Chapter 2 : Dinosaurs, Pancakes and Luge
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Another chapter! I would have updated earlier but, you know, real life got in the way... Anyway, it’s here now... although very short. Sorry!
It was about eleven when the doorbell rang for the second time. Two visitors in one day? This has got to be record! (Yes, I know, I’m a sad little loner who gets excited when more than one person wants to talk to me per day)… As the saying goes: It never rains but it snows. Well… it was something like that anyway, I’ve never been that good with sayings...
I had been cooking breakfast when With a Little Help from my Friends suddenly rang through my apartment. Aah… so it was Lily. The doorbell only did that when it was her, I mean it was supposed to stick to one song per day, but for some reason whenever Lily turned up it always played With a Little Help from my Friends.
“Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends, mmm, I get high with a little help from my friends, mmm, I’m gonna try with a little help from my friends…” I sang as I flicked my wand at the door, making it fly open with a little more force than I had intended. After Lily had recovered from the crash I shouted down the hallway,
“Come in, and flick the switch behind the door would you?”
She stepped tentatively through the door (huh, like I was going to set booby traps on my best friend!)… and straight into a bowl of pancake mix I had carefully been storing in the hallway, effectively catapulting its contents down the length of the corridor. The creamy liquid splattered on the wall and soaked into the carpet.
“Jesus Lily, I was going to use that!” I exclaimed as I cleaned up the mess and repaired the bowl with a wave of my wand while Lily turned the doorbell off.
“Then why in the name of Merlin would you put it on the floor right in front of the door, you sock-head?”
“Ooo, harsh. FIY, didn’t just dump it there, I was storing it carefully so it would be ready when I needed it. I wasn’t expecting my brainless-best-buddy to come traipsing in and send it flying down the hall!”
“God Eli, you’re such a grub. Hasn’t anyone thought to let you know that it’s normal to keep foodstuffs in the kitchen?”
Hey! I’m not a grub! I’m actually a very neat person… it’s just that by other’s standards my storage methods are a little illogical. I mean to me it makes perfect sense to keep my toaster in the bathroom- much safer in terms of fire-risk you know- but everyone else insists upon keeping theirs in the kitchen of all places! I ask you…
“Oi! Talk about pot calling the kettle blue! I mean, this coming from the girl who kept all her broken quills, empty ink bottles, random bits of parchment and all that other crap in the bottom of her trunk for seven years?”
“Eli, it’s ‘Pot calling the kettle black’… and anyway you’re making fried eggs. Why do you need pancakes as well?” Lily said calmly. Huh! Avoid the accusation why don’t you?
“The pancakes were going to be for lunch…” I muttered as I picked up the (now empty) bowl and ushered Lily down the hallway.
Lily and I often argued like this, we weren’t actually angry at each other, we just like to be overly dramatic and scream a whole lot every once in a while.
Lily ponced into the kitchen/dining/living room and sat primly on a bar stool. She was deliberately acting all serious and mature, so I just ignored her. Lily liked to pretend she was the sane one but…
At this point my thoughts were interrupted by Lily’s hysterical shriek. I turned calmly to look at her, (when you hang around with these sorts of people, pretty soon nothing really surprises you). She was pointing with a quivering finger towards the coffee table while simultaneously attempting to scramble backwards onto the kitchen countertop (needless to say, she was failing miserably in her latter endeavour given she was several feet away from aforementioned countertop).
“Holy shit, Eli!” she squealed, “There’s a dinosaur under your coffee table!”
“Really?!” I said, getting excited, then I realised that as dinosaurs became extinct thousands of years ago, this was highly unlikely. Ah well, it’s easier just to go along with it.
“It can see me Eli!” Lily was getting more and more worked up, “Oh my god! It’s going to eat me! Heeelllp!”
Now would be a good time to bring her back to reality before she starts breaking my valuable possessions.
“Lily.” I said in my sternest voice (it’s very stern, I’ll tell you that for free), “Dinosaurs are extinct. There is no dinosaur in this room.”
“They’re not extinct!” Lily said indignantly, “They’ve just been hiding! One is hiding under your table!” the impression that I was standing before a stubborn three-year-old, not a (stubborn) eighteen-year-old was growing stronger by the second. I sighed at her naivety, I could see I was going to have to try different tack.
“Ok. Here’s what we’re going to do.” I said in what I hoped sounded like a calm and collected (as opposed to: crap-I’m-tired-of-having-to-convince-my-legally-adult-best-friend-that-there-aren’t-extinct-creatres-hiding-in-every-available-space-ISH) voice “You wait in the hallway and I’ll ask the dinosaur to leave.”
Lily nodded solemnly and headed for the door.
After a few minutes I opened the door again to show her that the ‘dinosaur’ was gone.
“You’re so brave Eli!” she said wondrously.
…Eh. Who is she kidding? She just as insane (if not more so) than the rest of us.
Once I’d gotten Lily back into ‘normal’ (if you could call it that) mode she sat down on the edge of the countertop and demanded I make her a fried egg.
Being the wonderfully incredible best friend that I am, I obliged on was soon busy with the frying pan once more. Lily just sat there and watched me as though egg-frying was some extremely difficult Olympic sport, like luge or something… (LUUUUge tehehe).
“Eli,” she asked slowly,
“Mmm…” was my witty response
“Umm, why are you dressed like that?”
I was wearing a full-length peacock-blue ball gown, complete with tiara and elbow-length gloves. It looked absolutely stunning… but apparently the impression was somewhat ruined by the fact that I was frying an egg.
“Err, I don’t know…” I thought back carefully to when I got dressed this morning, but couldn’t quite remember what my decision-making process had been. I settled for “Why not?” and turned back to the stove.
I really did have quite incredible fashion-sense and no matter what I wore, it always looked incredible (if I do say so myself). It’s just apparently I don’t always choose the most appropriate out-fits for the occasion…
After we had eaten, lily abruptly announced “We’re leaving in ten minutes, so get ready.”
I obediently went and packed a bag with some essential items, for example: clothes; a toothbrush; my yellow raincoat (no it does NOT come under the category of clothes. It’s special.); my snoopy PJs (aren’t just clothes either); my phone; and my toaster. I then changed out of my ball gown into some clothes that Lucy would describe as “adequately normal”.
You see, Lucy and Victoire made me a check list to help me choose clothes for when I have to go out in public so I won’t draw to much attention to myself. It’s very long, the list. The points on it are things like: Must not be covered in excessive quantities of sequins and/or feathers; Must not be made of lycra or spandex; Must not feature pictures of the Beatles, especially not the Beatles dressed in fluorescent coloured military-style outfits; AVOID NEON COLOURS IN GENERAL; Must not include items like platform shoes or satin gloves that impede ordinary practices, e.g. walking, holding things, etc. (well that rules out my current outfit); and, Gumboots must be avoided at all times, unless absolutely necessary.
Following these guidelines, I picked out a black dress (check), with a loose, knee-length skirt that ensured I could walk properly (check), made of a light cottony material (check) and patterned with a simple striped design (check). I then added a pair of red and blue ballet flats (check) and headed out into the hallway. Lily looked me over.
“Well, you’re improving, I’ll give you that.”
I sighed, “What have I done wrong this time?”
“No, no. it’s pretty good, it’s just…” Lily backtracked
“Well, the shoes are supposed to match.” She said very quickly.
“They do match!” I responded indignantly “I picked them out especially! Look! They’re the same shape, and they both have bows!”
“Yes, honey,” Lily said patiently “but they need to be the same colour as well.”
“Oh… I see. Do I have to go and change them?”
“No, I suppose it’ll be Ok.”
“Good. I wasn’t going to anyway. I mean, stuff tradition! They’re artistically contrasting! Surely that’s better than boring old matching. Right?”
Lil just sighed and shook her head. I grabbed my suitcase and returned to the hall.
Hey! That’s my signature phrase!
“I was just wondering, you know, where are we actually going?”
“Oh! The Burrow of course!”
And with that, we set off.
In case you didn’t already know, luge is an Olympic sport in which competitors lie down on a flat sled (called a luge) and slide down a bob-sled course at incredibly high speeds.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. With a Little Help from my Friends along with its lyrics belong to the Beatles, while all references to the Harry Potter Universe belong to J.K.R. As I have mentioned previously, I am none of these people.
I don’t really like this chapter… anyway, please leave a review and tell me what you think!