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Chapter 5 : Letting it all out.
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“Sounds like a marvellous idea to me. Seems I made a diligent decision when I appointed you both as head students. Your brains work marvellously together. I shall announce your proposal at breakfast. However I do believe it would be wise to make one poster however. Hang it on Mr Filch’s door that way every student can have access and the rules are clearly stated. I’ve heard you can be quite the artist Miss Evans?” He replied, eyes twinkling.
I blushed as I felt James’s quizzical gaze fall over me and nodded silently to the professor. He smiled, nodded, and then turned in the other direction towards the great hall.
“An artist Lily? Never mentioned that. What’s that all about?” James asked as soon as the professor was gone from sight.
“I entered a creativity contest back home and won first place.” I mumbled.
“What’d you do?” He asked intrigued.
“I painted a picture board of my sister and I... before I was discovered a witch. I placed the actual photographs in the bottom hand corner.” I admitted quietly biting back tears. That board had been my attempt at getting my sister’s love back. But it had failed. She smashed the board to pieces as soon as I was announced the winner. Throwing in a few ‘freak’s while she was at it.
“I’m sure it was beautiful.”
The New Year’s ball was fast approaching with only 2 days to go and the whole school was a constant babble of talk about it. I must admit I was excited myself.
I’d had my mother send me an old dress from home. It was a simple elegant dress. Floor length, hunter in colour. No one from Hogwarts had seen it before; it was perfect for the masquerade.
I’d also asked my mother to send my art kit along to Hogwarts too. I felt so sorry for my poor owl. But now at last my mask was complete. It was a classical looking mask, the same colour of my dress with royal blue rims around the eye sockets.
I was definitely proud of my creation.
So happy in fact that I almost ran into Severus on my way to the library.
“Lily! Can’t we talk? I miss you! I’m sorry!” He begged as I came to a standstill in front of him.
“No Severus” I replied bluntly. Stepping past him and continuing on.
I know I must sound harsh but I’d had it with him as of late. The sneaking around with his ‘death eater’ friends, all his talk about the dark arts and well his sulking attitude. The calling me mud blood thing was just another contributing factor. As far as I’m concerned it was just that moment that made me realise he’d over stepped the bond of our friendship a long time ago.
“You alright there Evans?” Sirius asked coming up behind me.
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”
“I saw what just happened with Snivellus” He said quietly.
“I’m fine Sirius really.” I sighed. I suppose I knew deep down that no I wasn’t okay but I wasn’t about to admit it right here and now.
“Either way... Wanna sit with the marauders in the library? We’ll behave I promise. Peter’s been having a little problem with some of the spells we’ve been doing lately and Moony’s having a hard time teaching him. Worth you giving it a shot?” He replied cheerfully changing subject which I was thankful for.
“Sure” I shrugged as we entered the room.
“Oi Wormtail! Evans is going to sit with us grab another chair!” He bellowed at the poor boy making him drop his wand. James and Remus just looked up smiling.
James smile however fell as soon as I took a seat next to him. I watched as he scribbled something on a piece of parchment.
Nothing, why’d you ask?
It’s something. There are tears forming in your eyes. Come on Lils you can tell me.
It’s just Sev okay? I don’t wanna talk about it. Not here anyway.
Later? Or do you wanna go off somewhere now? We can come up with revenge strategies ;)
Do I really look that bad?
You never look bad. I’m just concerned at the fact you look like you could cry me a river at any moment. I’m worried about you.
But how do we get away from the marauders?
I’ll handle it.
“Ah Merlin Lily do you know what we forgot?” James said loudly with a sigh.
“Um... no. What?” I asked confused. What are you playing at James?!
“To finish that letter to Rosmerta to thank her for the table clothes we borrowed for the ball. How slack would we look if we didn’t send it before the ball?”
I had no idea what he was talking about. We’d had the house elves in the kitchen help out with table clothes and decorations that the prefects couldn’t handle. Then I realised this was his on the spot plan of ditching the marauders.
“Oh my god you’re right!” I said in mock shock
“Mind if we ditch you guys for a bit? We shouldn’t be more than an hour or two. Can’t take long to write up a thank you letter right Lily?”
“Go for it Prongs we’re all good here. We’ll come to the heads room if we need you. Plus if a prank does go down at the ball you can claim you weren’t part of the planning process” Sirius said with a wink.
“Sirius!” I warned standing with James to leave.
“Don’t worry Lily I’ll keep him under control... to the best of my ability anyway” Remus chuckled.
The walk from the library to the heads room felt like the longest walk between places within the castle I’d ever experienced. And James was silent the entire way. It wasn’t until we reached the portrait that he spoke to give the portrait our password.
I followed him inside and took a seat on the sofa. It was a rather uncomfortable silence waiting for someone to speak.
“So... What’s happened with Severus?” James began.
“Since when have you called him by his first name?” I asked.
“Since this doesn’t seem like the appropriate time to call him Snivellus or slick git or greasy slim ball or...”
“Okay okay I get the picture” I laughed.
“So come on then what’s bothering you.” He asked genuinely concerned.
“It’ll probably sound stupid so don’t judge me.”
“I’d never dream of it.”
“Okay well... I don’t really know where to start. I and Sev have been... were... friends for what seems as long as I can remember. We met when I was nine. He’s the person who introduced me to magic, showed me how gifted I was. So I suppose he’s also the person that helped cause the rift between my sister and me...”
“Your sister meant a lot to you didn’t she?” He interrupted.
The tears brimmed in my eyes.
“Yes, we used to be so close, until Sev came into the picture. She used to sneer at him for coming from spinners end because it was a poorer part of town. It wasn’t until I got my Hogwarts letter that things became as bad as they are now though. She became jealous, she even wrote a letter to Professor Dumbledore asking if she could attend Hogwarts with me but of course he explained to her that she couldn’t. She’s called me a freak ever since and wants nothing to do with me.” The tears streamed down my cheeks. James brushed them away with his thumb but still listened intently.
“I thought things would be okay once Sev and I were at Hogwarts. He wouldn’t let me stay in my upset depressed state about my sister. But we got sorted into different houses and that’s where all the problems started. He made friends with Mulciber and Avery and you know what they’re like. They got him interested in the dark arts and I felt like he was slipping away from me. No one could understand why I was friends with him. No one understood that he was part of my life back home, part of what made me who I am today.” The tears became heavier and James’s attempts at keeping them at bay were almost feeble.
“I guess I fully didn’t accept that he’d changed until he called me mud blood. I’ve never felt more betrayed then I did in that moment. I was so upset and angry and confused and I know I said stuff that I probably wouldn’t have said in any other occasion. But I don’t regret it. I guess... the way he’s all up in my face now begging for forgiveness... it’s like there’s still a tiny part of the old Sev still inside there. But I just don’t have the strength anymore to dig down and find it anymore. I just feel... so miserable whenever I think about him, so angry still. It brings back everything about my sister about what I’ve lost for being a witch. It’s horrible. I get called mud blood here in the wizarding world and freak back in the muggle world and I don’t know which hurts more. Hearing it from strangers or the people I love.”
My body shook with sobs. I don’t know where all the words came from they just seemed to spill from my mouth with ease and James just took it all in. He pulled me in close into a strong embrace and held me as I cried I don’t know how long we stayed like that but it made me feel better.
I eventually drifted off into a dreamless sleep in his arms. When I woke I was laying on my stomach on top of him, still on the sofa. A plate of sausage rolls and other pastries were on the coffee table.
“How long have I been asleep?” I asked croakily.
“About four hours. We missed dinner. I got Twink to bring us up some food” He replied softly, stroking my head.
“Dinner!? Whatever happened to lunch?!”
“You kinda talked through that. Don’t worry about it”
“Wait... Did you stay here with me the entire time?” I asked.
“Yea, Sirius dropped by while I was using the bathroom. I didn’t say anything, I just said you hadn’t been feeling too good so I was going to stay with you and keep an eye on you.”
“I’m sure he figured it out for himself. He knew there was something wrong earlier” I yawned sitting up.
“Sausage rolls?” He said stretching to grab the plate as I was still sat on top of him.
“Thanks. For everything” I replied taking a sausage roll from the plate.
“No need, we can talk anytime you want about anything you want okay? Don’t keep it bottled up.”
“I’ll keep that in mind from now on, thanks James.”
Authors Note: so guys what do you think? Reviews please! The actual ball is in the next chapter, I thought this one needed some emotional edge. Like I said pretty please review I do reply to all reviews.
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