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I Solemnly Swear that I Love A Marauder by Rita Skeeter
Chapter 1 : I Solemnly Swear that I Didn't Do It (Lily)
 
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Lily by Althea @tda!!

Gryffindor Common Room
Midnight


Unbelievable.

Un-believe-able.

This is a joke, isn't it? Someone is going to jump out in a minute and scream "Gotcha, Lily!" in my face now, aren't they? And if that someone is Potter then I swear to Merlin that I… oh wait, it can't be Potter- he's sitting right next to me trying to smooth-talk his way out of trouble. Just because he can smooth-talk Madam Pomfrey into letting him stay with his cronies when they're ill and he can smooth-talk the gargoyle statues into letting him into Dumbledore's office without the password does not mean he will be able to smooth-talk McGonagall into letting him go, free of punishment.

"Okay, Potter," the woman herself said, "You may go."

WHAT?!

Again, this has to be a joke! I am Lily Evans. Prefect, good- no fantastic- grades, the model student! I just don't do detention. You know how everyone has a thing that they do? Professor Binns bores us to half to death, Potter terrorizes younger students and Slytherins, Marvin (also known as Quill Boy) whispers to his quills in the back of the class and cradles them in his arms. That is just what they do. I, for one, study and get near-perfect grades. Potter does detention! Sirius Black, his ignoramus best friend, does detention! I do not. It is the first week back and my record is still clean. I intend for it to remain so for the rest if my time at Hogwarts.

"Miss Evans," McGonagall said, towering over where I sat in the common room. "As you know I am trying to narrow down the main culprits of this before sending them to professor Dumbledore. I will be thoroughly surprised if you are one of those found guilty. Please explain your evolvement in the... fiasco."

I gulped and fidgeted in my chair. I was completely innocent, I just had no proof. In fact, the fingers of proof pointed to me.

"Well," I began slowly, "It all started during Potions."

---

Potions Class
Lesson Six


"Psst. Evans."

I clenched my jaw, ignoring his whisper. Again.

"Evans," Potter tried again. Can't he tell that I'm ignoring him? "EVANS!"

I sighed, clutching the wooden spoon with all my strength, my knuckles turning white with effort. I glanced around the room to find my friends for moral support but then I remembered that they were all in a different potions class.

"EVANS!" Slughorn, who was sat at his desk, remained oblivious. He mustn't have been able to hear him over the hissing potions.

"Evans. Evans. Evans. Evans. Lily. Lily. Lily. Lily. Red. Red. Red. Red. EVANS! EVANS! LILY! RED! E-"

"What?" I hissed angrily, turning to glare at him.

He grinned at me, tilting his head to the side and ruffling his stupid hair. "Hi."

I closed my eyes tight and took three deep breaths to calm myself down. When I was sure I wouldn't be tempted to force-feed him some of my half-brewed memory potion, I opened my eyes. He's just trying to get a rise out of me. He wants me to get mad, but I won't give him the satisfaction.

Checking the chalkboard once again, I noticed that I had almost forgotten to add powdered fire-beetle, one of the most important ingredients. This potion would have no affect whatsoever without it. I added a pinch of the fine, red powder when I heard: "Oi, Evans."

I slowly turned my head towards the idiot. I knew ignoring him would get me nowhere. "What is it, Potter?" I spat through my teeth.

"You're pretty when you're mad."

I growled under my breath and turned back towards my potion. It was looking good so far. At this stage my potion was almost the colour it was meant to be; a pearly, fluorescent white. Mine was more of a creamy silver. I sprinkled a tiny bit of extra Fire-Beetle. Usually my experiments work out, I just hoped this one wouldn't explode in my face.

I noticed the new boy- a transfer student from Salem who was sorted into Ravenclaw- speaking to Slughorn. On his way past my desk, he stumbled on a uneven tile and knocked into my bench. My cauldron flew forwards, tipping the potion all over me before I could move out of the way.

Oh no. No, this can't be good.

"Merlin, I am so sorry! I really didn't mean to… let me help you up," he said, hovering his hands over me, unsure what to do.

"I think you've done enough," a cold voice snapped.

"Look, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to!"

"Well it's done now."

I looked at the boy with glasses and tried to remember his name. It was on the tip of my tongue! I seem to recall it started with a P. Piper? No... Peter? No. Wait, I know! It's Popper.

"Shut up, Popper. It was an accident."

Popper stared at me for a minute. "Did she just call me Popper?" he muttered to some boy with shaggy black hair.

"I think so, mate." The boy turned to me, cupping his hands around his mouth. "Evans! His name is Potter, not Popper. Do you know who I am?! You don't- do you? How could you not know who I am?"

I flinched at his raised voice. "Mr Black, her memory has simply been blurred. She is not deaf," a fat man in a vomit-green robe said.

"What is this?" I asked, lifting some kind of stick out of my pocket.

"Her brains have been addled, more like," 'Mr Black' said to Popper.

"You will pay for this," Popper snarled at the boy who knocked my potion on my desk.

---

Gryffindor Common Room
Midnight


"Are you sure those were his exact words, Miss Evans? 'You will pay for this' is a rather harsh statement."

I pursed my lips. "I'm not exactly sure. That is what I remember, but I was on a memory potion at the time, so I can't be quite sure." If I was wrong, I could get a lot of people into trouble. Though this is Potter we're talking about, and Potter deserves all the punishment he gets. "Weren't there any other people you could have asked?"

"Not as many were as directly involved as you, Miss Evans. After all, it was your wand found at the crime scene."

"It's not a crime scene, Professor! It was Potter and his idiot friends being bullies as usual! And I didn't even do it!"

She rolled her eyes. "Let's not accuse fellow students at the time, Miss Evans. At the Hospital Wing, Madam Pomfrey gave you an antidote, correct?" I nodded and she continued. "Could you explain to me what happened after you left the Hospital Wing?"

"I can't remember exactly- my memory is still a little fuzzy from the potion- but I'm sure I remember the most important details."

---

Great Hall
Dinner


I opened the huge, heavy doors to the Great Hall and headed inside. I looked up, tucking my hair past my shoulder to keep it out of my face. The ceiling was grey and cloudy, reflecting the sky outside. I turned around in time to see a streak of brunette fling itself at me before I hit the ground.

I think I've been shot.

"You're okay! Thank Merlin you're okay! You had us all so, so worried, Mary wouldn't shut up and Marlene was pacing and I was scared and don't even get me started on Potter! And then the new kid was all-"

I covered her mouth with my palm and she stared at me with wide brown eyes. "Liv? Shut up."

I took my hand away and she pouted. "Sorry for being concerned," she said sarcastically with an eye roll.

Livia Lesser- or Liv, as she insists on being called- is one of my best friends. She's quite smart, save for the occasional lapse in common sense, for example… oh, I don't know, dating Sirius Black for two and a bit months. Apparently they were "so in love" until she finally had some sense knocked into her when he decided he 'just wasn't ready for a relationship' (and then found a new girlfriend two days later).

Mary McDonald is another quarter of our friendship group. She is Muggleborn, like me, and for some time last year had a fling with Amos Diggory, a bratty and stuck up excuse of a human. That is a feat in itself, as both Mary and Amos are the most vain, controlling people I have ever met in my life. They were constantly at war over who wore the pants in the relationship; eventually they settled for a pair of big, two-people, metaphorical relationship-pants that they could share. Until they broke up a week later... My friends aren't the greatest when it comes to judgement.

Marlene McKinnon is the glue that holds our group together. The mediator, some might call her. Marly is our go-to for help whenever any of us clash heads... unless we're clashing with her but we don't have to worry about that very often. Since first year, Marly has been fairly close with Remus Lupin- one of Potter's disciples. They have that friendship where everyone just expects them to get married, but I know that will never ever happen; they're too similar, they need a bit of excitement because both Marly and Remus are sensible. Remus is known as Daddy Marauder because he seems to be the only one with an iota of common sense. He is also the only Marauder I can stand to be around without getting a very violent, very angry train of thought. What in the name of Merlin's nose hair is a Marauder, you ask?

To a Muggle, a Marauder is a pillager, plunderer. To a student at Hogwarts, however, a Marauder is also a pillager and a plunder, as well as an asinine nuisance. A group of four Gryffindor boys- James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew- have been calling themselves 'The Marauders' ever since they became friends. I hate James Potter the most. He insists that he fancies me and enjoys asking me out at least four times a day. Sirius Black is the run-away, rebel Black child. He was disowned for being a 'Blood traitor'. Remus Lupin is the only one of them that doesn't have the maturity levels of a three year old on Pixy Stix. Peter Pettigrew is the only sixteen year old I've ever met who still lets someone else make all his 'big' decisions. Peter Pettigrew is a follower.

I am proud to say that Mary and I are the only two in our group who have not been involved with a Marauder (unless being stalked by Potter counts. Which it certainly doesn't.)

Someone slapped my face and I blinked at Liv. "Was that necessary?" I demanded.

"Yes. You've been lying on the floor and watching the roof for five minutes."

"You did tackle me down," I pointed out.

"People are starting to stare," she said.

"Let them stare." I picked myself up and brushed my skirt off.

"What were you thinking about? You looked really focused."

I shrugged one shoulder. "All of you. It's a coping mechanism Pomfrey told me to use until the potion wares off completely. Mentally rehashing everything I'm sure of is supposed to help the antidote."

Liv looked at the floor as we walked, adjusting her too-short skirt. I rolled my eyes. She should really pull it down a little- it gives people the wrong impression. "Just don't listen to whatever Potter says, okay?"

"Hello Evans, my beautiful girlfriend who loves me very much," Potter said when I dropped onto the seat next to Mary.

"She remembers she hates you arseface so drop that sick fantasy right now," Liv snarled, joining me.

Potter turned to me and frowned. "Don't listen to her babe. She was always jealous of our true love and is trying to brainwash you into hating me! Don't listen to her, dammit!"

Flowers erupted out of mid-air, raining down on me. They fell onto the floor of the walk-way spelling out James + Lily, bordered by a love-heart. I rolled my eyes, opting for the silent treatment. He was annoying, what can I say?

Someone cleared their throat behind me and I turned around and saw a boy with brown hair. He looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't place him.

"Er, hi. I just wanted to apologize for knocking your potion on you. I didn't mean to- I swear!"

I frowned. Why haven't I met this boy before? I didn't know we had an American at Hogwarts; I'm a prefect, it's my job to know these things. Wait a magical second… an American?

"You're the transfer student from Salem, aren't you?!" I asked, pointing at him.

"That would be me. But I really am sorry for before," he said sincerely, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Wait, you knocked the potion on me? I thought Potter did it so he could convince me we were married or something!"

Potter looked scandalized. "I would never! She told you that, didn't she?" he cried, pointing at Liv. "You… you female dog!"

Sirius barked and Livia rolled her eyes, flipping him off. Classy as I remember, I see.

"No, it was me," America said, shifting his weight nervously. "I'm really sorry. I felt really bad afterwards so I went with you to the Hospital Wing but you probably don't remember- you were pretty out of it."

I slapped my hand to my forehead. "Oh Merlin, what did I say?"

America smiled. "You didn't say anything. You just kept poking my face."

I groaned in embarrassment and felt my cheeks heat up. Trust me to scare off the new kid. "Sorry."

"Could have been my face you were poking," I distinctly heard Potter mutter as he went back to his seat further down the table. I decided not to dignify his comment with a response, and instead turned back to America.

"So, I didn't catch your name," I prompted.

"That's because I never gave you anything to catch." A broad smile spear over his face and he held out his hand to shake mine. "I'm Jack Elwood."

"Lily Evans," I introduced myself.

"I know," Jack smiled, shaking my hand. Jacks voice was smooth and confident, almost a flirtatious air to it. I couldn't help but notice he was still holding my hand though we weren't shaking.

"Okay, you've had your fun," Potter said, reappearing at our end of the table and leading Jack away. "Time to go, now. I can show you around the castle if you'd like?"

Jack raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "Sure, I guess."

"Lily, were going to be late!" Marly said, tugging my arm. I followed her out of the Great Hall. Students where everywhere, fighting to get past each other to avoid detentions for tardiness. We reached the door of the divination room when I slapped my hand to my forehead.

"I left my bag in the Great Hall!" I exclaimed.

Marly shrugged. "So?"

"So it had my wand and all my books in it!"

Marly shrugged again. Bloody helpful, she is. "You can borrow my books this lesson. We're just doing palm reading so you won't need your wand."

I rolled my lips into my mouth and tucked my hair behind my ear nervously. I felt a little anxious without my wand on me; like it made me an easy target.

"Okay fine, but as have to go get it before next class," I said, hurrying into the classroom and taking a seat.

---

Gryffindor Common Room
Midnight


"And that is the last time you saw Mr Elwood?"

"Yes Professor," I said, nodding. "And when Marly and I went back to get my bag, my wand was missing! Potter stole it to prank Jack!"

"Miss Evans, you have no proof-"

"Why don't we just ask Jack?" I suggested. Usually I would never interrupt a professor but I was currently very fed up.

McGonagall paused for a minute. "Well, yes, I suppose we could."

Earlier tonight, Jack was found in the dungeons, suspended from the roof by his elbows and knees like a puppet. Every half an hour his strings pulled, causing him to do some sort of dance. A sign hung next to him with a very rude name on it, as well as an arrow pointing to Jack.

My wand was found on the floor, directly below Jack's feet.

McGonogall asked me to wait in the armchair I was currently occupying until she returned from Ravenclaw tower. I abided, naturally. This was a comfy armchair. My main goal was trying to keep my eyelids from drooping too much.

"Pssst! Evans!"

McGonagall was gone for literally two seconds when BAM! Potter makes an entrance.

"What do you want?" I snapped in a tone that clearly stated that I do not care what he wants.

"I want you."

I tried not to look too disgusted. "Well we can't all have what we want, now can we?"

"But you see, Evans, I always get what I want."

I clenched my teeth together. How can he be so cocky? It sets me on edge, the way he thinks he can do or say whatever he wants and get away with it!

"And I know you secretly want me too, Evans," Potter continued, ruffling his hair. "I bet you couldn't list five reasons not to like me."

Challenge accepted.

"One, you're an idiot. Two, you're conceited. Three, you're not as 'hot' as you think you are. Four, you constantly get in trouble. Five, you're an embarrassment to mankind."

Potter stared at me for a second, taking in what I just said. "You don't think I'm hot?"

He looked like a kicked puppy. I slapped my hand to my forehead; from that whole list, that is all that he took in? Incredible.

"Evans," Potter said, dropping into the arm chair across from me. "I think you should consider anger management classes. You seem to be clenching your jaw at an unhealthy strength. Though the strong girls are the best ones."

Potter, a word of advice: shut up because I am mentally plotting your death.

"Or the really feisty ones. See, Evans, you're feisty and strong. That is the best mix I could ask for."

I raised my wand and shot ropes at Potter, binding him to his chair. Instead of my desired reaction, he grinned at me. "Kinky."

I raised my wand again to shoot a hex at him when someone spike behind me. "Miss Evans! What do you think you're doing?" I spun around quickly to face McGonagall, hiding my wand behind my back. "I will not have my students dueling in the common room!"

"To be fair, Professor, we're not dueling," Potter said from behind me. "Evans was simply attacking me while I remained helplessly tied to a chair."

I dropped my jaw and turned to face him. Is he serious?

"Well, Miss Evans, unfortunately your student record is no longer clean. You will attend detention Wednesday night with Professor Slughorn in the dungeons. Fighting is unacceptable. And Mr Potter, you will join Miss Evans. Mr Elwood revealed to me that you were behind this little 'practical joke' played on him earlier."

Potter remained quiet. I, on the other hand, was trying to avoid a mental breakdown. I can't believe I got a detention!

"Oh, and one last thing before I go," McGonagall said, standing up and smoothing her robes down. "The two of you are to attend sessions with the counseller I've hired. They will be every Tuesday evening at seven o'clock sharp for the next month. Perhaps you will learn to be civil with each other."

Perhaps we won't. Perhaps Potter will accidentally fall in front of the Knight Bus. Perhaps I will trip and the only thing I can use to break my fall will be Potter's neck. Perhaps Potter will be eaten by a hungry, hungry hippogriff and we will all live happily ever after.

Yeah, not likely.

"Looks like it's just you and me, Evans!" Potter said cheerfully, throwing his arm around my shoulders. I shrugged him off violently before stomping up the stairs, arms folded and not looking back.

The quicker I go to sleep, the quicker tomorrow will come and then the quicker this stupid counseling session will be over. What does McGonagall even mean?

I swear to Merlin I do not have anger management issues.










Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (that is JKR), I do not own Pixy Stix (that is Sunline). I only own Livia Lesser and Jack Elwood.

I hope you liked it! Reviews are much appreciated



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