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Honour Among Thieves by starryskies55
Chapter 4 : tears, panicking and a pathetic -yet successful- dating plan
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 17

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Lorcan Scamander

-Rose: the Cabin
Saturday 16th October

Our flat has been nicknamed the Cabin due to the exorbitant amount of panelled wood the previous owners put in, and we’re too lazy to take out.

Anyway, we’re picking up after four Rambo films, and Lorcan had been true to his promise of watching Titanic. Hugo was at work, so we had the flat to ourselves, curled up on the sofa with popcorn and chocolate, weeping.

“WHAT THE FUCK?” Lorcan yelled at the telly, tears streaming down his cheeks. “THERE IS ENOUGH ROOM FOR JACK ON THAT RAFT TOO, BITCH!”

I passed him another tissue and mopped up my own tears. “Shut up, you’re ruining it,” I sobbed.

-Rose: the Cabin, about five minutes later

“EEEVRYNIGHT IN MYYY DREEAAMS, I SEEE YOUUU, I FEEEELS YOU!" Lorcan hiccupped, swaying on the sofa.


The doorbell rang. Lorcan waved a hand at me. “You get it. I’m emotionally drained.”

I struggled to my feet, flicking copious amounts of popcorn onto the floor, and they skittered away on the hardwood. Hugo was going to go apeshit when he came back.

As I left the room, Lorcan turned up the volume and resumed his screeching; “NEARRR, FAAARRR...”

I opened the door, and Lysander stood there, barely controlling his laughter. “You can hear Lorcan from half-way down the street,” he said, dodging past me. “How did you manage to get him to watch Titanic? He hates films that make him cry.”

“I spent about five blood-soaked hours watching John Rambo rip out people’s throats,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“You were named after the Titanic Rose, you know,” he continued. “Something about a more than a teaspoon and your dad.”

I cringed. “That sounds so dodgy.” I followed Lysander into the kitchen. He sighed at the bowls and food strewn around. “Fancy helping to clean up?” I asked.

“I actually can’t stay,” he said, “I’ve got to... got to go see a man about a dog. I just dropped round to give Lorcan his phone- he left it at home and it won’t stop ringing. It’s an unidentified number and I can’t for the life of me unlock it.”

He passed it to me, and I jammed it in my pocket just as it started vibrating again.

Lorcan’s voice reached a crescendo: “YOUUUU’RE HEREEE, THERE’S NUTHIN’ I FEAR.”

Lysander smiled at it. “Have you noticed anything odd, about Lorcan recently?”

“Apart from the fact he knows all the words to Celine Dion, no... why?”

“It’s just that...” Lysander lowered his voice, even though Lorcan was belting it out and wouldn’t be able to hear anything said, “I think Lorcan might like you.”

He raised his eyebrows, and then said, “I won’t disturb him. See you!”

I grabbed his arm. “You do not say something like that and then LEAVE.”

“It’s probably nothing,” he said. “Just me being stupid, but you know he refuses to date girls who don’t like you. And he spends all his time hanging around with you. And he’s offered to take your shifts at the Leaky until you’re better. And he’s watching girly-shit with you. And he won’t stop talking about you. And your birthday present from him is already wrapped. And-”

“Whoa...” I said, holding up my hands. “What’s my birthday present?”

“And he’s bought that ridiculously early- when is your birthday again?”

“Three weeks! That’s not early, that’s thoughtful.”

He grabbed my shoulders. “Have you met Lorcan? He. Is. Not. Thoughtful. I got toothpaste for our last birthday. And how is it even possible to forget your TWINS birthday?”

I was speechless, because you know... Lysander might actually be right.

“When I’m abroad, we talk nearly every day, or Floo or something, and he’ll always start with ‘Rose and I did this’, or ‘Rose was so funny the other day’, or ‘I’m taking Rose out for dinner tomorrow’...”

This was sounding more and more familiar.

“All I’m saying Rose, is keep your distance or you’ll end up breaking his heart.” Lysander kissed me goodbye on the cheek, and Apparated with a crack.


I went into the living room, where Lorcan was huddled with a cushion, crying at the credits. “Rosie, he died!”

I tossed him Inception and his phone. “Watch this, it’s the sequel, and that was Lysander- you’ve had some phone calls.”

He typed in his password, and dialled voicemail, and I dug my phone out of the recesses of the sofa.

“I’ve just got to make some calls,” I told him, and ran into my bedroom, locking the door. I called Molly first. Please pick up...

“Hey, it’s Molly! Sorry, I’m otherwise engaged at the mo, so leave a message and I’ll get back to you!”
“MOLLY! It’s Rose, dammit, you had better get back to me; I seriously need you.”

Okay, try again. “Sorry, but Lily is unavailable. She is so awesome, so she has no time to answer her phone to dumbasses like you. However, if you leave a message, she’ll probably take time out of her extremely busy schedule to call you back.”
“Lily, change your message. It’s Rose. Call back. IT’S URGENT!”

Third time lucky? “Helloo! This is Lucy, and I’m not around at the moment! Sorry! Leave a message?”
“PLEEEAASE CALL BACK. It’s Rose. And you are needed.”

Four. “GUESS WHAT? I’M PREGNANT! Leave a message!”
“Congrats Vic! NOW ANSWER YOUR PHONE. Love you, Rose.”

I felt like banging my head against a wall. This is not fair. I’ve called all my sane female relatives. “It’s Dom, leave a message.”

Lorcan banged on the door and I jumped out of my skin. “Are you alright in there?”

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute! Start the film without me!”

Okay. Last chance: Roxanne.

Brring brring.

Please don’t pick up...

“Rose, what do you want?”


-Rose: the Olive Garden.
Monday 18th October

I was in a restaurant. I wanted to be at home watching TV. But apparently no-one wears pyjamas on a first date, so I was out of luck. I was also very conscious of my ‘Things You Are Not Allowed To Do’ list from Louis.

I had a double-date/blind date merger thing with Roxanne and her boyfriend; Mick, and he was bringing someone for me. I have never felt so pathetic in all my life.

“Stop playing with your dress, it’s awesome,” Roxy said, annoyed.

Notice she wasn’t complimenting me, just my dress. Which I had borrowed from her.

“And this is a really good idea. What would you have done without me?”

Begged someone else to help, and they would have come up with a better idea than go on a date with someone else in order to show Lorcan I wasn’t interested.

“Mick and Richie should be here soon.”


“Richie. Your date.”

I panicked. “You said I was meeting Jonathan.”

“I just said that so you would come. Don’t worry, Richie is so much better than whats-his-name.”

I restrained myself from punching her in the face. I had actually met Jonathan, and he had been really nice, and sweet and good-looking, and he gave me his number and then I went sky-diving and lost it.

I didn’t want to meet Richie.

And then Mick and Richie turned up.

And oh my freaking God he was gorgeous.

Stuff Jonathan.

An hour later, Richie and I were having a ball. Him and Mick were both Muggles, but it didn’t matter as much as I had spent enough time up-top to know about Muggle-stuff. He played for a local football team, had just finished explaining the rules to me, and invited me to go see the game on Saturday.

Roxy wasn’t doing much talking, to say the least. Or eating, unless you counted Mick’s face.

“So, what do you do for a living?”

“I work at a bar...” I said, realising how pathetic that sounded. He was a journalist. On important political stuff.

I grimaced, and he smiled awkwardly back. “I hate how people seem to forget waitresses are actually people,” he said, after a moment’s pause. “They’ve got lives outside of work, and it doesn’t not revolve around serving drinks.”

Oh Merlin. My hero...

“Like that guy there,” he said, pointing. I followed his finger-

-and saw Lorcan pushing his way through the restaurant, knocking over tables and a waitress with her tray.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I snapped at him as soon as he got within shouting distance.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he retorted, pulling up a chair. “Hey, Mick, Roxy.”

They didn’t acknowledge him, and Lorcan ignored Richie.

“This is Richie,” I said pointedly.

Richie held out a hand for Lorcan to shake, and he ignored that too.

“Why don’t you have your phone on?” he asked me instead.

I narrowed my eyes. “I’m on a date.”

“We’re working.”

“I’m off sick.”

“We need you to go scuba-diving.”

“Are you out of your mind? I have broken ribs. I could barely get into this dress!” I said, gesturing at the constricting monstrosity I was wearing. “Get someone else to do it.”

“No-one else is as good as you are!”

“No. I am on a date. I am having a great time. I am not going to ruin this by getting pneumonia.”

Beside me, Richie smiled smugly.

“A word? Outside?” Lorcan said through gritted teeth. I glared at him.

“I’ll be right back,” I told Richie.

I followed him outside, and then he grabbed my arm.

And Disapparated.

“YOU UTTER BASTARD!” I yelled as soon as we landed in a huge warehouse. The floor in the middle had broken through to the Thames and everyone was crowded around it, sitting in deckchairs, sipping tea and surrounded by huge floodlights.

“Get over it,” Lily said, chucking me a dry-suit. “You are the only one who can pick a lock underwater.”

Louis grabbed a bucket of water and chucked it over Lorcan, who yelled in surprise. “I said no Apparating! If Red gets a chest infection then it’ll be all your fault, and you’ll be doing the scuba-diving.”

I shivered in my dress. “Please can Lorcan do the scuba-diving anyway?”


-Rose: the Cabin, the next morning.
Tuesday 19th October

“Rose...” I heard someone say in a singsong voice. “Wake up!”

They shook my shoulder slightly. “Rose?”


“Rose, it’s Richie.”

I sat up and collided my forehead with his nose. “Shit! OW! Crap! HOW DID YOU GET IN MY CABIN?!”

“OW! Hell! CRAP! Your Cabin?”

“Yes,” I said, rubbing my forehead. “Cabin. All the wood everywhere.”

He looked around. “There is a lot of wood around.”

Oh, crap. Morning breath.

“Just hang on a second!” I said, trying to cover my mouth with my hand, and dashed into the bathroom.

I had an en-suite. ARE YOU JEALOUS?

You should be. But it’s still covered in wood.

I squished a whole pile of toothpaste onto my brush. “So how did you get into my Cabin?”

“Some guy let me in, and then went off to work?”

“Hugo,” I called, a bit of toothpaste dribbling down my chin. “My little brother.”

“That’s okay then,” he said. “He’s an architect? We were talking over coffee. He seems nice.”

I emerged from the bathroom. “It depends when you talk to him. If it’s past eight o’clock at night, he gets really cranky.”

He had made my bed. And was touching my wand. “Why have you got a stick?”

“It’s lucky,” I said, snatching it back and pulling on a cardigan. I jammed my wand into my pocket.

“After you disappeared last night-”

“Kidnapped, actually,” I corrected.

“After you were kidnapped last night, I managed to unglue your cousin from Mick so I could get your address off her. How was scuba-diving?”

“Very very cold.” I became aware that I stank of eau-de-Thames. Ew. “And unwelcome,” I added. “I didn’t want to go.”

“Are we still up for Saturday then?” he asked.

What? What was happening on Saturday? It is too early for plans. It must be about half seven or something.

“You said you wanted to come see my football team?” he said hopefully, noticing my blank expression.

“Yes! Yes, I did. I’d love to see you play football on Saturday.”

He grinned. “Great!”

Guess who just got a second date with someone cuter than a kitten? MISS ROSE WEASLEY. I will not speak ill of Roxanne until at least Saturday.

“So, do you want to do anything today?” Richie asked. “Seeing as I’m here? Cinema?”

Scratch that. THREE DATES. I’m on fire!

I smiled. “I’d love to.”

“By the way, your phone has been going off, for almost as long as I’ve been trying to wake you up.” he said, chucking it to me. “i.e. a very long time.”

I opened the text. Conference. 9am. -Dom.

I checked my watch. It wasn’t half seven. It was half eleven. Crap. I was dead.

“Bugger. I can’t... I’d love to, but I’ve really got to go...” I said, pulling on some shoes.

Richie didn’t move. “You really have to?”

“Yeah... work... family... crisis... planning...” I muttered, pulling on a trench coat over my cardigan.

“Work and family?”

“They’re surprisingly interchangeable and extremely tangled,” I said, grabbing my purse and shoving it into my spacious pockets with my phone.

“Are you going out in pyjamas?” he asked.

I rolled my eyes, and messily tied my hair up. “Unless I’m working, I live in pyjamas. And even then I managed to get a ‘Wear Your Pyjamas Day’ at work.”

“Sexy,” he said, and kissed my cheek. “I’ll see you on Saturday then?”

“Yup, see you then!” I hurriedly shut the door in his face, and Apparated. Screw Louis’ list, I was two and a half hours late.

A/N: not much really happening, apart from Lorcan's love and Rose's date! The significance of the scuba-diving will be explained later, and what do you think of Richie? Like him? Hate him? Please review, and tell me your theories on the caller. :D

Copyright: 'Titanic' to 20th Century Fox and 'Inception' to Warner Bros Studios, also the lyrics of 'My Heart Will Go On' to Celine Dion :)

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