Chapter 12 : Maybe Things Would Be Better Now - Sirius
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This Christmas had been harder than last year I’d say. Last year I just wanted to get drunk and get laid and forget about Adriana, who I thought had completely let our relationship go down the drain. But this year I had to look after my daughter - which I loved, just saying!- and watch my Adriana, the love of my life, with some other guy. I had to be with her on New Years, and not kiss her and not tell her how much I love her.
She tried to get back with me as well you know, and I turned her down.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
The one girl that I was dreaming that would turn round and say to me ‘babe we should be back together’ and when she did I said fucking no.
For a good reason though, right? For Summer. that’s why I turned her down, because Summer wouldn’t be able to bear losing her parents again. We’re not good together. We have never been good together. And now that Summers in the picture, we are dangerous together. But apart, we’re nearly as bad aren’t we? I mean, we’re at each others throats or were close friends - both of which is a horrible place to be!
And then my beautiful beam of sunshine ran through the compartment, shouting the one word that I knew would never ever make me doubt how much someone relied on me. And I absolutely love that.
“DADDDYY!” my gorgeous daughter jumped up onto my knee, throwing her arms around my neck and clinging onto me, I wrapped my arms around her protectively, and held her there. In the position I would make sure that she stayed in forever. “I’ve missed you,” Her little voice whispered happily into my ear.
“I’ve missed you too baby,” I told her, kissing the top of her hair. I smiled nicely at Adriana nicely, ignoring the pain in my chest that I felt when her smile beamed back at me.
She sat down in between Remus and Josa saying a cute hello to everyone, her eyes not once leaving mine. I smirked and hugged Summer closer to me. I shouldn’t do this. I know it messes her up, and it sure as hell messes me up as well.
“Hiya everyone,” She smiled, still starring straight into my eyes.
It felt like Third Year all over again, that awkward phase when we were trying to figure out how much we liked each other. enough to become boyfriend and girlfriend or just enough to be friends with benefits.
I think I like this situation though, its romantic, you know in the messed up way that has recently become our lives. But this situation is a lot more complicated now than it was way back in Third Year. Now we’ve got a baby to think about, our up coming NEWT’S (which I know are important no matter how much I argue with Lils about them!) and the fact that she has a boyfriend. A smug boyfriend who I could easily take on and win! But I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to because Ade is the love of my life, and I don’t care if I’m not personally with her: as long as she’s happy I don’t care how I end up.
“Wheres Cat and Kyle? I thought they’d be here to wave you off?” Lils asked Ade, I paid attention to what was going on now… I wanted to know about this.
“Cat and Kelly have gone to meet Jamie’s mum, they wanted to rearrange but I said no. this is a big deal for her,” Ade smiled a little smile. No-one missed how she did not even mention Kyle in her explanation. Trouble in paradise?
“And Kyle?” Lily pressed, of course Lily pressed!
“We don’t speak any more,” She simply said and started twirling Josa’s hair around her fingers.
“You broke up?” Tat asked from next to me, she was holding onto Summers fingers. I couldn’t help but beam inside at that. They might have broken up. Which means she has been thinking about our moment on New Year.
“We were never together,”
My heart soared up into the sky. She wasn’t with the bloke. This means that I don’t have to feel guilty about everything that may happen this term. I’m not saying that I’m going to make a move on her, I’m just not going to sit by if she does with me. And I hope she does.
I knocked on the edge of the portrait - I didn’t want to be rude and just barge into her little apartment. I wanted her to understand that I respect her and the privacy that she had put between us. Because I figured that this was the only way to make her trust me again, and therefore the only way to possibly build upon our relationship.
The portrait open and Adriana stood there looking really shocked and slightly stressed out. She had bubbles in her hair and it was flopped down messily, she was wearing a slight pout that made her look so much like a young mother. She suited it so well. She looked so beautiful.
“Sirius? Did you just knock?” she said, moving aside to let me in - I had warned her at the Welcome Home Feast that I would come and give Summer kisses before bed time.
“Yeah, didn’t want to interrupt anything. Seems I have though,” I raised my eyebrow n grinned at the exhausted expression on her face and the splashes and squeals of happiness I could hear from the bathroom.
“I’m tired and she will not calm down,” she sighed running her hand through her hair - I loved how comfortable we are with each other. Look at her now, knowing that she looks so tired and exhausted but still not embarrassed that I was there… seeing her like this.
“Want me to bath her then? You could get a cup of tea or something and cuddle up on the sofa by the fire?” I said to her, just to be a good dad.
“Really? You’d do that?” She looked even more shocked than when I knocked on the portrait before barging into her home.
“Of course, and I’m sure Sum would love it too,” I said with a gentle little smile, looking straight into her eyes so she could see how sincere I was being.
“Oh my god, your such a life saver!” She said hurriedly, launching herself into my arms. I smiled again and strongly wrapped my arms around her protectively. Silently telling her that I do still love her. And she still does mean the whole world to me.
“Summer!” I said happily walking into the bathroom. My little girl was sat their in a pool of bubbles splashing with her little frog toy making the bubbles fly all over the room.
“DADDY!” She wailed happily as she saw me walk through her bathroom. She stood up and grinned, ready to jump into my arms .
“Come on now, you’ve had your fun! Sit down now sweetie,” I told her sternly, surprisingly she listened to me and sat down in the bath and made muggle car noises with her frog. Weird daughter I have.
“That’s not even funny. How did you do that?” Ade questioned in my ear - amazed at my ability to calm the little one down. I smirked looking at her
“I just have a gift,” I winked at her, and it felt so good to see the blush rise up into her cheeks and see her rush into the front room - as far away from me as she could. Chuckling I went to wash my little Summer’s hair.
I’d sorted the whole bedtime routine out for Adriana, she needed a rest. And I was here to be her knight in shining armour to make sure she got all of the beauty sleep she needed, I was here to make sure she got all of the relaxation that she deserved. Because what can I say? She’s amazing.
“You okay babe?” I asked her on my way out, I wanted to stay here with her. I wanted to wrap my arms around her waist and hold her until the morning. I wanted to stay here and just be with her.
“You going?” She asked me, lifting her head from the arm of the sofa with a little from on her face.
“The baby’s in bed,” I simply replied, it was all the answer she needed. Silently I was praying that she’d ask me to stay with her. Silently I was longing for a chance to hold her again
“You don’t have to go,” She whispered quietly, I stared into her eyes. Silent.
“Please don’t go,” She said even quieter, a small smile made me happy. Maybe things could go back to normal now. I moved over and sat by her feet, lifting them up and placing them on my knee.
“Okay,” I simply replied.
Ade scooted her legs off of my knee and expectedly spinned on the sofa so that her head was on my lap and her feet on the end of the sofa. I bent down and kissed her forehead, allowing my lips to linger on her skin, savouring the touch.
“What happened with you and Kyle?” I asked her, tenderly stroking her precious brown hair to comfort her. If she’s upset ill make her happy again.
“He didn’t want me to come back to Hogwarts, and I couldn’t do that,” she whispered. My heart immediately stopped.
Kyle didn’t want Adriana or my baby girl to return to Hogwarts, the place that they truly belong? He didn’t want them to be among the people that have loved them all of their lives. What kind of boyfriend does that?
“What?” I just said, letting my repulsion and confusion flow out through my voice.
“Wanted me to stay in the Muggle world with him, he did. Didn’t want me to be around you mostly.” she carried on as if I hasn’t said a word.
“Why? I was being nice to him, even when I really didn’t want to,” I told her, softly stroking her hair… not wanting to ever be apart from her.
“He thinks were going to sleep together,”
“And are we?”
I know it was stupid and silly and I know I shouldn’t have said that. But I wanted to know if there was ever going to be a chance with us. She’s been hurt, my Ade has. And regrettably mostly by me. But there are some scars that I can help heal, even one’s that weren’t made by me. I will help her be back to the amazing person she used to be, and I’m sure that Summer will help me get there too.
“Not tonight,” She whispered and snuggled her head into my lap more.
I smiled gratefully. Not tonight. That’s not a no. And that’s not a never. She has still got some hope for us, that means she hasn’t given up on me yet.
“I need to go,” I muttered leaning down to kiss her forehead softly. It was about midnight now, and I hadn’t brought the map so I was going back to the tower blind, and in the middle of the night. I needed my wits about me.
“Did you bring the map?” Adriana asked me - she’s always known all of the Marauder’s secrets, I have never been able to keep anything from her…
“Nope, going it alone,” I smiled and kept my voice light and happy as she sat up, leaning on her elbows to look me in the eye.
“Stay?” Ade looked straight at me, I felt my jaw drop as I just starred at her. “I mean, it would be to dangerous for you to go back to the Tower now, and what example would you be to Summer in detention. I don’t care if she’s half Marauder I do not want her in detention by the time she’s two years old.” she rambled and I laughed at her little explanation. Yes I don’t want Summer in detention by the time she’s two, but that would be the biggest achievement ever.
I am so mentioning that to James.
“Are you sure you want me to?” I asked her, hoping that she would be completely oblivious to the plan that she had me forming in my head.
“Yeah, I mean it would be good for Sum to wake up to her daddy wouldn’t it?” Her voice seemed hesitant and shy, unlike her eyes. In which were pleading me to stay.
“I’ll stay on the sofa?” I said to her, not wanting to ruin any possible chance of a reunion by moving two quickly.
“If you want to?” She said, but I could tell that she wants me to go with her to her bed.
“I need to babe,” I said to her, “But I’ll walk you to your door,” I told her, kissing the top of her head.
“Walk me to bed then babe?” She said, a little smile one her face.
“You couldn’t stop me if you wanted to,” I smirked and stood up. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. I smiled at the adorable smile that she had on her face.
Holding her hand tightly, and lightly swinging it back and forth I walked her to her bedroom door. Smiling softly when we reached the open pine wood door. I stopped at the door frame and grabbed hold of both of her hands, starring happily into her eyes.
“Don’t you want a blanket?” She nodded her head into her room and let go off one hand and pulled me into her room with the other. I looked around the room. It hadn’t even changed that much since I lived there. There just wasn’t any pictures up - well considering they were all of us I can understand that.
Ade tossed me a blanket and walked over to her bed, leaning on the poster she starred at me.
“Do you miss is?” She asked me, I looked up at her. The question in my eyes rather than my mouth, “Sharing a room? Being together?”
“I miss you. I miss everything about us being together. I miss the god-awful morning breath you’d have the morning after, and I’d still kiss you, remember?” I smiled as she giggled, “I miss that you would cuddle up in my arms every night, even after the biggest arguments. I miss the little kisses we used to give each other,” I looked her in the eyes, not letting any emotion cross my face to show her how much I actually do miss her.
“These kisses?” She asked before kissing my nose, and then my cheek, and then my lips lightly.
“We cant.” I brushed the side of her face lovingly, “We’ll talk in the morning, sleep tight beautiful,” I kissed her nose lightly before leaving the bedroom and shutting the door behind me.
Laying down on the couch starring at the ceiling I started thinking. I had just denied her… again.
I swear there is something seriously wrong with me…
The next morning I wanted to wake up early, talk to Ade, see Summer and then leave to get ready for the first day back… however it didn’t seem to end up that way.
I woke up to Summer jumping manically on me shouting ‘Daddies here’ with a very smug looking Adriana stood in the kitchenette drinking a cup of coffee, grinning like the village idiot. She winked at me though - I know she did. And then Ade told me the time and I had to run to the Tower to get ready for possibly the worst Monday ever.
And I didn’t even get to talk to my Adriana.
She promised though. She promised me that we’d talk. That we’d figure things out together. Then maybe things would get back to normal. And maybe we’d be back together by the end of school…
So that’s why I’m here. In the library. I’m waiting for Ade, she said when she convinces Lil or one of the girls to babysit Summer for a couple of hours she’d be straight down here - you know because it’s the most unlikely places that us two would be. So we couldn’t be distracted or interrupted or anything else like that. Also, this time I had remembered to bring the map so no-one would know where we are.
Twidling my thumbs I waited.
And I waited.
And I waited.
And then she didn’t come.
Getting out the map, “I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good,” I told the map, I mean spying on my ex-girlfriend but the love of my life could be seen as no good ey…
And there she was, in her apartment with Sum … and Josa and Tat.
Wow thanks Adriana, I love you too baby…
Authors Note: well heres the next chapter! sorry for the long wait and stuff but i'm getting better.... i've got chapters lined up now and then its nearly finished!!
so please review and tell me what you think of all the Sirius/Adriana interaction in this chapter - is it a good idea to get them back together or should they stay apart?
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