Chapter 4 : Operation: M.O.I.D.I.C.
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Rule #2: A disguise is a disguise. Whether it was accidental or only for testing. Whatever you do, you do not reveal your identity when you're in one.
Warning: There's like... a lot of bad words in this chapter... If you like... get uncomfortable with bad words... Well, this story isn't for you to read then.
"Thanks, Twinkle. The eclairs were delicious! Make sure to have those again when I stop by next time, eh? Ah, I'm just yanking your wand."
The house-elves tried offering me more food to taste but I sleeping with a full stomach isn't exactly my thing.
So I left the kitchen and made my way to Gryffindor tower. For the first time in days, I managed to pass the school without getting caught! Hah, fuck you, James.
That bloody wanker walked louder than a mountain troll.
He was a prefect magnet, that boy was. Much more McGonagall magnet.
Okay, that sounded gross.
But seriously… Shit, I have got to stop using that pun. Moony was right. Bloody pun wasn't funny anymore.
Okay, I mean really, every night I go exploring with him, we always end up getting caught. We turn to a corner and there's McGonagall with her usual you're-doing-shit-again-now-get-to-my-office-before-I-kick-those-bloody-arses-of-yours look.
I'm not shitting! That's really what I see whenever she stares at us with that face! The overlarge nostrils, the eyes popping out of their sockets, the thin deformed looking mouth that makes me wonder how she snogs with it.
Sorry, I'm a bit of an arse. Notice the vulgar language? Well, that's the result of living with two bloody parents who say the words all the time.
But really, what I'm thinking is all crap! I don't really mean any of it… Maybe just a little bit. But I do respect McGonagall, mind you! But apparently it doesn't 'reflect in my actions towards her' in Moony's words.
Really Moony? I don't appreciate you making me sound like a fucking retard going for a woman five times my age.
I finally reached the Fat Lady but unfortunately for me, she was sleeping.
"Oi! Get the fuck up!" I hissed.
I don't know if it was the tone of my voice that woke her up or my use of strong unpleasant language.
Well, I do know she wasn't happy with me waking her up at one in the morning.
Before I could even move away from the doorway to the inside of the common room, the Fat Lady swung the portrait close hard and quickly, hitting my arse and making me fall on my face.
Cursing the Fat Lady under my breath, I heard a seal.
Get the fuck out of it, Sirius, there's no bloody seal in here.
It sounded like one though. No… She sounded like one. On the Gryffindor couch was a girl about my age, crying her eyes out and making these weird noises that made her sound like a seal. Fuck you, Sirius. Get your act up and stop being a bloody git.
I glanced at the boys staircase. Maybe I could make a run for it.
The girl looked up.
A new set of tears fell from her eyes. What the hell? What did I do? Bloody hell! She just started to cry even more after seeing me! What was I supposed to do? Should I make a run for it? Oh, Jesus no! What if I give her a stroke?
So the girl continued crying on the couch. And I was just there. Standing awkwardly.
Very, very awkwardly.
I was never an expert in comforting girls! I've had two serious girlfriends! TWO!
Now, now, don't act so surprised. I didn't treat girls like they were just snogging buddies! Christ, no. I am not that much of an arse. So I took a step forward.
The girl sobbed even more.
Man, I'm not good at this, am I?
She tugged on her jet-black hair that was straight. She twirled it around her finger as though desperate to make it curly. One hand wiped her tears coming from a pair of dark forest green eyes behind a pair of rectangular glasses.
"Er, so are you fine?" I asked awkwardly.
She shot me a look that made me regret what I just said. Of course, she's not fucking fine you dimwit.
"Well, you're not fine, obviously," I said with a weak chuckle.
I slowly sat on the couch beside her and tried to give her a reassuring smile.
Let's just say I gave her a nervous holy-mother-of-Dumbledore-I've-no-idea-what-I'm-doing smile.
"So what's up?" I asked in the kindest way possible.
The girl stared at me with wide eyes as though wondering why I even asked her in the first place.
"I-It's nothing, don't worry," she said so quietly that I almost didn't hear her at first.
I narrowed my eyes at her. I didn't recognize her. Straight black hair. Very common. She didn't look very tall. Her body structure looked new to me. Not like I knew the body structure of any woman I see. I don't! Really!
Fine, only the attractive ones though.
This girl didn't look bad. What really looked interesting about her were her eyes. Dark forest green. They were very pretty.
"You know, I don't recognize you," I said. "You're obviously a Gryffindor. How come I don't?"
"I don't know," she said looking uneasy. "Look, thanks for staying here and all but I better go up to bed."
"I might be able to help you, you know," I blurted out.
What the hell was I thinking? Cant I just let her go up and I can go up to my own dorm and sleep?
And worst of all, the girl looked like she was considering this. Then she narrowed her eyes at me looking suspicious.
"Hey, I'm just trying to help!" I exclaimed, my hands up in surrender. "It's not like I'm going to rape you or anything."
It was silent for a while. The girl stared at the crackling fire, her eyebrows furrowed. She had stopped crying at least. Her hand shot up to her glasses but then a surprised frown appeared on her face when she touched them as though she didn't know they were there.
She took them off and set them on the table.
"How are you supposed to see without those?" I asked.
"They're not-" she started then her eyes widened at me.
Quickly taking her glasses of the coffee table, she put them back on.
"Sorry, I wasn't thinking," she mumbled.
"Right," I said raising my eyebrows in suspicion. "Well, do I get a name then?"
"Well, you're nice," I muttered.
The girl sighed. "I don't think you'll be able to help."
"Try me," I said with a snort.
She stared at me with weird look on her face like she was thinking whether to trust me or to leave me in the dust. I didn't know why she didn't just tell me already. Come on, I'm a Gryffindor! Of course, I'm trustworthy! It's part of the requirements!
"It's just my dad," she finally gave in with a sigh.
My ears perked up. "You're dad?" I immediately said. "What'd he do?"
"I- I don't want to talk about it."
"Hey, I might be able to help you with this situation you know," I said a matter of factly. "I've got quite a bit of a problem with my sadistic parents as well."
"Sadistic?" the girl laughed.
"Got it from Moony," I said with a shrug. "I think he called me that once before… Or was he talking to James?"
She stared at the fire again. I waited for her to speak.
"He's rejoined his fellow Death Eater buddies," she said simply.
Ah, shit. The girl's dad was a Death Eater. Poor lass. But nothing I cant relate to.
"Just because your father's a Death Eater, doesn't mean you're one too you know," I said leaning back on the cushion.
"I'm related to him," she said, a flash of anger appeared in her eyes. "It makes me just as bad."
"Don't be stupid," I snapped at her. "Have you even heard of my family? They're shit! I mean, fuckin' hell, how can they be related to me? They're like the opposite of being super mega great so therefore, they're the opposite of me."
I gave her a charming grin but she just rolled her eyes.
"You cant say I'm not," I said with a chuckle. "I mean, look at me. I'm fucking brilliant. Voldemort should bask in my brilliance."
The girl shook her head with a small smile on her face. HAH! Well, I'm not so bad at this after all.
"You've got a big mouth," she pointed out.
I grinned and lock my hands behind my head. "Well, it's not my fault I only speak the truth."
She snorted. "I wasn't talking about that."
"Oh, you mean the cursing?" I smirked. "Sorry, bit of a habit now. After living with my parents and cousins for years, I've sort of picked up on their annoying habit of cursing. Think James' picking up on my habit now. I really don't want him to. If Mr. and Mrs. Potter find out he gets his words from me, I would be going home for Christmas."
"You'd really go home to the parents you hate oh, so much?" she said with a big smile.
He snorted. "Fuck no."
Silence took over and the girl looked much happier since I saw her crying. I felt proud of myself. I cheered her up. And she didn't even try to snog me once! I've never really cheered up a girl before. As much as possible, I stay away from crying girls. I take one step towards them and next thing I know, I'm being snogged by a completely random girl.
As if me snogging them will take away all their problems.
"So, still no name?" I asked with a charming grin.
"No, sorry," she said with a shrug.
"Why not? Come on, you know I'l figure out sooner or later."
"You know, I don't think you will."
"Rubbish," I scoffed.
"Suit yourself," she said with a small smile. "I'm off to bed anyway."
I frowned. "Oh, come on, don't leave yet!" I said. "You're obviously still down' bout the whole dad-rejoining-useless-gits-as-such. Or what I would like to call, Situation D.R.U.G.S."
Her head snapped up. "What the- You bloody well know I wouldn't want this situation called drugs!" she hissed.
"It's not drugs, you idiot," I said with a roll of my eyes. "It's Situation: D.R.U.G.S. Well… I guess we could call it drugs for short."
"Oh, God no!"
I ignored her.
"So, Grannie," I started.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA!" she exclaimed making me stop. "Since when did we agree that my bloody name was Granny?"
"It stands for girl-who-really-answers-not-nicely-instead-of-elegantly," I explained.
Smart, isn't it?
"There's no 'y'."
"Well, obviously because it's spelled as G-R-A-N-N-I-E," I said rolling my eyes at her again.
"Elegantly? Really? Oh, and it's bad grammar! And it's supposed to be spelled as G-W-R-A-N-N-I-O-E."
"Couldn't think of any other 'e'…. Geweranyow?" I tried pronouncing. "No, doesn't sound right… I'll stick with Grannie, thanks."
"So, Grannie," I said once again. "how are you feeling about your drugs?"
"OKAY," she exclaimed standing up.
"Well, if situation drugs is fine you didn't have to shout it out."
"NO! I meant okay, stop!" she said desperately. "I swear I'm going to get nightmares of my grandmother doing drugs tonight!"
"That wouldn't be new to me since she already does it."
She gave me a scandalized look.
"I was kidding!"
She started to hit me with the throw pillow on the couch.
"Ow, Ow! Okay, Gran, all right!"
She put the pillow down, scowling as I tried to fix my hair. Bloody lunatic. Took me so long for this to be perfect!
"Jeez, woman," I muttered. "Knickers in a twist, are they?"
That got me another hit on the head. By her hand this time.
Maybe I should shut up now.
"So you definitely all right then?" I asked glaring at her.
"I guess I'll get over it soon," she said with a sigh as I sat down on the couch again.
"That's the spirit!" I said happily. "Look, forget about that nutter. Not much of bloody loss if you ask me. If the lunatic's crazy enough to leave his daughter, then he's not worth your tears."
She chuckled. "Thanks, Sirius."
My eyebrows shot up. "You know me?"
"Of course I do," she said. "Everyone does. Guys want to be you and girls stalk you."
For some reason, a glint appeared in her eyes when she said that last bit. A small smile tugged on her lips as though trying not to laugh out loud.
"Well," I said flipping my hair. "I cant say girls here don't have taste."
Then she stood up. "I'm off to bed."
"I'll see you around?" I asked with a grin.
And she ran up the girls' staircase. I waited for her to appear in the balcony but for some very odd reason, she never did.
"Fuck, I'm seeing ghosts." I muttered.
"WE HAVE TRYOUTS YOU BLOODY IDIOT!"
And I was pulled away from the delicious eggs and bacon on my plate by my Quidditch obsessed-uncontrolable-eccentric-and-energetic-roommate or James who I would like to call Q.U.E.E.R.
"You idiot! How can you forget?" he hissed as he pulled me to the Quidditch pitch.
"I'm not the Q.U.E.E.R. here!"
"What the fuck!" he exclaimed. "I'm not a bloody queer!"
"Don't be stupid. Of course you are! That's based on you!"
"No, it's not!"
"What in the world is going on here?"
I just realized James and I had stopped running to the pitch (or in my case, being dragged). We had started to shout in the middle of the hallway where Lily Evans was currently walking in.
"He called me a queer!" James shouted pointing his finger at me.
"Oh, how I wish you were," Evans muttered darkly.
"Yeah?" he snapped." Well, too bad, I'm not!"
"Yeah, you are!" I insisted.
"Sirius, shut the bloody hell up!"
"It's means Quidditch obsessed-uncontrolable-eccentric-and-energetic-roommate!" I exclaimed. "What did you think it meant?"
James blinked at me in shock. Then he shook his head and glared at Evans.
"Well, if you'll excuse us, we have a Quidditch tryout to go to," he snapped and dragged me out of the hallway.
When we finally reached the pitch and entered the Gryffindor locker room, our captain, Justin Goldstein, stared irritatedly at us.
"Finally! James, I would have expected you to be early for this," he said.
James muttered an apology and walked to his locker to change into his Gryffindor Quidditch robes. I walked to my own locker to pull out my own robes and gear. I could hear Goldstein talking to the others. Checking my watch, I realized it was nearly time to go out.
I looked out the window to see how many were trying out then I saw a flash of black. Shaking my head furiously, I closed my locker door. About half of the people trying out had black hair. I remembered the girl crying last night. I had nicknamed her 'Grannie'. And if I wasn't addressing her as 'the girl crying last night' in my head, I was calling her Grannie.
And I didn't even know if she was real or not.
I have never seen the girl in my life. And there was only one new students this year. Was she in my year? I forgot. What was her name? I also forgot. Merlin, I was a great person, wasn't I?
And we were even planning on pranking the girl.
We're planning on pranking her and I didn't even know her name. Bloody hell, we are such nice people.
But in my defense, James never addressed the new girl by her name. It was always 'that unnoticeable blonde'. Or the girl who I liked to call, T.U.B.
If you didn't notice it yet by now, I do like making acronyms.
"Black! Get your arse out here now! You're already late," Goldstein snapped.
Rolling my eyes, I walked back to the meeting room where James was already seated in one of the benches. But before I could join him, I heard a flash and I quickly turned around. No one was there. No one directly outside the window either. I closed my eyes and shook my head. Fucking hallucinations. I sat beside James as Goldstein started to announce what they were going to do for the tryouts.
"Hey, you know T.U.B.?" I whispered to James.
"Tub?" James whispered back giving me a weird look.
"I mean, that unnoticeable blonde," I said irritatedly.
I could feel him stiffen beside me. Hm.. Wonder why.
"What about her? We're still going for Operation: M.O.I.D.I.C. aren't we?" he asked narrowing his eyes at me.
I snorted. That name never gets old.
"You thought of that name you little green-minded bastard," James hissed.
"Yeah, yeah, we're still going for it, don't worry," I said trying not to laugh.
"Black! Potter! Shut up and got you arses off that bench!"
"Next year, you're getting captain, we clear?" I whispered to James as we left the locker room.
"New Chaser is Marlene McKinnon," Justin announced. "Sorry, folks. That's it. maybe next year you'll get in the team."
Disgruntled Gryffindors walked back in the castle muttering angrily to themselves. Goldstein welcomed Marlene McKinnon, an innocent-looking brunette, in the Gryffindor team and ordered us all to introduce ourselves.
"Goldstein, this really isn't neces-"
"I'm the only one in this team who can say what is and what isn't necessary, Potter. Now, introduce yourself."
James glared at him and turned to McKinnon. "James Potter, chaser," he mumbled.
"Do it properly and say it louder, Potter," Goldstein snapped.
James flipped his middle finger up at Goldstein and said a string of curses.
And that is why James shouldn't do that to the captain.
He didn't even have to ask how many! That's how much this happens.
"That was James Potter and he's our star Chaser," Goldstein explained to McKinnon. "Bloody good Chaser, that James Potter. But he's got a big mouth too. Speaking of big mouths, Black, introduce yourself."
I took a step forward and gave McKinnon a charming grin.
"Sirius Black, Beater and pranking extraordinaire. If you have questions, feel free to approach me."
She scoffed as though that would never happened.
"I'm Denise Smith," my blonde teammate introduced herself. "Chaser and fifth year."
"Benjy Fenwick," our Seaker said holding his hand out which McKinnon gladly took. "Seeker and seventh year."
Then there was an awkward silence. The only thing we could hear was James' grunting as he finished his laps around the pitch. I couldn't help but feel that there was something missing. Then I realized, we had no Keeper.
"Where's Longbottom?" I blurted out.
"Oh, right, Frank!" he said realization seen across his face. "I knew there was someone missing. Right, he told me he couldn't come because he's got detention for being late in McGonagall's class. Apparently, he forgot his schedule and accidentally wandered into third year Herbology."
"Frank Longbottom's our Keeper. He's really good but his memory's not the best. Always forgetting something, he is. He's a sixth year," Denise explained kindly to McKinnon. She must have been pretty thrilled that there was another girl in the team now. She used to be the only one.
"Done," James panted appearing beside me nearly making me jump.
"Now that you know everyone, I'll fill you in with our training schedule," Goldstein said to McKinnon then he turned to all of us. "In fact, everyone should listen. We're having practice four times a week."
And that was the cause of Denise and Benjy screaming in protest, James shrugging nonchalantly and rolling his eyes as though he expected it and me dropping to my knees and screaming "NO!" dramatically.
McKinnon was watching us in amusement and confusion.
"They reacted like this last year when I said we were practicing thrice a week," I heard Goldstein mumble.
"We got used to that!" I said.
"And you're all going to get used to four times a week too."
"I've got O.W.L.s, Justin!" Denise shouted, stomping her foot in frustration.
"And I've got my N.E.W.T.s!" Benjy said in the same tone.
"I've got N.E.W.T.s too, Benj, but that's not stopping me from planning tryouts, practices and strategies," Goldstein snapped.
"That's because you're captain! You have to do that! Or we'll lose!"
"And you're part of this team! You have to attend practices or we really will lose!"
Benjy shut up and glared at the ground. Denise glared at the captain himself but he didn't seem to be affected by this.
"We lost the cup last year to a bunch of slimy Slytherins," Goldstein said. "I am not letting that happen again. They may be bigger than us but dammit, we're better. I've got the star Chaser of Hogwarts in my team. I've got a great partner who's possibly the best Beater in this school. Denise has never failed to work well with James. Benjy is much faster and skillful than any other Seeker in this school. And I found Marlene who's got natural talent and with a bit of training, she'll be just as good as the Slytherin Chasers."
"Like they are good," I snorted.
Goldstein glared at me. "Oh, they're good, Black. Maybe not as good as Potter but they're enough to be able to reach the Quidditch finals. We have to practice and practice and practice. Monday and Thursday, six in the morning to eight."
"MORNING?" came Denise's screech.
"We're lucky we actually got a spot," Goldstein snapped. "That's ours for the whole school year. So is Friday and Saturday. Friday afternoon, four to six. Saturday afternoon, one to three thirty."
"We'll be there," James said with a determined nod.
"We?" I hissed.
Goldstein stared at James weirdly. I figured if there was one person in this team who would actually agree to the training schedule, it wouldn't be James for him. But for me, it would definitely be James.
Q.U.E.E.R. Quidditch obsessed-uncontrolable-eccentric-and-energetic-roommate. Note the 'Quidditch obsessed' part.
"I expect everyone to be here on those days and times," Goldstein continued. "Only miss practices when completely necessary."
And with that, we hit the showers. Denise gladly led McKinnon to the locker room and showed her her new locker.
On Sunday evening, James announced that we were finally doing Operation: M.O.I.D.I.C.
"I've got the bowl and I'll set it where it's supposed to be," James muttered to the three of us as we walked to the Great Hall for dinner.
"Be sure she wont see you," I muttered back.
And before we all entered the Great Hall, James pulled his Invisibility Cloak out and covered himself. Remus, Peter and I walked in and we got the usual sighs and stares. But some were muttering, wondering why James wasn't with us.
We sat in our usual spot on the table and Peter nervously glanced at the entrance a few times.
"Don't make it so obvious," I snapped at him.
He muttered an apology and started piling food on his plate. Remus was too busy reading a book to eat but there was a small smile on his lips and a glint in his eye. People may not think it, but I knew there was a mischievous prankster inside Remus. He was the mastermind of all our pranks. James and I thought of them and he would tell us what to do so it would succeed. Peter was the lookout.
But he did give good ideas sometimes.
Once or twice.
Or maybe just once.
I glanced at T.U.B. who was sitting with her redhead friend. They were whispering to each other then, a bowl appeared out of nowhere beside T.U.B. I thought I caught a glimpse of a floating hand.
Must be James.
Speaking of the devil, he had appeared in the doorway and strode towards us with a smirk on his face. He sat beside Remus and grinned mischievously at us. Without another word, we started to eat, waiting.
I bit my chicken and glanced at T.U.B. She had spotted the bowl James had set beside her plate.
I caught James smirking in triumph. Operation: M.O.I.D.I.C. was going well.
Perhaps I should explain to you why it's called that.
M.O.I.D.I.C. = Mayonnaise or is it delicious ice cream?
Glancing at T.U.B., I saw her a giant spoonful of the thick white paste James had put in it. Putting it in her mouth, the four of us couldn't hold in our laughter anymore.
"Oh my GOD!"
Yep, definitely mayonnaise.
But that's not the best part.
T.U.B. had stood up and tried to spit it on the floor. Only, the spoonful of mayonnaise wouldn't come out of his mouth and she only had one option.
She had swallowed the mayonnaise that filled her mouth.
The four of us were gasping for breath as we laughed. Other students had started to join us.
T.U.B. turned to her redhead friend. A string of grunts escaped her mouth. Laughter erupted in the Great Hall and McGonagall had stood up and tried to silence everyone.
It wasn't working.
More grunts escaped her mouth and she even added hand gestures which made her look even more stupid. Her friend had glared at everyone nearby and pulled T.U.B. out of the Great Hall. We could still hear her grunts and nonsense words.
James had fallen out of his seat, laughing. Remus and Peter were wiping tears from their eyes. I had banging the Gryffindor table with my own tears.
"MARAUDERS!" McGonagall screeched. She walked towards us looking livid.
We immediately shut up.
"What is the meaning of this?" she hissed when she reached us.
The whole hall fell silent as they stared.
"We didn't do anything, Professor," James said pulling an innocent face.
Remus, Peter and I tried to hold in our laughter.
"In-Innocent until proven guilty," Remus managed to choke out.
McGonagall looked even more mad if that was even possible.
"As much as we would love to stay here and chat, Minnie, our beds in Gryffindor tower are calling us," James sent her a wink and strode off to the exit.
The three of us followed him, holding our laughter until the Great Hall was out of sight. We laughed as we reached the tower and the Fat Lady, curiously staring at us, let us in after Remus choked out the password.
We laughed as we entered. Then I heard a seal.
I quickly stopped laughing and turned to see the couch in front of the fireplace.
No one was there.
Then I caught a glimpse of the end of someones robes on the bottom of the staircase. I stared at the balcony but no girl had appeared to be walking up. I noticed James, Remus and Peter had already started walking up the boys' staircase.
Shaking my head to clear all my thoughts of Grannie, I followed them up.
Not even Quidditch and pranks can make Sirius forget about the awkward black-haired girl he had met crying. Who was she? Was she a new Hogwarts ghost? Maybe she was a poltergeist. Maybe she was Peeves' girlfriend. But little did Sirius know it would take him a very long time to find out her true identity.
"She's one student who has no idea what we're capable of." -James Potter, Live To Die, Chapter One, To Face The Truth
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