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And Mayhem Ensues by starryskies55
Chapter 23 : A surprising fight.
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 10

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“Oy! Where's the rest of my tea?” Mitchell said, poking his head over my arm as I spooned liberal amounts of sugar into the mugs.

My house had been invaded by the lads, and they were now forcing me to make them tea. The house was long and narrow, the kitchen merging into the lounge, and they were all sprawled anywhere there was space.

And there wasn’t much space.

“What do you mean?” I asked, attempting to elbow him in the face.

“I mean, my cup is only half full!” he said, indignant.

Tony wedged his face in between Mitchell and the cupboard. “I protest at this outrage!” he said.

I successfully elbowed him in the face. He was just at the right angle. “There wasn't enough water in the kettle,” I sighed. “Go get the milk.”

Rubbing his jaw, Tony went to the fridge, but Mitchell stayed, resting his chin on the counter. “Why didn't you put more in?” he asked.

“Why don't you make your own tea?”

“Why don't you give Remus this abuse?” Tony affected an offended tone, handing me the milk.

“Remus doesn't know where the teabags are,” I said, grinning at Remus, who took a cup of tea from me. I curled my own frozen fingers around my coffee.

Remus was leaning awkwardly against the cupboards- really in the most annoying position. He had to keep moving to let people go past.

Daniel peered into Remus’ mug as he squeezed past. “Eva, he’s got more than me!”

“Oh for God’s sake!” I took Remus’ mug off him and gulped half of it down. I showed it to Daniel. “Happy now?”

“Not particularly,” he said, so I hit his arm.

I scowled at him, and he grinned back. Remus didn’t look very happy. “Sorry,” I said, passing him back the dregs of his tea.

“HOW IS EVERYONE?” Mum yelled from upstairs. She hadn’t come down yet, and Paul was working. I didn’t know why she hadn’t come down yet.

Jack was sitting on the stairs because we’d run out of chairs, so he leaned back and shouted “WE’RE ALL FINE AND DANDY HERE, HOW’S YOU?!”


“She’ll be down in a minute,” Jack said unnecessarily.

Daniel threw a spoon at him, but it missed and dented the plaster behind the wall. “For the love of all things holy, how many times do I have to tell you not to throw spoons?” I asked, exasperated.

Remus couldn’t hold back a smile, so Mitchell hit him with a tea-towel. I realised that John had managed to sneak out without me noticing.

“GET THE LADS TO CLEAR OUT NOW!” Mum yelled down.

“You are all unwanted,” I said, and opened the front door. They trooped out sadly, taking their tea with them. “Bring the mugs back!” I called as they walked off into the thin, winding streets.

Mum hesitantly came down the stairs, wearing a beanie hat. “Remus dear! So nice to see you!” she hugged him enthusiastically. “Eva, look what that insane hairdresser has done to my hair!” she said dramatically, sweeping off the hat.

“Mum, she’s just given you a fringe,” I said, sounding a little bit exasperated. “And it looks nice!” I passed her some tea, and kicked Remus.

“It looks fantastic, Clary,” Remus said, subtly rubbing his ankle. “It really, er, complements the shape of your face.”

Mum blushed. “You think so?”

“Yeah.” He nodded furiously.

She beamed. “You are so sweet. Marry him, Eva!”

I scowled at her, but she was too busy doting on Remus -who looked slightly uncomfortable- for her to notice.



I tiptoed down the stairs. The walls were so thin you could hear a pin drop on the other side of the house-

“Crap!” I muttered, hitting my forehead against the beam with a loud thwack.

I cautiously went into the kitchen, on the look-out for more attacking wood, and nearly had a heart attack when I saw John standing in the kitchen, boiling the kettle.

“You’re up early,” he said, managing to make it sound patronising.

“I’m always up early.”

“Eva’s taken the dog out for a walk,” he said. “Clary doesn’t like dogs, so it’s been staying with me.”

“That’s nice of you,” I said stiffly.

He turned away from me, making himself coffee, while I stood awkwardly.

“Watch your back,” he said.


He leant over and opened the cupboard behind me. “Watch your back.”

I moved out of the way.

I’m not judgemental. I give people a chance, and let James and Sirius do the annoying arrogant bit where they hate people on principle.

However, I am seriously starting to dislike John. What kind of a name is John, anyway? It’s common, and also means a toilet. And he said Remus was a girl’s name.

I narrowed my eyes at his back.

“So, you and Eva?” he asked, stirring his coffee vigorously. “Are you a thing?”

“We’re just friends,” I said coldly.

“Good,” he said with a sardonic smile. “You’re gay then?”


“So you do fancy her then?” His voice sounded weirdly metallic, and it grated over my nerves. He flopped down in a chair, and then stood up immediately, deciding to lean against the table, so he was directly across from me.

“I like her a lot,” I finally said.

“So you’re just a wimpy wuss?” he said, going high-pitched at the end in a shitty attempt at mockery. “You’ve got no chance, mate.” He chuckled like the idea was ludicrous, and my hands clenched into fists. I realised I’d left my wand upstairs, and internally bereted myself. I would dearly love to hex this twat.

“There’s no way she would fancy a scrawny git like you,” he continued, still smiling.

I weighed him up. He was about the same size as James, and looked like James too- except for the blond hair.

“She likes blokes like me,” John said, taking a sip of coffee.

I take it back, you know? I’m not as judgemental as Sirius. John is a complete tosser.

I brought up my right fist, and whacked him straight across the jaw. He fell backwards against the table, dropping his coffee which spilt the liquid all over the tiles. His hand went up to try and catch hold of something, but he only succeeded in ripping the curtain down.

I felt obscurely happy, although my hand felt like I’d broken it into several pieces.

John rubbed his jaw, looking surprised I’d had the guts to actually punch him, and then he sprang off the table and lurched towards me, his wand in his hand.

I was dead.

I tried to dodge a punch, but John still managed to clip me on the side of the head. Dizzy, I backed away, and nearly tripped over the corner of a rug, and John took the opportunity to swing at me, catching me right in the jaw. Already unsteady, I overbalanced and crashed into the carpet, and John moved to stand over me, a twisted grin on his face, so I managed to sweep out his legs from underneath him and then scrambled to my feet.

John lunged at me, and head-butted me in the gut, causing me to smash into the floor again.

“Shit,” I muttered, my head throbbing from hitting the floor.

“You want some more?” John bellowed, towering over me.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Oh please, you can beat the shit out of me, but no clichés.

I kicked him in the balls and grinned at his eyes popping, and then heaved myself up to punch him again, this time square in the face. He staggered backwards, but tried to attack me again.

Well, that’s just typical. The bloke I pick a fight with is half-machine.

Although, he seemed to have forgotten that he actually held a wand, so I grabbed it from his loose grip as he charged at me, and turned it on him, breathing heavily. He stopped, thank God,

How on earth had Eva’s parents not woken up?

I dabbed my split lip with my cuff, and then the front door opened, Eva stepping through with an oversized beagle- both of them covered in sand. Her mouth opened in surprise at the two of us.

And then; “Expelliarmus!” she said, and John’s wand spun out of my hand.


I managed to punch John again before he decked me, but he still managed to knock me to the floor. How is he so ridiculously strong? What the hell does he eat?

Stupefy!” Eva yelled, sending a red burst of light to hit John, and the combined force of the wands knocked him away from me.

“Remus, are you alright? I’m sorry, I didn’t think he’d attack you! I’m so so sorry!” she garbled, giving me a hand up from the floor. I rubbed the back of my head.

“What happened? Why are you fighting?”

“He was insulting me, so I hit him, and then he hit me back, and then it kind of escalated.”

She punched my shoulder, and I winced. “You hit him first?!” she nearly shrieked. “Remus!”

“I was provoked!” I insisted.

She was looking at me like I had three heads, and to be totally honest, it was slightly out of character for me. Okay, a lot out of character.

“Eva?” Clary called from upstairs. “What are you shouting at Remus for?”

“Nothing, mum!” Eva called. She turned to me, and whacked my arm again. “I can’t believe you let him wind you up. What did he say?”

Crap. “Just, you know...” I hedged.

I was saved from embarrassment by the rest of Eva’s horde returning the mugs from last night. I checked my watch- six thirty am. Why is everyone up so early?

Daniel high fived me. “This is has got to be a record of how quickly John gets knocked out over Christmas,” he said. I remembered that he and Jack went to a Muggle high school.

Even Mitchell seemed quite pleased.

“Can we leave him on the beach again?” asked Tony, his face lighting up with glee.

“The tide is coming in,” Eva said discouragingly.

“Perfect!” said Steve enthusiastically. He was a couple of years younger than the rest of them, and he produced a really old wand, it’s handle worn down. “Wingardium Leviosa!

Mitchell even cracked a smile at Steve trying to levitate John’s prone body through the narrow door.

“You guys go drown John then,” Eva said distractedly. “I just need to...” her voice trailed off as she walked into the kitchen area.

I turned back to the lads, and Jack grinned at me. “You coming to drown John then?” he asked. “Eva’s fine, trust me.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, as he thrust me my coat and scarf.

“Yeah, just leave her here. It’s best.”

I flashed a smile at Eva as we walked out. She seemed a little upset, but she smiled genuinely back at me. And then Steve dropped John, and I had to run to help.


As soon as I was sure Remus had gone, I took Sirius’ letter out of my pocket.

I appreciate the offer, but I’m having a great time at Hogwarts. Managed to scare the Bloody Baron and I’ve teamed up with Peeves. And there is a girl here too.
Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. And if you tell James, I will devise a suitable punishment which will probably involve a very embarrassing situation where you declare your undying love for my little brother. Comprende?

I grabbed a fresh piece of paper. You’re a rubbish liar, I wrote. Come off it, this is your last chance. You’ll love it here- Remus has just beaten a guy up and now he’s off to drown him. Does this place not sound fun enough to you?
Please, Sirius. Or I will tell James.

I gave the letter to Remus’ owl, and he flew off tiredly. I could hear the whoops of the boys as they attempted murder, so I grabbed my coat.

If Sirius wanted to be a stubborn idiot, it wasn’t my fault.

A/N: sorry, just a little silly chapter really :D John's a bit of an idiot though, right?

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