Chapter 1 : Words
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They eat me away, I can not control them, for they are only words. Haunting me when I sleep and bombarding me when I wake. They are everywhere yet invisible. They pose questions I can’t answer and they unearth my greatest secrets. They are only words, yet I could not live without them. Occlumency has been my only weapon in the fight against revealing the truth. But when I’m alone they swarm, and I can do nothing to protect myself.
The color that haunts me.
The color I feel inside.
I’m full of it.
What I felt the day my sister left.
For her decisions.
Of the future I posses.
For the people I crush.
It means everything yet nothing all the same.
So easy to obtain yet hard to control.
How my life has felt.
Taken for granted.
A silly word.
How I present myself, yet how I see the world.
Something I have portrayed yet have not obtained.
To a man I fear. It haunts me always.
In their eyes when I do the unthinkable.
The name I hear them scream as I walk.
One command I do without question.
Something I wish I could do.
I feel it everyday for the one person I should not.
When I see him.
It fills me when he calls her name.
That I never expressed my feelings to the one man I see in my mind every day.
Something I have wasted.
There is no contest. He is and always will be the man I love, but some things are best left hidden.
As they engulf me I feel alone. No one knows my suffering. No one knows my pain. They can sympathize, but who would really try. To them I am nothing but a monster. I would see it in his eyes. No doubt my cousin was feeding him lies all those years. When I heard of the plan to kill him I knew there was no way to save him. He was marked for death as would I if I tried anything. I went to the funeral. It was a sad affair. With my master’s demise you would think there would be a little happiness. But there was no joy. Just despair. You could tell they all thought of my cousin to be the traitor, the man who killed them. But I alone with a few others knew it was no other than the rat. He took the one thing in my life that matters. But now he is dead there is nothing I can do to avenge my lost love. As I waste away in this cell then at the home of my sister, I think of nothing but escape. Escape from this life, escape from his memory. I have nothing left. It wasn’t a surprise death, yet when it came I saw his face and for a few seconds I was at peace, but sadly I shall always be in a state of unrest. Now until eternity.