I'm not sure what it is exactly that trigers it. It's not really something specific. It's a lot of things combined.
It's my cousin threatening to write to my father about my muggle-loving tendencies. It's hearing Female Bulstrode and Flint discuss possible pureblood husbands. It's catching Mulciber and Wilkes cast the Cruciatus Curse on an owl. It's watching Snape look resentfully at Lily when she's not looking, and thinking that I could end up being like him. That if I don't do something drastic, I could be stuck with these people that I hate for the rest of my life.
It's all that that and so much more makes me seek out Sirius Black against my better judgement.
I don't even have to look for him. It's almost a rule that everything goes your way when you're about to make a mistake. And in this case that means that I catch a glimpse of some red-cloaked figures flying outside, as I pass by one of the castle's windows.
Having been spared a pointless trip up the Gryffindor Tower, I slip out of the castle and onto the Hogwarts grounds. When I get down to the pitch, everyone's still up on their brooms. I recognise Potter's voice shouting instructions, while I try to spot Black.
I know he's one of the two guys holding Beater bats, but I can't tell which one from the ground, so basically I just stand on the grass looking between the two of them like an idiot.
This is a mistake.
But if I chicken out now, I'll be making a bigger one.
“Black!” I yell at no one in particular.
Everyone stops what they're doing and turns towards me. Then a loud thud is heard and the team turns its attention towards the keeper, who obviously forgot that the bludgers were still loose and now he must be really regretting it.
All the figures on the brooms fly in his direction in alarm, except one that heads to the ground.
Sirius Black lands in front of me, his eyes looking wilder than his hair.
“What do you want?” he asks me warily.
“Can I talk to you?” I say, trying to keep my voice from trembling.
He looks briefly at his teammates, who are still gathered around the keeper in mid-air.
“Not here,” he mutters.
Before I can ask where, he gets hold of my left arm and starts walking, dragging me and his broom along.
We cross the pitch and move past the stands, to the changing rooms. For a moment I think that that's our destination but he doesn't stop at the door. Instead, he pulls me around the small building, and comes to a halt in the small wooded area behind it.
Then he proceeds to round on me.
“Look, you can go ahead and tell the Ministry about me. I don't really care. Just leave James and Peter out of this. You didn't see the two of them transform. You only saw me. Tell them about me.”
What he just said is admiring and insulting at the same time.
But it's the insulting part that wins out.
“That's not- that's not what I wanted to talk to you about,” I choke out.
He looks surprised and relieved at the same time.
“What is it then?” he asks me, confused.
This was a huge mistake.
“Nothing. Never mind. Forget about it,” I whisper and turn to leave.
Black grabs my arm and holds me back.
“No. Tell me.”
I take a few unconscious steps back towards the wall of the building and he follows me, his hand still on my arm.
“Tell me, “ he repeats quietly.
I can't stand to look at him. I'm so close to crying right now, staring at the ground is all I can do to prevent it.
I am not going to cry in front of him. Not again.
“You said... You said you wanted to see the real me.”
I wait for him to deny it or to move away, but he doesn't.
Not believing I'm actually going to do this, I lean my head up against the wall and close my eyes in concentration.
When I open them again tears slip out, giving the impression of washing the fake colour away. Grey turns to dark brown.
I dare to look at him and the intensity in his eyes scares me.
“Your eyes are warm,” he tells me quietly, his hand rising to wipe my tears. “Why you'd choose to make them icy is beyond me.”
At this moment, I can't think of a reason why I would either.
“Why?” he insists. His fingers linger on my cheek even though it's not wet anymore. “Of all the things you could do, why just change your eyes?”
I open my mouth, not sure what will come out of it.
“Well, I thought since everything else is perfect, I might as well leave it as it is.”
I surprise both of us.
“Did you just joke?” he asks with a small smile.
“No, I didn't,” I say hastily. “That was sarcasm, Black.”
Just when I thought I'd lightened the mood, his expression darkens again.
“Don't call me Black,” he says with a deep frown. “That's my family's name. I am not my family.”
He's suddenly too close, although he hasn't moved any closer.
“I can see that,” I say, my mouth going dry.
We look at each other and it's a connection I can't break.
I'm suddenly too aware of everything. Of his hands on me, one on my cheek and the other still on my arm, of my head resting against the wall, of my heart beating too fast, and then not beating at all when he starts leaning forward.
My eyes remain open and fixed on his, as his mouth captures mine. His lips are gentle at first, but they're getting rougher with each breath that escapes my mouth.
Without realising it, I find myself kissing him back.
I have no idea what I'm thinking, but it's definitely not that this is a mistake.
A/N: I'd really like to know what you thought of this chapter. So review and let me know :)