A/N So, there’s 3 major changes. 1) Lily is not two years below Al, she’s in the year below. 2) Dom is the youngest in her immediate family- Louis and Victoire have left Hogwarts. 3) there’s going to be quite a lot of swearing in this.
Inherently a Marauder
That’s my pleasant friend Lily.
“LILY, YOU NARGLE-BRAIN!”
That would be my other pleasant friend, Katarina.
“SHUT UP! I’M TRYING TO SLEEP, YOU MORONS!”
That is, most regretfully, me; Eliana. Lily likes to get up and do her makeup beautifully, and I like to stay in bed and sleep. I’m not a morning person whilst she is. It’s an unfortunate clash of personalities, really.
“WELL, MY HAIR WON’T GO RIGHT!”
“Honey, it’s your face that won’t go right.”
We a have deeply loving relationship.
Really, we do.
Yeah, okay, never.
Eh. Blame her.
“Your mother would be appalled at such language!”
She would, actually. Ginny would yell at her, before raving on about respect for other people and how insulting and damaging words could be- did she not know that name calling was the beginnings of prejudice, prejudice the beginning of discrimination, and discrimination the beginnings of war?
Yes, I’ve heard James, her oldest and least mature child, getting that particular speech several times over.
“What she doesn’t hurt she can’t know... or something bollocks like that,” Lily sniffed. I began to snuggle back into my pillow, nice and cosy-
“LILY, THAT’S MY DUVET!”
“GET THE HELL OUT OF BED!”
“YOU SHUT UP!”
“Can you both keep it down?”
Kat was staring at us as though we were mad. Who was she to talk? She had rollers in her hair. ‘Disdain’ and ‘hair rollers’ do not mix. Fact.
“Get dressed, please,” smiled Lily, all her teeth showing like a mad woman.
“Oh darling, I would, but I’m just too comfy- OUCH!”
She’d hexed my bed to be as hot as a fricking volcano; I sprang off it with all the agility and grace of a hippopotamus.
I grabbed a pair of jeans (muggle) and a tank top. “You’re mean,” I informed her coolly.
“Nah, I’m not. We’ve got a job to do today.”
I frowned at her.
“Erm, just a point... it’s Hogsmeade today. You have a date that you have to successfully hide from James with the aid of Albus, who doesn’t even know he’s helping yet,” I pointed out, watching as she carefully applied black eyeliner.
That, in itself, was odd. Lily believed black to be ‘the colour of dementors, death and ink’ (she hates, I repeat HATES, schoolwork) and avoids black, white and grey like the plague. Generally, she likes to outline her eyes in gold.
However, it got stranger. She was wearing tight black leggings, a black tank top and black pumps.
“I’m standing him up,” she shrugged. “You don’t have a date, do you?”
Another year, another date-free Hogsmeade. I gave her a look.
“Good. We’re staying in the castle.”
“But I want-“
“Al’s already going to get you sugar quills. I told him you were ill and I wanted to look after you.”
James and Albus are her brothers, both older than her, but the latter is completely chilled with her going on dates and meeting guys so long as he has a vague idea of where she is and what time she’ll be back. James cursed the last one to have chicken wings and he flew to lessons for two weeks.
Shoving on a hat, I paused. “And he believed that?”
“Nope. He told me not to get detention again.”
I rolled my eyes. She never turned up anyway- what was the difference?
“So, our plan today.”
“Nope. We’re going to break into Filch’s office.”
I chuckled. She was quite funny sometimes. “Okay, really. I’m listening now- what are we doing?”
“Oh, and we’re getting the Invisibility Cloak off Al, because we’re pulling an almighty prank later and I want said prank to go well. And by ‘go well’ I mean get blamed on James.”
Please tell me she’s joking.
There was a long pause, in which I stared at her, half-in half-out of my jeans.
Okay, she’s not. Damn.
“You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“Yup. Chop chop, we’ve got to be done by the Halloween Feast tonight!”
“We’re not wrecking the feast, are we? I seriously draw the line if you are.”
She rolled her eyes. “No, we’re going to improve it. And get dressed in ninja black, you loser. Try for some stealth.”
And so began the catastrophe that was Halloween.
“Agent Idiot, if you call me Agent Flower one more time I’ll have to kill you.”
“Agent Flower, your target is approaching.”
Everyone had left for Hogsmeade, and Filch had been doing his usual duty amongst the students checking their forms for forgeries (there’s always one), and our ambush was planned directly after. Usually, he’s in a good mood having got a child in trouble, but we couldn’t guarantee it, and we hadn’t already raided it while he had been gone, because we both agreed too much was up to chance.
Lily nodded at me (we’d both thought it would be better if she did the more dangerous job) and sent a Tripping Jinx at him. He fell flat on his face, managing to squash Mrs. Norris Junior in the process.
I could hardly hold in my laughter. Really, his yelp and the cat’s yowl almost harmonized, floating down the corridors like a soft melody to ease suffering and end war.
Yes, that was sarcasm.
Lily cackled with laughter and stepped out of our hiding place, sprinting past him and down the corridor. She yelled abuse at him, grinning and laughing and seriously milking it to beyond what was necessary. The cat hissed and struggled from underneath her owner, before making chase and was closely followed by a wheezing, limping Filch.
As soon as they’d faded into the distance, I sprung across to his office’s door and yanked it open, wand at the ready.
I sighed, and tried again.
Sighing, I looked furtively around before slipping inside and locking it behind me.
“Map?” I called out hopefully, but zilch. Nada. Zero response.
I scanned across the shelves, searching for something- anything- suspicious, but I couldn’t find anything.
“Accio the Marauder’s Fucking Map!” I hissed furiously, and heard a faint rattling. spinning around, I stared at the door, but the handle wasn’t moving.
Mildly frowning, I realised there was still a noise. It had a huge depth to it, and echoed strangely. After a few moments of vaguely following the noise, I stumbled.
Cursing and muttering, I was glad no one was there to see it and stared around for the cause.
There was a handle on the floor.
I yanked it open, and found it was a trapdoor.
“Clever, Filch, but not clever enough,” I grinned as the Map flew straight into my hands. “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.”
An amazing array of lines appeared; it never quite failed to stun me with its timeless beauty. I smiled, and checked the corridor for any prefects or-
My eyes boggled, but I knew I had no time. I flicked my wand at the door to unlock it and dived down the trapdoor, hoping it wasn’t too deep. Fortunately, it wasn’t, and I stayed upright and slammed the door above my head just in time.
It was pitch black, so I quickly muttered ‘lumos’ and looked around as Filch’s steps were above me. I would’ve sighed, but worried he’d hear me. Instead, I shone the wand light around and checked the shelves.
The room was narrow, but long. It seemed to expand when Filch needed more space, because nothing was too cramped up. I smiled at an old Fanged Frisbee until it growled at me and I backed away. Most of the products, I noted, were Weasley Wizard Wheezes or the old Zonko’s stuff, but there were several innocent items like books, quills, and various pieces of parchment. I pocketed several Decoy Detonators and an interesting selection of WonderWitch products, including Everlasting Eyelashes and Lush Lips.
Maybe it was worth getting stuck in here...
A bang from above, however, made my heart race and begin to breathe too quickly. I stuffed the map down my top and extinguished my wand, listening.
“PEEVES!” he roared.
There were heavy footsteps, then silence.
I struggled to get the map out again, whilst getting light again, and watched Filch run down the corridor and towards the Gryffindor common room.
Darting up the ladder, I kept the map in my hand and came out to an empty room. Sighing in relief, I slammed the hatch shut and headed for the door.
Like a cat on a mouse (me being the poor, victimised mouse), Mrs. Norris Junior sprung on my ankle.
“GET OFF YOU SHITTING WHOREBAG CAT!” I yelled, trying to hit her claws away with my wand, but she continued the scratch and draw a lot of blood.
“DEVIL CAT, SATAN ITSELF!” I condemned, yelping and bleeding, and attempted to punch and head for the door at the same time.
The cat glared at me, surprising me with bright red eyes. Then her eyes moved from my face... to the map.
I kicked her (cruel, I know) and yanked open the door.
“STUPEFY!” I screamed, and it dropped to the floor, mid-jump.
That cat... is a ninja.
Not just any ninja.
A cat ninja.
“You’re lucky I’m not a Slytherin,” I spat at her, kicking her back through the door and slamming it.
It’s rumoured that, in Teddy’s time, Mrs. Norris Senior was thrown out of the Owlery by a seventh year Slytherin.
That damn cat is VERY lucky I like animals.
It sounds so damn tempting.
“How’d it go?” grinned Lily, completely unscathed and curled up on an armchair when I got back to the common room ten minutes later.
“FUCKING CAT!” I raged, slamming down on a sofa and checking my cuts.
Ouch, they were deeper than I thought.
“Mrs. Norris Junior, an animal the same size as a gnome, outsmarted you?” she asked disbelievingly.
At least I can always rely on her for sympathy.
“No. It bloody attacked me,” I groaned, wincing as a piece of flesh caught on my nail.
She put her head in her hands. “I just ran through half of this castle for nothing?” she whined.
I nudged her, and pulled the map out. “I got it.” She grinned, snatching it out of my hands. I’m not going to lie, I felt a bit used. “And check out all this!”
Spreading all the merchandise on the coffee table in front of us, her eyes shined.
“Oh, look, a Decoy Detonator!” she grinned. “Uncle George decided to stop selling them; he got too many letters of complaint from teachers about disrupted lessons. Oh, and he won’t ever sell the WonderWitch products to us girls, says we don’t need any help!”
I rolled my eyes. “Great. Well, didn’t you say something about the cloak?”
Lily smiled vaguely. “Yeah, but that’ll have to be later tonight. He’ll know if it was me; I told him we’re here. Nah, we’ll set up the prank soon and then get on to the cloak when he’s back. Wait here, kay? Won’t be a second.”
She nipped up to the girls dormitories while I nursed my wounds mournfully. I’d have rather faced Filch than this.
“Here you go,” she said brightly. She handed over a small cup of whitish liquid.
“What is it?”
“Essence of Dittany and a little bit of Salving Serum. Should stop the pain and clean your wounds before I heal them. I’d get Dom to, but she’ll suspect us.”
I nodded, and dabbed it on with the sponge she gave me. I dabbed it on gently, and a cool feeling of relief washed through me. She’s a genius potioneer, my little Lily. She experiments on our potions all the time when we’re partnered up, and I rarely have to do anything. Just smile and take credit, mostly.
“Oh Merlin that’s feels nice,” I sighed, sinking back into the sofa.
I felt vague warmth in my legs, and looked down. Lily was crouched over, healing them. Frowning, I looked as the flesh sealed itself, melting together seamlessly.
“Why’d that not sting?” I asked, staring.
“Oh, I added spicebush berries’ oil in the Salving Serum and it prolongs and increases the effects of the Dittany. It means you can heal without hurting at all. It’s great, right?”
I smiled and nodded.
We collected up our earnings and hid them in our trunks before getting out the map.
“What exactly is our plan?” I asked mildly as she traced Professor Dean and Longbottom’s footsteps. “Aside from wrecking havoc and destroying Halloween for everyone?”
She winked at me. “We’re winging it, duh.”
Why’s Lily such a bitch?
Her mum’s nice. And her dad wouldn’t harm a fly (including Voldy, can I just add? His spell backfired, the idiot) and I’m pretty sure Albus inherited that gene, because he’s lovely.
It seems to have missed Lily.
“-and give all the Slytherins extra spice in the ketchup. And I mean, whole tubs of the stuff,” she continued (trust me, she’d been spewing stuff like this for about five minutes) and put her thumbs up at me.
“Are we done? I’m tired,” I whined.
“What? This is the pre prank, Ellie. The prank that lulls them into a false sense of security. I want you to go to the Transfiguration corridor-“
“I’m not doing anything stupid-“
“Take a left, and find the third suit of armour from the Great Hall on the right hand side. Poke it with your wand and cast ‘Revelio’. The knight will open up a wall and give you a huge choice of potions and they’ll be the first things you’ll see. Get a dark green, almost a forest green, bottle with a cork stopper. It’s about average size. Then, tap the suit twice, repeating the spell and it’ll have a load of stuff- just get the fireworks, and all of them. Shrink them and put them in your pocket if there are too many, and pick up some hair shining lotion-“
I shook my head at her. “What part of a prank involves hair shiner?”
Lily frowned. “It doesn’t. That’s for the party tonight.”
“Chop chop. Take the map and makes sure no one knows what you do. Go,” she chivvied, shoving me towards the door.
“What are you going to be doing, then?” I demanded.
I was not risking my arse so she could sit around and not get into trouble again.
“Finding the school pumpkins,” she said brightly, still pushing.
You know what?
I’m not even going to ask.
Now, I’m not one for really recognising what’s amazing in terms of magical ability, as I’m not anything special in the intelligence department, but I’m telling you that a suit of armour that opens up walls is pretty damn cool.
Expecting to see packages of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, I was surprised to see odd, open fireworks all over the place. They lay scattered in careless piles, and I quickly shrunk them to the rough size of a match box each and hastily cradled them in my top, just remembering the hair stuff and quickly replacing everything (including the wall) back where it needed to be. After making sure I was totally alone, I searched for Lily and eventually found her in an old classroom near the greenhouses. Carefully closing the door behind me, she grinned wickedly.
“How cool are they?” she asked, indicating the over-size pumpkins.
“Err... very orange.”
Lily just smiled, and took a firework idly.
“What are you doing?” I asked after a moment’s hesitation.
“Your precision is astounding.”
My voice sounded so dry it could have been the Saharan Desert.
Or Professor McGonagall’s humour.
“You’ll see tonight,” she insisted.
“Why am I friends with you, again?”
“I’m cool and funny and charming and smart. All the things you aren’t.”
“Rude,” I reprimanded sharply.
“And popular and gorgeous and generally better than you in every way.”
“Too far, Fatso. Too far.”
“And I can play Quidditch amazingly.”
“Are you insinuating I can’t?”
“No, I’m telling you that you can’t.”
I was preparing to be a suicide bomber and set all those fireworks off with my wand- just one little spark and everything would have gone up in flames- then I remembered that it’s now regulation to have them designed to be safe around even three year olds, hence no heat. Hence no flames.
Everyone was beginning to traipse back into the common room, looking cold but thrilled after Hogsmeade.
Little Albus Potter smiled when he saw us, and waved me over. I bounced up to him, leaving Lily arguing with James over... boys? Chocolate Frog cards?
Well, it was one of the two.
“Hey kiddo!” I grinned, ruffling his hair.
I love doing that.
He smiled back, emerald eyes shining in the firelight. “I am a year older than you, you know.”
“Uh-huh. Have fun at Hogsmeade?”
He shrugged. “Would’ve been better if Will hadn’t been feeling up Aimee Stratton for most of the day.”
“Aww, sucks to be you,” I smiled, poking his arm playfully. “Get anything good?”
“Not really, except Butterbeer. Love that stuff,” he smiled. “Oh!”
He suddenly dived into one of the few bags in his hand, rooting through it patiently.
“What?” I asked, blinking.
He handed over several sugar quills.
AHH MERLIN MAJOR SPAZ FIT I WANT TO MARRY THESE THINGS.
I hugged them, smiling absently.
“Are you okay, Ellie?”
“Fine, thank you, Albus,” I said, slowly unwrapping one and licking it.
“You do realise those things are almost pure sugar?” he asked, watching me.
I messed his hair up again. “That’s what makes them so nice,” I moaned.
Jerking out of my trance, I looked up. Albus was hugging a petite and pretty girl tightly, and drew away after a second but caught hold of her hand.
“Hi! I’m Nyx,” she smiled, and I could see why her name suited her. She had dark hair and dark eyes, with an eerily pale pallor.
I smiled in acknowledgement. “I’m-“
“Eliana. You practically live with the Potters now,” she interrupted quickly. “I know all about you- unlike Al, I listen when he talks.”
Albus blushed. “Yeah, well...”
I nudged him. “He’s only human, forgive him.”
Nyx winked at me. “Don’t worry, I do.”
“ALBUS SEVERUS POTTER!”
Lily had arrived. Lovely.
“What?” he asked, glaring at her.
Lily nodded at Nyx and lowered her voice to a normal level. “Thought your girlfriend should know what your full, crap name is before getting too emotionally involved.”
I licked my Sugar Quill, and decided to simply watch the proceedings, as James looked as though he was about to join in and would therefore make this all the funnier.
No, I would not help out Albus. That would be far too kind.
“It’s my little brother and darling sister!” James cried, throwing his arms around them. “How is everyone?”
“What do you want?” the green eyed brother sighed.
“Yeah, because Ellie and I have to get ready for the Halloween Party later,” Lily added, winking slightly at me.
“You’re not going to the party, Lillers,” James laughed. “What idiot told you that you were invited?”
“Fifth, sixth and seventh years are allowed. I’m a fifth year,” Lily said slowly.
“Dammit,” James muttered. “Well, you’re still not coming.”
“Because I want to get drunk, but I can’t if my little sister in a tiny dress who really is off her head drunk is there too.”
“I’m not getting drunk,” Lily sniffed. “Just tipsy.”
“I’ll stay sober, James,” Albus volunteered.
“But you’re fucking awful at looking after her,” he said lightly. “You let her-“
“Have fun,” Lily said firmly, “and if you have a problem with it take it out with mum and dad.”
Albus grinned at her, and they high fived.
They are the best siblings ever.
“What do you want, James?” I prompted. He put dropped his arms and hugged me instead.
“I thus declare Ellie is my new sister, and I don’t need a brother,” he whined, ‘sobbing’ into my shoulder.
“Dude, you’re heavy,” I told him as he became limper and limper, putting all his weight on me. “Stop. Oww, James!”
He leant more and more on me.
“Help!” I hissed at Lily.
She smirked, and turned to Nyx to chat about the upcoming party, who happily joined in.
“Here you go,” Albus said, and yanked me suddenly out from underneath him, and James crashed face first onto the floor.
“FUCKING HELL YOU SHITTING-“
“As prefect, I hereby deduct three points from Gryffindor in the hopes you will stop swearing, James,” Albus shrugged, still holding onto my wrist.
I rolled my shoulders, checking for damage.
“Thanks, Albus,” I said quietly, rolling my head a little.
I’m small and weak- James is muscular and tall. Him leaning on me + me having no support = painful.
“Why’d you call me Albus?” he asked curiously as James stomped off, looking for sympathy.
I shrugged. “As opposed to...”
I thought for a moment.
“You introduced yourself as Albus to me when I first met you. It just stuck, I guess.”
He smiled. “So I did. In my defence, I was really nervous didn’t really know what I was speaking.”
“Why were you nervous? I’d been at yours for Christmas that year.”
“I know, but... well...”
“You were Lily’s best friend. I figured you’d be like her.”
He leaned forward, checking Lily wasn’t listening.
“Until I had my growth spurt and got taller than her, I was terrified of Lily.”
I giggled, looking over at her. “That midget? She isn’t scary at all, you know.”
He chuckled. “Well, she has mum’s temper. That was enough to frighten me.”
“I thought you were supposed to be a Gryffindor, Albus. Face your fears and all that.”
“House stereotypes,” he muttered, playfully pushing me, and I banged into an extremely hard chest.
James was back.
“Al, do you have the cloak?” James asked, grinning at him. Apparently he’d forgotten his annoyance at him.
Albus frowned. “Erm, no. I gave it to you and Fred last week... you asked for it... what’ve you done with it?”
“Yeah. You wanted to prank Lily and it epically failed when she caught you and hung you by your foot on one of the Quidditch hoops.”
James opened his mouth, closed it, then laughed. “Oh, yeah, that was quite funny.”
“So where’s the cloak now?”
“James!” Albus hissed, grabbing his arm and dragging him off to the side, but I followed. “You lost the map to Filch before the summer holidays- Merlin only knows where that is now-“
Giggling to myself, I thought of how it was safely tucked in Lily’s bra that second.
“-and now you don’t know where the cloak is! James, that cloak is important. Dad reckons it’s been handed down in this family for generations and generations- since the Peverells, in fact!”
“No need for the history lecture, kid- I gave it to Dom, I’ve just remembered. Filch wanted a good nosy through my pockets so Fred distracted him and I gave it to her. She’ll have kept it safe, no worries.”
Albus sighed, and turned to me.
“And you- call me Al, okay?”
I smiled, nodded, and turned to Lily.
“OI!” I yelled. I needed to tell her the current whereabouts of the cloak.