Pain consumed him. Grief was all he knew. How could he have been so foolish? To think that his desperate pleas would have made the slightest difference? Why had he been enticed by the things that the Dark Lord had promised? Power? Infamy? None of that mattered now.
He wanted to disappear so that he could rid himself of the evil he had been flattered by. But he had done a deal with the Devil; had been branded with the mark. His life was not his own, it never would be. Grief had manifested itself deep in his heart, even if he did escape the Dark Lord’s clutches he would have to live with what he had done forever. Lily was dead and it was because of him.
He had tried to ensure she would be safe. He hadn’t cared for the other two; all he wanted was for Lily to live. A world without her gentle green eyes seemed unbearable. He knew it was selfish; to want to spare only her, but Lily was the only pure thing he held in his heart and if she were gone then darkness would consume him.
The events that led up to her death tortured him. The image of himself running to the Dark Lord, telling him what he had overheard, sickened him. He had been so eager to gain stature in his master’s eyes. He had craved acceptance. He had got it but at a price.
Only one person had been there for him. Giving him the words he needed to hear, making him see that although he could never undo Lily’s death he could try and be a man worthy of her memory. This great wizard was offering him a way to repent for his sins.
But could he do it? Could he really face her son, their son every day and not let what had happened at his doing crush him? He didn’t look like Lily. He looked like him, and that would make it more difficult. To protect the outcome of their love, a love he would never feel. He did not know if he had the strength.
He had all but convinced himself to flee and hide for and eternity when through the haze of grief he heard ‘The boy has Lily’s eyes’. His heart burned as he remembered those eyes. Eyes that had once looked upon him with friendship and acceptance. And through all of the pain and shame he knew that if he did not take this offer, if he did not swear to protect this boy then he would never be able to live.
He had already lost Lily and now he was in danger of losing himself. If he did not vow to do this then grief would over power him and he would become a shell, hollow for the loss of his love. And so he promised to do everything in his power to protect the boy.
“For Lily” he said. “Always.”