It is early in the morning the very last day in July. I am waiting for Harry to wake up, knowing that it is probably several hours left. It is his seventeenth birthday today, and I miss him like crazy. Well, that is hardly news. I have missed him like crazy every minute since that day, that horrible day, at Dumbledore’s funeral. Sure, I have seen him, spoken to him and even held his hand briefly since, but I miss him. I miss holding him, kissing him, being comforted by him.
I miss his hands. I miss his eyes. I miss his scent. I miss everything about him. I know that he won’t stay here for much longer; I know he had made plans with Hermione and Ron. Despite my feelings of longing, and despite the fact that I feel left out, I understand that he has to leave. I understand, but it doesn’t make it any more bearable. It still hurts.
Why is it that it just has to be him? Sometimes I dwell on the unfairness. Why Harry, my Harry? And yet, would he be my Harry if it wasn’t for this? Would he still be the same? But it isn’t the hero I love, not the Boy who Lived. I love the real Harry. The one with messy hair, who sometimes is so unsure about himself. I love him, and I miss him. I miss him. I miss his voice. And his arms. I miss everything about him… Oh, here I go again. But I really do miss him.
I am going to give him his birthday present today. I have been thinking of it for a while, and I am sure now. I will never ever regret this, no matter what. Yes, I am nervous. I don’t know how he will react, especially since he officially broke off our relationship. But I am determined, and I want this to happen.
There was times this spring when we got close to it when we were snogging at Hogwarts. We were kissing madly and we were running our hands all over each other. He had his hands inside my shirt a few times too. But we never did more than that, which felt perfectly all right at the time, seeing that we just had got together and all that. I miss it. I miss him.
But things have changed, and I know that we don’t have much time left. He will be gone soon, and I am fully aware of that he may not live thorough this war. That thought is eating me, ripping me apart, actually. I love him, I miss him. I will always love him and miss him.
know very well what my mother would say if she knew. Or my brothers… Well, it isn’t their decision to make, really. And I am certainly not going to ask for their advice.
Today is his birthday, and he is sleeping in my house. I am sitting in my room, and I am waiting. I intend to surprise him today. I will catch him off-guard, here in my room. I don’t care if we are or aren’t officially a couple right now. I intend to go all the way today, and there is nothing holding me back. I am going to tell him that it is a birthday gift, but it isn’t really. I am not giving me to him. I am taking him, because I need him. I need him, I need this. I need his love to survive the future.
I am sitting by my window, and I am waiting. I can feel the fluttering of butterflies in my stomach, but I don’t change my mind. I really want this to happen. I can hear him in the stairs now, and I open my door and call for him.
I can’t take my eyes off him when he comes into my room. Here he is, my Harry. I look at him intensely as we make some nervous conversation. I can’t help feeling a bit scared of how he will react, but then I look into his face and I see the man I am so deeply, madly, completely in love with I just decide that now isn’t time for thinking. Now is time for action.
So I kiss him as I never have kissed him before. And he kisses me back with just as much enthusiasm and love. I can feel his hand in my hair and the other one on my back and we continue to kiss like there is nothing else in the world. There isn’t really. He is just as eager and willing as I am. I can feel how he is responding to me, and I am sure now that nothing in the world is going to stop this from happening.
And then my brother opens the door...
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