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Chapter 12 : Death and heart ache
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There’s always a moment when everything falls to pieces. I knew it had to happen soon. There was no ignoring it. But that moment was today. And I wasn’t ready for it. Not one bit.
“Amelia,” Scorpius’s voice is soft from behind me. “I’m sorry. Please.” I stare blindly at the white wall some more, clenching my fists. “Look at me,” Scorpius pleads softly. “Amelia, I know you’re not okay, but please. Please. Just say something.”
I whirl on him, fighting to find something to say. All that comes out is a sob. Scorpius looks at me sadly, pity flashing through his grey-blue eyes. I can see the tears welling up in his eyes. He fights them off and opens his arms to me, staring at me desperately. Another sob escapes me as I launch myself at him.
He catches me in his arms, and whispers in my ear, always playing the role of the comforting older brother. “Why?” I choke, “Why now?”
“You know it been almost three months,” he says painstakingly slow and quiet. “I can’t change fate Amelia, as much as wish I could right now.”
I’m sobbing full out now into his shoulder. “But… He was…”
“Fine a few days ago,” he murmurs back. “I know. I know.”
I cling to him, wanting to pretend none of this had ever happened. Wanting to pretend everything was fine again.
Wanting to pretend it was James holding me and not Scorpius.
I hear him sigh in my ear. “Amelia…”
“I want to see him,” my voice is low, controlled by the sadness I can barely hold inside.
“Amelia,” he repeats, and I can almost hear the frown.
“He’s not dead yet, Scorpius,” I snap. “He’s my fiancé, and I want to see him.”
Scorpius breathes out a slight sigh, but his hand doesn’t stop its circular motion at my back. “Okay,” he murmurs. “Okay.”
The hospital room is dark. I almost turn back and run to find Scorpius. As much as I want to see James there’s a part of me that’s afraid to see him like this. Trembling to myself I walk quietly in the room and stop when I see him. He’s pale and thin, asleep on the bed, shivering under the light covers.
I walk over and intertwine his hand with mine. “Oh, James,” I whisper, tears filling my eyes.
His eyes flutter open and he shifts uncomfortably. When he sees me he flashes a shaky smile, exhaustion showing in his hazel eyes. “H… Hi,” he murmurs softly, staring up at me, drinking my presence in.
“Oh, James,” I whisper again, resting my forehead on his. “I love you, you know that, right?”
“Yes,” he mumbles back, reaching up shakily and brushing my hair behind my ear. “I know that. And I love you too. Don’t ever doubt that, Amelia.”
“Shh,” I say, letting my hand drift down to his cheek. “Don’t push yourself.”
He shakes his head a little. “I’m not that weak. Just tired. I haven’t been able to sleep for the past few days.” A sad smile appears on his face, tears filling his eyes as he admits, “I’m kind of scared that if I go to sleep I won’t ever wake up.”
“Don’t say that,” I gasp, leaning down and kissing him quickly. “James, please, you can’t die…”
“I don’t want to,” he says quietly. “Not now that I have you.” I feel tears fill my eyes now and he continues with, “Hey. Amelia. I love you.” He stretches up for a quick, gentle kiss and then says, “If I die—”
“Don’t say that,” I insist in a trembling voice.
“Amelia, please, just hear me out.” He sighs softly and says, “If I die,” here he pauses to make sure I don’t interrupt before continuing, “If I die, please, move on.” I blink at him, shaking a little and he says, “I love you. And I don’t want you to ever forget that, but please. Please don’t waste your life on me.”
“James…” I say on a sob-like breath. “Don’t say things like that. You can’t die. I need you too much.”
James shifts again and nods a little, murmuring, “I’m still here.” His eyes meet mine. “For you. I’ll hold on for as long as you want me too.”
I rest my head against his neck, hoping he won’t see the tears dripping down my cheeks, and whisper into his ear, “Forever. I’ll want you here for forever.”
I can almost feel his smile; can almost hear it in his voice. “That’s all I can ask for.” There’s another short pause and I pull back from his neck, finally able to stop the flow of tears as he grips my hand tighter.
I squeeze back, watching quietly as he shifts again. He swallows a bit as his eyes flutter closed and he whispers, “Stay with me.”
I sniffle. “Always.”
I wave my wand around, groaning, and then fling it at the wall again in frustration. “It’s not right, it’s not bloody working…”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” A soft voice asks from behind me. I turn quickly to see Percy there, all by himself.
I blink a little at not seeing Theo with him—I swear to Merlin those two are attached at the hip— and then ask, “What are you doing here?”
Percy frowns a bit. “I was going to ask you something, but I guess now isn’t the right time, is it?”
I smile sadly. He’s always so perceptive. “Yeah, I guess now isn’t the best time.”
“It’s about that friend of yours again, isn’t it?” Percy asks, running a hand through his hair nervously.
I walk over and pick my wand up off the ground, saying, “Yeah,” softly.
Percy frowns again and walks over to the desk, looking at the notes I’ve written on the spell I made. “Complicated, eh?” He asks after a moment, his eyes narrowed as he tries to make out the scrawled words on the paper.
I nod. “I’m afraid I’ll do something wrong if he wants me to use it.”
“You still haven’t asked him?” Percy raises an eyebrow, looking at me disapprovingly. “Scorpius…”
“Look,” I say, “It’s difficult.”
“Everything is, isn’t it?” He shrugs. “Life itself is difficult if you want it to be. It’s hard and yet people live through it every day. Pain, love. Death. It’s all so hard Scorpius, and yet it happens all around us. All the time. So where’s your choice in this matter? You go find him and tell him his options, because if I were the one who was dying I would want a forty percent chance at living more than a one percent chance.”
I bite my lip at Percy’s explanation. “But…”
Percy sends me an exasperated glare as if he knows I’m not getting his point entirely. “If he dies and you don’t offer it to him you’ll live the rest of your life knowing you could’ve saved him if only you’d tried. Do you really want to live like that, Scorpius? For the rest of your life?”
“Well… No, I—”
“Go talk to him,” Percy orders. “And don’t come back here until you’ve heard his answer.” He settles down on to the couch. “I’ll be waiting.”
James is alone when I enter the room. “Where’s Amelia?” I ask gently, glancing at him. He looks up at me and then shrugs quietly.
He clears his throat and finally offers, “I told her to go get some sleep. She needs it.”
I sigh and finally say, “I have an offer.”
“What’s that?” James asks with a raised eyebrow.
I lean in closer and murmur, “I… May have… kind of illegally created a spell that may save your life.”
“You did what?” James’s jaw has dropped.
I sigh. “Just listen to me. I can either do two things. I can… not use the spell and we can all hope to high heaven that you live. Or… I can use the spell and hopefully save your life. The only thing is… I’m not entirely sure it’ll work right.” I close my eyes and force out. “If something goes wrong it might kill you, James, and I can’t promise it’ll work or not.”
James watches me quietly before saying, “It’s better than a one percent chance, isn’t it?”
“Well… yeah,” I mutter, swallowing softly.
“Okay,” he says. “Let’s do it.”
A/N: Ah! Again, I'm so sorry for the long wait and the short chapter. Rose will be back in about... Two chapters though, and things will pick up from there.
Anyhow, I know this chapter is much more serious then normal, but they have to be in there eventually.
But... Please leave a review. They make my day. :)
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