Chapter 4 : Chapter 4
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I spent the rest of my second week back in total confusion. That Hufflepuff I hooked up with once was beginning to get clingy and I couldn’t deal with her so I had sent Peter to get rid of her. Normally I would have got Remus to do it but he had been asking too many questions about J recently and I didn’t feel like having to explain myself to him. I remembered why I didn’t usually get Peter to do it the next morning. He had told her to back off but then made the mistake of trying to ask her out himself; as if one of the girls I hook up with would ever even look twice at him! Apparently, she was so traumatised by this that she ran and fell down some stairs. The Hufflepuff got her revenge on Peter by hexing him as soon as Pomfrey let her out of the hospital wing and I don’t think his nose is ever gonna be the same again.
J had spent the week getting pretty close Charles Corner (the Ravenclaw that was at the party with us). James and J had another argument over Charles that ended with J storming out of the common room and not being seen until the next morning. I wasn’t sure if J actually liked him or was using him to prove a point to James but I knew that I didn’t like either option. I’d tried to explain to her that Charles wasn’t someone she should hang around with but J just screamed in my face that it wasn’t my business. She hasn’t spoken to me since.
I woke up early on Saturday and tried to make sense of the thoughts running through my head. J just wasn’t allowed to date. Every time I looked at her, all I could see was the little eleven year old girl that had dropped into the seat next to James’ after the sorting and wrapped her arms around him. I just have a big brother complex; I had no one else to look after and she was the one person I could actually help.
Maybe that was how you felt before last year, came a little voice in my head that wiped the smile off my face. But you don’t see her like that anymore. Now, you feel protective in a different way…
I waited for the voice to continue but no more revelations came to light and I was more confused than ever. I needed to go somewhere to think, somewhere I could be alone. Nowhere in the castle or the grounds would be empty on a Saturday…
Before I even knew what I was going to say, I had arrived at Dumbledore’s office. I stood outside trying to think of a plan and ignoring the looks I was getting from the younger students. They probably thought I didn’t know the password. I scoffed internally. One of the benefits of being best mates with the Head Boy was that I knew all the passwords that James knew. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a blonde girl walk towards me. Her hair was short around her face like a pixie and I knew instantly that it was the Hufflepuff. The look in her eyes showed she was gunning for me and I decided that I’d rather face Dumbledore without a plan than listen to her beg to get with me or shout at me for using her. I mumbled the password and heard her stamp her foot as I disappeared from view.
“So you have finally decided to come upstairs, Mr Black?” Dumbledore sounded amused as I entered his office. I nodded and he smiled knowingly before continuing, “I won’t even ask how you knew the password but I assume a certain Head Boy may have let it slip. I am guessing that you are not in trouble today as you come to see me alone and, no doubt, Professor McGonagall would have informed me if you were sent to see me.”
I just stared at him; Dumbledore may act senile most of the time but he actually knew what he was talking about sometimes. “Professor, I just needed to be alone and…”
“And nowhere here is sufficient for you,” Dumbledore finished and I just nodded again. “Sirius, would you like to share why you feel a need to be alone?”
“I want to think some things through and I’d rather not be disturbed. I don’t know where to go, though,” I looked down at my hands but I could feel his gaze boring into my head.
“Sirius, I think you should not underestimate how useful family can be when one is confused.”
My head shot up and I scowled at the man in front of me, “How do you suppose those people can help me?” I indicated the empty portrait of Phineas Nigellus. “And I’d rather not talk to the Potter’s about this.”
“There are other family members you can talk to,” Dumbledore sat back in his chair and left me to figure out who he meant.
All of a sudden, I realised exactly who he meant and I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been to forget about them. Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled as he pointed at the fire for me.
I stepped out of the fire into a warm living room that was full of both wizard and muggle pictures. In the corner, there was a medium-sized black box that I recognised as a television (I knew talking Muggle Studies was a good idea!) and I briefly wondered why there was one in here. The house smelt so inviting and I wished that this had been my childhood home instead of Grimmuald Place. I could hear people in the kitchen and was just about to announce my presence when the door burst open and a tall woman walked in with her wand pointed directly at my chest.
“Hi, Andy,” I said loudly and my cousin lowered her wand.
“Merlin, Sirius, you could’ve said something! I thought you were a Death Eater or something. Do you have any idea how close I was to stunning you?” Andromeda scolded me and I hung my head in mock shame.
“Sorry but I nearly hexed you too. You know you look way too much like the mad one,” I told her innocently. It was true; Bella and Andy looked so similar that when I was younger I often got confused between the two of them. Of course, as I got older, Andy’s eyes were filled with kindness and love whereas Bella’s were just cold and empty. It got even easier to tell them apart once Andy was blasted off the tree and disowned as she was never allowed near us.
“Don’t remind me,” She hissed. “You do not know how much I envy my child!” We both laughed but Andy’s face became serious again pretty quickly. “Does Dumbledore know you’re out of the school? You should stay where you’re safe, especially with the mad one on the loose.”
“Dumbledore let me out.”
“If you say so,” Andy frowned but started to leave the room. “Come on, I’m sure Nymphadora’s gonna be happy to see you.” She led me into the small kitchen and the toddler smiled at the sight of me.
“Siri,” Nymphadora squealed and her straight blonde hair changed into black waves that nearly reached the floor as she reached out for a hug.
“Nymphadora, that hair is way too long. It doesn’t even look like mine. I think you might be losing your touch,” I stuck my bottom lip out in a pretend pout. I was always surprised that she remembered me considering I wasn’t a regular visitor but she always reacted the same way whenever she saw me. Nymphadora would never leave my side and would constantly stare at me. Andy had told me once that the girl was trying to make up for lost time and that she probably had my face etched in her mind.
“DORA!” The baby shouted in my ear and her hair was slowly turning red. I looked nervously at Andy for an explanation and found that my cousin was laughing. I caught her eye and raised an eyebrow.
“Nymphadora has been going through a phase where she wants to be called ‘Dora’ instead. I take it to mean that she doesn’t like the name I gave her.” Andy rolled her eyes. “But that reaction has to be her best yet. I don’t think she’s actually screamed at anyone before.”
“I feel so special,” I said sarcastically. Dora was now playing with my hair and giggling to herself. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to tickle her, “Fuck!” I shouted as she pulled a big chunk of my hair.
“Fuck,” Dora giggled and I suddenly realised what I’d just said. I could feel Andy’s eyes on me and I was close to melting under her gaze.
“Sorry,” I whispered as I lifted my head to look at Andy.
“If she didn’t already know that word, you would be out of this house before you even realised what you said,” Andy hissed menacingly. “Mummy says it all the time, doesn’t she?” Andy asked the baby who grinned and nodded.
“Siri, can we go play?” Dora asked with a heart-breaking smile on her face. She didn’t even wait for an answer and dragged me back into the living room. She sat down in front of a small toy box and started pulling out dolls to hand to me.
As we played, I imagined myself in the future with a whole house full of kids. I imagined teaching them how to fly and tucking them in at night. I saw little boys who looked exactly like me but the girls had no distinct features. The more I focussed on having daughter’s, the clearer they became to me; they would have dark brown hair and cupids bow lips. I’d never really been one to imagine children but playing with Dora always brought out this side to me. The most frustrating thing was that I could never picture the mother of the children.
“So, why are you here?” A voice pulled me from my thoughts and I panicked, thinking that Dora had suddenly learnt more words than I thought. Andy stood in the doorway with a small smile and Dora was busy watching the muggle television.
“Why do you have a television?” I asked, as Andy cleaned the toys up with a silent spell.
“Ted wanted one,” She shrugged. “They have some good programmes. It’s much better than the wireless. You didn’t answer my question; why are you here?”
“I just wanted to see my favourite cousin?” I said hesitantly.
“Nice try,” She sat on the floor opposite me. “Now, I’m not going to ask you again.”
“Shouldn’t you be watching your child?” I asked desperately. I really didn’t want to talk about it. I’d only come here to get out of the castle. Andy raised her eyebrow at me and held up her wand with a small smile; I knew she was silently threatening me and sighed in defeat. “I’ve just been a bit confused lately.”
“What’s confusing you?” Andy asked with a frown but I could tell she was happy that I was finally talking to her.
“J,” I said simply and watched as realisation hit her.
“What’s been happening?”
“She hasn’t done anything. I just feel so protective over her and she seems so determined to go against what James tells her. She’s been hanging out with a boy we know is no good but she won’t listen to either of us.”
“Sirius, she’s a teenage girl. She’s not gonna listen to people telling her what to do. I guess she’s had enough of James trying to control her. You’ve always been like a second brother to her and so you are naturally gonna get the same reaction from her. You just have to let her make her own mistakes and both of you need to be there to help her if anything happens. I would have loved to have the two of you to lean on when I was growing up.” Andy gave me a soft smile.
“But I get this feeling when I see her with him and I just want to break something,” I heard the desperation to understand in my voice and hoped Andy would have an answer for me.
“Do you like her more than a friend? You sound like you’re a little bit jealous,” Andy watched my face and I wondered if my face gave away any of my feelings.
“If I liked her, how come I can hook up with random girls and not feel bad about it?”
“Because you’re scared of what James would do. Does he know about what happened last year?” Andy was still watching me and I was starting to get uncomfortable.
“No, he doesn’t know. Wait, how do you know about it?”
“Jessica wrote to me and asked if I’d be your alibi. I just put two and two together.” She shrugged. “And when you all came to see me at the beginning of the summer, you two were never too far apart.”
“What can I do?” I asked in desperation but Andy didn’t have an answer for me. She sighed and gave me a hug before getting up to sit with Dora on the sofa.
Once I got back to Hogwarts, I went straight up to the dorm and thought about what Andy had said to me. She helped make sense of what was going through my head but I still had no idea what to do about it.
A/N: Anything You Recognise Belongs To JKR...I Know Its A Bit Of A Dull Chapter But I Wanted To Get In Sirius' Feelings And Felt It Was Necessay Now Before It Gets Really Interesting In The Next Chapter...Please Review :) x
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