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Perfect by The_seeker12
Chapter 1 : Perfect
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 3


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Disclaimer: I don't own anyone you recognize. Or the song, which is F**ing Perfect (Perfect) by P!nk. (the clean version, of course. I'm not one for tons of excess cussing.)



Made a wrong turn, once or twice.
Dug my way out, blood and fire.
Bad decisions, that’s alright.
Welcome to my silly life.



There it is again. I can hear them all talk from where I stand alone and forgotten in the corner.


“Oh, Victoire is such a beautiful bride.”


“She and Teddy are perfect together.”


“Dominique looks lovely in that dress.”


“Rose is growing up so fast, look how gorgeous she is.”


“Roxanne looks so stunning tonight.”


And as always, “Little Lily looks so cute.”


Little… So cute…


I growl slightly, hitting my fist against the wall. Why am I always last? Why am I always the baby?


Cute little Lily. Cute, cute, cute little Lily who just watched her first crush get married to her cousin.


I glower, wanting more than anything to leave this stupid bloody reception but then Rose wanders up to me, smiling.


“Isn’t this so beautiful, Lily?” she asks excitedly. “Victoire looks stunning.”


I glare off to the side and grumble, “Yeah, sure. It’s brilliant. Teddy looks so… So… Happy,” I spit out the last part, fury and irritation in my tone. Rose doesn’t seem to notice. She’s always so oblivious.


I hate her sometimes. She doesn’t even realize what I’m feeling. What’s going on inside of me.


“Oh, yes,” she agrees amiably. “I’ve never seen Teddy smile so much. It’s wonderful how happy they are.” She sighs dreamily. “I wish I could have somebody like that.” Then she looks at me. “Oh, Lily, you too! You should get a boyfriend.” She beams like she’s just thought up the most brilliant plan, which to my annoyance just makes her look even more pretty in the starlight.


Bloody cousins and their good genes. I’m the one who got stuck with freaking annoying hair that won’t ever straighten or curl, it always has to be somewhere in between, dull looking hazel eyes, too pale skin, and too many freckles.


I glance over to watch as Teddy pulls Victoire out on the dance floor, making his hair flash the same blonde as hers, his eyes turning the same magnificent blue as hers.


I feel my bottom lip tremble, remembering how he used to do that only for me.


Oh, yes. He’s with lovely Victoire.


I scowl. And they’re perfect of course.


Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood,
Miss “no way it’s all good”, it didn’t slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing,
Underestimated, look, I’m still around.



I groan as I wander towards the Gryffindor common room from the library, my potions homework in my hand. Three rolls of parchment that I worked on for hours with no help.


I smile slightly. It’s actually very good.


Suddenly, I stumble, and hit the ground, my paper spilling everywhere, hearing laughter behind me.


“Wow, Potter, you’re just a klutz, aren’t you?”


I stand up quickly, turning to see Lexi Zabini behind me, smirking. I feel my brow furrow as I bend down to gather up my parchment.


“What, no response, Potter? Got nothing?” She laughs. “You really do have nothing, don’t you? No boyfriend, no life, really. You’ll always just be chubby little baby Potter, won’t you?”


I feel bile rising in my throat, but instead of hitting her like I’m tempted to, I take off down the hallways without another word, tears spilling from my eyes. I stop in an alcove halfway to the common room.


“Er… Lily?” I hear a voice ask, and I turn to see a handsome blonde smiling slightly at me. He holds out a book, “I… I thought you might want this. You dropped it. And I wanted to make sure you were okay.”


I take the book from his hands, feeling myself blush slightly and my heart pound louder. “I’m fine, Scorpius. Thank you.”


He nods to me and retreats down the hallway, leaving me smiling after him.


Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel,
Like you’re less than, less than perfect.
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel,
Like you’re nothing, you are perfect to me.


 

I sit on my bed in the common room, watching all my dorm mates laughing to themselves as I sit alone in the corner.


Roxy and her friends dance around the room, leaping on beds, wearing nothing but their underclothes, all of them laughing hysterically together. I find that again I envy my cousin.


She’s so perfect. Small, tiny, thin, her smile lights up her whole face…


My mind flashes to Zabini’s words earlier. “You’ll always just be chubby little baby Potter, won’t you?”


I am, aren’t I? The freaking bitch is right.


I’m the baby. And I’m fat. I know I am.


I grit my teeth as tears come to my eyes and know what I’m going to do now.


For a moment I wonder if it’s a good idea, but then I shake my head and know that a bad decision or a good one, at least I’ll be thinner.


And maybe Scorpius will notice me.


You’re so mean when you talk about yourself,
You are wrong.
Change the voices in your head,
Make them like you instead.



I glance in the mirror as I sit alone on my bed, the common room empty. I feel sick as I look at my worthless, pathetic reflection.


I’m plain. And ugly. And fat.


I look away quickly, not wanting to see anymore.


Rose bursts into the room, her lips swollen and red, indicating that she’s been snogging someone recently. Of course. All my cousins get guys. I don’t. Why does Merlin hate me so much?


She has a bright smile on her face, but freezes when she sees me.


“Lily?” She chokes, her smile fading and her eyes looking horrified. “What… What did you do to yourself?”


“Nothing,” I say glaring at her. “What’s wrong with me, Rose? Huh?”


She takes a step back and gasps, “Nothing’s wrong with you Lily, it’s just… You’re so… Skinny.”


“No I’m not,” I grumble, glaring at her. Why do people always lie to me? I’m fat. I’m so incredibly chubby.


“Lily,” Rose says desperately, “have you seen yourself? You look like one of the walking dead!”


I scowl at her. “What do you want, Rose?” I asked, frustrated and angry.


She sighs. “I just wanted to tell you I won’t be going to Hogsmeade with you all this weekend.” A slight smile lights her face. “I’m going on a date.”


I bite my lip to keep tears from spilling over. Of course. Beautiful Rose has a date. But me… Fat, ugly me would never get a date.


“Who?” I ask chirpily, faking interest.


Rose’s smile goes dazzling as she informs me, “Scorpius Malfoy.” My face falls, but Rose must take this as surprise and she laughs. “I know!” she says happily. “I thought he would never ask me… I just love him so much, Lily.” She grins at me and then says, “I should go.”


Right. Go to find your lovely boyfriend, Rose. I’ll sit here in misery over my broken heart. Again.


She pauses at the door and looks back at me. “Are you sure you’re okay, Lily?”


“I’m fine,” I hiss, feeling every last shard of my heart crumble.


Rose gives me an odd look but leaves, shaking her head. The door closes with a loud click.


I fall back on my bed and begin to cry. Why does this always happen to me? Why do I always wind up liking the guy who could never like me back? Why?


I turn to look at myself in the mirror once more, and gasp. I suddenly see what Rose saw.


I’ve been so deluded. I’ve been tricking myself.


She was right. I look like a skeleton.


One of my hands flies up to cover my mouth as I begin to cry harder.


Why am I such a fucking idiot?


So complicated, look how big you’ll make it,
Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game.
It’s enough, I’ve done all I can think of,
Chased down all my demons, see you do the same.



I stand next to my brother outside the three broomsticks, trying to laugh along with Al at one of Roxy’s not-funny-in-the-least-but-we’ll-pretend-because-if-we-don’t-you’ll-kill-us jokes.


I roll my eyes as I look down the streets of Hogsmeade, feeling lonely and depressed. I watch as Lexi Zabini and her group emerge from Madam Malkins, tons of bags in their hands.


I close my eyes, once again feeling awful about myself. Why do they get all the nice clothes and spending money? Why do they get boyfriends? Why them? What good did they ever do in their lives?


I shake my head angrily and look the other way, not bothering to rest my eyes on any one, but stop when I see two familiar figures.


They’re walking together, their intertwined hands swinging in between them. The blonde winks at her, and she throws back her head and laughs a tinkling laugh, her eyes sparkling. He grins down at her, happiness and love showing in his eyes. Then they halt for a moment, as he twirls her around in a circle, causing her to laugh with him again.


He leans down, and she stretches up, and they kiss softly. I feel tears prick my eyes again and turn away as quickly as possible.


Why can’t I be good enough for him?


What’s so special about her?


Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel,
Like you’re less than, less than perfect.
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel,
Like you’re nothing, you are perfect to me.



I sit alone in the bathroom, the dorm completely empty again. I sigh and rest my head back on the edge of the bathtub.


Why do I hurt so much? My mind flashes to Teddy, and then quickly to Scorpius Malfoy.


Why do they not like me? What do I do wrong?


Why am I always cute, cute little Lily to everyone? Why does no one see me for who I am?


I feel my jaw tighten, and I reach out, grabbing the razor. I stare at it for a moment, as if confused as to why I’m holding it, even though I know perfectly well why I grabbed it off the counter.


My eyes narrow. We heard about this in Muggle studies once. I wonder if it actually works.


Does pain take other pain away?


In a split second, my decision is made, and a second later I’m acting upon it.


I feel pain flash through me and clutch the edge of the tub with one hand, crying out slightly, a tear dripping down my face.


But it’s working. They aren’t hurting me anymore.


So I keep going, knowing I’m probably making the worst decision of my life.


But I can’t stop. I can’t.


The whole world stares while I swallow the fear,
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer,
So cool in lying and we tried, tried, tried,
But we try too hard, it’s a waste of my time.



I grip the counter harder, staring at my wet reflection in the mirror, ignoring the blood dripping slowly down my arm and onto the tiled floor, as I wonder why I’m so fucking messed up.


Why do I have to be the messed up one? Why me?


Then suddenly, it dawns on me.


It’s not them. I’m letting them get to me.


It’s me. I’m the one who’s been making all the wrong choices. It’s all my fault.


Sure, maybe I should be sad, but Scorpius and Teddy were just little crushes. I shouldn’t be moping about them for years. Besides, I never even showed my feelings for either of them.


I quickly think about telling Scorpius my feelings, but then stop. I never really loved him did I? I just thought I liked him. And he’s happy with Rose.


It’s in that moment, when everything becomes crystal clear to me. I’ve been moping over silly things all my life. I’ve been wasting my whole life away.


I might be a freaking idiot sometimes, but I can grow out of that. I grin at myself in the mirror, realizing how blind I’ve been.


And I’m going to find out who I am.


It may take years, it may take days, but I don’t really care. I’ve finally figured out my life. Things are going to be okay.


Done looking for the critics ‘cause they’re everywhere,
They don’t like my jeans, they don’t get my hair,
Strange ourselves and we do it all the time,
Why do we do that? Why do we do that?
Why do I do that?



It’s in the astronomy tower where I discover what will truly make me happy in my life, what I should’ve known all along.


I’m listening to music from the Muggle music player that Dad had charmed to work in Hogwarts when one of my old dance songs comes on.


I freeze, remembering that I quit dance the year Teddy and Victoire announced they were dating.


I felt too depressed to dance anymore. Closing my eyes, I put the song on and twirl around the tower, leaping and spinning as if my life depends on it.


I smile when the song ends, gripping the railing until the world stops spinning and my vision straightens out.


I laugh softly to myself. I’ve been fooling myself for so long. I shake my head as I realize everything has stopped spinning.


I glance out the window, seeing the sun sink beneath the clouds. I spot Scorpius and Rose by the lake, laughing and kissing.


I watch them for a moment, waiting for that awful, consuming spark of jealousy.


Waiting for things to turn for the worse again.


But they don’t.


It doesn’t happen. All I feel is happiness, for myself and them, as Scorpius snogs the life out of Rose.


The next thing that pops into my head is: Uncle Ron is going to kill them.


I laugh slightly at the thought of Uncle Ron finding out that Scorpius and Rose are dating. I can already imagine the five different colors his face will turn. I giggle at this thought.


And then, with a new lightness in me I didn’t know I could ever feel, I return to my dance.


Ooh, pretty, pretty, pretty,
Pretty, pretty please, don’t you ever, ever feel,
Like you’re less than, less than perfect.
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel,
Like you’re nothing, you are perfect to me.
You are perfect to me…



I spin in a circle with the song, letting myself go, when I hear a voice behind me whisper, “Lily…”


I turn quickly, turning the music off, but stop when I see who’s behind me. “Daniel,” I say, smiling at Hugo’s friend who’s a year ahead of us. I glance around. “Er, Hugo’s not here, if that’s who you’re looking for.”


He shakes his head quickly. “I… I was looking for you, Lily.”


I straighten up, confusion flashing across my face, but then finally say, “Um, alright. What can I help you with then, Daniel?”


He bites his lip nervously, and then squeaks, “Um, Lily… I was wondering…”


“Yes?” I ask, smiling softly at him.


He makes another odd noise in the back of his throat and then tells me, “I’ve liked you since the first time I saw you, you know that?” I blink up at him, unable to say anything else, as he continues, “And I was wondering… Would you go to Hogsmeade with me, Lily?”


You’re perfect, you’re perfect to me,
Pretty, pretty please is you ever, ever feel,
Like you’re less than, less than perfect.
Pretty, pretty please if you ever, ever feel,
Like you’re nothing…



“Lily,” he mutters against my lips. I laugh softly and kiss him harder, causing him to moan and kiss me back.


After a moment he pulls away and lies down on the bed, twisting off me.


I turn to look at him and smile. He grins back at me, his eyebrow raised in that quirky way of his I love so much.


He gazes at me for a second and then lets his hand drift down to my stomach, where he rests it lightly on the slight bump there.


He smiles tenderly and then leans down and kisses my stomach. I giggle slightly, not caring that I sound like a little school girl again.


“You think we can handle two?” I ask him gently, running a hand through his messy dark hair, and he looks up at me, his dark grey eyes laughing silently.


“Love,” he mumbles, “I’d take twenty.”


I grin at him, my eyes dancing. “You’re hoping for another boy?”


He shakes his head silently at me and replies, “Whatever you want, love. I don’t want to be in trouble.”


I smile. “A girl. I’ve always wanted a little princess.”


Daniel smiles. “Yes. She’ll be perfect. Just like you, Mrs. Finnigan.”


I lean down and kiss him again, knowing that everything is going to be absolutely perfect.


Everything is going to be alright now.


You are perfect…
To me.

 



A/N: Okay... wow. I've never tried Lily before (I more of a Scorpius and Al kind of girl, obviously), but I hope that was good.

Any opinions? Comments? Questions? Kumquats? (Hah. My old teacher used to say that...) The box down there is very hungry. You should fill him with words. *nods* Yes, we don't want him to starve. :) In other words, please review. And ignore my weirdness.

Thank you for reading!




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