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Chapter 1 : My mask, forgiving
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This Chapter is now done! I'm so sorry for the wait and would you please review? Pretty please? Thanks to everyone reading this! ILY
I don't know what I live for. No one knows who I really am, so why should i keep on going through this torture. Why am i still trapped in my past? I am a mere shadow of life. Where do I belong? Do I belong at all? I had questioned all of these thoughts everyday. Everynight. Every moment. I had doubted my reason to live. I had always thought that I was superior to everyone. I had always thought I was better then anyone, that no one could beat me in ANYTHING. I had always thought like that.
My mother was on the run. She was being tracked down to be put into Azkaban like my father. I wouldn't hear from her for a while, maybe never. She asked my a favour before she left.
Be yourself. The real you, Draco. Be the real you and be free again.
What did that mean? I knew who I was. I'm Draco Malfoy. Slytherine Prince. Arrogant brat. That's who I am. I kept telling myself that.
Deep down I knew that that was actually not who I was. I did not take pleasure in the discomfort of others. I wished I could have changed that. Everyone's veiw of me is still the same. Brat. Spoiled. Ferret. But I wished i could have been who i wanted to be since the beginning. I knew i really wasn't what everyone thought I was. They just saw the fake me. They have no clue who the real Draco Malfoy is. The real Draco Malfoy behind the mask.
I was sitting on my worn chair. I watched the clouds float past me. The birds chirping, soaring through the clear skies. They were so free. So loose and alive. I wished somehow I could break free from my past and start fresh, a new life.
I wished I could one day walk through the streets without the glares and whispers. I want to scream I HAVE changed! that I am different, I am not the Draco Malfoy you once knew. But I can't. I have to hide my feelings. I wish I could let my feelings out, once and for all. I wished i didn't have to hide anymore. I wanted to lift this mask, and be me.
After the war, I thought everything was going to be fine. I was wrong
I used to rule the school. I used to have respect. The most i get now is pity. I didn't want pity. I wanted to live again. The only person that actually believed that i changed was Hermione. Hermione Granger.
"You dirty Death Eater! Get out of the school!" The voiced pierced me as shouts and glared shot at me. The war was over. Everyone was in the Great Hall celebrating. I didn't come to tease or hurt anyone. I came because I was relieved that Voldemort is gone, that I wanted to start afresh. I was here to heal, and try to be whole again. I slumped onto a bench. Heads were turning and a frenzy of whispers littered the atmosphere. Why did i come? I asked myself again. I was slowly losing my temper. Why did people keep hating? I didn't need an answer. I wasn't angry at anyone, I was angry with MYSELF. I had no one to blame but me.
I had been an idiot all my life. Why did I ever think people will ever accept me? No one will. I'll have to live my life in darkness. In a shadow. I'll have to live my life not living. I was getting ready to leave.
I wasn't wanted here. I knew to take the hint. I'm not the old Draco Malfoy. No matter how much it pains me if I'm not welcome I can't stay and force everyone to accept me.
I stood up, just as a warm hand fell on my shoulder.
Turning around, my silver orbs met cinnamon brown eyes. Hermione.
I got ready for an insult. A punch. But her soft voice broke through the intense silence.
"Draco Malfoy, you came here after the war. You came back. You were brave to, and brave your whole life despite the fact that V-Voldemort lived in your house. I never realized you weren't bad. You were raised that way. I realized you never meant to be part of this when you didn't give out identities away. Why Draco, why?"
My thoughts were shocked. She was being nice to me after all the hell I've put her through. She believed that i changed. She is helping me. Helping me understand myself.
"I never wanted anyone to die. I never wanted to be part of anything. If it was my choice i would have been friends with you in first year. It wasn't my choice though. I didn't give your identities because I hoped you guys would escape. That you guys would defeat Voldemort, and end the suffering. I'm a coward to stand up to him, or my father. I just hoped you guys would end the pain for everyone." I ended as my voice choked up. I never thought i would admit all of that.
She looked into my eyes. Deep chocolate eyes bore into my soul. She reached for my hand. “It’s ok. You don’t have to stop living for your past regrets.” Her words struck me, deep down. The soft tone of her voice and her calm words still rang in my ears long after she said them.
I broke away from my trance of wandering thoughts.
You don’t have to stop living for your past regrets. That line she had whispered that one time still stuck with me. My past regrets? I have many. I realized something. I realized that my mother was… right… I’m not the Draco Malfoy, from the Hogwarts days, picking on first years, making fun of… Mudbloods.
I looked at my desk. My desk that was left over from the war. One of the only one of my possessions that wasn’t totally destroyed. It symbolized power, and strength. This encouraged me. Power. Strength. I was going to do what my mother asked. I will start living again.
I ran my hands over the rough sandy texture of my dark mahogany desk. Worn ink was scribbled on it. Scrapes, and scars. This symbolized my life. I notice in the corner, it still has some of the old, shine.
Then I thought back, back to Hermione. She'd never know that she was the one that kept me going, that made me want to keep living to change. To change for her.
Her reaching out for me was the only reason I wanted to stay and change. I want to prove to her that I can be different from the old Draco back from Hogwarts. That I can be a friend. A true friend.
She kept me going. There is a little bit of change everyday. She is my change. She is my reason. I wanted to change to show her that I can. I wanted to change, to sort of pay back for all the horrible deeds I was conned into thinking was right. I wanted to change to be a new person.
A new person that Hermione Granger can love.
A/N: Sooo how is it? Good? Bad? Horrible?? Please review!!! Thanks to Megthechef43 for reminding me to keep writing this! Thank you! In a review you said that you want to see another chapter, I apologize for not having another chapter but you encouraged me to at least finish this one!!! I'm sorry for the wait and if you'd review it'd mean the world to me! Thank you for reading!!!
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