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The Madness That is My Life by frini19
Chapter 15 : The Madness of Having To Do Things
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 41


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I'm going to kill James.


I'm not going to kill him with just the regular, painless Avada Kedavra. Oh no. It was going to painful, with lots of torture and pain.


Maybe I'll castrate him.


He'd be upset over losing his manly parts.


He'd probably tear up a little.


Hmmm that's not good enough...he needs to cry.


How to make James cry?


Well I could burn his broomstick. But I think he might be more angry than sad.


I need him to cry. I need tears streaming down his face so I can laugh at his pain.


What does James love the most?


I know!


I would make him watch Annalise love someone else!


He'd probably cry and want to beat the shit out of the dude.


But that's not enough!


I KNOW!


I'll just show him his boggart!


He'd probably start sobbing.


Muwhahaha!


Take that you fucking asshole.


Now, you're probably wondering why I want to murder James in such a horrible way.


No, he did not lock Al and me in a broom closet. He has done something much, much worse (although I would guess that he would be okay with locking Al and I in a broom closet. I guess he has a little respect for my relationship.)


He did something so horrible that not only do I want to kill him, but six other people want to too.


He's trying to kill the entire Quidditch team, somehow believing that all this "training" will help us win.


James, this isn't "training" its 3 hours of HELL.


"RUN, FASTER WEASLEY! YOU TOO MALFOY!"


Oh, what joy I will get from killing him.


I will have way too much fun.


I'm imagining it right now, and the entire time I have a huge smile on my face and laughing.


No, I am not laughing like a crazy person.


Okay, maybe I am.


Your point?


"WHAT WEASLEY AND MALFOY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Scorpius yelled up at James, who was sitting on his broom, watching us.


Yeah, he makes us run 30 laps (not kidding. We had to run 30 laps after 3 hours of practicing plays and such. I'm in so much pain. The pitch is fucking huge. He also made us do 300 crunches and 250 push-ups, without a break) while he stays up on his broom and watches us.


He's such a lazy ass.


Maybe that's why Annalise doesn't like him.


Because he's a lazy ass and likes to torture innocent children.


I understand that girl more and more.


"ADDISON AND HUGO, MOVE YOUR ASSES!" James yelled at Hugo and I, who were pulling up the rear. Albus had finished first, of course, and was now sitting on a bench drinking water, his shirt covered in sweat.


You could see his abs through his shirt.


Me fucking guesta.


Running laps and only being on my twenty eighth lap?


No me guesta.


"I," I said, panting and struggling to stay standing up. "Hate...your...cousin...with...a...fiery...passion..."


Hugo nodded, taking deep breaths, trying to maintain his breathing pattern.


A man of few words that Hugo.


And apparently he likes having an even breathing pattern, maintaining his cool and calm demeanor, unlike me. I looked like a dog that stuck their head out the window and couldn't stop panting if my life depended on it. Also my hair was sticking to my face because of the amount of sweat I had perspired.


I looked like hot shit.


The only time I've ever heard him talk a lot was the day after Halloween, when he caught Rose in Scorpius' room. It was also the only time I got to see his amazingly hot (as in if he wasn't my best friends brother, I may have hooked up with him hot) abs.


Sadly.


Hugo and I continued running at our slow pace, although he did try to go ahead of me at one point.


Not cool dude. I can barely move and you want to abandon me.


Jerk.


And to think I considered you a little brother.


A true brother would never abandon me.


...strange since Scorp ditched me on the first lap.


And James is making me do all this.


Those arses.


"We're almost there!" I wheezed. "I see the promise land!"


Of course our team looked like anything BUT the promise land, since Freddy was puking, Scorpius looked like he was going to pass out, and Louis was lying on the ground, his face in the grass.


Al looked like the promise land though, since he was sitting on the bench, drinking water and regaining his breath.


His shirt may or may not be socked through (it so was).


I waddled to the team and ran toward Louis on the ground.


He looked rather comfortable with his face in the ground.


Maybe I'll join him.


"Oof," I said, landing on my stomach and letting the dewy grass cool me off. "I'm going to kill James."


"Me too," Hugo said, face planting next to me.


We're cute aren't we?


"He will die slowly and painfully," Louis said. "Lots and lots of torture."


"I call torturing him," Hugo said.


"I think we can all take turns," I offered.


"Agreed," Louis said. "I say we take the plan to action tonight."


"I like that idea," Hugo said.


"Mmmm mhm," I said.


We're just three sane people, plotting the death of our Quidditch captain/cousin/overprotective big brother, while lying face down on the ground.


Normal.


"Good job today, guys!" James said. He sounded closer than normal, so I assumed that he was on the ground.


Hey, James why don't you come closer to me?


Right next to my fist please, so that I can punch in the fucking face.


"I think we're in good shape to win against Slytherin tomorrow," James said. "Remember if we win-"


"Yeah, yeah, we'll be in first place, we know James," Scorp said. "Now it's fucking cold so can we go inside?"


"Well, yes, we'll be in first place," James said, ignoring the last half of what Scorp said. "But, this is Slytherin. Not only do we hate them, but also Annalise is in that house. There's a good chance that if we beat them, each of us showing off our awesome Quidditch moves, me especially, then she'll realize what a great captain and guy I am and love me. So work hard tomorrow team!"


"You're crazy," I said into the grass. Louis and Hugo made noises of agreement.


I heard grass crunching in the direction of the locker rooms, meaning that everyone was leaving, hoping to get inside and take a shower.


Meh, the ground is too comfy to move. Besides I'm in pain.


Hugo and Louis pushed themselves up. "Come on, Addie, get up."


"No," I said. "I can't move. I'm just going to lie here for a little while."


"You're going to get sick," Hugo said. "It's cold. If you get sick James will kill you."


Shut up, Hugo. I liked it better when you didn't talk.


"My muscles hurt all over," I said. "I cannot move. So unless one of you wants to carry me, I'm not moving."


Silence.


Don't jump at the chance to carry me.


Really, I'm getting overwhelmed because you guys both want to carry me so much.


"Well, it was nice knowing you Ads," Louis said and walked away, Hugo not far behind him.


"It was nice knowing you too," I said. "I will stay here. I will lie on the ground until I feel like moving. It's rather comfortable actually."


I heard the door to the locker room close.


They actually left me out here.


Well, I guess it's just me all by myself.


"Alone time!" I yelled. "Yay! Time to think!"


I sat in a few minutes of quiet.


I didn't think.


I just sat there.


A cold wind blew over me.


"It's fucking cold!" I yelled, but didn't want to move. "If only someone could save me! I'm a pathetic excuse of a girl who can't do anything! I need a man!" I chuckled. "Those girls are pathetic. I don't need a man. I'm a strong girl. I'll move." The wind roared. "Eventually."


The wind was picking up, making me colder than I already was.


I heard the grass crunching, and before I could register it, Al pulled me in into his arms, holding me bridal style.


"You're going to die of hypothermia out here," Albus said.


He's warm. I nuzzled into his chest, using his body heat to warm myself.


Hey, being close to each other is the quickest way to get warm.


It's penguin theory.


"I'm sore," I said. "I'm going to kill your brother."


"I'll help you kill him," Al said, smirking and walking to the castle. "I'm so fucking tired."


"Maybe you should put me down," I said, looking up at him. If he ended up having a heart attack because he carried me, I'd feel pretty guilty.


"I have enough energy to carry you," Albus said, smiling down at me, causing sparks to fly through my body.


Since our conversation last week, Al really had backed off. No flirting or trying to make me think about the kiss. He just let us go on as friends, giving me the space I needed to figure out my feelings.


I found that I missed him, even though he was right in front of me most of the time. But he was never really there because we weren't flirting, or arguing or just being us.


I figured I felt something toward him. I didn't know what or how much, but I felt something for him. Something I didn't feel for Caleb.


And that wasn't fair to Caleb.


Al walked into the Common Room and sat on the couch, me on top of him.


"Finally," he whispered in my ear.


"I'm sorry, but you didn't have to carry me," I said.


"It's fine," Al said, closing his eyes.


I looked up at him, my head still on his chest and smiled at how peaceful he looked. His arms were still holding me, one under my legs and the other on the small of my back, right in-between where my shorts and t shirt didn't cover, his hand providing warmth to my back. I shut my eyes and nuzzled into him, doing exactly as my instincts told me too.


"You're comfy," I said. "I don't think I'm going to get off you."


I could tell he smiled as he removed his hand from underneath my legs and put it around my waist pulling me closer. "I don't mind," he said. "You know how I feel, so I'm going to get as much as you as I can."


I'm a horrible girlfriend for enjoying this so much. And for getting so many butterflies.


We fell into a silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, it was a nice silence, where we just sat, eyes closed, and enjoyed the moment we had together.


It was the perfect moment.


So of course James and Freddy have to ruin it.


"Damn Al!" Freddy yelled, looking over at us with a huge grin.


"Ugh," I said, nuzzling my face into Al's warm neck. "No."


I heard Al sigh while one of his hands rubbed my thigh and the other one drew small circles on my back.


"Get it little bro!" James said. "Get your girl all to yourself!"


"I'm sorry," Al whispered in my ear, his breath tickling my neck. "I guess you can move, if you want." I noticed that there was hope in his voice that I wouldn't move.


Well he's in luck.


"Moving is painful," I whispered back. "Being right here is perfect." Al broke out into a grin.


"You know I never expected Al to be the kind of guy to have such PDA," James commented.


"Yeah, I always thought he was more of the proper one," Freddy agreed. "Well, let's just hope that this is as much PDA that we see."


"Fuck off," I said to them, puling my face out of Al's neck.


"And miss the chance to ruin this wonderful moment you guys are having? Never," James said, and I knew he was smirking.


"It was worth a shot," I grumbled, as I put my face back to his neck.


"Just ignore them," Al said, still drawing circles on my back. "They'll lose interest eventually."


"Would you mind if I fall asleep on you?" I asked him, tilting my head up to look at him.


He looked down at me. "Wouldn't mind a bit."


I continued to look at him, at the close proximity we were in. We hadn't been this close since we kissed. He was only 3 inches away and it would be so easy to just tilt my head up a little bit and kiss him. I looked into his green eyes and saw that he noticed too. And I think we both wanted it, we both knew how easy it would be to kiss. My eyes flickered down to his mouth and back up to his eyes and I saw him smirk when he knew that I wanted it, as much, if not more than he did. He slowly began to lean down, but before he could move 3 centimeters, the mood was ruined.


"We are NOT going to Madame Puddifoot's!"


Rose and Scorpius walked into the Common Room, Rose first, marching furiously and Scorpius behind her, looking semi-annoyed and semi-worried.


"Madame Puddifoot's is way too pink and is always filled with overly gross couples!" Rose said. "It's the worse place to ever go on a date! Why would you suggest that?"


"I'm sorry!" Scorp said. "I didn't mean anything by it, just throwing it out there. That's where most girls want to go."


"Well, I'm sorry that I'm not like your usual slag!" Rose said. "I'm sorry that I inconvenience you so much that I have to break your pattern of where you go! Maybe you should go back to your normal type of girl-"


"Merlin, Rose I'm fine if we don't go to Madame Puddifoot's! I hate it there!" Scorp yelled. "I'm glad you don't want to go there. I can actually have a good time on this date, which is good because it's the date I care most about."


"Oh," Rose said, smiling like an idiot. "Well...good."


"They're getting married," I said to Al.


Al laughed and continued the circles on my back. I nuzzled further into his neck, feeling how right everything was and wishing it would never end.


"Addie?" I heard Rose say. "Al?"


I pulled my face out of Al's neck and saw Scorpius and Rose's confused expressions.


"What the fuck?" Scorpius said.


"I'm tired," I said, resting my head on Al's chest as I looked at them. "Don't judge."


"Not judging," Scorpius said, throwing his hands up in the air. "Just wondering if you remember you have a boyfriend, Addie."


Al's hand stopped making circles and his entire body stiffened. I guess he forgot that I had a boyfriend.


I was pretending that I didn't have one.


I sighed, removing my head from Al's chest and standing up, feeling Al's arms fall away from me. "I was tired. Now I'm not, so I'm going to take a shower now. Goodbye."


I walked (slowly because I was still a little sore) and I reached the staircase, walking up each step slowly.


"Al..." Rose said in a worried tone, causing me to stop and listen.


"I know," Al said, running a hand through his hair. "You don't need to lecture me again."


"We just don't want you to get hurt mate," Scorp said. "She's my baby cousin and I love her, but she doesn't even see what she's doing to you and Caleb. She's being a total bitch and leading you both on. What's worse is that you're letting her do this to you. You let her make you start to think you have a chance and then she runs back to Caleb and does the same thing to him. It's not fair for you guys."


Al was quiet for a minute. "I know she's leading us both on and I know that it's not fair for us. But I'm just hoping that she'll figure out her feelings and pick me."


"Don't tell her this," Scorpius said, quietly. "But I think we're all hoping for that."


"You deserve more than this Al," Rose said, quietly. "You deserve someone who isn't going to make you wait and figure out her feelings for you. You should be able to be with someone who knows their feelings and wants to be with you and you only." They were all quiet before Rose started speaking again. "You should stop chasing her."


I walked up the stairs, not wanting to hear anymore.


My best friend and cousin both agree that I'm being a bitch right now.


I want to say that it's not fair, but it is. It totally is.


As I took my shower, I played their conversation in my head. Scorpius said I was leading them both on and, as much as I didn't want to admit it, I was. While trying to figure out my feelings, I was giving each of them false hope that I was leaning towards them. I was dating Caleb, so he thought that I chose him, yet all my moments with Al prove that I wasn't choosing Caleb. If I chose Caleb then why would I want to kiss Al all the time?


But I didn't choose Al either because I was still dating Caleb. And by having moments with him where we were both aware that we wanted to kiss each other, I was leading him on, making him think there was a chance for him.


Rose was right. They deserved more than me. They deserved with someone who knew their feelings.


Although, my feelings are becoming clearer to me.


After I showered and loosened all my muscles, I got into a pair of jeans and a Gryffindor sweater. I pulled my hair back and looked at myself in the mirror.


"You have to do this," I whispered to myself.


I took a deep breath and walked to dinner, dreading what I had to do.

***************


"Are you okay?" Al asked me. "You've been unusually quiet."


"I'm fine," I said, harshly, stabbing my food.


Al appeared to be taken aback. "I was just asking," he said, locking his jaw.


"Well I'm fine, Potter," I spat out.


"Back on last name basis?" Al asked. "Screw you, Malfoy."


He turned away from me with a look of disappointment and disgust. Tears pricked my eyes and I looked down squeezing my eyes shut, holding the tears back.


I have to do this.


"Lou stop eating off my plate!" Alice said.


Lou smiled flirtatiously. "You're more than welcome to share food with me. You know I'd love you to."


Alice's cheeks became pink and she looked down with a smile on her face. Though she had been trying to fight her feelings for Louis, they came back full force. She didn't even deny it. She felt something for him and she was okay with that.


I wish I knew my feelings as well as she did.


"Hey Alice?" Louis asked quietly.


"Yeah?" She said, looking up at him.


"I was wondering, if, maybe you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me? As my date?" Louis looked nervous, more nervous than I had ever seen him. "I completely understand if you don't want to but I was just-"


"Yes," Alice said, breaking out into a smile. "I'd love to."


Louis broke out into a reveled grin and they both sat there grinning at each other like idiots.


If I wasn't so upset right now I may have puked from how cute they were.


"Whatever you do," Scorpius said to Louis. "Don't offer to bring her to Madame Puddifoot's."


Rose smacked him on the arm and he grabbed her hand and pulled her under his arm. Rose smiled and made herself comfortable and Scorpius smiled. Louis and Alice were being pretty cute too, talking about their date with ridiculous smiles.


Al and I were staring at our food in a stony silence.


It was really cute.


I looked up at him and studied him. He was frowning down at his food, his eyebrows pulled in and his lips tight. His hair stuck up in every single direction. His jaw was locked, meaning that he was pissed off. He stabbed his food but never ate any of it. He was wearing a sweatshirt that had a logo of the Canons on it. He looked wonderful, every part of him. But I couldn't see my favorite part of him.


Slowly, he looked up at me, having felt my gaze. And I finally saw his wonderful, expressive green eyes. As he looked at me, I saw that his eyes filled with anger and annoyance, probably wondering why I snapped at him earlier. But even behind that, I saw that he also looked worried, wondering why I had snapped at him. There was something else there too, but it was something I didn't want to admit.


That feeling filled his eyes the most and that scared me. A lot.


I broke away from his gaze and looked down at my food, taking a deep breath.


I knew what I had to do. Now more than ever before.


I saw Caleb get up from the Hufflepuff table just as the six of us finished our dinner as well. I said a quick goodbye to them and ran over to Caleb.


"Hi," I said, wrapping my fingers around his.


"Hi," he said, leaning down to kiss me.


"Can we talk?" I asked him, tugging him away from his friends. Caleb nodded and followed my lead down the corridor until we were alone.


"So what do you want to talk about?" Caleb asked, turning toward me. He smirked. "Or did you just want to get me all to yourself?"


I smiled a little at that. "No, we actually need to talk."


"Okay," Caleb said. "What about?"


I felt tears prick my eyes. "Can we walk a little more?"


"Yeah," Caleb said and pulled me down the corridor.


We walked in silence, our hands intertwined but neither one of us really being there. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, Caleb spoke.


"We're-we're breaking up, aren't we?" he asked quietly, looking down at me.


I nodded. "I'm sorry."


Caleb shrugged. "I figured it was going to happen sooner or later. We've been off since the beginning."


"I don't think so," I said. "I thought we were good together, for the first few weeks at least."


"Yeah we were, I guess," Caleb said and smiled. "Remember how we first met?"


"How could I forget?" I asked him, smiling back, despite how sad I felt. "You spilt pumpkin juice on me and I forced you to come down to the Restricted Section with me."


"I should have taken notice that you were crazy then," Caleb said and I smacked him on the arm. Caleb smiled and I couldn't help but feel like we were doing the whole break up thing wrong, you don't tease each other, you yell and fight and cry.


Then again, I don't have a whole lot of experience.


"Can I ask something?" I asked him, suddenly serious.


"Go ahead."


"Why did you have a problem with Al?" The question had been nagging me our entire relationship and I hoped I would get the answer now.


"Do you want the truth?" Caleb asked. I nodded and he sighed. "Well...I was jealous of him."


"Why?" I asked, totally confused. "Why would you have any reason to be jealous of him?"


"Because even though you were with me, you...I don't know how to say this," Caleb said, running a hand through his hair. "You had feelings for him. I knew it from the first day when he broke us apart in the library. I tried to ignore it, thinking that I was making it up in my head but..."


"But what?" I asked, feeling like an annoying child.


"But then I saw the way you looked at him," Caleb said quietly. "You look at him in a way that you have never looked at me. I knew that while you may have been with me, your heart was with him. Whenever you talked to him or his name was mentioned, you acted differently. What's worse is that I saw the way he looked at you too. I felt like such an idiot, standing there holding your hand when everyone, including myself could see that you're crazy about him and he's crazy about you. I guess I was just hoping that somehow you'd pick me, in the end."


"I'm so sorry Caleb," I said, tears pricking my eyes. I'm such a horrible, terrible person for doing this to him. "I never meant to do that to you. You are such an amazing guy and I'm a huge bitch for treating you like that. You deserve so much more than me." I remembered Rose's words earlier. "You deserve someone who's going to show their feelings to you and know they have feelings for you and you only. I'm sorry I dragged you into this madness that is my life but I'm trying to figure everything, including my feelings, out. I liked you. I really did. But you deserve to be with someone who would have feelings for you and you only." A tear fell down my face. I wasn't crying because Caleb and I were breaking up, I was crying because I was such a horrible person. "I'm so sorry."


"Addie," Caleb said, pulling me into a hug. "It's not all your fault. You're forgetting that I voluntarily came into your life and decided to stay, even though I knew you had feelings for Albus."


"But I shouldn't have led you on," I said, looking up at him.


Caleb wipped some of my tears away. "You didn't know you were doing it. Maybe we were just doomed from the start."


"That's a happy thought," I said, wiping some snot on my sleeve.


Caleb smiled. "I'm glad I got the chance to get to be your boyfriend Addie."


"I'm glad I got to be your girlfriend," I said. "You're going to make some girl so extremely happy someday Caleb."


Caleb kissed my forehead. "I hope you and Al are happy together," he whispered and let go of me. He looked down at me. "Friends?" he asked, sticking out his hand.


I smiled up at him and grabbed his hand. "Friends. I'm really sorry Caleb."


"It's okay," Caleb said. "Good luck in the match tomorrow."


"Are you coming?" I asked him.


"Wouldn't miss it," Caleb said, giving me the easy smile that light up his whole face.


"Good," I said, smiling back.


Caleb turned around and walked in the direction of the Hufflepuff Common Room. I took a deep breath and turned around, walking away from Caleb and walking toward the Gryffindor Common Room, my heart racing at the thought of seeing Al.


"You did it," I said quietly to myself. "He doesn't hate you either."


Strange as it may seem, I walked away smiling from breaking up with one of the most amazing boys on the planet.

 

*******

A/N: I'm guessing a lot of you are very happy right now. But didn't Caleb's confession as to why he was so jealous of Al break your heart? I know it broke mine. I mean, yeah he put himself there but really, is he any different from Al? They both just want Addie's heart. And Louis and Alice made up officially! Yay!


I have to dedicate this chapter to a very dedicated reader and reviewer, wolverine83. You review most chapters and you always give me your honest opinion. You make me think about what is happening in the story and how things play out. You're reviews are amazing and long, which make my day. I'm sure you're very glad that they broke up and I hope that you continue to enjoy this move as much as you seem to. Thank you. It is reviewers like you that make me update so quickly. <3


So what did you think? Favorite quote? Part? Anything? Please review! :D
 


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