Chapter 1 : Voices
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For the greater good. That’s what Dumbledore always said.
Severus would deal with the pain of curses from Death Eaters and scathing looks from untrusting Order members all for the greater good. For the sake of people who despised him and called him a traitor. Even before it became a Death Eater, just being a student in Slytherin was enough to earn their hatred.
The feeling was mutual.
Every night he was called to Voldemort’s side. Victims of all ages were laid before him They would cry and plead, beg for their lives and the lives of their families until the last possible moment. The light faded from their eyes, death took them in it’s arms and carried them away into whatever form of afterlife awaited them.
It was a time of war, sacrifices must be made. Another saying that Dumbledore seemed to be so fond of when Severus came to him, begging to be released from this burden. The weight he carried on his shoulders was far to great.
But no. There would be no relief for a man like him, who had committed such evils.
It wasn’t lone before Severus began to lose himself. He spent days keeping watch, protecting the Potter brat from harm and reporting to the Order, giving them vital information on the Dark Lord’s whereabouts’ and plans. Then at night he bent to the will of the most evil wizard the world had every known, trying to block out the screams. Nightmares plagued him, even during the day, a particularly terrible one would lurk in the shadows and follow him as if it had manifested into some dastardly villain.
“My baby. Please, no, not her! Not my baby!”
“Not again. It hurts, please, no more. Why are you doing this?”
He could hear their commands as if the old man and Dark Lord were standing by his side. They whispered into his ear what needed to be done.
“Watch him. Do what you must to ensure Harry succeeds.”
“Kill them, Severus. They are filth, a mere stain on wizarding society. Kill them.”
And he did. A good soldier for both sides, Severus did as he was told and spoke when spoken too.
At this point the no longer knew who he was; a good man that did bad things or a bad man who did good. Did it matter?
It did, of course. For sanity’s sake, it had to. A little voice in the back of his head screamed to give in, acknowledge how could it would feel to be in control. Kill without guilt and let blood fill the streets. He deserved that freedom, more than anyone. He craved it more than anything.
His love for a dead woman kept him going. He thought of her smile instead of a million corpses. Her hair of fire instead of crumbling houses. Her bright green eyes instead of bloody victims pleading for mercy. Lily was his only light among the darkness, like a lighthouse guiding a ship through the night. She was his only hope to keep from crashing into the rocks.
Then Dumbledore was dead. Severus could not deny that, though it was one of the things he would most regret, he kind of enjoyed it. Sending him off that tower made him feel one step closer to the end. Closer to being free of this deadly game his life had become. That morbid satisfaction terrified him, so he pretended it wasn’t there and continued on the path the Headmaster had set for him so long ago.
When the final battle arrived, the Potion’s Master was aware of just how alone he was. He could not expect to receive loyalty with either side. No one looked out for him as spells were sent flying through the air as they did for their friends. Smoke burned his lungs and he ducked as a bright ray of green darted past.
Potter and the other two thirds of the trio ran into the castle, wands drawn and at the ready. Idiots, so eager to get themselves killed if it meant protecting each other. The Granger girl stumbled, only to be grabbed up by Weasley and helped along. In true Gryffindor fashion they continued on, no knowing what could be waiting for them around the corner.
Without warning, all movement came to a sudden halt. The mark on Severus’ arm burned, he was being summoned.
Snape knew he would be killed in this battle. He didn’t think it would be because of that damn snake. Blood oozed from the wounds on his neck and he was left to die. It was a struggle to just breath. He felt as if he was underwater, staring up at the surface but unable to reach it.
They say that before you die, your whole life flashes before your eyes. This isn’t true, Severus can say that for a fact. Instead, he saw all that could have been if he wasn’t so stubborn, if he was strong enough to say ‘no’.
Maybe he would have had a real shot with Lily. A house and children. No, not children, Severus had dealt with them enough in his lifetime .
“Professor?” The voice was muffled and sounded far away.
Those eyes. Lily’s eyes.
Not Lily, however.
It didn’t matter. He had to see them. Just once more before he spent and eternity in fire, punished for the sins he committed at the will of others.
Than it was gone. All of it. No longer could he hear those dueling voices, pulling him in every direction.
Freedom was silent.
*This is a quote from 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows'. Severus' final words. Pg 658.
A/N: I don’t know where this came from. I actually wrote this while I was supposed to be working on the third chapter for ‘What Magic Can Do’. I opened word and this was what came out. Leave a review, let me know what you think.
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