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Door Into The Dark by The Last Marauder
Chapter 1 : The First Scar
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 17


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"All I know is a door into the dark"

                                  - Seamus Heaney, The Forge
 



De-gnoming the garden made Remus happy yesterday, but yesterday was forever ago, and now it made him cry.

Remus and Daddy always de-gnomed the garden. They de-gnomed the garden all the time. It was their favourite thing, their favourite thing in the whole wide world. The gnomes had lived in the garden for forever. They was always there, for as long as Remus could remember. The gnomes was always there. Mummy didn’t like the gnomes. Mummy didn’t like them because they eated Mummy’s flowers and Mummy loved her flowers, so that’s why Remus and Daddy de-gnomed the garden. They was like Aurors who saved people from bad wizards, only the people was flowers and the bad wizards was the gnomes.

When the sun was high in the sky Remus could see the gnomes. They runned all over the garden. They hided in the bushes and jumped into their gnome holes. Sometimes they chased each other around and around. Other times they eated worms, or only one of them eated worms while the rest of them watched. The gnomes liked worms. They eated worms all the time. They eated worms and flowers. Remus guessed that was why the gnomes was so small, because all they eated was worms and flowers.

The gnomes looked funny. They had big heads that was brown. Their heads was like potatoes and their feet had spikes for toes, real spikes that was sharp. They also had very sharp teeths. They was like small monster potatoes, small potato monsters that wasn’t scary and that eated worms and Mummy’s flowers.

De-gnoming the garden was fun. When you de-gnomed the garden, you had to throw all the gnomes over the wall, so they couldn’t get back to their gnome holes. You had to make the gnomes all dizzy so they couldn’t find their holes again once they was trapped outside the walls. You had to spin the gnome around and around and around until the gnome was so dizzy he couldn’t stand up or walk at all without falling to the ground. De-gnoming the garden was okay, Daddy said, because you wasn’t hurting the gnomes, you was only making them dizzy, making them so dizzy so they couldn’t find their gnome holes again and eat Mummy’s flowers. When they did eat Mummy’s flowers, they made Mummy sad. Remus didn’t like it when Mummy was sad. Mummy should never be sad, so that’s why he and Daddy de-gnomed the garden, so the gnomes wouldn’t eat the flowers and make Mummy sad.

The gnomes always sneaked back into the garden at night-time when Remus was asleep. They sneaked back in and started eating worms and Mummy’s flowers and then they went to bed in their gnome holes. That’s why Remus and Daddy had to de-gnome the garden every day because the gnomes always sneaked back in. Remus tried to find out how they sneaked in. The wall was too high to climb, so they couldn’t have climbed it, because Remus couldn’t climb the wall and Remus was the best climber, he always climbed the biggest trees, and if Remus couldn’t climb the wall, then the little gnomes couldn’t either. Then Remus thinked that maybe there was a hole in the wall and that the gnomes creeped through this hole, but Remus was never able to find a hole. Remus didn’t know how the gnomes sneaked back into the garden. Remus just thinked that maybe the gnomes could do magic, just like Mummy and Daddy could do magic, and they used magic to get back into the garden.

The gnomes was very hard to catch. Remus wasn’t able to catch them. They was too fast and too slippery. Whenever Remus got close to catching them they always escaped through his fingers. Daddy said that was because Remus was only small, and that when Remus growed bigger he would be able to catch all the gnomes in the world if he wanted to. This made Remus happy. He couldn’t wait to be big, so he could catch all the gnomes in the world and make sure that no Mummys was sad because the gnomes eated their flowers.

For now, Remus had to wait, because he wasn’t big yet. He was only three. Three was small, Daddy said. But Remus thought that three was big, very big, miles bigger than two. But for now, Daddy was the one who catched the gnomes, because Remus’s hands was too little and because he couldn’t run fast. So Daddy catched the gnomes and then Daddy and Remus spinned them around and around and throwed them over the wall together.

Remus wanted to throw a gnome all by hisself. But Daddy wouldn’t let him because he was too little. Remus told Daddy that he was three now and that three wasn’t small, three was big, but Daddy didn’t listen. He continued to hold Remus’s hands in his big hands as they both holded the gnome and spinned the gnome around and around until the gnome was all dizzy and then they throwed him over the wall, where he landed in the big field and Remus couldn’t see him anymore.

When Remus and Daddy was de-gnoming the garden, all the gnomes comed out to watch. Remus knowed they did this because the gnomes liked the de-gnoming too. It was a great game and the gnomes wanted to play the game. They liked being chased and catched and throwed over the wall. They thinked it was fun, just like Remus and Daddy thinked it was fun.

Remus and Daddy runned all around the garden chasing the gnomes. The gnomes runned everywhere, trying not to be catched, but Daddy always catched them, Daddy always did. Then Remus saw a small gnome, a baby gnome and Remus thinked that maybe he would be able to catch a small baby gnome all by hisself without help from Daddy. Remus runned after the gnome. The gnome runned away but the gnome wasn’t very fast. The gnome runned into the bushes, Remus runned after the gnome. Remus was going to catch the gnome and he was going to throw the gnome over the wall all by hisself because Remus was three now, he was big.

The gnome was hiding in the bush, Remus could see him. The gnome was stuck and it looked scared. Remus didn’t know why the gnome was scared because it was all a game and Remus was going to catch the gnome and then set him free over the wall where all his friends was. The gnome was being silly. The gnome shouldn’t be scared. Remus was only playing a game with all the gnomes and it was a very fun game, a very fun game that Remus and Daddy and all the gnomes liked.

Remus picked up the gnome. The gnome fighted and started to get all wriggly and slippery, but Remus holded the gnome tight and bringed it out of the bush to show Daddy.

“Look, Daddy,” Remus said. “I catched a gnome all by myself.”

Daddy looked at Remus and then and the gnome and smiled. His smile was very big and very bright and very nice.

“Come here and we’ll throw him,” Daddy said.

“I catched him,” Remus said. “I catched him all by myself so I want to throw him.”

Daddy looked at Remus, then Daddy looked at the little gnome in Remus’s hand. “Okay,” Daddy said, “but be careful, and throw him when I say it’s time to throw him, okay?”

Remus nodded. Remus holded the gnome tightly in both his hands. The gnome was fighting to get free, but Remus wouldn’t let him get free. The gnome could be free once he was over the wall, but not before. Remus started spinning around and around. Daddy was shouting at Remus, Daddy was saying that Remus was supposed to be just spinning the gnome, not the gnome and hisself together. Remus didn’t listen. He kept spinning and spinning, faster and faster, like a speeding fast Snitch.

That’s when Remus falled. Remus falled to the ground and he let go of the gnome. Remus falled to the ground and the gnome flied into the wall. Remus hit the ground. The gnome hit the wall. There was a crunch and both Remus and the gnome was on the ground.

Remus standed up. He had muck on his robes, but he had no cuts this time. He wasn’t even hurted. Daddy was looking at the gnome. Remus wanted to look at the gnome too. The gnomes was always funny when they tried to pull themselves up after they had falled. Remus wanted to watch the gnome get up.

“Stay there,” Daddy said. Daddy was angry. Daddy was angry that Remus had falled again, Remus thinked. It wasn’t Remus’s fault he had falled. It was an accident and Remus wasn’t hurted, so it was okay.

Remus goed to where Daddy and the gnome was. The gnome was still on the ground. He would get up in a minute, Remus knowed he would.

“Go back inside the house,” Daddy said. He was still angry. “Go back in the house, I don’t want you to see.”

Why didn’t Daddy want Remus to see the gnome get up? They always laughed when the gnomes gotted up, because the gnomes used to shake their little fists, stick out their tongues and stamp their feets when they gotten up. It was funny. Remus and Daddy always laughed. Why didn’t Daddy want Remus to see the gnome get up?

Remus didn’t listen to Daddy. Remus didn’t go inside the house. Later on Remus would wish that he had goed inside the house, that he had listened to Daddy, but now Remus didn’t listen to Daddy because Remus wanted to see the gnome get up, because Remus wanted to laugh and laugh as the gnome shaked his fist and sticked out his tongue and stamped his feets.

The gnome was still lying on the ground. The gnome wasn’t moving. He wasn’t moving at all. Remus didn’t understand. When gnomes falled down they always gotted up, always. The gnomes falled down all the time, all the time, but they always gotted up, they always gotted up. And when the gnome didn’t get up, all his friends comed and pulled him up. Remus didn’t understand why this gnome wasn’t getting up and why his friends wasn’t coming to pull him up. Something was wrong, Remus knowed something was wrong, but he didn’t understand what the wrong thing was.

“Why isn’t the gnome moving?” Remus said. 

Daddy was bending over the gnome. He touched the gnome with his hand. He looked at the gnome for a long time, a very long time. All the gnome’s friends stayed in the bushes, they didn’t come out and watch. They always comed out to watch but now they didn’t and Remus didn’t understand why.

“What’s wrong with the gnome?” Remus said. “Is he hurted?”

“It’s dead, son,” Daddy said.

Remus looked at Daddy. Daddy was sad. Remus didn’t understand why Daddy was sad. He didn’t understand what dead meaned. He had never heard the word dead before.

Then Remus looked at the gnome again. “He’s only sleeping,” Remus said.

Daddy looked at Remus. His face was all covered with lines and his eyes was all full of tears and Remus didn’t understand why.

“Yes, son,” Daddy said. “He’s only sleeping, just a big, long sleep, because he’s very tired.”

Remus looked at the gnome again. The gnome wasn’t moving. People moved when they sleeped. Their chest was always going up and down because they was breathing, but the gnome wasn’t breathing at all. The gnome was still. Then Remus saw the red water, the red water that was pouring out of the gnome’s head, like the milk pours out of the jug and into Remus’s glass every morning at breakfast. The red water was dark and it made a puddle around the gnome’s head.

Remus knew what the red water was. The red water was blood. Blood was all inside you. You was made of blood. It ran around inside you and keeped you warm and keeped you alive. Remus had falled out of the big tree in the garden once. He had falled and he had cut his knee and he had cried. Red water had comed out of his knee. Remus was scared. He didn’t understand what was happening, then Mummy explained that the red water wasn’t scary, that the red water was only blood, and that blood keeped you warm and alive by running around all inside your body. But Remus was still scared, because he had lost his blood and he was afraid that something bad would happen because he had lost his blood. But Mummy said it was okay to lose blood because your body would make more blood, so it didn’t matter if you lost some. If you lost some, it was okay.

“Fix him, Daddy,” Remus said. 

Remus looked at the pocket in Daddy’s robes where he keeped his wand. All Daddy had to do was wave his wand and the gnome would be okay. Mummy had waved her wand and made Remus’s knee okay. Daddy’s wand could fix anything. Daddy’s wand could fix the gnome, Remus knowed it could.

“I can’t fix him, son,” Daddy said.

“Mummy fixed my knee when the blood started coming out of it when I falled out of the tree,” Remus said.

“That was different,” Daddy said.

“Why?” Remus said.

Daddy looked angry and sad at the same time now. Remus didn’t understand.

“Because you weren’t dead, Remus,” Daddy said.

Dead. There was the word again. The word Remus didn’t understand. He looked at the gnome. He didn’t understand why Daddy couldn’t try to fix him like Mummy had fixed Remus’s knee.

“Please fix him, Daddy,” Remus said again.

“I can’t, Remus, please understand I can’t fix him,” Daddy said.

“But your wand fixes all things,” Remus said. Remus was scared now. Remus was very scared. He didn’t understand why he was scared.

“I can’t fix him, son,” Daddy said. Daddy was very sad now. “I can’t fix him because he’s dead.”

Remus was scared. He was shaking all over. He couldn’t stop shaking. He didn’t understand why he was scared. He didn’t understand. There was no monsters. He shouldn’t be scared, but he was scared. He was very scared. He didn’t know what dead meaned, he didn’t know, and he was scared to know, because he knowed that dead meaned a bad thing, a very bad thing.

“What's dead?” Remus said.

Remus had to know what dead meaned. But he had to know. He was scared because he didn’t know. He had to know what dead meaned. Not knowing made him more scared. He had to know. He had to know what happened to the gnome. He had to know if the gnome was okay. Remus wanted the gnome to be okay. The gnome had to be okay.

Daddy looked at Remus. His face was still sad. Remus didn’t like it.

“Dead means gone,” Daddy said.

Remus didn’t understand what Daddy meaned. The gnome wasn’t gone. The gnome was still here. He was lying on the ground in front of Remus and Daddy. He hadn’t gone anywhere. He was still here. He wasn’t gone. Remus didn’t understand what Daddy meaned. If dead meaned gone, why was the gnome still here?

“I don’t understand,” Remus said. “The gnome isn’t gone. The gnome is here.”

“His body’s here,” Daddy said. “But he is gone.”

“Where'd he go?” Remus said.

“The gnome went on,” Daddy said.

“On where?” Remus said.

“I don’t know,” Daddy said. “He went to the place all dead things go.”

“Where's that?” Remus said.

“I don’t know,” Daddy said.

“Why?” Remus said.

“Because only dead people can go there, and once they go there, they can’t come back, so no one has ever been able to tell us what it’s like,” Daddy said.

Remus didn’t like this. He didn’t understand what Daddy was saying. He didn’t know how the gnome could be both here and gone at the same time. Remus didn’t see the gnome go anywhere. The gnome didn’t move. 

“Why didn’t I see the gnome go?” Remus said.

“Because the gnome’s soul is invisible,” Daddy said.

Soul. That was another word the Remus didn’t understand. He didn’t like learning new words. New words maked his head hurt and maked him feel sad. He feeled that the more words he learned, the more scary and big the world was. He just wanted the world to stay the same, but new words keeped finding him and making the world big. But Remus knowed that if he wanted to be big, he would have to learn the new words, even though they was scary and maked his head hurt.

“What’s soul?” Remus said.

“It’s you. It lives inside you,” Daddy said. “It keeps you alive and it lives on forever and ever. It cannot die. Your body can die, but your soul stays alive forever.”

Remus still didn’t understand. How can you be both dead and alive at the same time?

“So the gnome’s soul could be standing beside me now, only I can’t see it ‘cause it’s all invisible?” Remus said.

“No,” Daddy said. “The gnome went on, he can’t be standing beside you because he went on.”

“How do you know?” Remus said. “If his soul is invisible how do you know it goed on? How? The gnome could be stuck or he could have gotted lost. How do you know he goed on?” 

“Because everyone goes on, Remus,” Daddy said. “No one stays behind.”

“But what if the gnome wanted to say behind?” Remus said.

“He can’t stay behind, son,” Daddy said. “He has to go on. It’s the rule. When you die you have no choice. You have to go on to the place all dead things go.”

Remus looked down at the little gnome. What if the gnome didn’t want to go where all the dead things goed? What if he wanted to stay and go home to his Mummy and Daddy? What if he didn’t want to go on and was forced to go on and now he was stuck in the world of dead things and he was scared?

Remus was crying now. He was crying and he couldn’t stop. He was shaking all over. He couldn’t stop shaking. He had sent the gnome to the world of dead things. He had made the gnome go when he didn’t want to go. He had made the gnome’s Mummy and Daddy sad. He had doomed the gnome to be sad and scared and lost forever and ever in the world of dead things, while all the gnome’s friends and his Mummy and Daddy stayed here with all the people that was alive. The gnome wouldn’t be able to see his friends again. He wouldn’t be able to see his Mummy and Daddy again. It was all Remus’s fault. He had throwed the gnome into the wall. He had made the gnome dead. He had sent the gnome to the world of dead things. Remus was a bad person. He was just as bad as all the bad wizards that the Aurors catched.

Remus cried for a long time. Daddy picked up him and held him tight. Daddy said it was okay. Daddy said that it was an accident. Daddy said it was okay. But Daddy was telling lies. It wasn’t okay. The gnome was in the world of dead things. The gnome’s Mummy and Daddy would never see the gnome again. The gnome was lost and scared and it was Remus who had made him lost and scared. It was Remus’s fault. Remus had taked the gnome’s life away.

“Can – can we rescue the gnome?” Remus said. “I’ll go the world of dead things and I’ll rescue the gnome.”

“You can’t do that, Remus,” Daddy said. “Only dead people can go to the world of dead things, and once you go there, you can’t come back.”

Remus cried harder. How could he tell the gnome he was sorry? How could he tell the gnome that is was an accident and that he didn’t mean to send him to the world of dead things and make his Mummy and Daddy sad? What if the gnome was in the world of dead things right now and he was lost and scared and alone and he hated Remus because Remus was the one that had made him go there?

“It’s okay,” Daddy said. “Don’t be sad. The gnome is happy in the world of dead things.”

“How do you know?” Remus said. 

“I just know,” Daddy said. 

“But what if I made the gnome’s Mummy and Daddy sad, 'cause they'll never be able to see the gnome again?” Remus said.

Daddy didn’t say anything for a long time. “They will see the gnome again,” Daddy said. “When they die they will see the gnome again.”

“I don’t want them to die,” Remus said. He was crying even more now. Remus didn’t want any more gnomes going to the world of dead things. The gnomes had to stay here. The gnomes had to eat worms and run around and fall over and get up. The gnomes had to stay here.

“Everyone dies, Remus,” Daddy said.

“Will I die?” Remus said. He was scared now. He was so scared. He didn’t want to die. He didn’t want to go to the world of dead things. He didn’t want to be lost like the gnome. He didn’t want to make his Mummy and Daddy sad. He didn’t want to never see his friends or his Mummy and Daddy ever again. He didn’t want to go to where all the dead things goed. He didn’t want to. He was scared.

Daddy didn’t say anything for a long time again. “Yes, Remus, you will die, but it won’t be for a very, very, very long time.”

“I don’t want to die,” Remus said. He was crying even harder now. He was shaking again. His heart was running really fast in his chest. 

“You won’t die for a very, very, very long time,” Daddy said.

“How long?” Remus said. He was scared to know the answer, but at the same time he had to know the answer.

“For a hundred years, maybe even longer,” Daddy said.

Remus thinked about it. That was a very long time. One-hundred years was a very long time. He had only been alive for three years. A hundred years was forever. He didn’t mind dying in one-hundred years. That was forever away.

“Will you and Mummy die?” Remus said.

“Yes, we will,” Daddy said. 

“I don’t want you to die,” Remus said. Remus hugged Daddy tighter. He would hug Daddy forever if it meaned that Daddy wouldn’t ever die as long as Remus hugged him.

“But we won’t die for a very long time,” Daddy said.

“In a hundred years?” Remus said.

“Maybe a little less than that,” Daddy said.

“Will you die when I die?” Remus said.

“I hope not,” Daddy said.

Remus didn’t understand. Why didn’t Daddy want to die at the same time as him? Why didn’t Daddy want them all to die together? That way they would all be together and no one would be sad and no one would be left behind all alone. They would all be together in the world of dead things, and then they wouldn’t be scared. They could even find the gnome and make sure he wasn’t scared. They would find the gnome and Remus would tell the gnome that he was sorry, that he didn’t mean to send him to the world of dead things.

“Why don’t you want to die when I die?” Remus said.

“Because I want you to live longer than I do, Remus,” Daddy said.

“You want me to live without my mummy and daddy?” Remus said.

“Yes,” Daddy said.

“You want me to be all alone without you?” Remus said. Remus felt sad now. Why did Daddy want him to be alone? Why did Daddy want Remus to be sad and all by hisself? Was Remus being punished because he had sended the gnome to the world of dead things? Because he had done that was Daddy going to die and leave here him all alone?

“Don’t think of it like that,” Daddy said. “I’m older than you, aren’t I? I want you to live your life and I want you to have a very long life, but I’m older than you, Remus, so if we both die at the same time that means that you won’t have a long life, and I want you to have one.”

“But I’ll be all by myself,” Remus said. He wanted to make Daddy understand. Daddy had to understand. Remus didn’t want to be all alone. Remus wanted to be with Mummy and Daddy forever. He didn’t want them to go somewhere without them. They had to stay together.

“But you’ll be all grown up,” Daddy said. “And you’ll have children of your own, so you won’t be all alone. You’ll have your own family and all your friends, and you’ll be very happy.”

“But I can’t be happy with no Mummy and Daddy,” Remus said.

Daddy’s eyes was full of tears again, but none of the tears leaved his eyes. They stayed there in his eyes, like they was hiding and they didn’t want anyone to see them.
 



Daddy was digging a big hole in the garden. Remus didn’t know why he was digging the hole. None of the gnomes comed to watch Daddy digging. The gnomes stayed away. The gnomes didn’t run around and fall over and get up. The gnomes didn’t eat worms and Mummy’s flowers. The gnomes stayed away. Remus knowed that the gnomes was scared now, that the gnomes was afraid to come in the garden in case Remus catched them and sent them to the world of dead things too.

The hole was very big. It looked like a cut on the skin of the grass, like a big cut, but no red water came out of this cut. This cut was different. It was empty and dark. It was full of nothing, nothing but dark and muck and stones.

Mummy had wrapped the gnome up in a blanket. Mummy said they was going to bury the gnome. Remus didn’t want the gnome to be buried. What if the gnome found a way back from the world of dead things and it was stuck buried under the ground? How would the gnome get out if he came back? They couldn’t bury the gnome. The gnome had to stay above the ground, the gnome must stay in the garden above the ground, because the gnome would come back from the world of dead things, Remus knowed the gnome would come back. Remus hadn’t meaned to send the gnome to the world of dead things, it was an accident, and accidents was alright, you could fix accidents. The gnome would come back.

“The gnome can’t come back, son, please understand,” Daddy said.

Daddy put the gnome in the hole and then with his wand he put the big pile of muck all over the gnome. Remus couldn’t see the gnome anymore. The gnome was gone now, the gnome was gone like his soul was gone to the world of dead things.

“Don’t bury him!” Remus said. “The gnome has to stay in the garden 'cause his soul will come back!”

Mummy picked Remus up and taked him inside. Remus was still shouting. Remus shouted and fighted but Mummy wouldn’t listen. The gnome was only sleeping, the gnome would come back, the gnome couldn’t stay in the world of dead things because the gnome wasn’t meant to go there yet, it hadn’t been one-hundred years. The gnome wasn’t meant to go there for a hundred years.
 



Remus went and guarded the gnome every day. He guarded the gnome so when the gnome’s soul comed back, Remus would be able to dig the gnome up again and everything would be alright. The gnome would be able to go home to his Mummy and Daddy. The gnome would be able to eat worms and Mummy’s flowers and fall over in the garden. All of the gnome’s friends would come back and play in the garden. All the gnomes wouldn’t be scared of Remus because they would see that it was an accident and that Remus hadn’t meaned to send the gnome to the world of dead things, that it had been an accident.

But the gnomes never came back into the garden. And the gnome’s soul never came back to the gnome asleep under the muck. Remus guarded the gnome for days and days. Remus forgot about climbing trees, Remus forgot about playing with his friends, Remus just guarded the gnome, waiting for the gnome to come back so Remus could tell him he was very sorry.

Mummy didn’t like Remus guarding the gnome. Mummy got very sad when she saw Remus guarding the gnome. Mummy and Daddy started whisper fighting. They always whisper fighted when they thinked that Remus couldn’t hear them, but Remus could hear them, Remus could always hear them.

Remus learned many new words from Mummy and Daddy’s whisper fights. He learned new and scary words that he did not like. The new words was scary, they made the world big. They made Remus start shaking so bad he couldn’t stop. Remus didn’t like learning new words because once you learned new words you could never un-learn them, you could never forget them. They stayed in your head forever and their meanings made you want to cry and shout and run away and hide where no more words could find you, but the words would always find you, they would always find you.

Kill. That was another new word. A new word that scared Remus more than dead scared him. Kill was a very bad word, a very bad word. Remus didn’t have to ask what kill meaned. He knowed what kill meaned. He had known what kill meaned the moment he knowed the gnome was dead. Kill meaned to take life away, to take life away when it didn’t want to be taked away. Remus had killed the gnome. He had sended the gnome to the world of dead things, where the gnome was lost and scared and all alone. He had killed the gnome and made the gnome’s Mummy and Daddy sad. 

The gnome’s body was sleeping under the muck in the garden. The gnome was only sleeping, but this sleep was a forever sleep, a sleep that the gnome would never be able to wake up from. The gnome had to sleep forever, while the gnome’s soul was sended to the world of dead things. 

Remus had sended the gnome to the world of dead things. Remus had taked the gnome’s life away. Remus had killed the gnome. Remus had sended the gnome into forever sleep. Remus had killed the gnome. Remus was a bad person. Remus was a very bad person.

Remus cried and cried. He cried and told the gnome he was sorry. He cried and told the gnome he didn’t mean to. He cried and told the gnome it was an accident. He cried and told the gnome not to hate him, told the gnome to please not hate him. But the gnome couldn’t hear Remus. The gnome wasn’t able to hear Remus because the gnome was dead. Remus had sended the gnome into forever sleep. Remus had killed the gnome. Remus was a killer. Remus was a bad wizard. But Remus didn’t want to be a killer. He didn’t want to be a bad wizard. But he was, he was. He wasn’t able to give the gnome his life back, he wasn’t able to rescue the gnome from the world of dead things, because there was some things that magic couldn’t fix. 

There was nothing Remus could do to bring the gnome back, nothing he could do to tell the gnome he was sorry. So Remus cried and cried and cried, but crying didn’t help, nothing could help, because the gnome was dead and would always be dead, would always be in forever sleep. It was Remus’s fault, all Remus’s fault.

And it was then, once comprehension dawned, once the words ‘dead’ and ‘kill’ were learned and understood, that Death took Remus’s innocence from him.
 



Author's Note:

All the spelling and grammar mistakes are deliberate, they were done in order to convey Remus's young age. Hope you enjoyed regardless though!


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