Being a banshee does not make for an easy life, let me tell you. All you can do is scream and screech and shriek and squawk and shout and squeal and all anyone else does is stare at you in anger or run away in fear. And I’m like, I can’t help it, OKAY? It’s not my fault that I yell a lot and have a bitch face. People don’t need to be so judgmental of me or my kind. We’re humans, too, okay?
Okay, well, we aren’t technically humans. But we have rights, so screw you and the horse you rode in on, buddy. I don’t let nobody tell me what to do. Insert z-snap here. Yeah, I went there. Come at me.
Anyway, being a banshee pretty much blows. You’re basically destined to a life of woe and rejection and people hating you in general. That’s why I hate people (like you, for example) so much. Because you hate me and karma is a bitch, so suck it.
So that’s why I’ve decided to go to the cinema. I’ve realized films are the perfect way for me to experience human interaction without having to actually interact with humans. I can just watch you people on a screen! It’s brilliant because then I don’t have to pretend to like you or listen to your stories and opinions, which are usually boring and inconsequential to everything I care about. No offence or anything, you’re just all really stupid and close-minded.
A lot of people are staring at me as I make my way to the cinema. Whatever. I don’t need your approval. I have tons of friends. They’re just not here right now, so shut up, they definitely exist. And they’re banshees. Not humans. Because humans are gross and ugly and dumb.
I’m at the cinema now! There is excitement in my bones! And I am expressing it by yelling in joy!
I seem to have scared off some other patrons. Oh well. The boy behind the ticket counter seems a little terrified as well and is unable to understand my communication of which film I want to see. I point to it instead and he hands me my ticket quickly.
Entering the theater, I take a seat smack dab in the middle and spread my hair out on the seats around me so no humans will sit next to me, which would be a very tragic occurrence indeed and I fully intend on shrieking at anyone who dares come close.
Alas, someone is daring to sit in the same row as me!
“WEEEOOOOEEEOOO!” I scream at the little girl. She leaves quickly. My triumph is golden.
The film begins shortly. It is evidently a love story. The main character is a simpering woman with bad hair who falls for a bad boy with a stupid face. I find it rather annoying and yell whenever I disapprove of a scene.
“SKRAAAAW!” I shout as the lovers kiss on screen. How annoying and utterly stupid!
Midway through the movie, one of the employees of the cinema comes up to me.
“You’re disturbing the other patrons, miss,” he says to me in a quiet voice.
“HAAAAWAAAEEEEE!” I reply daintily.
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave the theater.”
“GAAAAARGENSNAAAAAAAF!” I shout bitterly before storming out of the theater and into the cold, unwelcoming streets of London.
Going to the cinema was a bad idea. None of you humans are worth my time.
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