Chapter 8 : Killing me
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Draco's POV (point of view)
(Listen to the songs, cause they help create the mood)
History of magic has to be the most pointless class ever. The only good part is you get to either sleep or think. Both of those can lead to dangerous ideas, I'm well too familiar of how the imagination can get you in to trouble. I was taught not to use it anymore, the last time I used it was the last time I saw my father smile. Secretly I use it just to pass the time but I'm always sure to make sure not to dream too big in case someone is listening in to my thoughts.
I had finally sat down beside Blaise, with yet another hour of not even trying to pretend to listen to the ghost ramble on about another magical war that really had no point. I didn't even take out my notes because I really didn't care for passing this class. We purposefully choose the back of the class so we could talk freely. The students in the other houses might have attempted to listen to Professor Binns but with us talking it made the task that much harder. They probably would have told us off if they weren't so scared of us.
"You're so jealous man." I looked to Blaise unsure of what he just said. I have never been jealous in my life everything I've wanted, I didn't even have to lift a finger to get it.
"About what?" I snapped at him.
"You're jealous that you can't have Tatiana, because you're stuck with Pansy. And you can't blow her off unless you feel like telling your parents that you dumped Parkinson for some girl with no known pureblood lineage." He kept his voice at a whisper. At least he was a good enough of a friend not to yell that out loud. He was the only one who actually knew the truth and I wanted to keep it that way. He even knew about my arm, but I'm keeping him in the dark; for the most part, about my mission.
"I'm not jealous, why would you accuse me of something like that?" I hissed at him, barely keeping it to a whisper.
"Fine, whatever you say. So if you're not jealous and because I'm single I think I'll ask her out." I felt like I wanted to punch him in the face and make him take back what he just said. I've never had this sensation and had no idea what was happening to me. It wasn't rage or anger it was… it was… was it jealousy? I saw in his eyes that he knew he won. He was a much better friend than Crabbe and Goyle. They were just two blocks of stone with feet and no brain. Well they might have had a brain, but it was only ever used to tell them when their stomachs were empty. Blaise could practically read my mind. Maybe he can, and that's why he's so good at reading people and not just me, his best friend since first year.
The smirk on his face also confirmed my question, I was jealous. I thought back to the first time I met Tatiana. Well actually to when she held me hostage for hours, leaving me alone with my thoughts. It made it very dangerous especially because I might have found a new reason to fantasize. I didn't mind her hold my wrist. It was like she was holding on to me like I was saving her from drowning. Her long dark brown hair was tater and messed up but it couldn't have looked any better if she actually tried. I couldn't restrain myself from brushing away the strands that hid her mesmerizing face. I had no idea why I was so captivated by this girl I'd never seen before. Maybe it was the idea of saving the damsel in distress but I seriously doubted it. Even if she was only holding on to my arm if felt like she managed to reach in even deeper. And maybe even began to thaw out what once was frozen.
I wiped away the tears that stained her face. I heard the little kid inside of me; the one that had long been forgotten screamed inside my head and asked why this angel was crying. I wanted to see those sparkling green eyes again, but this time I wanted to see them not in pain, but smiling. I wondered what would have happened if she grabbed onto my left arm instead. Would the dark mark burn more than usual just like would happen if someone else would or would it feel like it was being cooled off.
When she woke up screaming I had to calm her down because it bothered me to see her like this. Once I reassured her of her safety, I finally was able to get a good look in her eyes. They were beautiful. They seemed to change colour, never really staying fixed on one of colour green, but rather many shades all at once. I felt something hollow out once she finally let me have circulation back in my arm.
I had drifted off into a daydream and hadn't even realized that I was in a different class. Blaise must have led me all the way to divination. I looked to him. He pretended to listen to the old bag, but I could see the smile on his face. He knew what I was thinking about. How I became friends with this guy I don't remember. Oh right he seemed to be the only other person in Slytherin with a brain. Well I don't really care if I fail this class either so I got lost in my thoughts again. Unsafe territory, I know.
I began comparing Tatiana to Pansy. I didn't want to be with her but my father insisted that I should be matched with another wealthy pureblood. Mother only didn't disagree to this temporary arrangement because there were no other suitors. Pansy is short, pug faced that mirrors her bitch attitude and has no sense for anything but looks, which she lacks. Everything is always superficial to her. She doesn't have any smarts behind that thick skull of hers and has clung to me for the last few years.
All that time in the hospital wing gave me the chance to really look at Tatiana without being caught for being rude. And when she had smiled, it had just lit up the room. It was perfect. At supper her laughter was so contagious even if it was about me. I couldn't be mad at her, Blaise was a different story. When she laughed it was like she was chipping away at something frozen inside. I still have to figure it out what though.
Ugh, why do I have to feel this way? She seems to have anchored me to her. Why does the one thing I want have to be the one thing I can't have? Like the cliché; so close but still so far. On the other hand, I got my wish this morning. When she buried her face on my chest, it gave me the chance to feel her hair. For some odd reason I just had to make sure that it wasn't fake extensions to make her hair longer. I secretly I wound my fingers in her hair feeling the silky strands, hoping one day I would…
This time Blaise woke me up from my thoughts, so he wouldn't have to carry me to Transfiguration. He kept looking at me throughout the entire class to make sure I was awake. The worst part was that he didn't say anything about it. All he did was look at me and smile as if he was laughing at my thoughts. I'm going to have to get back at him, maybe Tatiana would help. She was just like Blaise only way prettier, their brains probably worked on the same wave length. This would make it easier for them to come up with schemes; and its worse when they don't plan it ahead of time. She has the same sense of humour that Blaise; he's going to have his work cut out for him if he wants to stay at the top. Able to joke at everything and able to think that fast on her feet, it made me want to hear what she'll say next. It caught me by surprise when she was able to be so light hearted even if her heart was so burdened. Shit, I'm going to have to come up with a way of blocking her so I'll be able to concentrate in class or I'll be screwed. I paid extra attention in this class, in fear for getting into trouble from McGonagall. I would have to leave dreaming to when I was asleep in my bed.
At supper she was nowhere to be found. I was kind of disappointed not to see her. Maybe she ate early and went back to the common room. A bunch of other thoughts; mostly worst case scenarios, zoomed into my head but I pushed them away. I ate my food quickly. I quickly got up, leaving Blaise alone for the remainder of the meal.
Finally done the classes for the day I headed back to the common room. I forgot to arrange a time and place to meet up with Tatiana, so I hoped she didn't get lost again. There were no known maps that could tell people where they were, so it would've made it easier to find her. I scanned around the common room looking to see if she was there.
I heard a scream. I nearly fell to the floor from shock. My legs felt like they couldn't support me for that second. I had to grad onto one of the tables for support. The breath was taken away from me and I was left gasping for air. I've heard this scream before. It was Tatiana.
I ran to where I heard the scream coming from. Pushing other Slytherins out of my way, I didn't even take a second glance at those I had pushed down. Being a Prefect had its advantages. I was allowed to go into the girl's dorm; otherwise my rescue attempt would have been in vain. I would've ran straight into the magical shield, the one preventing boys from sneaking into the girl's dorms. I burst into her room not bothering to knock; it would be pointless if it was an emergency.
Once I got to her I expected the worst. She turned around with a stunned look on her face. She didn't look in pain, and the only thing I noticed that was different was the hoodie. Unless she was screaming because a pixie had been hiding in her hoodie and had started to bite her then I had no idea what was wrong. She held up her left arm and pointed to it with her other. I still had no idea what she was hinting to until I saw what was on her hand. A little… well I have no idea what I was. As soon as I noticed it she broke into a huge smile. It was like she had seen the sun for the first time. She was almost vibrating with happiness. She bounced towards me.
"I HAVE MY IPOD!" I looked incredulously at her.
"What is an iPod?" She gaped at me like I just rearranged her whole universe.
"You have so much to learn." She was shaking her head at me. She still hadn't explained what the hell an iPod was. I watched as she skipped over to her bed and sit down cross legged; very unladylike with a skirt that short. She motioned for me to join her. I kind of hesitated but my feet had a mind of their own and before I knew it I was sitting on the edge of her bed; a respectable distance away of course.
She came up on her knees and put both of her hands on either sides of my face. I instinctively pulled back.
"It won't kill you." She had a playful temptress hint to her voice, and her devilish smile made her impossible to refuse. She placed two things in my ears. "So now you have the head phones in your ears. That's where the music comes out. This button with the arrow and these two vertical lines is how the music starts or stops." She pointed to a small icon at the bottom of a small white circle. She had it rather close to my face as if she was explaining to a little kid. I pushed her hand away so I could have a bit of room to breathe. As soon as I touched her hand, loud screaming filled my ears; possibly breaking my eardrums. I managed to pull the headphones out but not after falling off her bed and landing on my back. I lay on the ground, winded. I saw Tatiana's head appear from the side of the bed looking down at me with her chin resting on her folded arms.
"On second thought, I lied. It most likely won't kill you." She said with a smile. There was still a ringing in my ears as I got up. This time I made sure to sit more on the bed. I folded my arms and huffed, putting on a mock pout. Her smile grew into a sparkling laugh. I started to laugh when she hit her head on the headboard. This time she handed me the head phones with one hand; the other was massaging the bump on the back of her head, to put in myself. Unsure that I wanted to have a repeat I cautiously put them back in. She continued her explanation.
"So if you need to turn the volume down you have to trace a circle counter clockwise and vice versa to turn it up." I saw her turn the volume from max to almost silent.
"I think I'll choose a different song than Fever, for you to listen to." She quickly scrolled through, what appeared to be a huge list of songs and finally decided on one.
"This one is a bit… softer on the ears. And one of my personal favourites: Trip by Hedley."
"Why would someone want to write a song about tripping?"
"I'll give you a hint, don't think too literally about the lyrics it's just a subliminal message the author wanted to put across. If it touches you then cool."
I felt my eyes misting at the end of this song, but I quickly blinked them away hoping Tatiana didn't see them. How did she know, if at all, to pick the one song that was the story of my life. Somehow she managed to rip me open, tear me into shreds and then sew me back up the way I used to be, all in a matter of days. It's true she is killing me.
She took out one of the headphones and placed it in her own ear. I had to move closer to her because the headphones didn't reach that far. We listened for hours to many different kinds of music. She even let me have control for a while after she had taught me more on how to use it. We eventually ended up on our backs looking at the lake through the window of her ceiling.
I felt pressure on my arm. I turned to see that she had fallen asleep. Her face looked so peaceful that I was tempted to stay and watch her sleep. A new song started playing. I looked down at the title: Here in your arms by Hellogoodbye,
I pulled the headphones gently out of our ears. Why do songs feel like their message is all about me? Even some of them are my deepest wishes, yet I'm not even supposed to dream about them. I wished I could stay all night but there would be so many people asking about what I did, so I decided to leave and save the drama for someone else. I carefully got off her bed.
I went around to her side and took of her shoes. She'll thank me in the morning for this, well I hope she will. Sleeping with your shoes on hurts like hell. I noticed again that she didn't wear the mandatory shoes. What a rebel, I thought sarcastically in my head. I pulled the covers over her and lit the fire. I took one last look at the angel sleeping in her bed. I don't want to put her in any danger, she's the light in my dark night but if I let her in, who knows what will happen. If she figured out who I really am; what I am a part of, she would never forgive me. For her own safety I would have to keep her at a distance, until I was no longer a threat to her. And maybe one day… one day…
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