Chapter 2 : One
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Whatever Dr. Nesson meant by saying Neville was my closest friend would be in the world's top ten greatest mysteries. Neville was so incredibly dull and we had absolutely nothing in common. When we finally left St. Mungo's, he led me to the lot where he parked his car. It was an ordinary, very Muggle-like, beat up car with four, overly large doors. When we got in, he actually started to drive!
“Why don't you fly the car?” I asked, looking around for the button that would allow us to do so. It was an extremely old fashion way of of transportation, even I could remember that, but it was much faster than driving around London.
“It doesn't fly,” Neville said simply, not bothered at all that his stupid box didn't fly. “There would be no point in it, either,” he added, “I live nearby.”
I let out an aggravated cry and looked out the window on my side. The view didn't help my mood either. All of London was boring. The only interesting things I saw were the magical shops scattered around until we finally reached Neville's flat.
From the outside, the flat gave off a lot of promise. Each flat looked like it might hold two bedrooms, a kitchen, and living quarters. It wasn't until we walked inside was I as equally disappointed with it as I was with his car.
I was first welcomed to an entirely too small hallway that had a coat closet and a desk with a strange red box on it. Neville told me this was a phone (no wonder I didn't recognise it, it was a Muggle item! Even in my days of remembrance I wouldn't have known what that was). I could use it whenever I wanted, but not to go too crazy over it.
“You won't have to worry about me using that damn contraption,” I said, noting the complexity the machine seemed to possess.
Next we wandered into his living room and I noticed how boring it was, too. The floors were wooden, the furniture was beige, there were no pictures anywhere on the walls, and no source of entertainment. I would have complained about this room and the apartment in its entirety, but it seemed pointless. Neville didn't seem to mind his simplicity.
“This is your room,” he opened a white door that led us into a small, equally as boring as the rest of the apartment, room. There was a small, single bed in the corner, a white dresser, and an empty, small closet. Again, there were no pictures.
“Did you just move in?” I asked smugly, knowing damn well he has most likely lived here for years.
“Yes,” he said, taking me by surprise. “Do you like it?”
I dropped my suitcase at the foot of the bed and sat on the unmade bed. “No,” I said disgustedly. This room was absolutely horrid, and he was making me sleep in it! I should be sleeping in my own bed! There should be pictures of my closest friends or Draco on my walls reminding me of all the people that loved me! Not bare white ones. The bed was too hard and the dresser was too dusty. The closet may be small, but I don't have nearly enough things to fill it!
“Sorry you don't like it,” Neville said discouragingly. I didn't have the time to care what he thought about me living with him. Last time I checked, it was me refusing to live with him, not the other way around. He might be having a right good laugh at this and I would never know! The bastard. “Can I get you anything?”
“You can get the hell out of here,” I snapped. I wasn't particularly tired, but I was already tired of today. Apparently, I am tired of my life, but for now I'll just stick with today.
“If you need anything, I'm right across the hall.” He didn't wait for me to answer this time. He closed the door and left me by myself. Most girls would start crying right now and complain about how much their life sucks. I did enough crying back at St. Mungo's (though it wasn't much) to last me a year. I'm not the sort of girl to cry. Then again, growing up with my father, it is easy to see why. Wait! Is that considered a memory? I doubted it, but I reached into my bag for the miniature pensive Dr. Nesson prescribed me and pulled out a few of the memories I had from the ten years prior to now and everything before then. After looking at everything, my life really wasn't much to look at.
My father is, or was, (according to Neville he died as a Death Eater in the Final Battle of Hogwarts) a hard-ass. After my mother died while I was away at Hogwarts in my third year, he gradually became more distant with me. Even the little shred of concern he had for me in my prior memories were more loving than I remembered him after her death. Draco is the love of my life, and I don't have a friend in the world that I can trust. What sort of shit life was I living before now?
I didn't want to see anymore of my memories, so I pushed the pensive under my bed in hopes of forgetting it for the next several months. Honestly, this whole plan was bullshit! I am beginning to come to terms with myself for ever having obliviated myself! Besides Draco, my whole life is shit! There is no reason for me to even want to remember the last several years of my life.
Then again, what if Draco and I are still together? Better yet! What if we got married and had a child or two?! My life would be worth something then, right? I'll have to get a hold of him somehow soon. My love is waiting for me somewhere out there in the world.
I soon found myself daydreaming of what my life has been like these last ten years. Draco and I are married and we have one (I decided two children would be too many at my age) beautiful little boy that looks like exactly like his father. We decided to move to Canada because that is where I work, and little Draco Jr. (our son) is learning French by his nanny. We may have our ups and downs like we did in Hogwarts, but Draco and I are madly in love with one another.
I have a wonderful life!
I was about to reach for the pensive again so I could add this memory, but I wasn't even sure if it was real or not. (Though I really want it to be)! Instead, I just sighed and unpacked my suitcase with the flick of my wand. After changing into a long pair of pyjama bottoms with faded blue stripes and a white tank-top, I decided I was tired after all and rolled onto my side on the bare bed. I hated not having any sheets or even a blanket, but I really did not want to see Neville right now.
I fell asleep thinking of my (wishful) life again.
"No, she doesn't remember anything from the last ten years," Neville was talking on, what he introduced to me yesterday, the telephone. Last night's sleep was the worst I have had in... Well, I don't remember how many years, but I'm positive his guest bed is the worst bed in the history of beds. "I know, Draco, but it would really mean a lot to her."
What was that? Was that my Draco he was talking about? Was Draco on the phone?
"Alright, I understand," Neville said, the finality of his voice confirming the conversation was now over and there was no way I could get to him in time.
"Wait!" I shouted, running into the hallway in hopes I could catch Draco before Neville hung up.
"Goodbye." Click. "Oh! Good morning, Pansy! I wasn't expecting you to be awake until later." Neville had a smile plastered all over his fat, ugly face. He hung up on purpose! He knew I was coming!
"That was Draco!" I practically screamed at him, gesturing to the phone.
"So it was," Neville said, and then he left me standing there infuriated in the hallway with a phone I didn't even know how to use. What in the bloody hell was he so ecstatic about? As far as I'm concerned, he has no right to be happy! I'm in a terrible mood!
I looked at the telephone, contemplating if I could teach myself how to use it or not, and decided it would be too hard right now.
“What in the hell was that all about?” I stormed into the kitchen, clutching my wand. He talked to Draco, the man that was apparently unreachable, and didn't let me talk to him! “Do you not want me to remember anything about my past life?!” I brought my wand up so he could see just how furious I was. He looked up and noticed my wand right away. He seemed worried, but he didn't panic and bring out his wand like I expected him to.
“Pansy, put that away,” he said smoothly. He wasn't acting like I wanted him to! By now, people would be prepared to duel me at the sight of my wand being out! People were supposed to fear me!
“What do you think Dr. Nesson would have to say about you keeping Draco away from me? Huh?!” I shouted. I was pissed! Here I was, worried about being stuck here with Neville for months before Draco was found, and Neville knew where he was the whole time! “He'll let me move out for sure!”
“Pansy, put your wand away and I will tell you what is going on,” he said calmly. If only he knew how much he was pissing me off further with his collective attitude. I wanted to hex his testicles into his throat and suffocate him.
“I have a better idea, Fat Face! How about I keep my wand out, and you tell me where my boyfriend is?” I felt childish, but I also felt as if I were being me.
Neville shrugged and put his hands up, giving up his resistance. Damn this is easy! I could move out right now if I wanted to and he wouldn't do a damn thing!
“Yes, I was talking to Draco on the phone,” he stated, obviously, “and Dr. Nesson already knows about it. He's the one who got a hold of him last night in the first place, and told him how to reach me.”
“Why didn't you let me talk to him?” I barked, pointing my wand threateningly at him. I would have to have a word with Dr. Nesson about this, too.
“I thought you were asleep!”
“You saw me walk in!” I retorted, slamming my wand on the counter. Did he really believe I was stupid enough to believe he didn't see me?
“When I was hanging up!” he explained. I wanted to say something back, but instead I bit my tongue. I had to remember now that I was a twenty-seven year old woman. My snarky, seventeen year old comebacks would not be as good as they used to anymore, and frankly, I was tired of arguing with him. I was getting a headache again, and I wanted to lie down. “Are you alright, Pansy?” he asked, noticing my sudden turn in behavior.
“Sod off!” I replied, pocketing my wand. It was late morning and I decided to go to bed early.
“Don't you want something to eat?” he called behind me. I ignored him. “Do you need me to get you anything?” I slammed the door and locked it. I was still in my pyjamas so I just laid on the lumpy bed again. Maybe next time, when I'm not so stubborn, I will ask him for my bedding.
I had no difficulty falling back to sleep.
"Pansy. Pansy, wake up," someone was gently nudging me and my eyes fluttered open. There was no light outside my bedroom window. Had I really slept the entire day away? Dammit! "Pansy, are you awake?" The person waking me up was Neville. How did he end up in my room? Oh. Right. This is his apartment.
"Of course I'm awake, you idiot!" I mumbled, not sure if it was coherent or not. “What do you want?”
“There's someone on the phone for you.” He didn't sound too happy, so that could only mean one thing.
“Draco!” I jumped out of the bed and ran toward the hallway. The receiver was left on the desk. I ran over and picked it up, quickly imitating what Neville had done earlier and put it to my ear. “Hello!” I spoke into the contraption, but there was no reply. “Hello? Draco?” There was a little voice coming from what sounded like the phone, but it was extremely hard to hear. “Draco, darling, you're going to have to speak up.”
“Flip the receiver around,” Neville instructed once he met me at the doorway. I glared at him and then at the phone. Sure enough, he was right. I flipped the phone over and I could hear Draco much better.
“Pansy, is that you?” Draco's voice rang through the telephone. My heart skipped a beat and for the first time since I woke up yesterday, I smiled.
“Draco!” I exclaimed. “Where are you?”
“Pansy, please don't shout over the phone. What happened to you? Are you alright?” Draco asked and I blushed. Never, in all my years of knowing him, had he worried about me!
“I'm alright, dear,” I said with a little more emphasis than needed because Neville would not leave us alone. “I did something stupid and all I want to do is come home. Where are you, Draco?”
“What did you do, Pansy?” he asked, but something told me Neville already filled him in. I shot Neville a glare which read, “Go to hell,” and then went right back to my conversation.
“Well, Draco,” I started sheepishly, “I – I tried to obliviate myself.”
“WHAT!?” he screamed over the phone. My cheeks reddened and I felt ashamed, though some part of me smiled because of his concern. “Pansy! Why would you do that?!”
“I don't know,” I said honestly. “I'm having a hard time finding someone who can tell me why, actually,” I said, fully watching Neville as he stood in front of me without saying a word. His face was motionless and I couldn't tell what he was thinking about all of this, but I was sure he was having a jolly good time. “That's why I wanted to talk to you, actually.”
“What is it, Pansy?” Draco asked, his voice worried. I want to do nothing more than apparate to him right now. If only he would tell me where he was.
“Well, I was wondering if I could move in with you. I figured that since you are my boyfriend and everything, it would only be appropriate for me to live with you. Maybe you could help me recall things from the last ten years?” I was too hopeful, however, because Draco didn't sound too enthused about my plan.
There was silence on the phone and I bit my lip. Was there a problem with my plan? Are we not really dating? Was I being too abrupt? Maybe even in the years I can't remember we were dating but decided to not to move in with one another?
“Listen, Pansy,” he said sympathetically, and I knew the worst was coming, “I don't think that would be a good idea...”
“Why not?” I asked hysterically. “We are a couple, aren't we?”
“Well, er, yes, but I'm not in London anymore, Pansy.” Draco was hesitating and I knew the answer wouldn't be good. Where did he live? I could live anywhere he was. I needed to be anywhere he was.
“Where are you?” I asked for a final time
“Well, I work for the Ministry now and I'm currently stationed in Germany,” he said. Germany? That's not so bad. I could be there in a heartbeat with my wand, and I would be with him again. The only problem with Germany was that it wasn't near London and I would have a hard time remembering my past without familiar surroundings, but I could deal with that.
“That's fine, Draco,” I said, but my voice failed me. I really didn't want to be in Germany, but I wanted him desperately. I want to remember my past. I want to know why I would obliviate myself. “In fact, I can be there right now. Just let me get packed up and I'll – WHERE IN THE BLOODY HELL IS MY WAND!” I reached for my back pocket and my wand wasn't there. I remember putting it there this morning, but I didn't stop anywhere between my bedroom and the phone. Neville looked down at his feet. “You little, bastard!”
“Pansy! What is it?” Draco interfered. My knuckles were turning white as I gripped onto the phone and my eyes were mentally burning holes in Neville's face. “You can't come here,” he said.
“What?!” I snapped out of my anger towards Neville and focused on what my love, my life, my everything was telling me. Were my ears deceiving me?
There was another moment of silence that I couldn't bring myself to break over the phone before Draco said, “I'm here because of a Ministry job,” he said quietly. “I am here doing work and I won't be back for many months.”
He continued to talk and then two thoughts ran around in my mind. Either Draco left shortly after my little spell, or he had already been gone for many months before I decided to do myself in and that is why I decided to cast the spell! I couldn't spend any more time away from him and I obliviated myself! If I could not survive without him, obviously my life style couldn't be very healthy. Was I trying to grow apart from him to become my own person? What a terrible idea!
“Will you see me soon?” I asked, my voice low so Neville couldn't hear the desperation in my voice.
“Probably not,” he said sullenly. I could feel the ache in his heart for me. “Listen, I really have to go.” Through the phone I could hear a door open and the sound of people walking in. “I'll talk to you later, Pansy.”
“Goodbye, darling! I love –” there was a long ringing noise on my end of the receiver and Draco was gone. I hung the phone up and stared at it for a moment as though he may call me back. When he didn't, I looked back at Neville.
He was looking around the room as though he wanted to be anywhere but in the doorway right now. Honestly, I don't know why he didn't start running right then and there.
“Why do you have my wand?” I asked him, my voice low and, quite honestly, giving off warning signals that he just severely pissed me off.
“It was Dr. Nesson's idea,” he said quietly. “You can have it back if memories come to you or whenever he thinks you won't try harming yourself again.”
Harming myself? I don't even remember why I did what I did to myself the first time! The only reason I would really do anything again would be because of him! I don't think I've spent twenty-four bloody hours with him and I already wanted to get out of here!
“Give me my wand, and maybe I'll let you live,” I sneered. I felt foolish threatening him with nothing but my eyes, but he still seemed to feel pretty bad. I'm winning!
“I can't do that,” he said sadly, and then he turned and hid inside his room. He would have to stop sulking around. He doesn't even have anything to sulk about! He is making me feel sorry for him, in a pitiful and pathetic way.
Can my life honestly get any worse? I would have to make a list later just so I can look at it and depress myself further.
1. I can't remember the last ten years of my life.
2. I am living with someone I don't know and hate.
3. I no longer have my wand.
4. My boyfriend can't do anything to see/help me.
5. I still have no sheets for my uncomfortable bed.
My life is shit.
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