Thanks a lot to my super awesome beta R_Hagrid who made some pretty tweaks here and there :P
Traitor. That’s what they all call me now, but they don’t know a thing. They don’t understand. They never will. They don’t know what it was like before. They don’t know what it’s like to be afraid. They don’t know how is to be the outcast. They don’t know how it is to have him playing with your mind, bringing out your worst memories, the worst feelings that are inside of you and use them as his weapon against those who you love the most.
The marauders. My brothers, my only true family; the people I actually gave a shit about. The people I so coldly betrayed. They did nothing more than support me, offer me their friendship unconditionally; defend me whenever I needed to be defended. And how did I pay them back? Offering them to the man – No, not a man, but a monster – who wanted nothing more but for them to die.
Regret. Even when my lips spluttered out the precious information that he had been trusted with I could feel the regret flowing through my veins, like something thick and vicious, determined to make the rest of my life as miserable as it could. It sure did, every single day. The remorse would assault me at random times if I was lucky; most of the time. The awful feeling of me being alive and them being dead because of me, would not stop haunting me; not even in my dreams. I can’t remember one night that I was able to sleep through the night without the help of a sleeping potion.
A coward. That’s what I really am. I knew he was right when he confronted me in the middle of that street, when I made the second biggest mistake of my life, destroying it completely; if it hadn’t been already destroyed before I pretended to blew into pieces and condemned my brother to the worst fate that I could ever imagine. It was the same cowardliness what led me to Fake my death. for a second time when he escaped Azkaban. He knew where I was, I knew he would find me if I stayed as that boy’s pet rat. It also gave me a chance to escape as soon as I could, just when Remus was transforming and they forgot about me. I always knew what I had to do if I wanted to remain alive, and so I looked for the Dark Lord.
Traitor. I’ve never considered myself to be such a thing. Then again, who would even want to consider themselves something as vile as that? I have done many vile things, anyway, so I may as well be one. I wish I had been stronger, I wouldn’t be stuck in this predicament and maybe I would have had a decent life, even with him not being gone thanks to the baby. We could have won the war without their lives being sacrificed. But I will never know what could have happened. And it’s my entirely fault.
I wasn’t like this all the time, you know? Let me take you to the beginning of it all. I’ll show you the story of my life. I promise you, it’s not nearly as you think it was.
It’s probably much worse.
Hello! :D Thank you for reading my story! I know this chapter is a little short, but they'll get longer! I really, really, really would love you to give it a chance! Please let me know what you think in that amazing, magical box that's below this message!
Printer Friendly Version
