Chapter 2 : Of Potatoes and Brawling
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Disclaimer : Anything you recognise is the god's that it JK Rowling. Everything else is mine.
In the last two hours I had become a living mannequin, Viv had decided process of elimination was the best plan to find an outfit for this afternoons Hogsmeade visit and my blind date. This sounded a good idea at the time, but two hours and three wardrobes of clothes later I have come to the conclusion, once again, that my best friend – well one of them: Vivian – is a moron.
A blind date? I hear you ask. Why would you smart, single and sassy Ravenclaw girl agree to such a venture. The answer is repayment. This was Viv’s way of "making it up to me". Despite the fact I have told her several times that she is just digging the hole of repayment deeper she still insists in the mother hen like tone that "She knows whats best for my welfare". You heard right welfare. What kind of word is that. It is clear that you shouldn’t accept date blind or otherwise from someone who uses the world welfare in day to day language.
"I think we have it." Viv twirled me round, wolf whistled and stepped back to admired her handy work which was a off the shoulder top with cleavage down to my belly button with black body con mini skirt. I was certain if I moved an inch some private part of my body would reveal it’s self to the world.
I looked in the mirror and made a face, which Viv wasn’t suppose to see; but she did.
"You don’t like it," her face fell, making me feel instantly guilty.
"No, I do. It’s just, just a bit much for Hogsmeade." Translation, I looked like a hussy.
"You’re going on a date! What do you think Lil?" Viv had been on lots of dates and I have never ONCE seen her dress like this. I pointed this out to her, "But I actually know how to flirt and want to be there and not generally be a bitch. Seeing as it is you on this date we need to work with what we have got, don't we Lils?" She turned to Lily, who had been sat on my bed reading, for backup.
Lily sat up, took one look at the outfit and frowned. "Ash is right, it’s a tad over the top. How about...." She got up and rummaged through the pile of tried and tested clothes on the floor. "This... and this with... those?"
She pulled out a V cut grey cashmere jumper and floaty skirt teaming them with a pair of black Mary Janes and woolly tights.
I quickly pulled them on eger to see the effect.
"It’s perfect." I said, tapping my toes together.
Viv ran her eyes over my ensemble "It’ll do." She said with a scowl.
"I’m not telling you who it is."
Viv’s breath made a silver cloud in the December air. Most of the older students were making their way down to Hogsmeade for the last visit before Christmas, which was just over a month away meaning it was also their chance for some last minute panic buying. Everyone was wrapped up tight in all things woolly but the place still had a cosy feel to it. Hogsmeade was frosted over, all the windows steamed up from the inside and the fountain was covered in a sheet of ice. There were enchanted Christmas lights weaving their way around the shops with a ten foot tree the centre of the square. Everyone had a smile on their face; the Christmas spirit was catching.
Our little trio was going to the Three Broomsticks for some Butter beer, although I could have done with something stronger – a little Dutch courage before my blind date.
"Ok." I rolled my eyes, Viv had been dying to tell me who the guy was all morning but refused to as she didn’t wanted to spoil my "blindness" as she put it. The two clashing opinions meant she was having a mental battle with herself. Something, that, both Lily and I were enjoying watching.
"Ok then... but if you really want to know, I guess I could."
"Vivian McKee! Are you saying you would reveal the boy whom our dearest Asha is meeting up with later this afternoon, taking off her boy blindfold and spoiling the surprise which is so very essential for the basic functions of a blind date?" Lily asked the pitch of voice rising as the spoke. Her face was completely serious and if it wasn’t for the wink she threw me before her speech then I’m pretty sure I would have thought she was.
"Shut up Evans. Who the hell are you, Cilla Black? We both know she’s only going for me, seeming oblivious what happiness this opportunity could mean, " Viv retorted, talking to Lily as if she was a guru or that little green guy from those muggle movies who talks funny.
"I am perfectly happy thank you." I retorted.
"Oh, I know you are. By happiness I meant your sex life." I am pretty sure Yoda never talked about that.
I felt a blush rising to my cheeks, both of my friends were aware of how little experience I had had in that area.
"I am quite happy with my situation, thank you Viv. Not all of us have the sexual hormone hunger you have." I shot back in defence.
"Asha, I didn’t mean your actual sex life, we both know that isn’t going to happen – you wouldn’t let it. I just think it would be good for you to spend some time with the opposite sex."
"Because I don’t want you to end up as some old aged spinster who smells like wee as it would be my fault for not educating you properly in the area of communication with the other sex. It’s a vital skill. So stuck it up, stop making yourself miserable and try."
Vivian as blunt and eccentric as she is, is a bloody brilliant best friend. She just gets me. She knows how I function, when I need a push, hug or slap around the face. And although her gestures of ‘kindness’ may seem like a version personal torture, she might wiser than all of us and this blind date may just be another step in the genius grand plan she had for me something that a me, a mere sane person couldn’t begin to understand.
"If no one processed that skill then the human race would die out, if you think about it. No need to worry though, even if Asha doesn’t help repopulate the world, my excellent skills and I could. Preferably with that guy over there." Viv’s eyes followed a blonde wizard as he walked by us, her eyes landing shamelessly on his butt.
Then she comes out with statements like that and I become incredibly worried that I have given her too much control over my life.
We entered the Three Broomsticks, cackling like a bunch of hags, dizzy on the cold winter air. We pulled our selves together as a middle aged couple leaving the pub shot us a death stare. The place was buzzing people had crammed in out of the cold, all the tables were taken and there wasn’t room to breathe. The fire was blazing, giving the pub a slightly sooty smell with a huge christmas tree standing in the corner.
"I think Hogsmeade needs another pub." I moaned "That or this place needs an extension."
Lily rolled her eyes at me. "Shut up Scrooge, it’s Christmas! Just for that you’re getting the drinks in."
With that her and Viv ran off giggling. I let out an internal groan once I saw the size of the line; it was big. But due to the murderous look on the barmaid’s face I wasn’t going to complain. I scoured the room to see if Lils and Viv had managed to find a table, a smug smile appeared on my face when I realised that I had the easier job. There weren’t any tables and no one seemed to be leaving. The smile got wider.
Twenty minutes later and armed with three butter beers I tried to manoeuvre my way through the scattered tables and chair towards Viv who was waving frantically at me from the booth her and Lily had managed to get their hands on. It wasn’t till I saw the other side of the booth that I realised James and Co. were going to spoil our girlie drinks. Fantastic, I thought bitterly.
Lily hadn’t mentioned last night at all, I planned to interrogate her over drinks. I wanted to show her how madly in love she was with James Potter. Viv was the first one to realise it in second year when Lily set James’ tie on fire, it was then we figured that eventually they would get married and make beautiful babies together but her realisation this early was a shock. If she had realised at last, as I suspected, she would shut down into denial as a defence mode, in true Lily style. She would deny any feelings she had for James and scream at him even more than normal because that was what she knew how to do.
The truth is Lils is a control freak.
She likes routine. So now it was up to me and Viv – who I had briefed earlier this morning – to break this routine. This is all depends, of course, on if she can actually remember anything at all from last night. Now this plan was ruined all thanks to James. Did he not realise it was HIS love life on the line here?
"Jeez Potter," I said once I reached the table, "you seem to be everywhere these days. You’re not stalking me, are you?"
James suddenly went bright red and spluttered "No I am not! I’m not stalking anyone."
I shot a look at Lily, who was suddenly very interested in the butter beer I had just given her. I wasn’t the only one who had seen through James’ lie.
"Whatever Prongs. We all know that this isn’t a coincidence." It was the winking minion from the Quidditch match. He gestured to the pub with his hands and laughed. "See lads, I told you it was worth the trip down here just for the look on his face."
The other two boys who were sat at the table sniggered although unlike the first tried to hide their amusement.
James went a deeper shade of Scarlett and Lily was turning a little pink around the edges as well. I regretted ever bringing it up, feeling a bit guilty, I nudged Viv. She caught on and attempted to steer us off the subject.
"I don’t think Lily has introduced us properly." She cocked her head to one side.
"Erm... Guys this is Vivian Mckee and Asha Ives," Lily said, relieved. Viv flashed her best grin and I tried to copy it but am pretty sure it came out like a grimace. "And these are Potter’s friends, Peter Pettigrew," the sweaty one with a crooked smile, "Remus Lupin," the tall one with floppy hair, " and Sirius Black." The winker, with a cocky smirk.
I had seen them knocking around school, playing the school jesters. The Marauders as they had named their selves. Although before now I had never had the honour of meeting them.
"Nice to meet you." I said. Although it was not true, good manners are a second instinct.
"Yeah, yeah." James flapped his arm at me, he seemed to have gotten over his earlier embarrassment. I frowned as he stole my butter beer, thinking I got it for him. "You won’t be saying that a few months down the line. These guys are idiots. Well all of them apart Remus and Peter."
"Hush up Prongs!" Sirius punched him in the arm, "They're just jealous 'cause soon I will be your favourite Marauder."
Viv raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. "You won't be my favourite anything." I heard her mutter under her breath.
"Sorry?" Sirius looked at Viv questioningly.
"Nothing!" She beamed back. "So how was the celebration? I didn't manage to make it?"
"It was awesome!" Peter had found his voice, "James got too drunk, as usual."
"Well at least I didn't try to snog a portrait this time."
"Who tried to snog a portrait?" Viv asked trying not to laugh.
"Prongs. After the last match."
I snorted in mine/James' butter beer that I had stolen back off him and nudged Lily under the table.
"What! She looked real ok! At least I didn't declare my "burnin' firey passion" for my best mates Mum on New Years, like Peter! She still hasn't forgiven you, you know." James chuckled, Sirius joined him, "And you streaked round the Quidditch pitch after the last final party, Padfoot. So you can shut it!"
"It. Was. A. Dare. And don't pretend you didn't enjoy the view Jamesy poo!" Sirius cooed.
"And on that note I'm going. I have somewhere to be." I announced awkwardly, not liking the images these drunken memoirs had put in my head.
"Oh Ash! Good luck! And don’t screw it up." Viv squealed pointing a finger at me as I got up out of the booth.
"If this is awful you’re dead McKee." I smiled sweetly, waggled my fingers at the curious faces, shot Lily a knowing look to which her emeralds turned to slits in a death glare. I left the pub and realised that my best friend, awkwardness, was about to join me and suddenly regretted the fact I had no alcohol is my system.
Stupid Bloody sinking Marauders.
A Hufflepuff. And not just any Hufflepuff, it was a stupid Hufflepuff.
Now I am not housesist, nor do I stereotype. I don’t judge people because of the house that they are in or because of what they do or look like. Or at least try not to.
Okay so maybe I do all of the above. What are you going to do?
The definition of a Hufflepuff is friendly, kind and simple. Once Sean Bailey opened his mouth it was suddenly clear he was at least the last of the three. Throw in the fact he was a beater on the Quidditch team – he had told me several times - and I didn’t really stand a chance.
My blind date was one of Rich’s (Viv’s newest admirer) friends. Figures. They play together and Rich is "kick ass player" and "a totally sound dude" his words not mine. He was a Quidditch player’s build tall and bulky. He also had the good looks that seemed to be essential in the sport as well. Blonde hair, lingering blue eyes, a chiseled jaw and a skull as thick as his shoulders. He didn’t seem the least bit interested in me, unless what was hiding down my top, and was quite happy to talk solely about himself for the first thirty five minutes of our date.
"So then, me and Mash," I’m guessing he liked potatoes maybe? "grabbed an ankle each and swing him round three times each and that son of a bitch crashes into the wall. And he regretted they day he ever stepped in to the Bailey garden." This is Sean’s garden gnome memoirs one on one. And it was just gripping.
"Really? Wow! You and Mash are such master de-gnomers." I gushed "Maybe you should come and de-gnome my garden sometime?" Boredom or idiots bring out my sarcastic side, both of them together bring out the bitch in me.
"Yeah, baby I’ll rock your world." Sean winked at me and licked his lips. Ew.
"Excuse me?" How did we get from gnomes to this again?
"I said I’ll rock your world." There was the wink again. Shudder...
"I know what you said. I want to why the hell you said it?"
"Well you gave me the all clear."
"The all clear?" I gawked.
"Yeah." He rocked back, leaning on the arm of his chair, "A sexual innuendo."
"A wha-" I continued to gawk at him. "I did nothing of the sort."
He nodded eagerly. "Don't try an deny it, you have been undressing me with your eyes all night." He concluded with a waggle of the eyebrows.
"Erm... please explain." I was completely lost. And you were insulting the intelligence of beaters, take it back!
"Don't fight it, we both know this will finish in the bedroom." He leaned over the table, puckering up
Oh My GOD! Ew ew ew! I’m pretty sure that can be classed as sexual assault in some countries. Ok new definition of the Hufflepuff house member they are kind, loyal and SEXUAL PREDATORS! I am going to kill Viv, is she trying to steal my virginity away from me in the form of a Quidditch player. Who just happens to be a friend of her boyfriend. Does she want me to get pregnant, be disowned by the whole of my family unless I marry the father, who I then try to marry but he ends up leaving me at the altar for some blackjack dealing hooker from Vegas, and I end up on the streets, with a severe mental disorder and I had twins so I have two mouths to feed instead of one so I feed them the gherkins from McDonalds burgers that I find in bins, because no one eats them. Is that what she wants? I bloody hope not. What kind of best friend would she be if wanted that.
At which point Mr. Horney leaned over interrupted my mind rant and asked "How about it then Ash?"
"No thank you. I don’t even like gherkins." I got up, deciding I couldn’t stand to be near that perve any longer.
"So that’s a no to sex then?" Sean asked.
I turned my back on him and began to walk away.
"Aw come on?! Not even a kiss? No? Ok. Just a quick feel then? Really? A sneaky peek? A photo?" I heard him cry after me, so I walked a lot faster, hoping people around us hadn’t heard.
I could still feel his eyes on my body the whole way out of the coffee shop, finding myself incredibly pleased for Lily’s input on my clothing. If that boy could interpret that phase as a sexual innuendo, then he would have read Viv’s outfit as "shag me now" and as a result I would be a gherkin stealing tramp.
I decided against looking for the others in Hogsmeade in fear that I might have bumped into Sean again. So instead I stormed back to the Dorm, muttering about Hufflepuff sex fiends with potatoes for best friends.
The date had ended early so everyone else was still at Hogsmeade enjoying the day out. I was please to have the room to myself. It meant I could pull out my favourite bunny slippers and slob out at three in the afternoon with out worrying about what the other girls might think. And was free to carry on with the potions essay that had hadn’t managed to get finished because of Viv’s interruption the other night.
It didn’t look like I would be getting much more done now.
"So," Viv dralled as she bounded in, "How did it go?"
I wasn’t sure how to answer this. The date had been a dud, not mention one of the most mortifying and violating experiences of my life. I knew how excited Viv was about this, I’m pretty sure she had images of double dates brewing in her head right this second, and that Viv had done this to be a good friend, she thought a bit of a love interest in my life would make me happy – how wrong she was, but I also knew that there was absolutely no way I going near that guy ever again. So I think that makes dating him a bit of problem.
I responded with the best thing I could think of. The truth.
That instead of making Sean my boyfriend as Viv would have hoped, my mission over the next week was to avoid Sean at all costs.
Well actually not just for this week but for the rest of my life. One can only wish – Hogwarts is a small place. Avoiding him completely was very unlikely.
Once I told Viv and Lily about the date, they were both only too happy to help.
"So let me get this straight," Viv was pacing up and down our dorm, Lils was sat on my bed trying to remain inconspicuous – the Ravenclaw Rule book fan club might not have taken so kindly to a Gryffindor being in Ravenclaw tower but it was Sunday still so they were all in a pretty good mood – while painting my nails, it was part of the recovery process! Honest.
So maybe I was milking the whole violated school girl thing a tad.
"He asked you for sex?" Viv asked.
"Yes." We had already been over this several times.
"On your first date?"
"And he asked - and I quote - for a feel and a photo?"
"At the dinner table?"
"And he wanted you to SPLIT THE BILL?"
"Yes." I giggled at this one, boys have been feeding Viv in the form of meals and chocolates for a couple of years now.
"Merlin." Viv stopped pacing and looked thoughtful.
Lily looked disgusted. "Boys like that, I mean who do they think they are? Just because they are on the Quidditch team they think they can get any girl they want with a snap of their fingers. They think we are playing hard to get when we say no, when really we mean piss off. It’s not that hard to grasp is it? They seemed to think every girl is like the slags they get falling at their feet. But we’re not are we Ash? We are not like that." I was a bit startled by this outburst. Lily looked at me expecting an answer. I nodded my head dumbly, I didn’t think that we were talking about Sean anymore.
Viv had recovered herself and wasn’t really pacing anymore, she was marching up and down the Dorm her feet clattering on the floor boards causing some annoyance from the other girls sat in the corner.
"I am so sorry Asha, I had no idea that he was such a- a..."
"Sexual Predator?" Lily offered.
"Teenage boy." I said bluntly.
"Wanker." Viv finished.
"That fits too." I added.
"I just had no idea." Viv looked very guilty. "Rich suggested it, I am so sorry Asha. I feel awful, putting you in a situation like that. Bloody pervert, eyeing you up like a piece of meat. You’re too classy for him Ash, way to classy. If he had any idea how amazing you were he would be stuttering and sweating in a failing attempt to impress you. Merlin! I bet that moron hasn’t helped your boy phobia has it?"
"Excuse me? I do not have a boy phobia." I folded my arms defensively.
Viv scoffed and raised her eyebrows. The look said it all.
"I don’t!" I brought my knees up and hugged them.
"Someone’s in denial." Viv said to Lily who agreed nodding. I looked from one the other and frowned. There is a difference between avoiding something because you know it will cause you pain and having a phobia. It’s just common sense, right?
They were both looking at me knowingly. "Shut up." I replied even though they hadn’t said anything. "Traumatic day remember! Paint woman, paint!" I squealed wriggling my toes.
My plan to avoid Sean failed miserably.
He really was thick, he didn’t seem to understand the common knowledge of what walking out of a date meant: I do not like you.
He had found me out at breakfast Monday morning. This wasn’t a good idea as I hate mornings, I hate Monday mornings especially and I hate him. I was expecting to see him at breakfast. I had considered not going and then dismissed that thought horrified at myself. There is only one way I can start a school day, a Hogwarts bacon buttie and a huge cup of tea. If I don’t have at least one of those things in system I’m like a zombie with a hangover for the rest of the day.
"Hey babe." I recognised Sean’s deep pitched drawl.
Please don’t talk to me.
I begged mentally.
"Asha, baby, how are you?"
Damn you Bailey.
"Rubbish." I said with a scowl.
"I had a really bad date with some weirdo yesterday and now he won’t go away."
He laughed throwing his head back then sat down next to the bench to me. "You know all dates must seem crap compared to the one you had with me, ey?" He nudged me with his elbow and winked.
"What? You mean the one I walked out on. And what the hell do you think you’re doing? This is Ravenclaw’s table."
He dismissed my first comment. "So?"
"You shouldn’t be sitting here."
Just as I said this Lily, who was dressed in her Gryffindor robes all in full glory, sat across the table next to Viv and a few seconds later Rich sat the other side of her. Great timing guys.
Sean pointed across the table towards them.
I was at a lost for what to say, and took a bite out of my sandwich.Viv and Lily were both sending daggers at Sean. Viv mouthed "Help?" across the table, but I shook my head.
"So how about we carry on from where we finished last night. I would love to see you out of those robes. You are one fine witch." I chocked on my sandwich, mortified by what he had just said. Once I had recovered I just looked at him gaping in a very unattractive manner.
But apparently Sean still found me appealing.
"Come on baby," he purred at me and pulled at my wrist. I felt my stomach letch. He was talking very loudly, two third year girls, glared at me, jealous and seventh years on the other side turned to watch, some disapproving, some eager.
"No." I hissed at him so they wouldn’t hear. "I’m not into you!"
"Whatever Asha, stop playing hard to get."
"Leave me the hell alone!" I squawked at him. I was loud now. I turned to Viv or Lily for help, Lily had stormed off James trailing behind her and Viv had disappeared presumedly with Rich, the rest of the hall began trickling out as it closer to first period, all completely oblivious.
I got up, to avoid an embarrassing scene. "Do not follow me." I spat at him shaking his arm off my shoulders.
Sean rolled his eyes and began to rise graping my waist until a big hand stopped him.
"I don’t think the lady wants to be followed." It was a guy in seventh year that towered over Sean. He placed himself strategically in between me and Sean, giving me a nice view of his back.
Sean looked up at him and glared, he shook the hand off his shoulder and answered "I don’t think you know what you’re on about mate." He stood up and squared his shoulders towards the Ravenclaw.
"Back off." The Ravenclaw said with a clear warning in his tone.
"Just asked her, can’t you see the chicks gagging for it?"
I rolled my eyes behind the back, it suddenly spoke, "Are you gagging for it?" It said sarcastically.
I snorted "Hardly, he won’t leave me alone. I’m not interested."
"You heard her." He poked Sean in the chest, "Move!"
"Was that a threat?" Sean took a step closer.
"Maybe it was." The back’s fists were clench.
"Step away from my girl." His girl? Not on my life.
"Sean..." I stepped around the wall, "The truth is I would love to insult you but you seem to be unable to process anything more than small words. Now listen, I am not yours, I don’t like you, actually I can’t stand you. So please stay the hell away from me."
Sean’s face crumpled, not in pain but in anger. He pushed his chin into his chest and knitted his eyebrows over his eyes. He mumbled, "Bitch." And then his eyes flew open and he punched my rescuer square on in the jaw. He stumbled back staggering around, caught off guard. But once he recovered he ploughed himself into Sean taking him down onto the floor and suddenly they were both trying to beat the crap out of each other. Shit. I thought, Shit Shit Shit and Shit on toast. Why does this type of stuff always happen to me? I now have two hormonal boys brawling on the floor and whatever injuries they give each other will be my fault. What the hell were they even fighting for? Bloody idiots.
"Guys." I said threateningly; no response. Ok maybe it wasn’t that scary. "Guys!" I shouted. So much for not making a scene, not that it really mattered. Everyone had already gone to class.
"Oh for Heavens sake." I kicked the writhing mass of bodies in an attempt to get their attention, all I got was a punch in the knee.
Well that was stupid.
"Ok guys if you don’t stop now, I will be force to strip off and run around naked."
Damn my lack of sex appeal.
I moaned in frustration and threw my head back, I’m not really sure why. The ceiling didn’t provide me with any genius answers but the action seemed to fit with the situation.
Then behind me came a smug voice, "Now there is something I would want to see."
I spun around and to find none other than the Sirius Black standing behind me and something about him made me feel better. His ice cool demeanour must be catching. "Help." I pleaded.
His eyes flickered to the brawling pile on the floor, he smirked seeming not the slightest bit alarmed.
"What did you do?"
I gaped at him. Does he think this is my fault? Jeez. I didn’t invent testosterone.
"Quite the little heart breaker, aren’t we Ives?"
"So am I suppose to have sex with Sean then? Like he asked, no actually, demanded on the first date and then give in when he hounds me?"
"Well – "
I cut him off. "Do something! For Merlin’s sake Sirius." I squealed.
"Which one is Sean?"
Why wouldn’t he stop them? Someone had blood dripping from their nose, I prayed it was Sean.
"JUST DO SOMETHING!" My voice was shrill and vaguely resembled a banshee. Oh I was so fucking cool, calm and collected.
"Which one?" He asked again, not losing his cool for one second.
Sirius nodded, swooped down onto Sean and the mysterious wall, pulled them apart threw Sean across the room by his collar so there was a wooden table in between us. Not that we should have worried. Sean didn’t seem to be moving.
Wait, maybe we should be worried?
The other guy was a mess. His eye brow was split, his lip swollen and he was clutching his side with both arms. But he was better off then Sean, which was something.
"God, you’re an idiot." I said as I examined him. He frowned and then winced, that expression obviously caused him pain. "Look at you, you’re a mess. I had the situation under control, there was no need for you to come in and bust your face up. I mean you did a pretty good job at his, but that besides the point. It was stupid, going in all Knight in Shining Armour Crap."
The Ravenclaw looked hurt and angry but still pretty pathetic, Sirius was still holding him up.
"Anything else? Before I go to the hospital wing?"
"Thank you." I smiled, "For coming and acting hero and everything."
"Yeah well," He shrugged seemingly lost for words at my sudden change in heart.
I looked around at Sean who was still on the floor but had sat up, blinking in a daze.
Sirius seemed unimpressed by this exchange and without a word pulled my rescuer towards to door with me trailing behind.
Authors Note: Hello! So thats the second chapter up... what did you guys think?! Thankyou to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I love love loveee them and they really spir me on to write more. Please tell me what you think using that little box! All feed back is awesome and favourite quotes are even better :) the next chapter should be up sooner than this one was, i had exams and uni interviews (one on wednesday that i should be revising for now!) Review ;)
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