"So who's going to the Halloween party tomorrow?" Louis asked.
Louis, Alice, Scorpius, Caleb and I were all sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room on the Friday before Halloween. Rose and Al were off talking about homework and wouldn't join us until they were done.
"I am," Scorpius said.
"Wow, Mr. Prefect going to a party! That's not setting an example for the youngins," Louis teased.
Alice rolled her eyes from her spot on the arm of the chair Louis was in. "I'm going to."
"Really?" Louis said. He looped an arm around her waist and pulled her so that she was sitting in his lap. "Well, Miss Alice, I was wondering if you could do something for me?"
"And what would that be?" Alice asked as she made herself comfortable in Louis' lap.
If only Scorpius and Rose were as up front with their feelings as Louis and Alice were.
"Be my date?" Louis whispered in her ear.
Alice's eyes went wide and her cheeks became a rose color. "Okay."
"Yes!" Louis said, fist pumping, which caused Alice to giggle.
"Hey what's going on here?" Albus asked as he and Rose approached our group. Rose took the armchair as far away from Scorpius, which only left one seat for Albus.
Which happened to be on the love seat where Caleb and I were.
"Alice agreed to be my date to the Halloween party," Louis said.
"Really? That's great," Rose said.
"Yeah," Louis said. "Al, Scorpius that's how you ask a girl out. You don't do all the dumb things you two do."
"I don't think Scorpius has a problem in that department," Rose said quietly but you could still hear the anger in her voice.
"Actually I do," Scorpius said. "I can't tell the girl I really care about how I feel. I always get tongue tied and say the wrong thing."
"Mate, at least your better than Al," Louis said. "You don't piss the girl off every time you get the chance."
"Well it doesn't matter does it?" Al said. "I don't need a date when the girl I want to go with I can't go with."
I tried to ignore the overwhelming pain that had entered my body. Albus wanted to go to the Halloween party with some girl. Who?
"Who did you want to go with?" I asked him. He looked at me and his eyes seemed to say something I couldn't read.
I felt Caleb's arms come around my waist and pull me closer to him. The look on Albus' face changed.
"It doesn't matter," he said and looked away from Caleb and I. "I'm just going to go alone. Maybe she'll come around and finally see me as more then...what she sees me as."
"Best of luck to you, man," Caleb said. Albus looked over at us again and suddenly the love seat felt to small. "Maybe when she comes around then you two can double date with Addie and I."
The look on Albus' face told me that that was probably the last thing he would ever want to do.
"That would be an awkward double date..." Louis said quietly (well he thought it was quiet. It wasn't.) When everyone turned to look at him, he tried to make an excuse. "Only because...ugh..."
"Only because Albus and Addie would probably start fighting," Alice said. "That's always a little awkward."
Louis pulled Alice closer to him and whispered something in her ear. He then laced his fingers with hers.
"What about you, Scorpius? Got a date?" Caleb asked. Rose perked up and stared at Scorpius.
Scorpius stared right back. "Nope. There's only one girl I want to go with. But she currently thinks I'm a jerk, so that's not happening."
"Well I'm sure she has good reason," Rose said, standing up. "I'm going to head to bed now."
"I'll go check on her, Alice," I said. "You can stay here."
Alice mouthed a thank you and relaxed into Louis. Before heading up the stairs to the dorms, I looked back at my friends. Alice and Louis looked so happy and like they had been dating for years. Scorpius was staring into the fire, probably beating himself up over screwing things up with Rose again.
I went up to our dorm to see Rose in her PJs cleaning the room and muttering angrily to herself.
Well it seems I came up here just in time.
Especially since it was my side of the room she was cleaning. (I'm not a slob! Everything is an organized mess!)
"Rose," I said stepping into the room as Rose grabbed a magazine out of the throw away pile. Though I never got around to throwing away the stuff in the throw away pile. "Put the magazine down and retreat to your bed."
She mumbled something that sounded very similar to "My best friend is a pig." However, I let it slide and went and sat on her bed with her.
"What's up?" I asked her.
"What's up?!" Rose said back. "What's up is that your cousin is a complete and total idiot! And who the hell is this girl he's talking about screwing up his chances with because he's a jerk? Lately he's only been a jerk to me!"
I decided it might be a futile attempt to tell her that girl was her. "Rose you need to calm down. Scorpius means well."
"Scorpius means well?!" Is she just in a parrot mood today? Why is she repeating everything I say? "He shouldn't even be going to that party! He's a Prefect! He's supposed to report this kind of thing to the teachers!"
"But you're going to the party," I pointed out. "And you're a
"Well I'm thinking of not going," Rose said curtly. "I should tell McGonagall and get Scorpius and all them into trouble. That would show Scorpius."
"Or," I said because I didn't like the idea of my best friend becoming the most hated girl in school. James and Fred's Halloween Party was always epic, and has only improved since they started it in their third year (yeah they started throwing the biggest party of the year when they were 13. Total Respect.) And they never allowed any of us in until last year, saying that Fifth Years should have something to look forward to. Rose couldn't ruin that. "You could go to the party and relax. Dance, flirt with boys, maybe even drink a little." Rose frowned. "Please Rose? At least try to have fun."
"Fine," Rose said.
"Thank you," I said. But something was nagging me. "So...who's this girl that everyone keeps talking about? The one Albus is interested but keeps messing up because he keeps pissing her off?"
I push down the amounts of hope inside me as I wait for Rose's answer.
"Oh," Rose said. "It's some Slytherin girl. I've never really met her."
Gee Addie don't act so disappointed.
That must be Candi. She's always trying to cause drama.
"Huh," I said. "Well him and James sure are similar aren't they?"
"Yep," Rose said. "Now I actually am tired and would like to go to bed now. Night Addie."
"Night Rose," I said and headed to the bathroom.
But I didn't want to go. All I wanted to do was find out more about this girl Albus liked.
I didn't even get a name. Or a letter in her name. I have nothing.
I look up in the mirror and hate the reflection looking back at me.
It's the one I never want to see.
I tried to fake a smile, hoping maybe the sadness would leave my face.
But it wouldn't go away.
I stared at my reflection and tried pushing all the dark feelings away.
I succeeded eventually, but not before I heard a voice echo through my head.
"You're not good enough for anyone."
I left the bathroom as fast as possible.
"Addie come on!" Rose yelled through the bathroom door. "The boys are waiting!"
"One second!" I said, adjusting my costume.
"You said that 20 minutes ago!"
Well someone's in a snappy mood.
I adjusted my wings looked at my costume. I was going as a fairy. My dress was a light green and sparkly. I had sparkles all over my costume as well.
"ADDIE. GET OUT OR WE ARE LEAVING WITHOUT YOU!" Rose yelled, sounding like a mother. Her and Scorp's kids won't be able to do anything with her around. Thank Merlin Scorpius would be a cool parent.
"I'm here!" I said. "Calm down."
"About time," Rose said. "Alice was about to go in that bathroom and pull you out by your hair. She wants to see Louis."
"No!" Alice said, adjusting her costume. I wasn't exactly sure what she was. "Rose you were going to pull her out by her hair because you want Scorp to see you!"
"That's a lie!" Rose said. "Why would I care about Scorpius seeing me?"
"Because you're dressed very differently than usual! You have practically everything on display!" Alice said, gesturing to Rose's chestal area. "And could that dress be any shorter?"
I took a moment to take her outfit in.
She looked like a total slag. It's like she's been taking lessons from Candi or something. I think she was supposed to be a cat.
"Rose what are you wearing?!" I said. Yes. It was my turn to be the mother of the group. "You look like a whore!"
"I do not!" She yelled at me.
"Yes you do!" Alice yelled back. "You're only dressed like that because you want to show Scorpius what he can't have!"
"And why would I do that?!" Rose yelled, turning on Alice.
"Because you're absolutely in love with the bloke!" Alice yelled. "You have been since we were in first year! And though you hate to admit it, he is totally in love with you too! Everyone can see it! Everyone knows that you two are meant to be with each other! People have even started taking bets on when you two will finally hook up! Addie and I have tried telling you that but you never seem to listen to us!"
Rose stood in silence. "I am going to say thing for the last time," she said quietly. "I do not have feelings for Scorpius. I have none whatsoever, and I'm sure he feels the same for me. Whatever you two are trying to do, trying to put us together, will never, EVER work. Understand?"
"Rose, we just want you to be happy," I said softly, reaching to touch her arm. She pulled away from my touch.
"I am happy," she said. But I could tell she was lying. She even started tearing up. "I'm very happy. Scorpius means nothing more than a friend to me. That's all." I wasn't sure who Rose was trying to convince, herself or us. "All we will ever be is friends. He could never feel that way about me and I could never feel that way about him." She closed her eyes to hold back the tears. "I'm going tonight to have fun and flirt with boys and maybe even drink a little. But I'm not doing any of this for Scorpius. Scorpius and I...we will never be together. And everyone just needs to accept that."
And with that she left the room, but not before tears started falling down her face.
I looked at Alice, who looked incredibly guilty.
"I just want her to see how perfect they are for each other," she said quietly. "He's crazy about her. He's only told Al, Louis and you, but everyone knows it. But why won't he do anything about it? Why won't he just kiss her and make her see that she's crazy about him to?"
I sat down on the bed next to her. "Because Scorpius thinks that he'll only hurt her," I said, recalling our conversation at the Weasley's party at the end of the summer. "He thinks that if they were to date, it wouldn't end with a marriage and rainbows. He thinks that it will end terribly and that he would not only lose Rose, but Al, Louis and me as well. He doesn't want everyone to hate him."
"I don't think Scorp would hurt her," Alice said. "Scorpius may be big and tough, but he is such a teddy bear. He wouldn't hurt a fly as long as it didn't flirt with you or break your heart in some way."
"I know," I said, sighing. "It must suck being totally crazy about a person and not even realizing it. I don't know how Rose manages to keep denying that she doesn't have feelings for him. I'd be exhausted."
"I don't know," Alice said looking at me. "You do a pretty good job at it. And you don't even seem tired." I looked up at her in confusion. "We better go the boys are waiting."
I followed her out of the dorm. "What do you mean by that Alice?"
"Oh, not much," Alice said. "Just that you may want to analyze your feelings for a certain bright eyed boy so you realize that you and Rose aren't all that different."
Bright eyed boy? Who the fuck was that?
However, before I could inquire Alice further, we arrived at the Common Room, where Albus, Louis and Scorpius were waiting for us. Scorpius was staring at the Common Room door.
"Wow, Alice you look great," Louis said. I still had no idea who she was. "What are you supposed to be?"
"Morgan Le Fay," Alice said. "She was one of the darkest witches in Avalon and is one of the reasons Camelot failed."
Louis smiled. "Well you look great." He grabbed her hand and pulled her from the Common Room.
"So did I do something wrong?" Scorpius asked me. "To Rose I mean? Because she walked down here, saw me, burst into tears, and ran out."
"Oh, uh," I said. "Don't worry about it."
"Yeah you try not worrying about the fact that the girl your crazy about running away from you crying while looking totally hot," Scorpius said.
"Dude!" Albus said. "She's my cousin!"
"So?" Scorpius said. "It's not like you haven't-"
But before Scorpius could finish the sentence, Albus hit him over the head and gave him a warning look. Scorpius rubbed his head.
"And you say I got it bad," Scorpius muttered and walked out of the room.
I watched him in confusion and then turned back to Al with a questioning look. "What was that all about?"
Albus shrugged. "He needs to learn when to shut up. Maybe he'll stop saying dumb things to Rose."
Well. Clearly I wasn't going to get a straight answer from him.
"So what are you supposed to be?" I said, taking in the costume. He was wearing tight pants, a loose, button up shirt, and appeared to have a sword hooked onto his belt.
Haha. He has a sword.
Shut up, I'm mature.
And boy, did he look hot.
He really fills out those pants.
Okay I'll try to be mature now.
Oh, who am I kidding? I'm never mature.
"I'm a Musketeer," Albus said. "Originally, Louis, Scorp and I were going to be the Three Musketeers. But then they both decided that was lame and they didn't want to. So now I'm stuck looking like an idiot with a sword."
Oh I'll bet you have a sword Albus.
That time I couldn't help but giggle. Albus eyed me with his beautiful, bright green eyes.
Wait...didn't Alice say that I needed to analyze my feelings for a certain bright eyed boy?
She wasn't talking about Albus was she?!
No. That's dumb. And doubtful.
Besides he has his little Slytherin love.
"Yes, Addie," Albus said. "I have a sword. Act your age not your shoe size."
"Wow mature, Albus," I said back. "What's your shoe size, a 4?"
"No," Albus said. "It's actually an 11."
Wow that was a big foot.
Well you know what they say about guys with big feet. They must have a big...sword.
Oh God, I am not thinking about Albus' sword am I?
NO. STOP IT BRAIN.
I wonder how big Caleb's feet are.
I realized that I had been standing in silence for a few seconds now and Albus was looking at me with a worried expression. I figured I should say something and stop thinking about his...sword. "So...ugh..." Wow Addie, articulate. "We should go to the party?"
Why did that come out as a question?
That should not have been a question.
"Sure..." Albus said. We walked out of the Common Room in silence. "Don't you have to meet your boyfriend though?"
"Nope, I'm meeting him there," I said and his sword hit my leg.
UGH THAT SOUNDED SO WRONG.
I MEANT THE ACTUAL SWORD. THE ONE MADE OF METAL. NOT...THE OTHER ONE.
UGH. I'M SO EMBARRESSING.
STOP JUDGING ME.
"Are you okay?" Albus asked me.
"Yeah I'm fine," I said. His sword hit me again. GOD DAMMIT. "Can you please stop touching me with your sword."
"I'm not trying to touch you with my sword," Albus said. "Besides I can't move it."
Is he trying to make me feel awkward?
Because I'm feeling awkward.
"Well move it!" I said, snapping at him as we arrived at the Room of Requirement. The doors opened and reveled a giant room, where people were already dancing, drinking and hooking up. "Why is it so long anyway?"
I DID NOT JUST ASK HIM WHY HIS SWORD IS LONG.
SOMEONE JUST KILL ME NOW PLEASE.
"I don't know, it just is," Albus said. Apparently he isn't feeling the awkward vibe that's surrounded me and is now drowning me.
"Well maybe if you didn't have such big feet it wouldn't be so long!" I said.
...Brain why do you hate me?
You're supposed to filter my thoughts before they come out of my mouth.
You suck brain.
Albus smirked at me and I became 10 shades of red.
"Something tells me, we aren't talking about the same sword," Albus said, giving me a full on jerk smirk.
Okay Alice, I'm analyzing my feelings. And I've realized something.
I hate Albus. With a passion.
"Shut up," I said, walking into the dance floor.
"No, it's fine," Albus said.
Someone pushed me, and I crashed into Albus' chest and his arms came around my waist.
"Let go of me," I said.
"Just dance with me," Albus said, his hips starting to grind against mine.
Merlin he looked hot.
Wait. Addie you have a boyfriend.
"I have a boyfriend," I said. I didn't really fight him though. To be with him, on the dance floor, dancing as we were...it felt natural. Almost right.
"You didn't seem to remember that in the library," he said, his lips making their way to my ear. He moved my hair and placed his lips on my neck. "And you don't seem to be fighting me very hard. You said it yourself, we have sexual tension."
Boy, did we ever have sexual tension.
I don't think we've ever had more then in this very moment. The dim lights, the loud music, people all around us, grinding against each other and making out. It would be so easy to just end all sexual tension and grab his hair and pull his lips to mine, as my hormones seemed to be begging me to.
As far as I knew, there was no one else in the room, it was just Albus and I. It was just the two of us, standing so close together that nothing could get through, our hips grinding against each other, and his lips on my neck.
It felt so right. It felt like I was always supposed to be here. My heart was hammering in my chest, faster then the beat of the song, and Albus' heart matched mine.
Albus moved his lips from my neck up the side of my face. It felt so right. And it seemed so natural for him to be doing it. I felt drunk, and I hadn't had a single drink.
Albus pulled away and looked me in the eyes. My arms had somehow made their way around his neck, clinging him to me. We stared at each other and just took in what I'm sure we were both feeling. I could see it in his eyes, the lust, the hunger and something I couldn't put my finger on. It looked so similar to how Scorpius looked at Rose. Albus rested his forehead on mine and I felt like I was flying. Everything disappeared, everything that wasn't gone already. The music disappeared, the shouts, the noise, the tension in the room. All I could hear was mine and Albus' hearts, beating so fast and so in time and I just looked into his eyes and felt the butterflies, no, butterflies was too small of a word. I felt all the birds in the entire world fly around my stomach, just by being this close to him.
Caleb never made me feel like this.
Caleb. My boyfriend.
I closed my eyes and used all my will power to push away from Albus. I ignored how bare my waist felt without his arms there, holding me close to him.
By breaking contact with him, the real world came back, and all the noise that was pushed out by the beating of our hearts was suddenly loud.
But not as loud as my heart, hormones and brain, all yelling at me for detaching myself from Albus.
"I have to go find my boyfriend," I whispered and looked at him. He was looking at me with the same expression as before, but he looked extremely hurt now.
But instead of objecting or pulling me closer he just nodded.
I turned and walked away before I could do anything else.
"Do you want to dance?" Caleb asked me. I nodded and he grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor. It was a slow song, so Caleb put his arms around my waist and I put my arms around his neck. I rested my head on his chest and tried to feel a fraction of what I felt with Albus earlier.
I liked Caleb. I did. He made me feel safe and secure. And he was hot. And a great kisser.
But he didn't make my heart race.
I scanned the party around us, looking for familiar faces. I saw Louis and Alice, slow dancing and looking so happy. I smiled watching as Louis brought her chin up and kissed her softly on the lips. Not knowing where that was going, I looked away.
I spotted Rose, sitting by the bar, a group of boys around her. Scorpius wasn't too far away and he was watching them, clutching his drink as Rose laughed loudly, clearly drunk. Scorpius got up from his barstool and went to the group and all of the guys scattered while Rose downed her drink. When she put the drink down and saw Scorpius standing there, she said something to him and then downed the shot glass next to her and took off. Scorpius looked hurt, but started following her instantly.
"I said NO, Potter!" I heard a voice say. I looked over and saw James and Annalise, the Slytherin girl he likes.
"Come on, just one slow song," James slurred, as he tried to wrap his arms around her waist. However she pushed him off.
Man, for a small girl she sure does have a lot of muscle.
Although I'm sure James being drunk helps for pushing him off.
"No, Potter!" Annalise yelled.
"But why?" James said and his eyes seemed to gloss over. "Why do you always say no to me? Maybe I'm a really good guy and you just don't see it. I don't try to make you mad. It just happens. I really, really like you. When I'm with you my heart races like crazy and I lose control of what I meant to say. I know I'm a pig-head but for once can you give me a chance?"
I didn't hear Annalise's answer because the song changed to an ear crushing screamo song. I let go of Caleb's neck and grabbed his hand to bring him to the side.
"What do you want to do now?" I asked as we walked along the party.
"I don't know," Caleb said. "Hey there are your friends, why don't we see what they're doing?"
Caleb pulled me in the direction of my friends and I saw that Louis, Alice, Scorpius and Al were all sitting by the bar talking. Alice appeared to be comforting Scorpius while he looked at something happening farther down the bar. And he looked pissed.
"Hey guys," I said. "What's up?"
Alice rubbed Scorpius' back. "Calm down Scorpius, it'll be okay."
I looked down the bar and saw that boys surrounded Rose again, and she was completely smashed. A guy put his hand on her leg and Scorpius was up like a shot. He was about to head over there when I went in front of him and felt the presence of Caleb behind me.
"Whoa there Scorpius," I said. "Sit back down."
"Rose will be fine," said the person (who wasn't Caleb...and sounded weirdly like Albus) behind me. I turned my head and saw that Albus stood behind me, his chest only inches from my back. I ignored the butterflies that appeared in my stomach.
Rose pushed the guy's hand off her leg and he didn't try it again.
"See Scorpius," I said. "Rose can take care of herself."
I turned him around and pushed him back onto his stool. I went back to Caleb's side and grabbed his hand. "You need to do something to get your mind off her."
"Like what?" Scorpius said, rudely.
Watch it buddy. If you weren't feeling bad I'd give you the old one, two.
Be scared Scorpius.
Be very scared.
"Why don't we go to the haunted house?" Caleb suggested, nodding to the part of the Room of Requirement that I hadn't ventured to.
Haunted houses tended to have boggarts. I stay as far away from boggarts as I possibly can.
Scorpius knew this. "I don't know if that's a good idea," he said, eyeing me.
Caleb noticed and wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest. "Are you scared Addie?"
"No," I lied. "I'm a Gryffindor, we aren't scared of anything."
"Okay," he said kissing my head. I laid my head on my chest and I saw Albus looking at the ground with the same expression he had on earlier when I broke off from him. He raised his eyes and we made eye contact. "I'll protect you from anything that scares you."
I broke off from Al's wonderful eyes and buried my face in Caleb's chest. He pulled me closer to him and I felt that safety net come around me. With Caleb it was easy. I didn't have to take risks, I never worried that I wouldn't be good enough. I knew where I stood with him and I knew that he liked me.
He liked me a lot more than I liked him.
"Okay," I said and smiled up at him. Caleb gave me a quick peck on the lips. We joined hands and the six of us headed over to the haunted house, Caleb and I leading.
We entered the haunted house and saw that it was just a hallway with many doors.
"Now what?" Alice asked.
"I think we have to open one of the doors," Albus said. "I remember Freddy saying that depending on what door you open, you'll go through a different haunted house than other people. So we may as well just pick a door."
Scorpius walked to one of the doors and opened it. He walked in and the next thing we knew, he had disappeared. We all ran towards the door, Caleb reaching it first, then Al. Both of them disappeared.
I ran in after and suddenly felt all of my bones turn to jelly. I felt like I was Apparating, where I had no control over my body and I was being shoved through tubes.
I landed rather quickly, on someone's chest. They made an "oof" sound when I landed and I took a moment to gain control of my limbs before rolling off them.
"Thanks for landing on me," Albus said, rubbing his chest.
"Thanks for breaking my fall," I said.
Albus sat up and looked around the room. "I guess it's just the two of us here."
"What?" I said, sitting up as well. It appeared that we had landed in a corridor. "Where is everyone else?"
"I don't know," Albus asked. "We all ran in the same door right?"
I nodded and stood up. "We may as well find a way out of here." I stuck my hand out to help Albus up. He grabbed it and nearly pulled me down on top of him. "Watch it," I said. "I'm only one hundred and seven pounds you know."
Al looked down at me, since he was standing about nine inches taller than me. "I never realized how tiny you were."
"I'm not that tiny!" I said. "I'm 5 foot 4! That's a very
Albus nodded. "Which way, Shorty?"
I rolled my eyes at him. "This way!"
I lead Albus down the hallway, which lead us to a ghost. It was one of those ghosts that Muggles always feared and actually said boo at us. Next we encountered a coffin that when you opened it bats flew out. That sort of thing was mainly what the entire haunted house was.
"Well this sucks," I said, turning a corner. "We're probably almost done and have not encountered one single thing! Except those spiders of course." I smirked at Al, referring to his reaction to the spiders that were coming down all the walls.
He ran away screaming like a little girl.
If there was ever a time for a camera it would be then.
"Spiders are scary," Albus said. "I'm sorry that I'm not willing to face something that has eight legs. That's just creepy."
I shook my head. "Your father faced a huge spider and his millions of children when he was 12. And your 16 and you can't even face a single spider."
"My father is a robot," Albus said. "Spiders are creepy and you know it."
Al and I walked in silence for a while.
"I think we're almost done," I said.
"I hope so," he said.
We turned the corner and right in front of us was a giant wardrobe.
"Should we open it?" Al asked me, walking toward the wardrobe.
"No," I said, grabbing his arm and pulling him back.
"Why?" Albus said. "You scared?" Albus smirked at me. "I doubt there's anything to scary in there. It's probably something lame like the rest of this haunted house."
"Or it could be a boggart," I said. "And I'd rather not have to face that."
"Why?" Al asked, looking genuinely concerned. "What are you so afraid of?"
I looked up at him. I could tell him. It wouldn't be hard. But when I tried to speak nothing came out.
Al nodded his head, as he if he understood that I couldn't tell him. "Just stand behind me and I'll take care of it."
"Okay," I said and took my place behind him. I adjusted myself so I couldn't even see the wardrobe.
"Ready?" Albus said.
"Yeah," I said quietly.
Albus grabbed his wand out of his pocket. He tightened his grip and aimed it toward the wardrobe. The door flew open.
For a moment nothing happened.
But then, suddenly Al was pulled against the wall by something that looked similar to snakes. His hands were held up against the wall and were woven around, holding him in place.
"Al!" I said and I went toward him.
But not before I heard the voice.
It was the voice that haunted me in my darkest times, the voice that made me feel worthless. I had been hearing it less and less as the years had gone by, and yesterday was the first time I heard it in months.
"Addie," my mum's voice said behind me. I wanted to go help Albus, to free him. Because I couldn't do this. I couldn't save myself from this fear.
I turned and saw that the boggart had taken the shape of my mother, at least the one form I knew her as. It looked exactly like the picture I had until third year, when I ripped it up and burned it.
By that point I knew she wasn't coming back.
"Addie dear," said my faux mother. She looked young, since she was only about 28 or so in the picture I had. She and I looked similar; same blonde hair, same eyeshape and same body. But my curly hair and blue eyes were things that I inherited from my father, a mystery man I never knew and had no intention of knowing. "Oh Addie my how you've grown. Such a...unique look you have." She looked like she was disappointed. "You look so much like me, only not as pretty. How are your grades? Not good I bet, you never were very smart."
I knew Albus must have been confused, wondering who this woman was. And I knew I should grab my wand and make her go away but I couldn't. I was frozen in place.
"You never were good enough were you?" Mum said, and she began to circle me. I felt tears starting to prick my eyes. I never should've done this stupid haunted house. "Always not good enough in school, never even could do anything for yourself could you? You were such a pathetic little child. I doubt that changed with age."
"Addie," I heard Albus say. "Don't listen to her."
"You didn't know this, but you're the reason your father left. Even at a young age he could tell that you were going to be a pathetic excuse of a daughter."
"Addie!" Albus said, louder now. He was fighting off the snakes that held him to the wall but more seemed to appear. "Addie stop listening!"
But I couldn't. I was frozen in place, taking in every word my mother said.
"I on the other hand thought maybe you could amount to something," Mum said. "However you proved me wrong. So I left. I couldn't stay for something that was never going to be good enough."
The tears were falling quickly now and Albus was shouting at me to stop listening. But I couldn't. She was right.
"You're not pretty enough or smart enough. It's a wonder Draco and Astoria have put up with you," she said. It took all my energy to stand because I was crying so hard. "Especially with Scorpius as a son. He's so smart and just all around wonderful. You are nothing compared to him. And soon, that whole family will figure out what your father and I already know." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "You are never going to amount to anything. And they'll leave you and you'll be alone."
At that, I lost my ability to stand. I just couldn't do it anymore, the pain hurt too much.
She was right. She was one hundred percent right.
I fell to the ground and pulled my knees to myself, trying to make myself as small as possible. I barely heard Albus' shouts now, all I heard was my mother, telling me the truth.
"But you may think you have your friends right? But no, they too will realize what a pathetic human you are," Mum's voice sounded soothing almost, like she was reading me a bedtime story even though she was doing to total opposite. "Rose is far too smart to deal with you. It's a wonder she hasn't given up on you already. And Alice will get fed up of you holding her back. They'll both go off and make something of themselves while you do nothing with your life. And not even with your life, but right now. It's a wonder you even got a boyfriend with them around! Alice, perhaps one of the most beautiful girls in Hogwarts, could easily take him away if she chose. And Rose too, she's far smarter than you could even dream of being! It's funny how they even became friends with you. It was probably out of pity. They'll leave you, just as people always leave you. And then Caleb, well, he quickly realize that you aren't as great as he made you up to be. And he'll leave. And you'll be alone. But those won't even be the most painful losses."
I sobbed and hugged my legs, mentally begging her to stop. I didn't want to know what the most painful loss would be. She already listed everyone important to me leaving me. Who else could there be?
"Oh no, you'll be devastated after he leaves," Mum said. "Your heart will break in to a million pieces. And you won't even realize it until it's too late. You're very proud, Addison. You don't even realize that you want something so badly because you know that you can't have it. You can't have him. You aren't good enough for him. So you don't even that your feelings could ever go past what you claim they are. But they are far past that. They are quite the opposite of what you think. But you know you aren't good enough, so you don't even bother trying to get him. Trying to win him over. He is a Golden Boy after all, there's no chance in hell that you could get him." Mum laughed. "If there's one thing you're good at, it's knowing what you don't deserve, and you will never ever deserve him. Nor will he ever want you. You'll always be the crazy bitch Addie Malfoy. And he'll see it the most clearly. He's been here for so long and it's a wonder that you've never realized your feelings for him. But it's good that you don't. You don't want to get your hopes that someone as amazing as him could fall for you. Your family history doesn't match his. It's good to listen to your mind over your heart in this case."
I listened through my sobs, trying to figure out who it was. But I couldn't. But my heart, my heart seemed to know exactly who she was talking about, because the thought of this mystery boy leaving me, made it ache with longing. I didn't want to lose this boy.
"You're almost like me," Mum whispered. "You aren't good enough. You're the child they whisper about because of your heritage. You have no mother or father and someday you will have no one. Everyone will leave you but you don't have the heart to leave anyone. At least I could leave people. I wasn't a pathetic little girl like you. Nobody will ever love you, Addison. Nobody will ever stay. You aren't good enough and you never will be."
"Riddikulus," I heard Albus say. Suddenly, it was completely quiet in the room. And I knew she was gone.
"She's right," I said, through my sobs. I put my face in my knees, trying to make it so he couldn't see my tears.
I heard Albus' footsteps come towards my direction and felt him sit on the ground next to me. His arms snaked around my waist and pulled me onto his lap. One of his hands stayed at my waist and the other went to my hair, gently stroking it. He pulled me as close to him as he possibly could, curling me into his chest.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him as tight as I possibly could. I sobbed into his chest, not caring if I got snot all over his shirt. All that mattered was I was in his arms and he was holding me. I just let all the tears out because it felt right to do so.
I felt safe.
It was as if a blockade had come and made it so nothing could hurt me. Nothing could make me feel bad or hurt me because Albus was holding me.
But Mum's words still ran through my mind.
"She's right," I said. "She's one hundred percent right. Everyone's going to leave me. Everyone is going to realize that I'm not worth it. That I'm not good enough. That I'm never good enough."
"Addie," Albus said, softly in my ear. "She wasn't right."
"But she was," I said. "No one wants me, my own parents didn't want me. I'm a waste of space."
"No you're not," Albus said, kissing my temple. "You're a lot of things but you are absolutely not a waste of space."
"Everyone's going to leave me," I whispered into his chest. "Rose, Scorpius, Alice, Caleb, Louis, everyone will realize that I'm not good enough." I tried pulling myself closer to him. "Even you. Everyone is going to realize that I'm going nowhere and that I'm never going to amount to anything. They'll stop loving me and they'll leave. They'll leave just like everyone else. And I'll be alone." I pulled my face off Albus' chest to look at him. His beautiful eyes. "I'll be completely alone."
I was about to put my head back on his chest. I couldn't face him. Facing him, while knowing that he too was going to leave me, hurt.
We were friends now. But he was just going to leave me alone. And that thought made my entire body and heart hurt. By letting him see all this, he could realize that I'm not worth it and leave. And I couldn't handle looking into his eyes and knowing that.
But he stopped me. As Albus does so well, he fought against me. He put his hands on either side of my face and forced me to look at him. His eyes searched mine and he looked at me in the same way that Scorpius looked at Rose, like he just couldn't believe how amazing and beautiful she was.
My make up had to be ruined now. The eyeliner, the mascara, the glitter, it all had to be all over my face. I had to look like a total and complete mess.
Yet Albus was looking at me like I was the most beautiful girl ever.
"Addie," he said, rubbing his thumb along my cheek. "That's not true. No one is going to leave you. We're all are going to be here no matter what you do. Nothing you do could disappoint us." I shook my head and wanted to argue, but I couldn't find the voice too. Albus knew that I didn't believe him. He brought my face closer to his and rested his forehead on mine. "You are good enough," he whispered. "You are so incredibly good enough. You're the most amazing friend to everyone and you have the loyalty of a Hufflepuff, which is a good thing. You would do nearly anything for your friends. You're incredibly smart, even if you don't do the best in school. You're an amazing Chaser, definitely one of the best in the school or James wouldn't have put you on the team. And you're not pretty. You're absolutely beautiful. You're strong willed, stubborn, cunning, smart, kind and willing to stand up to anyone. You are more than good enough, Addie." His green eyes bore into my blue ones, and I could see that he meant it. He meant every word that came out of his mouth. "Caleb is a lucky guy to have you. Any guy would be lucky to have you, just like anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend. It's amazing that you can't see how amazing you are." He wiped a tear away from my face. I shut my eyes and just took in everything he was saying. Took him, holding me as if he had been doing it for years and making me feel worth something, in.
"I'm not the amazing one," I whispered to him. "You are."
Albus seemed surprised by this, and so was I. But it was true. He was amazing.
"Trust me, you're amazing," Al whispered back. "And anyone who says you aren't isn't worth your time. You're one of the most amazing people I've ever met." He pushed some loose curls out of my face. "One day, you are going to make a great wife to some lucky guy."
I couldn't help but have images come up in my mind. Me with a husband and kids. Doing wifey things. Having Scorpius and Rose over for dinner and making a huge meal for both our families to eat. My husband was pretty clear to me too.
I don't know if it was what just happened or how I felt so connected with him, but the person that was standing beside me in all of those images was Albus.
I closed my eyes and sighed. I then lifted my face up a little bit until our noses touched. I opened my eyes and saw him staring right back at me.
It felt so right. I wanted to kiss him so badly.
Albus looked at me and sighed, closing his eyes. For a second, I thought he was going to kiss me. But then he opened them and pulled back.
"We had better get out of here," he said, almost painfully.
I pulled my arms back and he pulled his back too. I slowly crawled out of his chest, out of my safety zone. He stood up first and offered a hand to help me up. Once I was up, I stopped him before he could walk away and put my arms around his neck. His came around my waist, almost like a reflex.
"Thank you, Al" I said to him.
He rested his cheek on top of my hair. "No problem." I heard him laugh. "You called me Al. You've never called me that before."
I smiled into his chest. I liked that he noticed me calling him Al.
I didn't want to let go, I didn't want to go and face the real world. I wanted to stay in Albus' arms in the haunted house forever if it meant the peace and quiet and safety I felt here.
I pulled my arms back and fortunately, Albus left one arm around my waist. I leaned into him as we walked.
I didn't even try to ignore how perfectly we fit together.
When Albus and I finally reached the end of the haunted house, I was happy and sad. Happy that I wouldn't have to face the boggart again and sad that mine and Al's nice moment would have to come to an end.
When we walked out, I saw Scorpius and Caleb standing together, Scorpius looking at something with an agitated look on his face and Caleb was looking around, probably looking for me. When he spotted me, he started smiling brightly, but darkened when he saw Albus' arm around my waist. Reluctantly, I pushed away from Albus and went over to Caleb and engulfed him in a hug, hoping to get more comfort in his arms than in Al's.
It didn't work.
I felt safe, but not indestructible.
"Hey," he said as I pulled back. I quietly greeted him and turned toward Scorpius, who stopped glaring in the distance to give Al a questioning look. They appeared to be having a silent conversation.
Well Scorpius sucks since he never has silent conversations with me.
Scorpius turned to me. "Boggart?" He asked me. I only nodded. He lifted his arms, asking me if I needed a hug and I ran into them.
Scorp's arms were unlike any other because they were the ones there for me the longest. I will never stop loving the feeling of hugging him.
Scorpius held me close and rubbed my back soothingly. "I'm not going anywhere," he said quietly. "I promise."
"I know," I said back.
"I love you Ads," he said. "Nothing is ever going to change that."
Scorpius kissed my head and let me go. I went back to Caleb and got a questioning look.
"What happened in there?" Caleb asked me.
"Nothing," I said.
"No, tell me," he said. "I want to know."
"Mate, lay off," Albus said. "She doesn't want to talk about it."
"Yeah well you clearly know about it don't you?" Caleb asked rudely.
"Well I was there," Albus said, just as rudely. I shot him a glance telling him to knock it off.
"Nothing happened, Caleb," I said. "I ran into a boggart. That's all I'm willing to say."
"Well what was your boggart?" Caleb asked me.
"I'd rather not talk about it," I said. "And you should respect that."
"I do respect that," Caleb said and I could see I hurt him. "I just wish you would tell me. I wish I was there to protect you like I promised I would."
I quickly kissed him on the cheek. "Maybe I'll tell you someday. But I can't right now."
"That bastard," Scorpius said from behind us. We both turned and saw him looking directly at Rose.
Rose was very drunk now, to the point of where she could barely stand up. It was clear she was going to pass out soon. A guy pushed her up against a wall and, through she tried, Rose couldn't push him away. Before I could even process all this, Scorpius was over there and pulled the guy off of Rose.
"You fucking arsehole!" Scorpius yelled, as he slammed his fist into the guy's face. I ran over to the scene. "She said no. Get that through your thick skull fuckhead."
The guy tried coming back up, but that ended with him getting kicked in the privates by me.
No one messes with the Malfoy's. We're protective people and you don't try to take advantage of anyone we care about.
In fact, I would have continued kicking him in the privates if Albus hadn't pulled me away.
"Scorp," Rose said, leaning back against the wall and crying. "I was scared, I was so scared. He wouldn't get away and I couldn't push him off..." Rose put her face in her hands.
"It's okay Rose," Scorpius said, wrapping his arms around her. He sighed a breath of relief. "I'm just glad your okay."
They stood like that for a while, Scorpius even kissed her head multiple times. You could tell just by looking at them how perfect they were. She fit so well into him and he looked so relieved that she was okay. That she was the safest place she could be, which was in his arms.
"I told you they were good for each other," I said to Albus. Albus only smiled at me.
I felt Caleb's arm come around my waist and pull me close to him. I rested my head on his shoulder. "Where's Alice and Louis?"
Caleb nodded toward a couch where they both sat, laughing and stealing kisses from one another.
It's been a good night for my friends.
"Scorp," Rose said quietly. "I want to go to sleep."
"Okay," Scorpius said and pulled away. "Can you walk there?"
Rose took one step and nearly fell, but Scorpius caught her just in time. "It's okay, I got you," he said as he lifted Rose into his arms, bridal style. Rose wrapped her arms around his neck and nestled into his arms.
"I think I'm going to head to bed too," I said, watching as Scorpius slowly made his way through the room, Albus close behind him.
"I'll walk you," Caleb said, grabbing my hand.
We caught up to the rest of the group and walked in a comfortable silence. Scorpius led the way, Caleb and I in the middle, and Albus trailing behind. It took a lot of strength not to look back at him.
When we reached the Gryffindor Common Room, I turned to Caleb to say goodnight, and I saw Albus over his shoulder, down the hall and walking very slowly.
"Night," I said, reaching up to kiss him.
"Night," he said. He turned and headed toward his Common Room, giving Albus a glare as he went.
I waited for Albus to catch up before I entered the Common Room. I headed up to the boys dorms, knowing that since there was no way Scorpius could get up the girls dorms, that he must have taken her up to his.
I was right. The door to his and Al's room was half open and I looked in and smiled at the scene before me. Rose was fast asleep, curled up against Scorpius' chest and their hands were intertwined. Scorpius' eyes were fluttering open and close, as if she would disappear at any moment.
"He better not try anything," Albus said sternly from behind me.
"He won't," I said. "Let's give them some time."
I laced my fingers in Al's and pulled him toward the entrance of the Common Room.
"Where are we going?" Albus asked me when we reached the Entry Hall.
"For a walk," I said. I pulled him out the front doors and onto the grounds.
It was cold, but not too cold. The moon was bright and the entire sky was dark blue. It was the time I loved.
"When I first got to Hogwarts," I said, as we walked toward the Black Lake. "And I found myself missing Mum, I would always come out here in the middle of the night and sit by the lake. I would try to clear my head of her and the fears going through my head."
"What the boggart said?" Albus asked as we sat down. But we never let go of each other's hand.
I nodded. "I figured tonight would be a good night to do this. I hadn't done it in a long time because I didn't need too. I hadn't even thought of Mum since the party at the end of the summer."
"Can I ask you something?" Albus said. I nodded. "Is that why what I said then bothered you so much? About your Mum?"
"A little," I said, remembering his words. "I used to just think it was in my head. But then you said it and I thought maybe it was true. Maybe all the thoughts that I kept to myself were true."
"They aren't," Albus said, squeezing my hand. "They aren't in the least bit true. I know I've been an arse over the years and I'm sorry, I really am."
I looked at him, sitting beside me. "I know you are."
"Because honestly, if I could go back and redo the last six years with you I would," Albus said. "I was such a dumb idiot."
"And you're super smart now?" I asked him, laughing. "As I recall, you still have a crazy ex girlfriend who can't seem to understand you aren't interested. If you were smart you would have at least gotten a restraining order by now."
"Oh and your so smart?" Albus asked laughing as well. He let go of my hand and laid back on the ground. "You hooked up with a guy in the Restricted Section to piss off my brother. You were basically asking for Thompson to find you and kick you out of the library."
"Oh shut it!" I said. "I'm pretty sure I ended up getting kicked out with you!"
"Not my fault you can't keep your hands off me," Albus said, giving me a smirk.
"Get over yourself," I said and hit him on the chest.
"You did not just hit me," Albus asked, sitting up.
"Yeah I did just hit you," I said, mocking his five-year-old tone. "What are you going to do about it?"
An evil grin appeared on his face as he scooted closer to me. "Well," he said and looped and arm around my waist.
"Ugh..." I said.
"Tickle monster is here," he said, full on smirking now.
"NO!!" I yelled as his fingers moved across my stomach. I tried grabbing his hands to move them away but I started laughing too hard. "Stop it!!"
I lay back on the grass, hoping he would stop but he didn't. He got right on top of me and kept tickling me, laughing himself. I tried grabbing his hands but he always got out of my grip.
"Stop it!" I said through giggles.
"Only when you say sorry," Albus said, still tickling me.
Don't give in Addie. Don't do it.
"I'm sorry!" I said.
Wow, great self control there, Ads.
Albus stopped but we both laughed for a few more seconds and his hands found mine and laced our fingers together. He stopped laughing first and just watched me laugh, with a half smile on his face.
"What?" I asked him when I finally caught my breath.
"Nothing," he said, squeezing my hands. "You just look really beautiful."
I blushed and realized what position we were in.
I was lying with my back on the ground and he was on top of my, his legs on either side of my hips. Our hands were at my sides and Al was looking at me like he wanted to kiss me.
"Al?" I asked him.
"Yeah?" he said, tearing his gaze away from my lips to my eyes.
"Do you want to kiss me?"
Albus didn't say anything, he just sat there, as if he was debating over his answer. Time stood still as I waited, lying there beneath him.
I could've pushed him off. I should’ve pushed him off.
But I didn't.
And he noticed this. He knew that if I wanted to get out of this position I would be gone. There's no way I would be sitting here right now, waiting for an answer that I shouldn't be hoping for.
The longer I waited, the more butterflies appeared in my stomach.
Slowly, as if making sure I was okay with it, he lowered himself onto me. His chest rested on mine and he put our hands up toward my head, so he could support some of his weight. He was hesitant, but slowly his head dipped down to mine.
Finally, after what seemed like years of waiting, hoping and
fighting, he kissed me.
I got my answer.
A/N: THEY KISSED!!! Yay! It finally happened!!! This was a long chapter (OVER 9000 WORDS!!) and I thought about breaking it into two. But I thought that since I love all you readers so much, I may as well give you two gifts, which were a fast update and a super long chapter.
So what did you think? was the long chapter worth it? or was it a piece of poop?
There was TONS of Al/Addie and Rose/Scorpius stuff. And I love Alice and Louis, so I tried to get them in here as much as possible, although they weren't the main focus. And James and Annalise even got a small scene :3
And you learned a lot about Addie. It actually made me cry to go into all of Addie's fears, because I have similar fears. It freaks me out how similar Addie and I are. (I was trying to make Addie awesome though. So it makes since that she would turn out like me) (just kidding. I'm a huge dork. I spend my free time writing fanfiction about Harry Potter characters. I'm a teenager. I should be drinking or something bad like that. But nope, I'm too big of a Potterhead for that. Wow this is a long tangent I went on. Back to the Author's Note)
So tell me! What was your favorite part? Your favorite quote? Character? Couples? Anything really. I would like to know what you thought of Addie's boggart, it's a really different side of Addie than I've shown.
Anyway, after this really long author's note, I think you understand that I like to talk. And I like to hear what you have to say about the story. Your reviews keep me going.
So here is your gift.
Now if you want to give me one, leave a review.
Write a Review The Madness That is My Life: The Madness of Halloween