AN: This story was written for Cassius Alcinder’s Mary Sue challenge, I may have taken it a little bit far though, for the record this is a total parody and I own nothing except for the terrible plot line.
Star Trek is owned by Paramount and created by Gene Roddenberry.
Star War is owned by 20th Century Fox and was created by George Lucas.
Dr. Who is owned by BBC and is currently being written by Steven Moffat.
JKR owns Harry Potter.
Pokemon is owned by Nintendo.
The day River Aurora Amelia Tennant-Smith-Potter was born was declared a national holiday. Not only was she part Time-Lord, but she was also Harry Potter’s twin sister and was born with a power.
The power of The Force.
Two people stood at the doorway of the Potter’s house the night the Potters died. One of was the size of a house-elf, had green wrinkly skin and pointy ears, the other was a tall old-ish man with a long white man.
“Shall we start now?” The thing that looked like a house elf asked.
“Not yet Yoda, we must wait for the final person to join.”
Suddenly there was a whooshing noise and a blue telephone box joined the ranks. The door to the box opened and out popped a man.
“Hello all, is this the Potters?”
“You are just in time Doctor. We must decide what to do with the girl, and we must provide a good excuse for why she didn’t live with the Dursely’s or else we will create plot-holes,” said Yoda.
“Well, here’s an excuse; how about she’s special?”
“More special then the boy who killed Lord Voldemort?” Yoda looked doubtful.
“Yes, and we train her to be a secret weapon! Potter can’t know because…because,” at this the Doctor faltered.
“We’ll think of a better excuse later in this chapter when they meet at Hogwarts,” said Dumbledore.
The Doctor and Yoda both nodded.
Suddenly a large white spaceship showed up from out of nowhere! A large light shown out from it, lifting baby River-Aurora-Amelia into the ship!
No one moved to help the baby and you could hear an evil laugh coming from the spaceship.
“It’s Darth Vader,” Yoda said calmly and wisely. “We shall let him take her, it will fix our plot hole problem. “
The Doctor and Dumbledore nodded solemnly and wisely to show that they agreed with Yoda.
“Come along Rory.”
At sixteen years old Rory was a genius. She was in charge of her father’s entire army. She had fiery red hair (this is meant to be taken literally, sometimes sparks came from it), hazel eyes, was a size zero and every girl envied her looks.
Currently she was dressed in a yellow tank top, denim shorts (Even though it was September in England, Rory was not cold at all) and had red suspenders.
“Dad, why must I go to Hogwarts? I’m clearly smarter than all of the other students,” Rory whined.
“Because,” Darth Vader answered. “You must kill Harry Potter.”
“Harry Potter? Is he a threat?” Rory asked, she quickly readied her hand. “Not to worry, I shall take him out with the force or any other of my infinite powers—”
“Not yet, you must first form a bond with the boy, you will then realize that you are long lost siblings and you will beg me not to kill him. Because I love you I will spare his life and join the good side, then this story will end with all the characters singing ‘give peace a chance’.”
Rory sat back down again.
“I shall leave you here,” said Darth Vader, he then pulled his cloak around him and disappeared in a cloud of pink smoke.
Rory quickly boarded the train, found a locked compartment and opened it with her sonic screwdriver however midway through the ride she was interrupted by two people.
“I hate you Draco!” Rory looked out of the door to see a girl whose beauty almost matched her own. She had long brown curly hair and curves in all the right places (never mind the fact that medically you can only have curves in one place…your hips). She was arguing with a boy with blonde hair and a pale face, he was clearly tormented by the fact that he was in love with her, but couldn’t tell her because then he’d be disowned by his father.
“I hate you too mudblood,” said Draco to the girl, he sneered.
The girl sneered back.
Rory sneered at both of them, for no reason other than the fact that everyone else was doing it.
“Ugh, go away Malfoy,” said the girl, she walked away and somehow ended up in Rory’s compartment.
“You know,” said Rory. “When a boy is repeatedly cruel to a girl, calls her names every day and insults everything regularly she stands for that means the boy is really in love with the girl.”
Rory nodded her head.
“You must be really wise to know this.”
“Well part of my bloodline is Vulcan,” said Rory, nodding in agreement at the girl’s statement.
“I’m Hermione Granger.”
“I’m River Aurora Amelia Tennant-Smith-Potter-Vader,” answered Rory. “But you can call me Rory.”
“Hey, Hermione there you are!” two boys entered the compartment, one of them had messy black hair and green eyes, the other one had red hair and was not good looking at all.
“I’m Harry Potter,” said the boy looking at Rory. “And you look kind of familiar, do I know you?”
“I’m Ron,” said the red-haired boy stupidly, everyone ignored him.
Rory looked into Harry’s eyes and suddenly her head began to hurt. She slapped a palm to her forehead and began to black out.
“What’s going on?” asked Hermione panicking.
“Duh,” said Ron.
“The bad writing,” murmured Rory, “the terrible characterization and the plot holes, it’s all giving me a headache. And now I must remember certain things in order to try to fix some of the plot holes.”
“It won’t work,” said Ron.
“SHUT UP!” Everyone yelled at him.
Suddenly Rory blinked several times, “Harry,” she said stretching her hand forward towards the boy’s the cheek. Only now using her newly found plot-hole-canceling powers was she able to have a flashback.
Harry looked into her eyes and realized that they were the same color as his dad’s. She looked exactly like their mum only with their dad’s eyes. “You’re my…” he murmured.
Before, Harry could continue Hermione screamed. “DEMENTORS!”
Rory and Harry instantly withdrew their wands and yelled “EXPECTO PATRONUM!”
A stag appeared out of Harry’s wand and a Pikachu appeared out of Rory’s. They drove away all the dementors, but apparently all it was all a diversion. Because suddenly…
And suddenly Ron’s body fell limply to the floor.
“Yay! Now I can go off and be with Draco without looking like a slag!” Hermione cheerfully said, jumping over her dead friend’s body and running out of the compartment.
“Ron,” said Harry, suddenly filled with angst
“Leave him, he kept pointing the plot holes,” said Rory, quickly drawing a machine gun out of her tiny pockets (obviously there was an expansion charm on it), she quickly began firing at the Daleks.
“I thought muggle machines didn’t work in Hogwarts,” said Harry.
“My powers cancel it out, now stop pointing out canon things!” Rory yelled.
“Exterminate!” yelled one of the Daleks as he lay on the floor dying, the green light hit Rory’s chest and she fell to the floor.
“No Rory!” Harry yelled, falling to his knees as tears began to stream down his face. “You’re my only family!”
Suddenly a gold light began to envelope Rory and Harry moved back. Rory’s looks began to change and within ten seconds she stood up.
“It’s ok Harry,” she said hugging her long-lost brother. “The thing about Mary-Sue’s is that as hard people try, you can never kill them off completely. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to travel in time and have a love-hate relationship with Sirius Black while helping our parents get together.”
To be continued….. (Never in a million years).
AN: So…wow, just, wow. This story is the worst, craziest thing I’ve ever written. For the record IT’S MEANT TO BE BAD. Yeah, I wouldn’t actually take this piece seriously. In the beginning I wrote this story just to mock Mary Sue’s, but then I decided to mock stupid plot holes, Dramione and everything ridicules that appears in FF.
There is only one thing that was awesome in this story, Rory’s name. I really loved the way this writer took the name Aurora and shortened it to Rory, also it fit with the whole Doctor Who thing. :)
Originally there was meant to be a lot more Pokemon references, I had a whole team rocket scene going, but that’s for another time. Also there was supposed to be a prophecy, but I just wanted to end the story before my head exploded.
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