There was something that Parvarti mentioned that could actually choke people, apparently one of the villains in one of those sci-fi movies she watches used it.
I think it was called the Force.
I stared at the back of Finnigan’s head as he talked with the skanky brunette (whose boobs were clearly fake), I mustered all my concentration and tried to use this so-called Force to blow his head off.
As I did this I stirred some more cupcake batter.
All that happened was that I got batter on my apron due to increased stirring; the brunette looked over at me and laughed.
Oh honey, who do you think you and your boobs are kidding?
I glared some more at Finnigan when his girlfriend wasn’t looking, were they even dating? She didn’t look like the type who’d be in a relationship.
“Oh Merlin, she’s here again,” I turned around to see Mrs. Finnigan senior rolling up beside me, she glared at the girl with Seamus.
“You don’t like her either?” I asked, oh my goodness, I think we’re going to have a bonding moment. And then we’ll band together to get fake boobs out of Seamus’s life—
“No and I don’t like you much either,” said Mrs. Finnigan senior.
Forget the bonding moment. If anyone else had said that to me I would have had some sort of scathing retort to fire back with, but she’s my boss.
I might be brave but I’m certainly not stupid.
“Speaking of you,” she poked me in the side with a very sharp nail. “I need someone to go man the register. Go do it.”
I wonder if her mother ever hugged her.
“Uh, huh?” Parvarti was ignoring me, I could tell, not only was her response vague but she was also staring intently at the guy across the street who was taking a shower.
She had been hogging the binoculars for the past ten minutes.
“I’ve realized something.”
See, she’s totally ignoring me. How rude.
“I never really fully re-bounded from Seamus.”
Now she’s listening.
Parvarti spun around in her seat in order to face me. “Please elaborate that sentence Lavender and make it quick, because that guy’s going to put his clothes in any second.”
“Well, I never re-bounded, which is why I still dislike him.”
“Where are you going with this?”
“Well, in order to re-bound people go to clubs and hook up with hot guys, have a crazy night of sex and then stumble back home.”
Parvarti raised one eyebrow. “You’re a virgin Lavender.”
“Fine, but I want to go to a club.”
“With what money?”
I gave her the puppy dog look.
“It’ll be so much fun!”
“No- Fuck he’s putting on pants! You made me miss his butt Lavender!” Parvarti looked livid.
“You know, you have terrible logic. Why aren’t you re-bounding over someone like Ron Weasley? Who you actually dated.”
Because Ron Weasley didn’t walk downstairs shirtless with a skanky brunette who clearly had terrible surgery.
At least Hermione Granger can do a proper enlargement charm.
I shrugged. “I dunno, I’ve just been thinking about Seamus a lot.”
“Well, no, I’m not spending money so you can go to some wizarding club and get wasted.”
“I won’t drink, you know I don’t drink.”
Parvarti gave me a look. “Gryffindor party? Sixth year?”
“That was different, that was for courage,” I said giving her my puppy dog look. “I was trying to get the courage to talk to Weasley.”
“Yeah, instead you swapped spit with him,” mumbled Parvarti, then in a slightly louder voice. “I hate you, you know that right?”
“Yay! Thank you!” I said jumping up. “I’ve got the perfect outfit!”
Five minutes later:
I consider myself a fashion wonder woman, I mean seriously; this outfit. It rocks people’s socks.
Its rocks them.
That’s how awesome it is.
“You look like a slut,” proclaimed Parvarti as soon as I stepped out of the bedroom.
“What?” I said, completely hurt.
“Dear god, that’s for a monkey it’s so small,” said Parvarti, she rolled her eyes. “Give me a second Lavender, that dress is to tight, I’ll find something.”
Minutes later I was wearing jeans and Parvarti’s prize leather jacket. She kept eyeing it as if something was going to happen and before I was allowed to put it on she gave me a long lecture about not even going close to anything liquid around it.
I think she said something about ice cream falling from the sky as well, but I wasn’t really listening.
“Thank you Parvarti,” I said again as we got into a line outside a wizarding club. “You know you’re awesome right?”
Parvarti sighed and looked at her watch. “Oi!” she yelled to bouncer standing outside the club, at first I hadn’t realized he was human because he was just so huge.
About two hundred pounds of unadulterated muscle, with a blonde crew cut to help the whole military image.
The bouncer barely looked at her, but that didn’t stop Parvarti from asking her question. “How long do we have to wait?”
The bouncer now turned his full face towards her and raised one eyebrow. I cowered behind Parvarti, but the bouncer simply indicated his hand to the door. Parvarti walked through the door and I followed behind her.
The bouncer was so hitting on her, who knew Parvarti was so useful to bring to clubs?
The club wasn’t much like the muggle movies show it. It was bit grimier and they didn’t have gorgeous people (re: men) in tight t-shirts.
In fact I was grossly overdressed.
Parvarti looked relieved and quickly asked the bartender for some kind of muggle soda.
“Can I have one?”
“Not in that jacket,” answered Parvarti automatically, taking a seat at the bar, I sat beside her and just pouted for a while.
“Dear God Lavender,” said Parvarti sighing. “You wanted to go to a club and now we’re here.”
“It’s a dirty one,” I protested, earning myself a glare from the bartender. “It’s not like those muggle movies, where there’s hot guys and everything.”
“That’s America,” said Parvarti rolling her eyes. “And I don’t have the money to take you to one of those here.”
I pouted for about two minutes but stopped when I saw the blonde bouncer coming our way. Oh no he must have mistaken us for celebrities and that’s why he let us in; now he’s realized the truth and he’s going to kick us out.
“Hello there, I’m Nick,” he said smoothly sliding onto the barstool beside Parvarti, his voice was incredibly deep and rich. “Let me just say you look incredibly sexy tonight.”
Parvarti turned bright red; I was guessing that was from angry, she’s always getting offended when people objectify women.
“Er…she doesn’t like—OW!”
Apparently Parvarti was a big fat liar and really did like to be called sexy because she had just hexed me under the table.
“I’m Lavender,” I offered as well, while massaging my hip which was still stinging.
He completely ignored me and instead concentrated on Parvarti with incredibly intense brown eyes. Parvarti was concentrating on him as well.
They were obviously eye-snogging.
“So, do you want to get out of here?” Nick asked without even blinking. He must have some kind of eye-snogging superpower.
“I can’t, I’m babysitting,” said Parvarti indicating to me.
“Hey!” I said now completely offended. “I’m still here Parvarti.”
“Shh,” said Parvarti, giving me a look that clearly told me to take off. “So Nick, what exactly do you do here?”
“Besides flirt with exceptional women?”
Smooth hulk-like bouncer, very smooth.
I sighed, it was clear that even if I didn’t leave it would only take Parvarti and Nick five minutes before they’d start making out, and believe me I didn’t want to be anywhere near it.
What with their spit flying everywhere? No thank you.
“Alright, I’m going to get a drink,” I said standing up and sighing.
“Have fun,” said Parvarti, she probably didn’t hear a single word other then ‘going’.
I took a seat at the opposite side of the bar and was about to ask the bartender if he had any magazines (preferably fashion) under the bar when some guy sat beside me. He was a skinny, tall sort of fellow; with jet black hair and dark eyes.
Kind of like peat bogs.
“Can I buy you a drink?” he asked me, his accent sounded Scottish. I shrugged in reply.
“Two whiskeys please,” he said now facing to the bartender.
“Oh, I don’t drink alcohol,” I said quickly.
“Ah, just give it a try,” said the guy passing me one of the glasses. “The drinks here are really something else.”
I shrugged and took a drink. How bad could it be anyway?
The whiskeys actually burned in my throat, but I drank another two anyway the boy introduced himself as Scott, I told him my name was Lavender and that my head hurt.
Although I don’t think I meant to say that last part aloud.
Scott laughed. “I think I have the perfect cure for that Lavender.”
“Really?” I asked pitifully.
“Yeah, sure,” said Scott standing up, I stood up as well and when I did he took his arm and placed it over my shoulders, giving them a tight squeeze.
A bit too tight actually.
We ended up in the back of the bar and I leaned against the wall as my head throbbed. It felt as though there was a heavy metal band playing in my brain.
“Hey, Scott, what are we doing here?” I asked. “I thought you had painkillers.”
“I do,” said Scott, leaning forward and kissing me on the lips.
Oh, there is no way this shit is going on.
I pushed him backwards and wiped his salvia off my lips (someone needs to lay off whatever it is that creates salvia because he’s like a St. Bernard). “Ew,” I muttered.
He must have heard me because his face turned bright red. “Hey! You wanted this!” he said.
Where has he been the past two minutes? He came on to me, I just followed him because I thought he might have painkillers.
My head was throbbing even more now. Scott leaned forward again and –- yet again, does this guy not understand the word no?—pushed him back.
I was about to tell him off when I heard another voice speak up.
“I believe she told you to lay off!”
Oh my god.
This is not happening to me.
“Oi, lay off, she wants it!” Scott yelled again.
“Leave her alone!”
Yes it is, wow, my lucky frog bra is really working tonight. Apparently some guy is going to fight frog-lips here to make sure he doesn’t hurt me.
Please let him be hot.
“No!” Scott said, he sounded very much like a small child.
“So be it,” said the other guy, I couldn’t see anyone’s face right now because I was sitting on the street due to my headache.
“All I heard was a smack and then—”
“YOU HIT ME! I’M BLEEDING!”
That was Dog-drool boy by the way, the other guy leaned down beside me. “You okay Lavender?”
Lavender? He knows my name?
I turned around to face my savoir (I was already mentally naming our children).
It was Seamus. Finnigan.
And he didn’t even have his shirt off.
What a disappointing evening.
I slumped forward and almost threw up before answering.
“Yeah Finnigan, I’m perfectly fine,” I said calmly.
“Come on,” said Seamus standing up, he then grabbed my hand and brought me to standing position.
With one hand.
Wow. That’s impressive.
“Here,” he said placing my arms over his shoulders and before I knew it he had hoisted me up so I was currently riding on his back.