It's been 3 days since it happened. Since Sirius kissed me. I've not heard a word from him. I let out a frustrated sigh as I stretched into my new yoga position. Lily's not due to be up for another hour for our routine daily 60 minutes of morning yoga, and I've a lot of pent up emotions. Thus, the downward facing dog position.
It was just a kiss right? Kisses are supposed to be good, right? Usually, yes. But when they run like bleeding cowards and completely avoid you for three days, that usually means they don't like you. Which absolutely breaks my heart. But I can never tell anyone that.
There are two possible reasons he ran. One, he likes me. Two, he doesn't.
If he likes me, it's possible that he felt that he was using me. It's possible that he wanted me to be of my right mind when deciding things like that. But I was thinking clearly. And that crystal thought was: I. Want. Him. Now. He may not want to ruin our friendship. And he may not want to hurt me like he's hurt others. I seriously doubt all of this. If he doesn't like me, he ran because he doesn't want to hurt me or ruin our friendship. It is also reasonable to say that he kissed me back on principle alone. Sirius. Freaking. Orion. Black.
Either way, he's a wanker. And a swine. And he needs to get in here to talk this out, but I know he won't, so I'm going to him. I briskly walked down the hall of the Potter mansion. Reaching the door, I knocked twice, and entered.
I have been in hell for three days. I cannot eat, sleep, or even think without seeing what could be. Rayne consumes my thoughts. She consumes me completely, leaving me, not Sirius Black, but simply Sirius, whose every desire is to satisfy every whim of Rayne's.
I want to go talk to her, but she probably hates me. I want to hold her in my arms and apologize for my heinous crimes endlessly. I want to kiss the fire out of her. I want her to be mine.
I heard two staccato knocks and the door open before I could respond. I didn't know what to say to her.
He looked at me, blankly.
I stared at him back.
"What?" he asked simply.
"What?" I repeated his idiotic question. "You kissed me. Or well, I, ugh! We kissed!"
"So what?" he asked uninterestedly.
Those two words stung me more than two thousand could describe.
"So we should just forget about it then."
He shrugged. "That would probably be best."
No, that would not be best, you insufferable prat. Are you incapable of seeing how those words shred me? But that's what he wants, and I cannot force myself on him if he does not want me.
"That would probably be best."
My mind was screaming at my mouth to say that that would not be best. That things shouldn't- couldn't- go back to normal because there was simply no way I could possibly live without her. I need her like a fish needs water, yet how could I go against her wishes?
I cannot. And so I must comply with what she thinks is best, because I obviously have a completely different idea.