I always found it utterly amazing how one person could wrap almost an entire population of people around her boney little finger. It made me sick to see all her victims still attached to her leg. All those innocent people she intentionally hurt still swarmed her like she was the goddamn queen of England! It was the epitome of yuck.
It made me nauseous as I watched her accept a gift from a little boy and then wave him off without even the slightest bit of gratitude. And I actually vomited a little when she let some sixth year kiss her hand for letting him carry her bags to the train.
“What a tool!” Anna cried hysterically.
“Hah!" I laughed, “If you could convince some guy to carry your stuff for a chance to kiss you hand...”
“Probably,” she nodded, “Evidently, us commoners don’t have such luck.”
“Oh, darn!” I lied.
She smirked, “Tell me you don’t just sometimes miss being popular...”
“Not if I looked like that doing it!” I shook my head, “But, I don’t know, you’re still popular and you aren’t such a tramp!”
“Hey!” she gave me a light shove, “I’m never a tramp!”
I rose a brow, “And the important thing is that you believe it...”
She smirked, adjusting the strap of her bag on her shoulder, “I don’t care how fabulous this bag is...” she groaned, “It’s a pain in the arse!”
“Well then the next time your instincts tell you to go with neon orange polka dots...Know that you’re instincts are an idiot.” That was thoughtful. I let out a satisfied smirk.
We weaved our way through the bustle of students, onto the train, and into the first empty stall we came across. As always we tossed our bags beside us, as to prevent others from attempting to join us and make the entire trip a silent awkward one. An ingenious discovery we made back in our third year when we were late due to Anna’s last minute hair ‘touch-up’. That bloody trolly lady has been onto us ever since last Christmas, I assume. Due to the lack of even offering if we would like any treats. Hag!
It’s not her fault you’re too stingy to spare and little butt space.
I rolled my eyes and dug through my bag, searching for the assignment given, as soon as I thought I was free of school for an entire two weeks. And then, BAM! Professor Longbottom slams homework into my face before any of the students could even reach the door.
“I cannot believe you are still taking herbology AGAIN this year.” She laughed at me, snatching my book and flipping through the pages, “It hasn’t been a requirement since fifth year.”
“I know...” I took my text book back and opened it to page 285, “But, it’s an easy class.”
I shook my head, “For anyone who takes their studies seriously and actually go to class regularly!” I pointed out.
“I only missed...” she began counting on her hands.
I laughed, “You can use my hand when you run out of fingers to count on!”
She smiled, “I didn’t miss a lot...physically! Mentally, I was far, far away! But, the class was just such a drag. Except for...” she chuckled, “Remember when you and Rose Weasley were competing for the best grade during the mandrake session!?” I did, and smirked a little, “And then...Albus, the stupid git, took off his ear muffs, intentionally, to faint, to stop you two from fighting.”
I nodded, “Yeah...” When he finally woke up, he told me I was pretty when I was angry and then asked me to be his girlfriend.
You said no.
I was twelve! Boy’s still had cootie’s!
Anna was using her bag as a pillow and snuggling with a blanket she managed to stuff in with the rest of her luggage, “Olivia,” she called with her face shoved into the back of the seat, “If I’m not up by then, would you mind waking me up when we reach the train station?”
“And with time to spare,” she added, “Incase I get bed head.”
He never stopped trying to win you over, after that.
He’s a persistent little git. I agreed.
He’s never fully given up on you.
But, he didn’t fight to keep me.
He knew you wouldn’t forgive him.
He would have tried, if he had cared. I sighed, And if he had cared, he wouldn’t have gone off and cared for someone other than me.
And if he wasn’t just being a dumb kid then, he wouldn’t have later realized what mistake he had made.
Again, if he had realized what mistake he had made, he would have fought to keep me.
He cared enough to do what you told him you wanted; to break-up.
And then he stayed with the person he cheated on me with? He let rumors of me, spread like wild fire. He watched me while I suffered, while I was bullied. He watched me fall to the bottom of the food chain. He watched! He listened to the rumors Jen spread about me, and allowed it. My family thinks I’m this terrible person, I couldn’t even imagine, let alone been!
Then why are you going along with this plan?
You keep telling me things like, ‘I’ll save the world!’ And you know what that entails...You know that means taking AND giving your heart back to that person that stabbed it with Jen’s blue pump. You know that means falling back in love. Yet, you try your hardest to change your mind. Like, you don't want to want Albus back into your heart.
It’s not that I don’t want it...But, I shouldn’t want him back. It’s my common sense kicking into gear like it’s supposed to. Telling me that I’m a nitwit for even thinking about a relationship with anyone that is...HIM! That I should have some self respect!
You can and you should have self respect! You are a strong and beautiful woman and you should respect every bit of who you are as a person! It is impossible to forget what horrible things happened to you but, there is such thing as forgiveness. And if you cannot forgive Albus for what he has done, then this is not going to work!
Then what is the problem?
I’m not sure how I am supposed I forgive him...
By looking into yourself and realizing that people aren’t perfect and that everyone does bad things and sometimes that hurts innocent people more than it ever should. But as long as someone has remorse, then there is good in them. And remembering that sometimes people deserve second chances.
What if he doesn’t want a second chance?
Trust me, he does.
How would you know?
I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t believe that. She promised.
He hasn’t even apologized.
He know’s you haven’t forgiven him.
We’ve talked. I pointed out.
He’s titled us as friends. He should have apologized then.
She sighed and admitted heavily, I don’t disagree. But, it’s coming. Will you be ready for it when he does?
I shook my head, No.
Didn’t think so.
We both remained 'thoughtless’ for most of the trip. Anna snored softly, waking up every so often to give my studies a nasty look. I tried to centralize my focus on my Herbology homework and finally answered question one, when I found myself focusing on other things. Such as Albus, my mother, the wedding, and Anna’s plan doll me up for the wedding. It was going to be a long sixteen days! So much for enjoying myself.
I’m sure it will be a good time. And I imagine your mother is excited to see you as well.
I shook my head, I doubt it.
Do you regret making the decision to meet with her?
I shrugged, Honestly, I reacted on impulse. Anna mentioned driving and I panicked.
So you mean to say you don’t actually want to see you mother?
I don’t know! I just think it will be awkward. The last time we spoke she went on and on about how stupid it was that Albus and I broke up and blah, blah, blah! Which is ridiculous, considering...
I shrugged again, ...Considering, before we broke up she barely spoke to me.
Why is that?
You mean to tell me, you don’t know already?! I blink, You’re my guardian angel and you don’t know this? One of the most traumatic times in my life? What kind of angel are you?!
She giggled, Of corse I know everything about you...But, I don’t know everything about your mother.
I rolled my eyes, She got all traumatized after my dad died in the car crash...
Well, Liv, that’s a traumatic thing. Losing a loved one, you should know that...
No, no! I didn’t mean... i sighed, It’s been a long time. She was doing fairly well at first, for someone who had just lost someone. Trying to be strong for me, I guess. And she just started getting worse and worse. Drinking, sneaking around, leaving me for long periods of times, randomly ignoring me when I EXISTED anywhere near her, and sleeping when she wasn’t doing any of these other things. Eventually she stopped talking to me... I tried swallowing the lump that was caught in my throat(and failed), It wasn’t like she was the only one who lost someone. He was my father just as much as he was her husband. I wanted to be there for her. I tried talking to her but she wouldn’t look at me, let alone speak to me.
It sounds like maybe she held it in, when she was trying to be strong for you for so long, and then she just collapsed herself by not expressing her true feeling towards it.
I nodded, She’d lost someone she loved before this too. Some boyfriend she had back when she was at Hogwarts. He was murdered in the Triwizard Tournament during the very final task. Not that she loved him like my father but, I think maybe that doesn’t help that this is the second person she loved, that had died. Plus the friends she had lost during the war. She’s just...cracked.
She loves you, she assured me, It seems like she’s been through a lot. It’s unfortunate that she couldn’t find herself in the madness. But, you haven’t spoken to her in a while. And Albus mentioned that he had spoken to her. She must be some what better.
I laughed mentally, I think I understand now.
The point of having you.
Oh!? She chuckled, I would love to hear about it!
I shrugged, Your guidance...At first you were this annoying bug in my ear and every time I swatted at you, you’d come back more annoying! The last couple days have given me a lot of...reassurance, I suppose. That everything is going to be alright. I make myself believe something is terrible and you make it sound like fucking sunshine and rainbows! And I think I understand a little about why you...exist, for me. Even if you’re probably wrong, it can be nice to hear someone being optimistic.
You should wake Anna now.
I looked out the window and far into the distance was the tunnel buried into a hill that would lead us to the train station. Anna groaned when I tapped her on the shoulder but didn’t fight me when I told her we we nearly there. She quickly hopped up and fixed her hair. Wiping away the smudged mascara and reapplying her lip gloss. It was a typical procedure for her. She was such a girl.
“That was the shortest nap ever!” she whined.
I shrugged, “It was the longest train ride...”
“Are you ready to see your Mum?” she asked, checking herself out in the mirror.
I shrugged, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
“I think it will be good for you.” She snapped her mirror shut and gave me a stern look, “But I am only a floo away, okay? If you need me to save you, let me know!” She basically demanded.
“I will,” Tough guy.
I remember the last time I stood in front of this red door. There was a dead wreath then and the doorbell was covered with tape. Snow was falling then too. Albus and his brother James, were dragging my suitcase’s down the driveway, while Anna yanked at my jacket to follow her. Tears were falling down my cheek and I could hear my mother screaming on the other side. But, I couldn’t help but stare at the damn door. I never thought I would see it again.
I lifted my wand to the dead-bolt and whispered, “Alohomora.” The lock made a click. I began fighting with my hand on whether I should just walk in or knock. Just go into the blasted house! I turned the handle and pushed the door open hesitantly, still holding my wand and staying alert. Stay alert, stay alive. I repeated to myself a few times like, the more times I said it, the more I would believe it was a necessary to assure Angel. I took a step inside. The warmth felt nice on my cold hands.
And then she came. Practically skipping out of the kitchen, “Hurry in, dear!” she took my bag from me and placed her hand on my back, pushing me the rest of the way inside, “We aren’t heating the outdoors, now are we?” and she shut the door. I may have gasped a little when I heard the door lock. But, I didn’t fight it when she helped take my jacket off and unwrap the scarf from around my neck.
“Alright then,” she said after hanging my things on the coat rack, “Let me have a look at you.” She looked me down once and then back up. She smiled, “You haven’t gotten any taller.” she admitted, teasing a little. YES, WE ALL KNOW I’M A SHORT SHIT!Hahahah! We both stood there. She was smiling and I could only imagine was my face looked like, considering, I know this is strange and all but, you should see your face. Just a fantastic sight. She hugged me and I couldn’t force my own arms around her. But, my nose...it smelled...something...
“Are you cooking?” I asked more surprised than anything.
She finally let me go and nodded, “Oh yes! I hope your hungry. Because I made your favorite.” My mother hadn’t cooked since before she had began her meltdown.
I nodded, faking a smile...So my mother really has gone mad. Fantastic.
She hasn’t! Look, she made quiche!
I get that...But, what on Earth is going on? Why is she acting like this? Wha...Wait a minute! IS SHE WEARING AN APRON?!
Well, yes, but...QUICHE!
“Come into the kitchen,” she motioned me towards the delicious aroma. I unconsciously followed her, dropping my wand to my hip, “I only received your letter yesterday...So I went strait to the market to prepare and I wasn’t sure your would get my response in time if I had.” She told me, while peaking into the oven.
“I wasn’t sure what you would like to eat. So I made what I knew was your favorite,” she explained and opened to the stocked cupboard, “and picked up a few other goodies for you as well.” All of my favorite things.
“Your sheets are nearly dried now...” she continued aimlessly, looking into the oven again. She slid her hands into oven gloves and pulled out the baked quiche, and turned the oven off, “Not that your bed has been used but, I know how you like the smell of freshly cleaned sheets!”
“It slipped my mind to grab some milk so we’ll have to make due without it until...”
“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!”
Yay! I did it! And as always, I didn't edit. I lack the energy to ever re-read or edit my stories unless I'm THAT bored...So take me as I am or not at all, I guess :) But, I hope you will! And I hope you enjoyed this! I tried to please some unhappy people, while pleasing myself at the same time! So, if this was not enough for those peeps...Then I'm not sure what else to do with you except, ignore you! :/
But, anywho!!!!!! Please remember to review! I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear what you have to say and what you think! RESPECTFUL critism is more than welcome! It is also appreciated! Thanks for reading! Sorry for the cliffy...