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The Woes and Misfortune of a Supposed Cross-Dresser by Loony_Scorpy
Chapter 2 : Clumsiness in Crowds
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 3

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 Author’s Note: Just a reminder that this is AU, so a few of the things may seem weird ;)

I ninja rolled around the corner and glanced furtively around. Scorpius just casually walked next to me, laughing. Some friend he is. He doesn’t have to put up with a bunch of stark raving mad girls chasing after him. It really does become tiring after while. I suppose that’s why I’m so fit.

I scowled at Scorpius and punched him on the arm. I couldn’t help but snigger as I noticed a slight grimace cross his face. Who is the strongest of them all, bitches? That’s right, me. Oh wait, that probably doesn’t help the opinions of the people who think that I’m a guy. Oops. I guess I better keep my super strength to myself.

Even though I don’t have super strength…but a girl can dream, right? And Scorpius might not be the toughest guy, but that doesn’t count.

I can go off topic a little bit, can’t I?

After having my little chuckle at Scorpius, I tugged at his sleeve so that we could get moving, not failing to notice the lovely muscle beneath it. Yes, Scorpius does play Quidditch, however I think the only reason he has muscular arms is because he’s one of the beaters. You know, heaving your arms around all of the time; that’s got to work your arms out more than a bit. Although I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have an amazing six-pack or anything – which is a personal requirement of mine.

I have high standards.

I heard some tittering from behind the tapestry nearest to us and I gulped. Then I bolted, dragging Scorpius behind me. By the time I had recovered, we had reached the Great Hall, and I burst into the entrance wheezing like Argus Filch. I think he might die any day now.

I don’t like to take any chances when it comes to any member of The Creepy Club cornering me. One time I was cornered and – no, I’m not even going there. Painful memories. Scarring memories. It makes me shudder.

I was buggered. We had run from one side of the castle to the other and I was not cut out for that. Why do I have to be so damn jumpy? It was probably just a couple of firsties having a gossip sesh.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn’t even notice Scorpius. That is until he collapsed on the ground. Yep, you heard me right. Scorpius Malfoy just fainted.

He gets a bit of, I suppose what you could call, ‘stage fright.’ Everyone in the room had turned to stare at us. You know, since we made such a dramatic entrance and all. Obviously I hadn’t noticed straight away since I was more concerned about rabid fan-girls (because that is pretty much what they are).

I rolled my eyes and sighed. It was admittedly annoying, Scorpius fainting all of the time, since we seemed to get into these situations quite a lot. I still felt bad though; I was supposed to watch out for him, my best friend, yet I seemed to drag him into all of this nonsense. I think I might be a bit of a hazard. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I don’t have more friends.

Erm, so enough of my babbling. We were standing – well I was standing, Scorpius was busy being unconscious – right next to the professors’ table, so I scrambled to get a goblet of water. As I whipped around to face Scorpius I managed to elbow Professor Snape in the face, and at the same time I tipped the goblet onto a firstie who had rushed over to help us.


Snape’s face contorted into a slightly disturbing expression as I backed away. It turns out that he didn’t actually die in the wizarding war. He knows some pretty nifty spells. Well he must if he outsmarted Voldy-freakin’-mort. I didn’t want to get in the way of him so I turned to run away, completely forgetting what I was meant to be doing.

Then I tripped over Scorpius. Usually I’m not very clumsy, in fact, I have brilliant coordination. Except for when I’m in front of massive crowds. Such as the entire freaking school.

I was lying there, slightly in shock, sprawled out on top of Scorpius. I internally slapped myself as I realised the bizarre and somewhat uncomfortable situation I had landed myself in.

I felt something beneath me move and I toppled off Scorpius and onto the floor.

“Whad-the-hell-is-goin’-on? Scorpius slurred.

Well something good had arisen – he had woken up. I guess I didn’t need that goblet of water after all.

I poked Scorpius in the cheek just to double check that he was definitely awake. He groaned and swatted my hand away. I’ll take that as a yes.

I shooed anyone who was around us away, and helped Scorpius to his feet. Being careful to avoid the stares of the people still watching us, I guided Scorpius to the table sideways.

Yes, we must have looked like total idiots, but Scorpius wouldn’t notice anyone watching us if we were facing the professors, most of whom weren’t even there. I’m lucky that some of the professors are there, for without them I wouldn’t be safe. The Creepy Club is too smart to try anything in front of them. They’ve been in trouble for harassing me quite a number of times.

We made it to the Gryffindor table and I plopped Scorpius down and shoved some food under his face. That ought to have lifted him out of his grogginess. It did.

Well it did after Freddie shoved some boiling hot potato in his mouth. He is such a lovely friend. I know he wouldn’t have done it if Scorpius couldn’t stand high temperatures! But ole Scorpo has quite a large resistance to heat. Something I found out one day when I managed to spill a steaming cup of coffee onto him. It just so happened that nearly everyone managed to see that too.

It is actually quite strange that he is resistant to such heat. I mean, his skin went quite red that time I spilt the coffee, but he didn’t get burnt. Wowsers. I think it’s some sort of magical shield in his blood. Well there’s an advantage to being pureblood!

Freddie obviously decided that he wasn’t getting enough attention and I was pulled out of my thoughts as he squished himself in between me and Scorpius. He slung his arms around the both of us and my nose was given the pleasure of reuniting with Freddie’s armpit. Yeah, this happens quite a lot.

“So,” Freddie began, “what caused our little scene today?”

He made it sound like these things happened on a regular basis. Oh that’s right they do. I just huffed and ignored him; I wanted to hurry up and get out of there before any girls tried to push the boundaries around me. Not literal ones obviously.

I chowed down my food and pulled Freddie along with me as I left the table. I seem to be the one moving people all of the time…it’s not intentional!

I gave Scorpius a smile as a way of goodbye as I dragged Freddie along to class with me. He wouldn’t go otherwise; he thinks Herbology is a waste of time. Well, I kind of do too but I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that.

On the way to class, Freddie managed to wink at a grand total of thirty girls. I think half of them were firsties.


The girls all giggled and swooned; I had to cover my mouth in an attempt to stop myself laughing. I think my shaking shoulders may have given me away though.

They all think Freddie is some sort of sex god. Which I find hilarious. Especially since a lot of people also think he is some kind of man whore.

He’s only ever kissed two girls.

Now do you understand why I find his reputation so funny? I guess he kind of emits that sort of thing though…

Freddie is a strange person, but he’s pretty awesome.

I suppose he is another of my best friends. I mean I usually consider him to be Scorpius’ best friend, but he’s since become a fixture within our duo.

Huh, that’s a cool realisation.

Author’s Note: Thank you so so much to those of you that favourited and/or reviewed. I love you guys! I’d love to know what you think of this chapter! :)

Also, I have absolutely no idea where this story is going, so feel free to suggest things! (I’d definitely credit you!)


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