Chapter 10 : Chapter Ten
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As I opened my eyes the first thing I noticed was the sun. The sun was streaming through my hangings, making me want to shut my eyes back to the darkness. Then I realized if there is sun, it must mean I woke up after the sun rose; something I haven’t been able to in months.
I woke up naturally! No screaming, no nightmares, just waking up.
I felt shocked at this realization. I haven’t had a nightmare. I’ve just had the best sleep in months. I didn’t visit my parents in my dreams. I didn’t visit him.
I sat up in my bed wondering what it means. I had stopped dreaming about them…is it forever? Will I never have to hear the dying screams of my mother and father? I felt my heart soar. No longer will I wake up screaming.
I jumped up slightly, my heart pounding. I laughed at myself for being so silly. It was just the door; the guys getting back from breakfast. I was just about to get out of bed when I heard James say
“Sirius, you’re dating Regina Elk?” He asked aggressively.
“Yeah…” Sirius said nonchalantly.
Sirius is dating someone? Since when? Why didn’t I know? A billion other questions ran threw my mind but I stopped them. I want to know what is going on. I made sure my red and gold hanging were securely closed, and then sat there nervously listening for more.
“Mate, I know I told you to get a girlfriend, but I didn’t mean Regina Elk” James said sighing.
“What wrong with Regina?” Peter asked confused.
“Nothing’s wrong with Regina.” Sirius said defensively.
“You can’t date Elk! She’s….She’s…She’s too nice!!” James blurted out.
“Why can’t I date someone nice?” Sirius asked a bit angry.
“Because you’re going to break her heart.” James said.
“I’m not going to break her heart!” Sirius said angrily.
“Yeah you are.”
“James” Remus scolded, “You can’t just assume that. Maybe Sirius actually likes Regina.”
“But you’ve hated her!” James said at Sirius, ignoring Remus.
“No I haven’t.” Sirius scoffed.
“You did think she was very annoying.” Peter added.
“Yeah!” James said agreeing with Peter. “And while she is annoying she’s also nice. When I said date someone, I meant someone like Calshwood or Morris who wouldn’t care if they were your rebound.”
“Regina’s not my rebound. I’m actually dating her because I like her.”
“Really?” James asked skeptically.
“Yes…” Sirius said, “I’ve been over Amy for a while now. Dating Regina has nothing to do with Amy.”
“Yeah,” Sirius responded.
“Cause yesterday you were on about how you never really liked Amy.” James said.
“Because I didn’t.”
“That’s crap. You liked her, you liked her a lot.” James said, “And if you’re denying that, then you are obviously not over Amy yet.” Sirius opened his mouth angrily but James kept on talking.
“Don’t deny it. You’re just pissed cause you liked Amy a lot more than she liked you. And the fact that you’re denying it shows that you’re not over her.”
“Fine, I’ll admit it. I liked Amy.” Sirius announced. “I really liked her. I was pissed that she didn’t liked me. I was really pissed that I tried to win her back and it blew up in my face. And now, I’m over it. I’m dating Regina and it has nothing to do with Amy. It has to do with the fact that Regina is hot and someone I could possibly…you know…” Sirius stopped talking, embarrassed at what he was saying.
James sighed, “I just don’t want you to hurt the poor girl. I mean she’s liked you for ages…”
“Why the hell do you care so much?” Sirius asked confused by his friend’s behavior.
“I don’t know….” James said mumbling suddenly embarrassed.
“Mate you care way too much!” Sirius said, their argument forgotten.
I heard some shuffling of feet, and then James said, “So… what did you think of the quidditch game yesterday?”
“Well we have a huge lead since we beat Hufflepuff but their team is pretty good! So if they beat Slytherin they’ll be a good contender for the cup…” Sirius said grateful for the change in topic.
“Well it depended on whether-”
But I stopped listening then. I don’t care about quidditch scores…Sirius has a girlfriend! He has a girlfriend and he likes her!
I felt like my heart was going to explode and tears started welling in my eyes. I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my head in them.
Why the hell am I so upset about this? It shouldn’t matter if Sirius has a girlfriend…I was perfectly ok when he was trying to win back Amy. But I didn’t like him back then…. Oh Merlin I like Sirius Black!
Why would I do that to myself? I’m such an idiot. Why would I fall for him? It was a stupid idiotic thing to do. But more tears fell from my eyes as I thought of Sirius. He’s always there for me...we always had fun walking down to the Great Hall. He visited me in the hospital wing a couple times, and carried me out of the maze. He made me find the reason why I should live, he’s one of them. Of course I would fall for him!
But he only thinks of me as a friend! Of course he does, I’m supposed to be a guy. He just thought of me as a friend who needed help at those times. And Sirius always does everything for his friends. But I thought I was special… But I’m not, Regina Elk is special.
I dried my tears with my sleeve. This should have never happened. I can’t like boys, because I am supposed to be one myself. And if they like me back, that means they’re gay, and I don’t think they would be very happy if they found out I was a girl. And I can’t even tell anyone I’m a girl because that would put me in danger. There is no way I can pursue a relationship. I need to be kept safe and Dumbledore believes this will keep me safe. I can’t be dating when I’ve got to protect my life.
I sat in my bed trying to pull myself together. I don’t want people to know I was crying; men don’t cry. And I really don’t want to see the guys, especially Sirius, but I can’t hide in my bed all day. I mean, I’m never in bed this late, so my friends might think something’s wrong. I could probably use the excuse that I was doing homework…
I got myself out of bed and walked down to the Great Hall. Lunch was being served, so I guess I missed breakfast today.
I walked over to our normal spot in the Ravenclaw table. Frank had his head in the arms while Alice was patting him on the back soothingly.
“What’s wrong with him?” I asked Alice.
“Hangover.” She whispered, shaking her head at her boyfriend’s behavior. But I was shocked.
“Hangover!” I accidently shouted. A few people around us turned their heads and the sound of the noise. Alice shot me a look and Frank lifted his head,
“Say it any louder and maybe then the professors’ can hear you and expel the whole Gryffindor house.” He said glaring at me.
“Sorry…” I said sheepishly. “I just didn’t know you drank…”
“Weren’t you drinking? I thought you were nursing your hangover upstairs like Amy is.”
“No, I was doing homework.” I said using my pre-planned excuse.
Frank just nodded at me in disappointment and sunk his head back into his arms.
“Why are you down here then? Shouldn’t you be upstairs too?” I asked wondering why Frank choose to sit in the loud Great Hall instead of the quite dorm.
“alicewartwjpownterwetdmoeatsomengtum” Frank said speaking to the table.
“I wanted him to eat something.” Alice explained. “It would probably help, but he refuses.”
“Man, you must have gone crazy last night…” I said disapprovingly. I can’t believe Amy and Frank both were drinking. I mean, we’re underage!
“Not as bad as Lily.” Frank his voice still muffled.
I nearly spit out my pumpkin juice when I heard that.
“Lily? But she’s a prefect!!” I said shocked. I mean, Lily, she never breaks the rules.
“Yeah so?” Frank said.
Alice leaned in closer ready to divulge a piece of gossip. “Apparently James asked her out when she was drunk and she said yes.”
“What?” I asked shocked. Though that’s why you shouldn’t drink. It makes you do crazy things.
“This morning though, James went up to her and asked her if she remembered. Of course she said no. James however, didn’t hold her to the date because she was drunk, but then he asked her out right after that which I think blew his chance.”
“Idiot” Frank said.
I however feel bad for James. He’s such a good guy. No wonder he was so concerned about Siri…he probably doesn’t want the girl to get he hopes up like he did. I felt a rush of affection for James. At least he knows what I’m going through. I mean he’s been rejected constantly by Lily. He’s probably seen her go out with a lot of guys and knows the pain. But at least he has a chance. I don’t.
I felt myself sinking into despair again but I snapped out of it. I have to get over Sirius. But that proved to be harder than I thought.
For the next few weeks Sirius was all I thought about. Whenever I’d see him with Elk, I would get mad with jealousy. I finally understood how it felt, and I didn’t like it. I mean Elk could be a nice girl, or at least that’s what I told myself in order to not brutally murder her.
But I couldn’t help but hate her. Every time I see them together I want to cry, punch her and scream at the same time. Considering the emotions I’ve been feeling, I think I’ve been dealing with them very well. I haven’t acted on any of those impulses. I’ve decided to get over him and that’s what I’m trying to do. But it’s hard.
Sirius and I are still friends but it’s gotten awkward around us. I mean we always walk to breakfast together; it’s just part of our daily routine, but now I don’t know what to say to him. Ever since he started dating her, our walks have been quite and strained. And when I try to attempt conversation, it comes out all wrong, and Sirius doesn’t answer. Of course liking a friend ruins the friendship. And that’s what I was doing, ruining our friendship. I resolved to try harder but that resolve broke when I saw Elk give Sirius a morning kiss.
She just kissed him! I haven’t even had my first kiss and here she is kissing him like it’s nobody’s business. I mean, I guess it is nobody’s business but still! I can’t believe her. My heart felt like it was being torn apart again. After seeing that, I proceeded to call her a lot of nasty things in French. But then I felt really guilty. Which pisses me off! Why can’t I feel jealous without feeling guilty afterwards?
I think Amy has noticed something is wrong. I act normal around her but Amy’s pretty sharp. She hasn’t asked me about it though, so I suppose I’ll just pretend like it’s nothing. Lily’s too busy wrapped up in prefect duties and the others are kind of dense. Except Alice, but I think my good acting has convinced her everything’s fine. I mean, I hang out with them and joke around like always.
I wonder if this is a normal reaction. I mean is it supposed to hurt so much. I just liked the guy…a lot. But it’s been a couple of weeks, I should be over him!
But then something happened a few weeks before break started that took Sirius out of my mind.
“Have you seen the Daily Prophet today?” Amy asked me as I sat down next to her during breakfast.
I shook my head, “I don’t get the paper.”
“Here.” Amy said passing her copy of the paper to me. I looked at the title of the front page,
Death Eaters Attack Wizarding Residence
I felt like I was about to throw up but I forced myself to keep reading.
At midnight on December 3rd Death Eaters attacked the all wizarding community of Willow’s Creek. Although no one was killed this has caused fear in the hearts of all witches and wizards. “The Death Eater’s have been extremely inactive in the last couple of months” Head of the Auror Department Barty Crouch said, “They have lulled us into a false sense of security, so they can pull off killing not only muggles but Wizards who have the highest protection available to them.” When asked why the Death Eater’s would attack the wizarding community, Top Auror Alastor Moody said “Because they wanna show what would happen to those who ain’t on their side. It’s a warnin to you all! But the Aurors are doing everything in their power to stop Death Eaters from attacking anyone-magical or not.”
And the wizarding community calls for justice. The Death Eaters who attack Willow’s Creek didn’t come to kill. They came to torture those who would not join their side. Many witches and Wizards are in St. Mungo’s for treatment. Use of the Unforgivable curse, the Cruciatus Cruse is rumored. While we give our best wished to those who were hurt (see list on pg 3 ct 2) the wizarding community asks the ministry how are they going to protect us from further attacks from You-Know-Who and his death eaters.
I stared shocked at the piece of paper. I can’t believe that the Death Eater’s are starting up attacks again. It has been so long since they had attacked anyone.
“It’s terrible.” Amy said, looking sad. “You know Emma Dobstone, from Ravenclaw, her parent’s were tortured. She got special permission to visit them.”
“Oh man…” I said stunned. I stared around the Great Hall; most people didn’t even know that families had been tortured. They were just laughing and going about their own business.
“I wish the war would stop.” Amy said. “I had almost deluded myself into thinking it had. I mean, there hasn’t been an attack in months. But now it’s back…”
“Me too. I have barely even thought about it in weeks.”
We both contemplated the fact that the war isn’t over and wouldn’t be in a long time. No point in trying to delude ourselves. But I wish it could just go away. I wanted it to end, so then maybe my parents can rest in peace. But You-Know-Who’s still out there, getting stronger.
“Mr. Reed.” Professor McGonagall called, “Mr. Reed!”
I looked up realizing she said my name a couple of times. “Sorry Professor I was just…” and I realized I still was clutching onto the article so I put it down.
I saw Professor McGonagall’s eyes follow the article. She looked at it and sadness and maybe some rage flashed in her eyes. She seemed to swallow whatever she was going to say, and got on with business,
“Mr. Reed, I am making a list on students who would wish to stay at Hogwarts.”
“I would like to stay Professor” I said watching her put my name down on the list.
She stared at me and started walking away, and then she turned and said “These are tough times, but you can always count on good to win at the end.”
“Thanks Professor,” I said taking her words into account. It would be nice if good always prevails over evil. But this evil seems really hard to defeat.
“Why are you staying over break?” Amy asked trying to lighten the conversation.
“Oh, because my parents are going to France over break, and I really didn’t feel like going back.” I said telling the lie Professor Dumbledore made up. He said it would be best if I stayed here for break, so then I could be safe.
Amy nodded and started talking about her plans over winter break.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sirius and Elk walking out of the Great Hall together, hand in hand. My heart felt that pang again, but then I also thought about those families who had been tortured last night. I need to get over Sirius. People are being killed and tortured, and I’m agonizing over a crush. I feel like I’m being petty but I still hate seeing them together. And the fact that the war is continuing didn’t do anything to stifle the feeling.
I know it's been a really long time, but I've had a lot going on. Actually I still do, but I'm going to update as much as I can!!
So yay Chapter Ten Party!!!! Woot Woot!! This is my first time I've written to chapter ten!!!!
Now i know a lot of people are going to be mad at Sirius, but don't jugde him to harshly because, come on, he's not gay, but he kissed a guy....
Nate's reaction to this is a bit dramatic, but she's never really liked a guy ever! And when she mean's she likes Sirius its not something silly, but she really likes him. So i feel bad for making her go through the pain...but you know, the story must go on!!!
And the line where Nate/Naomi says 'I haven't even had my first kiss yet' makes me laugh... because she has!! Hehe.... she doesn't even know it!
Anyways i want to thank you guys for being such awesome readers, I really appericate everything, you guys have supported me and i don't deserve such awesome readers. I'll try and update as soon as possible!! But you know, I'm starting a new story, the plot bunny has been in my head for the longest time, but this one's priority. So don't worry!!!
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