I don't understand how my life became so fucking messed up. I was forced to break up with the girl I'm deeply in love with and now I was in a relationship that I didn't even want to be in. To top that off, Jo was now with Weasley.
I wish things didn't have to be like this, but I could never live with myself if Jo was shunned because I had decided to pursue a relationship with her behind Pansy's back. I don't regret being with Jo at all though. It was worth it even though I only had two months with her. Those were the best two months of my entire life.
I wonder how long I'll be forced to live my life without having Jo be mine. Probably until after we leave Hogwarts, after that who will care that we snuck behind Pansy's back? No one. But by then, Jo might move on, and I'd just be 'that one guy she used to date'.
I don't want to be that guy. I want to be that guy that she marries. I meant it when I said forever. I would never be in love with anyone else. But Jo doesn't believe me at all. She thinks my love for her is a lie, but it's the most truthful thing about me.
And I can't tell her that Pansy forced me to break up with her, because that wouldn't help anything. I already destroyed the girl she was, I can't destroy her life too.
I glared as I watched Weasley touch Jo's face softly, and then bring her in for a kiss. What I hate more than him kissing her, is her kissing him back, and actually seeming to enjoy it. I already hate seeing her with other guys, but I absoluetly loathe on every level seeing her with him of all people.
I hate how he makes her smile and laugh and blush and happy. I used to do that. I used to be able to make her smile without saying a single word, I made her laugh with my slight jealousy, I made her blush when I said she was beautiful, and I made her happy every moment we were together. I couldn't haved loved her better if I tried.
Now apparently she has Weasley for all of that. She had replaced me like I was a pair of old trainers or something. Like I was nothing special. Like she never even loved me.
"Glaring at them won't make them stop." Blaise said.
I sighed. "I know, but it makes me feel better." I replied.
"Still can't believe Pansy found out and made you break up with her." He said shaking his head.
I had told Blaise about that night with Pansy. Although he kept saying he couldn't believe it, I got a strange feeling that he could. Like Pansy had done something like this before. But I always shook it off.
"Me either. It was like one moment I was with Jo, and life was like a dream and the next moment, everything turned into a nightmare. Breaking up with her was the hardest thing I ever had to do." I rambled on.
Blaise said nothing, and I didn't realize it was because Pansy was approaching us. I refrained from rolling my eyes. I hated her so much. She was holding me as a prisoner, forcing me to like her, pretending that we loved eachother again. It was torture. I hated her so much I didn't even have sex with her. We slept together only once since we got back 'together'.
Thank Merlin for that too. No matter how much of a guy I am, I don't want to have sex with her.
She grinned when she reached us, and gave me a quick peck on the lips. I resisted the urge to wipe my lips with my hand. "What are you guys doing?" She asked.
"Watching Jolina and Weasley angrily." Blaise answered. He's such an idiot sometimes, I swear.
Pansy looked over in their direction. "I think they look cute together." She said as Jo laughed at something Weasley whispered in her ear.
"I don't." Blaise and I said in unison. I wondered why it bothered Blaise so much that Jo was with Weasley. I had noticed he glared an awful lot too.
"Well, that doesn't surprise me." Pansy said. There was something about her tone that suggested that she knew something we didn't.
Blaise just stared at her as she continued. "But you guys should be happy for Jolina. She's been through a lot of guys and apparently Ron is the one. I'm glad she's happy."
Blaise scoffed and stalked away. "What's wrong with him?" I asked.
Pansy shrugged. "He must really not like them together." She said.
"I can't say I don't feel the same way." I said.
She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Don't tell me you still want Jolina." She said.
"I never said that."
"Well, you're sure as hell acting like it." She growled.
I said nothing. "Look, clearly she's over you. She's with Weasley like she's supposed to be. Don't screw up her happiness." Pansy said.
"What do you know about her happiness? He doesn't make her happy, I do. I was what made her happy every day, not him!" I protested angrily.
She laughed. "Oh, Draco, you're so clueless!" She said. "I can't believe you still haven't figured it out."
"Figured what out?" I asked in frustration.
"That Jolina was seeing Ron while you were sneaking around." Pansy said.
I just stared at her. "You're a liar." I said. "Jo only wanted me, we were in love. She wasn't seeing Weasley too." I said, though I did have some doubt.
"Think about it Draco. The night I found out about you two, Jolina said she was going to meet someone, but she wouldn't tell you who. It was Ron."
I paused thinking it over. I remember how she laughed when I asked if she had some other boyfriend. Had it been a nervous laugh? No, she wasn't cheating.
She was so upset when I broke up with her. You can't fake that kind of thing...can you?
How was it possible that I loved being with Ron so much after my heart got broken? It seems impossible to feel this way, so why do I feel it? Why do I miss him when I'm not with him? Why do I get that shock when he intertwines his fingers with mine? Why do I become breathless when he kisses me?
I don't know. Could it be I was suddenly really falling for him? Did all this pretending suddenly become real? I think so. How else can I explain why we're holding hands and kissing right now, even though no one is around?
"Ron?" I asked.
"Yeah?" He asked.
"I think we should go to the Room of Requirement and talk about some things." I said.
"I was thinking the exact same thing." He grinned, as he kissed me. He wrapped his arms around me and picked me up. Suddenly we heard an "Ahem." From behind us.
We pulled apart, and Ron put me down. Standing there was Draco, who surprisingly didn't look mad, but worried or anxious.
"Jo, I really need to talk to you...alone." He said, giving Ron a glance.
I sighed. I thought about saying no, but he looked a little unbalanced and he looked like he really needed to talk. I turned to Ron.
"Hey, why don't you head over there, I'll meet you okay?" I said.
He nodded and kissed me on the cheek before leaving me and Draco alone.
"Were you seeing Weasley while you and I were together?" He asked.
I looked at him as though he had lost it. "Excuse me?" I asked.
"Were you and Weasley together while you were dating me?" Draco asked.
"No!" I said.
"Are you sure?" He asked.
"Very. Just because you cheat doesn't mean everyone else does. I loved you too much to do that." I said quietly.
He sighed. "I know. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to accuse you of that, it's just...well, Pansy told me you had been seeing Weasley longer than you've been letting on."
I raised my eyebrows. "I have not." I said.
"She told me she saw you together. Said you guys were kissing and hugging." He continued.
I shook my head. "We were friends." I admitted. "We've been friends since way back when we were paired together for prefect duties."
"You were associating with him and you didn't tell me?" Draco asked.
"Well I knew you'd act like this." I said defensively.
He ran his fingers through his hair. "You know what, that doesn't matter anyways."
"And what does?" I asked confused.
"Us." He said, taking my hand. I tried to protest, but he wouldn't let me. "Please, just let me speak. I can't do this anymore. I can't live without you being mine. I know I messed up big time. But please, can I have one more chance? Could we try one more time? I'll be better. No more mistakes." He pleaded.
I wanted to say yes, I really did. But I couldn't. Draco had hurt me in more ways than I had ever imagined being hurt. I didn't think I could handle going through this again. The pain, the disappointment, the betrayal. I couldn't stand feeling all of that again. He said he'd be better, but he said that before and he didn't follow through.
I shook my head, as the tears flooded my eyes temporarily blurred my vision. "I can't give you another chance." I whispered.
"Jo, please. I swear I will never hurt you again. If you give me the chance I'll make myself worthy of you. I'll do anything." He begged.
"What about Pansy?" I asked. "I thought you loved her."
"I thought wrong." He admitted. "It was never her, it was always you. Only you."
"Then why did we have to sneak around?" I sniffled.
"We don't have to anymore." Draco insisted. "I'll tell her. I'll tell everyone. It will be you and me against the world, huh?"
"You should stay with her." I said slowly, after pausing for a moment.
"What? Why?" He asked.
"Because I stole you once, and I'm not doing it again. I'm not making the same mistake twice." I explained, crying.
"All I'm asking for is one more chance. If you give me it I swear this time will be the last time I will ever beg you to come back." His voice trembled slightly, but he looked serious.
"I can't." I choked out.
"Do you not love me anymore?" Draco asked in a hurt voice.
I wish I could have said I didn't. That would make this easier, it wouldn't be causing my heart to break. But the truth was I still loved him, even after everything, even though I felt something for Ron.
"I do." I answered. "I just can't be with you again. I can't trust that you won't hurt me again. And I can't just leave Ron. He was there to pick up the pieces you broke, it wouldn't be fair."
"Fuck being fair!" Draco shouted. "He doesn't love you the way I do, and he never will! He can't make you happy the way I can. He's not in love with you. He can't give you what you want. I can. Don't you see that?"
"Yes. But he'd never hurt me the way you did."
Draco gave a bitter laugh, but said nothing at first. "You have no idea how much I love you." He stated.
He was right, I didn't. Sometimes I didn't even think he loved me at all to be honest. How can you love someone and still hurt them like that?
"Just let this go." I said.
"No, I can never let you go. You mean everything." He whispered.
I touched his face softly. "Draco, if you ever really loved me, you'll let this go. Maybe we'll be together again some time in the future, but not anytime soon."
He hung his head and sighed in defeat. I guess he really had loved me.
"Hey." I said to Ron.
"Hey, what did Malfoy want?" He asked.
"Nothing important." I shrugged. I knew he could see right through me, but he didn't say anything.
"Well, then let's talk about something important then." He said.
"Well I'm starting to feel like our relationship isn't fake anymore." I said. "Like maybe there's really something between us. Something more than friendship. I hope I'm not the only one feeling it." I admitted.
Ron just stared at me for a moment. "You're not." He finally said. "I feel it too. It's like we have this kind of connection through us being hurt, you know?"
"Yeah, that's exactly how I feel." I said.
"Well, then maybe we should stop with this fake relationship and start a real one?"
"Are you asking me to be your real girlfriend?" I asked smiling.
"I am." He smiled back. "Are you saying you'll be my real girlfriend?"
A/N: Hey. So, Jo won't give Draco another chance. That sucks. But Jo and Ron are really together. How will that turn out? And it seems like Blaise is done with all these secrets. In the next chapter, Pansy's secret will be revealed, and it's gonna be crazy! Thanks for reading! :)