I had been staying with Draco a week now and although Hermione had offered to go out with me I hadn’t taken her up on her offer yet. Draco was overly considerate when it came to my past and why I was here and although Hermione was nice enough I am untrusting by nature and don’t want the questions. I guess my distrust of other people started when I was young; the two people one should always count on are your own parents and I just couldn’t. While I loved my mother very much she had her hands full raising three children by herself no man had ever kept his promises to her. We were always broke and had been evicted and lived without heat, water, and electricity on multiple occasions. She did what she could but she couldn’t always be there, couldn’t always see the signs and I felt so alone when some terrible things happened to me. My father he was and still is an addict it was hardcore drugs then he ODed and died for seven minutes now he just drinks like a fish and still doesn’t really know I exist. My mother moved me and my brother and sister around a lot; constantly changing schools losing and making friends my life was all very unstable. Feeling alone and trapped when I was twelve I started cutting myself like that was the answer; it wasn’t but I continued. At thirteen I thought I would be okay I met a boy and I thought he would bring me out of the depths of depression; but I was wrong. He was amazing at first and I loved him very much; he left his girlfriend for me, took care of me I was with him all the time. As things progressed he got violent and nasty and I spent endless hours blaming myself and lying to the few who noticed about any bruises. After months of being treated like a possession and being told no one but him would ever love me I finally got the courage to leave him but that didn’t work out for me either. I found out shortly after leaving him he had never left his previous girlfriend and was seeing her the entire time; he never really loved me he was just using me. A month after I left him he forced himself on me and blamed me for it; the first person I told was supposed to be my friend but she said I was lying so I never told another soul. The only true friend I have ever had, Meghan, no longer lived near me so I just let it go. Looking back I should’ve told someone else, looking back I should’ve done a lot of things. After him I took up smoking cigarettes and drinking, and then there was another boy this one cheated on me too; but it hurt less this time. The next boy cheated on me constantly but I ignored it wanting so badly to just be not alone; but eventually I gained my own voice and strength and left him. I had decided that no one would ever treat me badly again, and I was suspended from school shortly after for getting into a brawl with a girl who was spreading rumors about me. My mother hospitalized me twice for my cutting which I didn’t stop doing until I was nearly seventeen years old and I bare the scares to remind me how foolish I was. They say hindsight is 20/20 and that is very true, oh the things I would change. When my mother died last year the pain was unbearable I felt misery and loss and also betrayal that she would just leave me. I immersed myself in prescription pills to the point my days blurred together but I realized more quickly than others they didn’t actually work; if anything the addiction had made my life worse because I was blocking everything out instead of healing.
I guess many would say my past is too horrible to be real; but every moment of it was real for me and I never want to forget the pain because it has made me strong enough to move forward. It’s probably important to know how a New Jersey girl ended up in London; I know Draco wants to know but telling him that would make me tell him my entire terrible past. I don’t want his pity and I don’t want him to know the truth about me; not yet anyway. He’ll think I’m crazy or that I need to put in a nut hut again; no one can believe that after all my pain and trauma I will ever me ‘sane’ or ‘normal,’ and no man could love such a ‘tainted’ and ‘damaged’ girl. Anyway back to why I’m in London. That first guy I dated he never went away; and I was terrified he never would. He would get me and any guy I even looked at drug into the closest police station on harassment charges; luckily they never stuck since I didn’t even want to look at my ex. But he got to keep doing it because his daddy had friends in the police station. That’s why I never reported him I didn’t think it would do any good. He would spread rumors about me and stalk me or get his friends to stalk me. He would insert himself in my groups of friends and show up at the same parties as me it was never ending. He was in classes with me his locker was next to mine; it felt like it would never end. He was threatening me and I didn’t think there was any way to escape then I graduated high school; I took money I had from my mother’s life insurance and bought a one way plane ticket to London a month after my 18th birthday. I used the rest of the money to pay my cell phone bill in advance for a year so the few people who cared could get in touch then I put the rest towards a few months rent on flat. A few months had only been five months and on the first of January I was out on my ass with nowhere to go. I got myself a job as quickly as possible, and well the rest has already been explained.
I don’t know why I agreed to stay with Draco, not that I regret it, but he was a complete stranger; something in his eyes had told me it was okay and the biting cold outside told me my life may depend on taking this strangers offer. I am not looking for neither love nor a relationship, after the last jerk and watching my mother and her long line of jerks I was disillusioned with the thought of being involved. I knew I was bitter and perhaps cynical but love wasn’t something I believed in anymore. Draco though was nothing but kind and considerate; hell he bought thousands of dollars’ worth of electronics to make me happy and comfortable. I got the feeling though as openly as he answered my questions he was hiding something. It seemed strange to me a nineteen year old guy didn’t know to work a TV, a blu ray or DVD player, a telephone, or an Xbox; also his house keeper spoke a little strangely. Maybe he was home schooled and his parents belonged to some weird cult or something; is it possible someone’s life was as screwed up as mine? I sighed I was laying my room in sweats and a black tank top looking over my schedule for the next week. I had nowhere near enough saved for my own place since most of the money I had made in the week or so prior to moving in with Draco I had used for food and buying work cloths, the owner had given me an advance on my first pay check so I could buy the shirts, ties, skirts, and tights I needed. I didn’t want to impose on Draco forever I’m sure he has a life and he must have a girlfriend; someone as attractive and sweet as him could not be single no way I don’t care how much he said he worked any girl would be lucky to sit around and wait on him to get off of work. He had said several time he didn’t have a girlfriend because of work but that was just too unbelievable for me. I ran my hand through my hair and chewed on my lip ring for a minute; he should be home soon. I would’ve at least cooked for him to show my thanks but Kye had already had dinner started when I went down into the kitchen. She was a sweet woman, very motherly which pained me sometimes. I went down into the kitchen to see if Kye could tell me a little more about Draco’s life because I had suddenly become rather curious.
I found her humming to herself as she cooked, “Hello Kye.”
“Hello, hello miss,” she smiled at me.
“Kye does Draco have a girlfriend?”
“Oh no miss, Kye hasn’t seen a girl in this house since Miss Narcissa passed.”
“He doesn’t go out?”
“First times master went out were when you were working at the pub miss.”
“Why?” I was more so asking myself but the woman responded.
“Does the miss fancy master?”
“Fancy?” I stared at her confused, British slang was not something I was good at yet.
“Sorry pardon Kye miss, forgets the language barrier sometimes,” the woman smiled, “Does the miss like the master, is she fond of him?”
I shook my head, “Oh no no no Kye, he’s a very good man but I am not interested in anyone romantically and I don’t plan on being for a long while.”
“’Tis a shame miss.”
I looked at her strangely but said no more and left the kitchen to go wait for Draco in the living room. He was home shortly after I turned on the TV and he came in smiling at me.
“Hey,” he took a seat in the chair adjacent to the couch I was parked on.
“Hello Draco, how was work?”
“It was work same as always,” he rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck.
He didn’t get into any specifics then again he never did; I just assumed he was an undercover detective or something since he never really discussed his work then again he seemed rather young for that but who am I to judge. I was lost in my own thoughts as per usual when the feeling of eyes on me put me back into reality; he stared at me sometimes and I didn’t mind most of the time when I looked he had this look in his eyes like he was trying to figure me out not a look that he was trying to get into my pants. I was hypersensitive to being stared at, some would say paranoid, but I figured after what I went through being a little paranoid was safer. I always knew when someone was staring at me, the hair on the back of my neck prickled when someone walked into a room I was in, it was annoying sometimes the uneasy feeling that came over me; across an ocean my eyes would dart to make sure it wasn’t him, even when I was at work. Draco had once asked me why I was so ‘nervous’ and I just played it off about being in a new country which he took my explanation even though I could tell he didn’t buy it. I hated lying to him but I felt like right now there was no alternative. Kye came in to announce dinner was ready and Draco waited for me to get up then followed me into the dining room. We ate in silence but it was comfortable silence; the kind you shared with good friends or someone you loved, it was okay if we didn’t talk. After dinner we went back to the living room; I let Draco have the remote since in the last day or two he had finally discovered some channels and shows that interested him. He picked a show and we relaxed into our silence.
“Would you like to go out to dinner tomorrow night?” he suddenly asked.
“Like a date?” I looked at him skeptically.
“No like two friends going out because Kye should get a night off,” he chuckled.
“Oh well sure but I don’t have much money.”
“Friends pay for each other sometimes,” he smiled at me.
“You’ve done so much for me already I really wouldn’t be comfortable,” I began.
“Hush I have more money than either of us could spend in a lifetime plus I work and get pay checks,” he chuckled again.
I blushed a little, “If you insist.”
We went back to the television for another thirty minutes before I got up to go to bed as I said good night I noticed Draco still smiling.
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