it’s something I can’t fix. I can’t stop because nobody else wants to continue, because everyone else is broken. I won’t stop until you have it all, I won’t stop until I have you in my arms.

Do you know what it’s like to want to do everything you can for someone, but you don’t know what or how, or if you’ll succeeded at all? I think about you all the time.  I think about you smiling again, about you laughing, about you humming just because you feel so happy.

I wish I was with you. I wish there wasn’t even a stupid war. I wish I was fighting for all the right reasons, I wish I knew what to do. I wish I could make life easier for you.

Ginny, please know that I’m not the hero they make me out to be. I just love you, and I’ll fight for you until the end. Always. 

 

I hope you guys like this, I'm sorry I took so long to post a new one, school is driving me crazy! I hope you like it! A late thank you, but Academica is amzing! Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, pleas, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please.




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