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Trying not to love you by Elenia
Chapter 10 : Chapter ten - Just Fine
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 28


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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything else that you might recognize.





Chapter ten – Just Fine


“Gwen!”
 
It was his voice that woke me up.
 
I tried to open my eyes, but found it to be too difficult to manage. Something was wrong.
 
“I need you,” his voice was barely a whisper, but his words echoed through my ears loud and clear.
 
He needed me.
 
Me, not Kat, not anybody else, just me. His voice had been filled with emotions, filled with concern. I needed to see if he really meant it, if he really truly had said that to me.
 
Because I needed him too, probably even more than he could ever imagine.
 
I forced my eyes open, blinking them a couple of times as I tried to make up my surrounding. Everything looked unfamiliar, I was in a room surrounded by stony walls and a high ceiling. I didn’t remember ever being there before. The room reminded me a little bit about Hogwarts, but I couldn’t remember ever stumbling across a room like this during my school years.
 
I tried to search for James, but there was no one else in the room, only me.
 
Maybe he was in the other room…
 
My eyes scanned around, in search for a door but there weren’t any, all I could see was the grey wall. I tried to scream for help, but no sound came from my opened mouth, everything was quiet.
 
The silence was unbreakable.
 
My feet collapsed under me and I hit the hard floor, my bare knees scratching open from the harsh stone. I tried to rub them, make the bleeding stop, but nothing was helping, nothing could ever help me. I was trapped. I was…
 
“I’m here, love,” the hand appeared from nowhere. I stared at it for a few moments, unable to believe what I was seeing.
 
Where had he come from?
 
Carefully I reached my hand for his, certain that it would disappear once I was about to touch it. But it didn’t. Instead I slid mine into the familiar palm and felt him pull me up easily. The hazel eyes captured mine instantly, the golden spots sparking in such a beautiful way I wouldn’t have been able to look away, even if I would’ve wanted to.
 
“Please speak to me,” he whispered softly as his hand brushed a stray hair away from my face.
 
I can’t, I tried to say, but the words refused to come out.
 
“You have to speak, I need to hear your voice again,” he continued.
 
I’m trying, can’t you see how much I’m trying?
 
“You have to, because – because…” his voice trailed of.
 
Why?
 
“Because I love you,” he whispered in my ear. “I always have and nothing could ever change that. You’re the one I want and no one else.”
 
The look in his hazel eyes confirmed it. The love felt so powerful, his eyes were full of all kinds of emotions I had never seen in them before, but always hoped I would one day find. They were my feelings, reflecting back to me after all these years of waiting.
 
“But why?” I wanted to question. “Why now? Why not before?” But the words never left my mouth.
 
“That old lady was right. I don’t want to lose you,” he answered anyways, brushing his hand through my hair. “I love you, Gwen, I want you to know that. Nobody else could ever replace you.”
 
His face was only inches away from mine now, causing my breath to falter. I watched the smile dance on his lips for awhile, my bewilderment was amusing him. Or was he teasing me again, only seconds from jumping away from me and adding some stupid sentence about being siblings.
 
Every part of my body and soul kept wishing that wasn’t the case, I would surely die if it turned out to be another disappointment. But all the varying thoughts disappeared as he wrapped his hand around my waist, finding the small of my back as he pulled my body against his own. I automatically closed my eyes as I saw him leaning closer, shivering in his arms as his nose brushed against mine.
 
“I couldn’t survive without you, so please Gwen, I’m begging you, don’t leave me. I need you to make everything alright.” His hot breath was tickling my skin.
 
I could never leave him, why would he even consider something like that? I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came out again. My ability to speak – or the lack of it – wasn’t the reason this time. No, this time it was because I was silenced by the pair of most softest lips in the world, capturing mine into a kiss so perfect I had never felt anything like it before.
 
I took a moment to just concentrate on every single detail. How his lips felt against mine, how his fingers found every single spot that made me crazy, how his passion was shining through from every move. But as I was just about to respond to his kiss, it was over.
 
I couldn’t feel him anywhere, his presence wasn’t there anymore. My eyes snapped open immediately as I started to panic where he’d disappeared. That’s when I saw her.
 
Standing a few feet away, her blond hair shining radiantly, that ugly smirk conquering her whole face. I wanted to launch myself at her, beat that stupid grin from her face, but I couldn’t. An invisible force was holding me back, protecting her from my wrath.
 
“You should give up already, can’t you see you’ve lost the game?” she sneered at me. “It’s all over for you, he’s all mine now!”
 
The scene dissolved before my very eyes. The image of Kat disappeared for a few moments and James appeared again.
 
“I’m sorry, Gwen. If only you’d said something before, we could’ve been happy. But now, now it’s not possible anymore. I have new priorities now, the baby is more important to me than anything else. You’re too late,” he shrugged, turning his back at me.
 
I tried to reach for him, but the invisible wall was stopping me, preventing me from getting to him. I watched desperately as he walked a few steps away from me, finding a very pregnant Kat there and pulling her into a passionate embrace.
 
“No!” The voiceless scream left my lips. I tried to beat the wall, but it wasn’t breaking down even though I used all the strength I had. The couple didn’t even notice me anymore, they could only see each other, they didn’t even turn to look when I crumbled back to the floor, the tears pouring down my cheeks.
 
It was too late.
 
I had lost him for good. He wouldn’t be mine anymore, not the way he used to be.
 
Closing my eyes, I let the calming numbness takeover again and fell back into the dreamless sleep.
 
Only to have it all start again.
 

*
 

“Gwen…” His voice pierced through my slumber.
 
I refused to open my eyes this time, the cycle was just starting again and I couldn’t bare the heartache anymore. It was just too much for me to handle, every single time weakened me even more, driving me closer and closer to death.
 
“I need you,” he was begging, voice filled with pain.
 
No you don’t, you have Kat…
 
I could feel his hand squeezing mine desperately. I couldn’t remember him doing that before, but I didn’t let myself get fooled so easily. It was just a trick, I refused to believe it.
 
Or would have, if it was the only difference. But there was more. There was also pain, I could feel the aching growing with every passing moment. Every single move I made hurt more and more. I tried to breath steady, keep myself calm and just ignore James’s voice but it wasn’t working.
 
“Gwen!” he pleaded again.
 
“Go away,” I mumbled.
 
“Did you hear that?! She said something, didn’t she?” his voice gasped.
 
I could hear some muttering from a few feet away, but I couldn’t figure out who was talking. There was somebody else here too this time and they didn’t sound like Kat. I needed to know who, so I tried to open my eyes, but I wasn’t able to do it, it was quite an effort to even more the muscles of my face.
 
What the hell was going on?
 
I didn’t remember this happening in the previous dreams.
 
“Look! She’s frowning! She’s waking up! Get Healer Llewellyn now!”
 
Who in Merlin’s name was Healer Llewellyn?
 
“Gwen! Gwen! Can you hear me?”
 
Well of course I can, I’m not deaf, you know!
 
“Please wake up,” he was pleading again.
 
I didn’t know what to do. His voice was ringing through my head, it made me want to see him immediately, just forget everything and throw myself in his arms. But I was afraid to open my arms, I couldn’t face the grey stone walls again, They would make me break for the last time.
 
But I guess it was the suffering in his voice that forced me to do a decision. even though how much I was afraid of breaking my heart into pieces once again, I never wanted to hear that pain in his voice again.
 
So I concentrated.
 
I concentrated so hard, forcing my eyes to open. It didn’t work at first, but after a few dozen tries, I could feel my eyelids moving a bit.
 
“Yes! You can do it, Dolly! I know you can!” he sighed in relief.
 
His voice gave me courage and finally I managed to open my eyes all the way, only to see…
 
White?
 
I blinked, but everything still stayed white. I lost count how many times I blinked during the next moments, but eventually the other colours started to show up too.
 
Purple was the first colour, slowly followed by brown, then black, green, yellow and all the rest of them. But they were all just a blur, mixed together without making any sense.
 
I continued to blink, and eventually, after countless tries, my vision started to clear.
 
I could see his outlines already, feel his hand squeezed around mine. Only a few more blinks and I could see his eyes again, and to feel the pain in my heart multiply.
 
Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this after all, maybe I should wait until he leaves.
 
But I knew he wouldn’t leave. I could hear the desperation in his voice. Something had happened to me and he would not leave my side before he saw with his own eyes that I was okay.
 
“Miss Miller, can you hear me?” a sudden voice from my left asked. It sounded silvery, and oddly familiar; I was immediately drawn towards it.
 
Slowly my head turned to my other side, searching for the source of the voice. Finding the figure in green robes, I started to blink my eyes again, trying to clear the rest of my vision. And as it finally did, I got lost in the sea of blue. Or was it green? I still couldn’t tell.
 
I had almost forgotten those eyes. I couldn’t understand how because all I could do now was stare; stare at the most gorgeous pair of eyes I had once seen before few weeks back. But that had been just a dream too, right?
 
“Gwenny talk to me! Can you hear me?” I heard James ask.
 
I wanted to shush him for disturbing me, couldn’t he see that I was busy now. I was busy trying to figure out if this was real or just my imagination again. I needed proof.
 
“Joshua…” my voice was barely a whisper.
 
“What’s wrong with her, Healer Llewellyn? Has she lost her memory? Can’t she recognize me?” James asked immediately.
 
“Umm, no Mister Potter… Actually her mind seems to be working quite well…” the mouth under the amazing eyes replied, I could see a smile dancing on its corners again. Even its movements seemed to be perfect, like he was concentrating on every single spot on those lush lips when he pronounced the words.
 
“Then who the hell is Joshua?” James questioned.
 
“Err… that would be me.” I stared at the moves of the lips and a smile rose on my own when he confirmed my thoughts. “How are you feeling, Miss Miller?” he added as he turned to look at me.
 
“Gwen…” I whispered.
 
“All right. Gwen, how are you feeling?” He was smiling properly now. I hoped it was a happy smile because I had recognized him.
 
Oh lord, I was reaching for the stars again, weren’t I?
 
First James and now Joshua.
 
Clearly they were both out of my league…
 
“You?” James stated in shock. “Why does she know your name?”
 
“But why are you here?” I asked.
 
“Well, you’re in my ward,” he let out a warm chuckle. I guess the puzzlement was shining from my face as he soon added: “I’m the Healer in charge of the Sports injuries ward.”
 
“I’m in St. Mungo’s?” The bewilderment took over as I tried to figure out what had happened to me.
 
“Would somebody please tell me what’s going on here?” James groaned in a demanding tone, making me remember his presence too. As I turned my head slowly back towards his direction, the look on his face softened immediately, relief visible on his face when our eyes met.
 
“Hey,” he breathed, squeezing my hand tight.
 
“Hey,” I replied, giving him a small smile despite the hurtful feelings that were starting to pile up.
 
The dreams still felt too real to forget.
 
“How are you feeling?” he questioned.
 
“Fine,” I said and made James chuckle.
 
He knew I was lying. My head felt like it was exploding, and every muscle of my upper body was aching. Lower parts I didn’t feel at all and it didn’t stop there. So maybe ‘Fine’ wasn’t the best word.
 
“You scared me, you know that? Don’t ever do it again!” James commented, brushing the back of my hand softly.
 
“What happened?” I asked.
 
“I’ll let you two catch up in a minute, I’ll need you to answer few questions first, okay?” Joshua said quickly before James got to respond. He shot a nasty glance at the Healer and was about to retort, but I managed to beat him to it.
 
“Yeah, sure. No problem.”
 
“Great.” Joshua smiled.” Now, I know you said fine, but I need to hear every single little detail you are or aren’t feeling right now. I need to determinate all the possible injuries you still might be suffering, okay?”
 
“Good luck with that,” James snorted before I got to answer and made Joshua glance at him questioningly. “Well she’s probably the most stubborn person in the whole world. She’ll never admit that she’s hurting. Once she fell out of a tree and broke her tailbone. She didn’t say anything during the next two hours while we continued to run along the yard. Only when mum yelled us to dinner we noticed that she actually couldn’t sit down. And still she tried to protest that she just sprained it and it’d go away on its own.”
 
“Oh come on, you know I’m not like that… anymore!”
 
“Oh yes you are!”
 
“No! I told you the last time! Remember, when I broke my fist when I punched the elevator… wall” my voice trailed of as I realised what I was saying.
 
“So you did break it then after all?” Joshua just chuckled and I felt the blush rising on my cheeks.
 
“Okay, true,” James admitted, then turning to look at the light-haired man suspiciously. “But how do you know about it?”
 
“Oh, I saw her punch the wall, which did look quite intimidating I have to say, I could certainly see why you wanted to hit it.” That sort-of-a-smile of his was so captivating, I had a hard time deciding if I should stare at his eyes or those gorgeous lips.
 
“You were in our building?” James inquired.
 
“I’m sure Gwen will explain it all to you on a better time. Right now, I need her to answer my question.”
 
James once again opened his mouth to say something but decided against it and just sunk into his chair quite reluctantly, I could tell that he was dying to say something snappy, but he couldn’t since the man was there trying to make me feel better. He just had to suck it up, but as always, he was quite lousy in hiding it.
 
“So, care to tell me, Gwen?” Joshua asked. “I really need you to hear every little detail, because if you don’t, it might affect your whole career.”
 
He just had to say that, didn’t he?
 
I didn’t want to whine, at least not in front of him! But what if I couldn’t ever play Quidditch because I left out something stupid? That would be even worse!
 
“My head hurts and my muscles ache,” I muttered eventually.
 
“Is that all?”
 
The sigh came out before the word. “No.”
 
“Care to enlighten me then?”
 
“I can’t feel anything on my lower body, my right hand feels like it’s on fire, as well as the right side of my face. I don’t think I can move my left arm and there’s definitely something weird going on with my neck.”
 
James snapped back up from his chair immediately, looking more worried than ever. Joshua on the other hand nodded and waited for me to continue.
 
Now how did he know that still wasn't all?
 
“It hurts to breathe.” I added after a few seconds.
 
“Is that all then?” he asked again, still not convinced.
 
“I think so. I mean, nothing else that I can recognize right now, except for my stomach aching, but I’m thinking that’s because of hunger.”
 
“Okay. Well, if you think of something else, let me know. And it’s quite normal to be feeling hungry, you’ve been knocked out for five days after all,” Joshua smiled.
 
“What?” I gasped, automatically trying to spring up to a sitting position, but all I managed to do was hurt my neck more as my whole body wasn’t quite responding as well as I would’ve wanted it to.
 
“Stay still!” James stated, pushing me back down.
 
“I’ve been out for almost a week?”
 
The thoughts were spinning in my head. What the hell had happened?
 
I squeezed my eyes shut as the thumping feeling inside my head was growing stronger and stronger because of the sudden movement.
 
“Yes. We didn’t want to even try waking you up, there was so much damage you went through. We wanted to let your body heal as much as it could to save you from as many painful hours as possible. I’m glad it worked.” I imagined the movement of those beautiful lips so I could distract myself from the headache.
 
Despite all the aching, I had to chuckle a bit at his words. What would he describe me feeling now then? Was this supposed to be a stroll in the park already? Man, I didn’t even want to imagine what had gone through those five days when I was unconscious.
 
“So what happened?” I questioned again.
 
“I’ll let Mister Potter answer you that. I’ll go give the Mediwizards orders about your treatment and make sure somebody will bring you food,” Joshua replied.
 
My eyes snapped open immediately. He was leaving? But I didn’t want him to. I couldn’t be left alone with James, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle it. I needed Joshua to distract me.
 
“I’ll drop by later to see how you’re feeling. Try to rest, and no sitting up, not even when you’re eating!” He smiled properly this time, making the butterflies in my stomach go crazy.
 
“I’ll make sure she won’t,” James stated firmly, little annoyance noticeable in his voice. The guilt washed away the tingly feelings as I turned to look at him again to see those golden spots of his irises examining my face carefully.
 
He really has got to stop doing that!
 
I had no reason to feel guilty, I didn’t owe James anything. We weren’t together, he wasn’t in love with me and he most certainly didn’t own me. I could fancy who ever I wanted!
 
I just needed to get myself to believe that and everything would be fine.
 
I forced my eyes away from James and watched Joshua walk to the door. He gave me one last glance and a smile before he left, making my heart beat a bit faster again.
 
Oh lord, what was happening to me? I felt like a giggly schoolgirl, swooning after the most gorgeous guy around. I hadn’t been like this even when I first realised I liked James.
 
“So… how do you know him?” James asked almost immediately when the door closed, snapping me out of my trance.
 
“Met him in the elevator that day when I broke my fist,” I admitted. There was no point in denying any of it.
 
“Was he the reason you were smiling then?” he questioned.
 
Okay, maybe I should still deny that! Maybe…
 
No! Not letting myself fall on that path again!
 
“Yeah,” I said.
 
“Oh?” James nodded, sounding at bit surprised.
 
“I didn’t tell you because there really wasn’t anything to tell! We practically spoke three sentences and I didn’t think I’d ever see him again!” I added.
 
“Yeah, yeah, I understand. You don’t have to tell me every single thing!” He hurried to say, still the trace of disappointment was evident in his tone.
 
I almost opened my mouth to say something to make him feel better, but luckily I managed to stop myself.
 
Why was everything so awkward all of a sudden? Or was it just me making things weird because I was trying to fight my feelings?
 
“Could you just tell me what happened?” I sighed.
 
“Ryan smacked you with his bat which made you black out and your broom get out of control. You still managed to hold onto it though, something that shouldn’t apparently be even possible, but I’m not surprised. You’ve practised controlling it quite awhile already, I always knew you could do it in your sleep. Anyways, your broom soared around the pitch, you with it, smacking against the stands. The ref, Coach and the Healers were all shooting spells, trying to make it stop but nobody was fast enough. Eventually it threw you to the ground.” James replied, absentmindedly playing with my fingers as he spoke.
 
Oh wow…
 
No wonder I felt like I’ve been run over by a heard of furious Hippogriffs.
 
“They said you broke every single bone of your body, some so badly they had to grow you new ones.” he continued. “Your rib punctured your lung and your skull cracked pretty badly. If the Healers hadn’t been there, you…” his voice trailed of as he stared at my hands, brushing the sides of my fingers softly. I examined his face in silence, not able to think of anything clever to say.
 
I tried to picture if things were the other way around, how I would’ve been feeling if it was he who was lying in a hospital bed. Even the thought of it made me want to shudder, I wouldn’t have been able to take it as peacefully as he was. I would’ve been crying my eyes out, screaming at Healers to make him feel better immediately. I wouldn’t have left his side for even a second
 
I would’ve done all that even if I didn’t have these feelings towards him, so I was certain he had acted quite the same way.
 
But still, five days… I couldn’t even imagine what he had gone through during that time, just watching me lying here.
 
“What was the final score?” I questioned, trying to change the subject.
 
“You don’t want to know…” James sighed.
 
“Of course I do,” I replied.
 
“Let’s just say it didn’t end well for us, they slaughtered us completely,” he frowned.
 
“Oh come one, really? Is that even possible?”
 
“Well, do you remember anything about the game?”
 
“Yeah, they had quite the lead…”
 
It was all slowly coming back to me, moments from the match. We hadn’t been doing so well.
 
“The game lasted over a day, and apparently the Tornadoes kept scoring all the time. Our reserve team members suck big time…” he said. “Coach went mental!”
 
That reminded me of something else…
 
“Hey, wait… I was out five days, that means it’s Thursday now?” I questioned.
 
“Yeah?” James confirmed, sounding puzzled as he wasn’t sure what I was getting at.
 
“I’m surprised Coach isn’t here, forcing you to come to practise, we have a game on Saturday after all, don’t we?” I asked, trying to rack my brain and remember who we were scheduled to play with.
 
“Yeah, against the Harpies. Though game, but I’m sure the team will be fine without us, now that they’ve had time to practise playing together.” He just shrugged.
 
Us?
 
“What do you mean us?”
 
“Well you obviously aren’t playing, you can’t even stand up, let alone sit on a broom, and I’m not playing either.”
 
And he called me stubborn?
 
“Are you serious? Why not? Do you honestly think I’m not capable of staying in a hospital by myself while you go play? Don’t be stupid, James! You can’t put me over to the others, that’s not fair for the team.”
 
“What’s not fair is that you have to lie here, looking like that, not being able to even move your legs! I’m not going to go anywhere!” he said. I opened my mouth to protest, but he cut me off. ”But even though I’d like to say that’s the reason why I’m not going, it’s not. I got banned.”
 
“What?” I gasped.
 
“Yeah, for two months.” he nodded.
 
“Why the hell would they – what did you do to Ryan?” the realisation hit me half way through my sentence.
 
“Beat him up,” he replied quite casually.
 
“For Merlin’s sake, why would you do that, James?” I sighed.
 
“Because I thought you were dead! What else would I’ve done? I saw the broom throw you off like you were a fucking rag doll, and then you just lied there, not moving, not even breathing! I thought I lost the most important person in my life so sorry if I didn’t think quite clearly and attacked the person who was responsible of you lying there like that,” he said, tone rising up a notch.
 
I just stared at him, mouth open, as I let his words sink in.
 
How do you respond to something like that?
 
James was panting slightly after his outburst, keeping his eyes locked with mine and squeezing my hand a bit harder. “I thought you died,” he added in a whisper, as he closed his eyes and leaned his head into my hand.
 
I could feel the tears burning in my eyes and I had to furiously bat a few times to make them go away.
 
Why?
 
Why couldn’t he be mine?
 
I could’ve given him so much, but now… now he was stuck with that horrible bitch, and I knew he would force himself to stay with her forever so the baby would have a good life.
 
He didn’t deserve that, he was worth so much more.
 
The tears broke through regardless of my furious blinking, I could feel them running down my cheeks, making the right side of my face start to sting even more. But I was unable to wipe them away, my left hand wasn’t working and James had the hold of my right one.
 
I just closed my eyes, trying to ignore it all.
 
I had no right to think like that. I should’ve reacted earlier, made my move and stopped being such a coward. But it was just… it wasn’t worth the risk. I loved him, but would’ve died if I lost him because of it. And because of my stupid feelings, I had to go and hurt him, make him get so wasted that he didn’t even realise what he was doing and that led him into destroying his whole future. It was all my fault.
 
The running tears were making my nose leak too, so I had to sniff to keep it in control. This however made James to spin his head towards me.
 
“Hey, I’m not hurting you, am I?” he asked worriedly.
 
“No, of course not,” I hurried to say.
 
“Then why are you crying?”
 
I didn’t answer, just sniffed as I tried to release my hand from his grip, to wipe the tears away.
 
“Here, let me,” he said as he stood up, cupping my head in his hands and brushing my tears away softly with his thumbs. “All better now.”
 
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
 
“Why?” He questioned, brows furrowing as he stared at me.
 
I couldn’t even bare to look at him, I felt too ashamed.
 
“Because it’s all my fault.”
 
“What is?” he sounded even more confused now.
 
“Your whole situation with Kat. I made you angry at your party and that led to all this…” I managed to say.
 
“What? Oh, don’t be stupid! Of course it’s not your fault. I wasn’t drinking because I was angry with you! I was angry to myself for – for acting like an idiot and making you feel bad. You had every right to do whatever you wanted, it wasn’t up to me to say anything!”
 
“But still…” I tried.
 
“No, not another word about it. It was not your fault,” he said, silencing me by pressing his finger on my lips. “It’s my problem, and I’ll deal with the best way I can. You had nothing to do with it, okay?”
 
I nodded, though I wasn’t actually agreeing with him. But it would be pointless to argue; since I couldn’t tell him the whole truth about it, I didn’t have anything I could explain my point with.
 
The silence fell between us for a few moments as James wiped away the remaining of my tears. I winced a few times as his fingers passed by a particularly sore spot which made him look more and more worried.
 
“Does it hurt much?” he questioned.
 
“No,” I lied and made him hem.
 
“Well it looks like it does. I wish they could heal these already.” he said as he examined my cheek, tracing the outlines of my bruises.
 
“Are they bad?” I asked.
 
“No,” he commented.
 
“Liar,” I smiled.
 
“Okay, yeah, quite bad. But you know, healing your bones is more important and they can’t do it all at the same time, your body couldn’t handle that many different healing spells at the same time.”
 
“What have they done already?”
 
“Fixed your skull and your lung, and re-grown the bones that were too shattered to fix,” he answered. “But there are still broken ones, and then there’s all this skin damage. But it’s all going to end up great, there’s nothing that’s beyond fixing.”
 
“So no chance on getting out of here today?” I said with a tiny smirk.
 
“None,” he chuckled. “But don’t worry, I’ll stay here to keep you company.”
 
“You don’t have to…”
 
“Oh shut up, you know I will. You’d do the same if it was me,” he pointed out.
 
I didn’t get to answer, since there was a knock on the door that interrupted us. Few seconds later Ginny Potter opened the door. “Hi, can we come in already?”
 
“Sure…” I said a bit embarrassedly. I hadn’t even realised there was somebody else here.
 
As I watched her walk in with Nana Weasley, Victoire and Lily, I felt thankful, for they offered me the distraction I needed. I didn’t want to be alone with James, I didn’t have the energy to hide my feelings so well. And if I couldn’t even keep my tears away…Everything was just too excruciating, it even topped the physical pain.
 
“How are you feeling, sweetie?” Ginny asked, giving me a motherly smile.
 
“I’m fine,” I said once again.
 
“Of course you are,” she rolled her eyes.
 
“Gave us quite a scare, didn’t you?” Victoire said, brushing my leg. It felt so odd to see her do that, since I couldn’t feel it at all.
 
“Nah, just a little fall, you shouldn’t have been worried,” I smiled. “Besides, I promised James I’d –“ I started but James interrupted.
 
“She promised, we’d go see a movie after the game, and since she always keeps her promises, there was no way she could die before that,” he lied.
 
I turned to look at him, trying hard not to frown. Why did he just lie to his family? Surely he had already told them about the baby, five days had passed after all.
 
But more interestingly, he lied? He lied convincingly? James cannot lie! He blushes, he reveals himself with his expressions, he just sucks at it. Or maybe he just cannot lie to me? Well, what ever it was, it was weird to watch him do it.
 
“Or maybe she could’ve come back as a ghost…” he added.
 
“And gone to a muggle movie theatre? Well, at least it would’ve been quiet after that,” I laughed and groaned quite loudly because it hurt like hell.
 
“Take it easy,” James said immediately.
 
“You guys are so odd,” Lily sighed in the background.
 
“How so?” James turned to look at his sister.
 
“Well, Gwenny’s lying there, half dead, and you joke about ghosts?”
 
“Aah, but that’s why she’s my best friend and not you, lil sis. She understands,” James responded, smiling to me.
 
“Everybody else sent their greetings too. They couldn’t be here since they had to work, but they’ve all dropped by a few times. And will probably come by again, now that you’re awake,” Nana Weasley said, as she leaned down to give me a hug and to adjust my blanket better.
 
“Oh, they don’t have to,” I said embarrassedly.
 
“Don’t be silly, dear. Look, they all brought you flowers,” she told me, pointing towards the back of the room.
 
And sure enough, there was a table there, filled with flower bouquets in differently shaped vases. It looked like a small garden was growing there.
 
“Oh, wow, thank you. You guys shouldn’t have…” I muttered.
 
“Of course we did, dear,” Ginny smiled to me.
 
Another knock echoed in the room and we all turned to look as a young Mediwizard walked in, levitating a tray with my food.
 
“Hello, Miss Miller, how are you feeling?” she said to me, though her eyes were at James the whole time.
 
“Just fine,” I replied dully.
 
“Well, that’s great. I’m Savannah, and I’m one of the Mediwizards here. If you need anything, let me know, I’d be more than happy to help,” she continued, though this time I wasn’t sure if it was meant for me or James.
 
“Great, I’ll keep that in mind,” I smiled blankly, not planning on ever letting her help me.
 
“I brought your food. You should try to eat it, and then get some more rest. You’ve been through a lot and the potions I have here for you will work better when you’re sleeping,” she explained.
 
“Oh, I’ll take that,” James shot up. What-ever-her- name- was started to bat her lashes quite furiously and a wide smile conquered her face as James approached her.
 
Fantastic, let the flirting begin…
 
But fortunately for me, he didn’t even seem to notice her attempts, he just took the tray and turned back to me. “Mm, soup. Let’s see how much of this I can actually manage to get in your mouth,” he laughed.
 
“My right hand is working fine, I can do it myself,” I commented.
 
“Nope, since you cannot sit up. I’ll do it, it’s not a problem,” he said, taking his place again and placing it on his lap. “Now, open your mouth…” he started as he held out a spoon.
 
“Wait, she needs her potions first!” the Mediwizard hurried to say.
 
“Oh,” James replied, lowering the spoon back on the bowl.
 
“We’ll let you take your medicine and eat in peace,” Ginny smiled.
 
“You don’t have to go…” I said, looking at the Weasley women.
 
“No, no. You need to rest, dear. We’ll come back another day,” she answered. “You’ll stay here, won’t you James?” she continued to her son.
 
“Of course,” James replied like it was obvious.
 
“Good, take care of her. And remember to eat too, you have your food basket, don’t you?” Ginny worried.
 
“Yeah,” James said, pointing at the floor.
 
“Good, we’re off then. Take care, Gwenny, and try to get better soon,” she beamed to me then.
 
The others said their goodbyes too and then left the room, leaving me alone with James and the Mediwizard. She came to the other side of my hospital bed and helped me to drink two vials of foul tasting potion.
 
I had no idea how she managed to do it, since the whole time she kept staring at my best friend. I’m surprised she actually found my mouth.
 
“I didn’t give you any Sleeping Draught, since these two were already quite strong potions. So try to get sleep on your own, but if you don’t manage to do it, call me back, and I’ll give you a few drops.”
 
“I think I can manage…” I said, though I doubt she even heard me. I bet she wouldn’t have even noticed me if I waved my hand in front of her eyes.
 
James cleared his throat, which made me turn my head in his direction once again. Again he wasn’t even bothered by the girl; something quite surprising when compared to his normal behaviour, but I guessed it was because of the whole Kat situation. He just held up a spoon and smiled to me.
 
“Well that was odd,” I teased him once the girl finally left the room. I needed to hold the discussion up all the time so I wouldn’t let my awkwardness show.
 
“What was?” James asked while giving me a spoon full of hot vegetable soup.
 
“Did you even notice her?”
 
“Who?” he said, brows furrowing a bit.
 
“Who-ever-she-was, the Mediwizard,” I clarified.
 
“Umm, yeah?” He still wasn’t getting it.
 
“Poor girl, she was trying so hard to get your attention, but you didn’t even glance at her.”
 
“Oh,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. “Not really in a situation where I can flirt with random girls, am I?”
 
“Aren’t you? I don’t know, I’ve been knocked out for five days, I have no idea what’s going on. But apparently your family doesn’t know about it yet,” I commented.
 
“Yeah… Didn’t feel like telling them about it here. The whole hospital would hear about it, Mum doesn’t have the most silent shouting voice…” he shrugged.
 
“Aah… Is that the only reason?” I questioned.
 
“No…” he muttered before letting out a big sigh. “It’s stupid really, but it’s like, if people don’t know about it, it isn’t true. Or something…”
 
“You can’t avoid it forever,” I pointed out.
 
“I know,” he nodded, staring at the soup bowl on his lap, swirling its content with the spoon. “I just don’t know how to deal with it, I need to talk to you first.”
 
“Then talk. You know I’ll listen.”
 
“Yeah, but not now. You need to get better first,” he said but then continued before I got to protest. “And I don’t want to talk about it here, you never know who is listening.”
 
“Yeah, that is true.”
 
“So let’s just leave it at that for now, shall we? We’ll talk immediately when we get you home.”
 
“Okay,” I agreed.
 
“Good! Now there’s still some soup left you need to destroy, so let’s concentrate on that.”




A/N: I know, I know, I'm so sorry I've kept you waiting this long. I usually update a lot quicker, but during the past few weeks I've been distracted, sick, needed to finish my challenge entry and so on. Hope you don't hate me d:

Anyways, here it finally is. Did you like it? Once again, dying to hear your opinions (:

Thanks to everyone who had read and reviewed. You guys are wonderful, and I can't even explain how much your support means to me! *hugs*


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