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Chapter 1 : Chapter 1
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I dipped my quill into the ink and began to write my twelfth letter to Audrey, we had gotten into a fight three weeks ago, and even though I knew she was wrong, I figured it would be in everyone’s best interests if I apologized.
Also, I really missed her.
Dear Audrey, I wrote. I know I said in my last letter that it would be the last one I would ever write to you, but there are some things we should discuss.
Like why hadn’t she written back? She must have gotten all my letters. Hermes was a great owl. Even in his senior stage he was top notch.
Like closure; I’m still in the dark here about why you never flooed or wrote back to me. On a different note, things are going well at work. In fact even if you never answer back, I’m sure I’ll move on. It’s not like I was in love with you or anything. In fact, I have a new secretary called Clara. She’s really nice and makes delicious cookies.
And she’s eighty, but I didn’t bother mentioning that. It’s not like it was important.
I hope you are doing well.
I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so I signed my name. Love, Percy.
Don’t get the wrong idea, I wasn’t writing love to Audrey because I was in love with her, or that I cared about her…at all. It was just a figure of speech.
“Hermes,” I said, as I tied the note around my owl’s leg, “take this letter to Audrey. You know where she is, right?”
Hermes hooted and gave me a pitiful look before flying off.
~*~ Chapter One~*~
In every book, there are three situations when a girl finds out she’s pregnant. Either it’s a miracle because the girl and her husband have been trying to have kids for years and years, or it’s a disaster and the girl cries and all her wonderful female friends (or gay boy best friend, I’m not picky) comfort her and tell her all about feminism, or it’s a one-night stand and the girl ends up finding out that the one night stand is in fact, the man of her dreams.
In all three cases, everything turns out wonderful: the single mom meets a hot guy and they get married even though she’s like four hundred pounds from the baby, in the marriage one they have a wonderful time deciding whether the baby’s room should be painted pink or rose, and in the one-night stand one they all end up married and perfectly happy.
I would have been fine with any of those situations. But unfortunately, my situation was different. I wasn’t unfertile, nor was I surrounded by wonderful friends.
In fact, the only other person who knew about this little pink stick beside me was Gus, the sixty year-old secretary that worked at my office.
He hadn’t gotten me pregnant, but I had bribed him with my lunch so he’d to get me all my pregnancy tests. All twenty Muggle ones and all sixteen wizarding ones, and although he normally just got coffee he didn’t really complain about getting me the tests.
Thirty five of the tests told me that yes, my one night of pleasure resulted in a living being in my stomach. One test said I was fine.
I was going by that one test. Everything else was faulty.
I walked out of bathroom and gave Gus a meaningful look. He ignored me. He wasn’t a very supportive person.
I coughed loudly and used my head to indicate to the door that led to the outside of the building.
Gus sighed, muttered some things, and followed me out.
When we reached the outdoors, I looked down at Gus, considering he’s part goblin the looking down is actually required.
“I’m not pregnant,” I announced, the cold wind whipping my red hair into my face.
“Good,” said Gus, giving me half smile. “I’m going back inside. It’s freezing.”
I blocked the door. “Aren’t you supposed to ask me if I’m sure?”
Gus sighed and turned around. “Are you sure?” he asked, and then he muttered, “I wish I had earmuffs.”
“Well, here’s the thing,” I said. “Thirty five of the tests you got me said yes—”
Gus gave me a horrified look.
“One said no,” I continued. “So I figured everything else was faulty.”
Gus patted me on the elbow, which with his height was the highest place he could reach.
“Don’t you have any friends to discuss this with?” he asked. “Because I’m freezing my bazookas off.”
I thought to myself, the answer was no. Well, not unless you count the girl that works at the library that I always say hi to. Then there are the puppies in the pet store that I like to talk to about my life.
Then there’s my roommate, but she’s eighty-something and routinely forgets that I live there.
Whenever I normally have a problem I talk to my brother, who always makes me feel better because sometimes he is such a huge loser he can boost up anyone’s ego.
However, I think I’m the new loser in my family.
So no, I really didn’t have any close friends. I really just prefer reading.
“Of course I have friends,” I scoffed. “But you were just there, and I thought you might like to help.”
Gus muttered something that sounded oddly like, “Well, you thought wrong,” but he coughed and said loudly, “Audrey…I don’t even know what to say.”
“Oh, come on,” I said, exasperated. “You must have seen enough sappy, terrible Muggle films with your wife to know what to say when the fictional girl gets pregnant.”
“My wife likes car or broomstick chases,” said Gus, shrugging.
I sighed. “Fine, ask me if I want to keep it.”
“Do you want to keep it?” Gus asked, shoving his hands deep into his pockets.
“Yes,” I answered. “But I don’t want to do it alone.”
In the book with the single mother, all her friends would have crooned that they would help her and that she’d never be alone, but I didn’t have friends. I had Gus.
And he wanted nothing more than to leave me alone and go back to the warm office.
As if to prove my point, Gus spoke up again. “Can I go back inside now?”
“No,” I answered, exasperated. “Now you ask me if I’m ready for such a heavy responsibility.”
“Good man,” said Gus. He patted my elbow again and went for the door. Then before he opened the door, he turned back to look at me.
“Who’s the father?” he asked.
Now he gets the hang of it.
“I don’t know,” I answered.
He looked taken aback, but apparently warmth won over curiosity. “I’ll tell the office you’re taking a personal day.”
“Thanks Gus,” I said, but he didn’t hear me because he had run for the warmth of the office.
I had lied to Gus about the dad part. I knew exactly who the father was. Which was very depressing as we were no longer together. Actually, I had been the one to break it off, and then maybe I ignored all his owls afterwards.
I’m not a bad person.
We had been together for about three months when I decided to…er…do it…with him. He had been rather enthusiastic about the whole thing, more so then I’d expected. Apparently even he enjoys the occasional snog.
I crossed a random crosswalk, realized I had no idea where I was going and swore rather loudly.
Then I realized that I was about a block away from my apartment and all that swearing had not been needed, which was rather embarrassing as I was receiving looks from a stay-at-home dad who was with his young son.
Ah well, like he’s never slipped up.
“Hello love, who are you?” asked Gloria, who was enjoying a game of bridge with her grandson, Herman, who’s also her nurse. She gave me a strange look.
When I moved into Gloria’s apartment I had been expecting a very old fashioned place, but Gloria’s family went and re-did the whole place so it would be easier to find a roommate for her. It’s nothing special, just a couch, a coffee table, some bookshelves, and a small kitchen with a brown two-chair table.
The only that really irks me is the cat wallpaper in the bathroom. I hate that wallpaper.
“She’s your roommate, Nana,” said Herman, patting Gloria on the arm.
“Well, welcome to my home, love. I hope you’ll make yourself comfortable,” said Gloria, giving me a toothless smile.
She routinely forgets to wear her dentures. I think that’s why my half of the rent is so low.
If it wasn’t for Herman, I don’t know what I’d do. It’s hard enough to get a cheap place in London, let alone in the wizarding area, and he’s here every day to introduce Gloria to me. He’s the only person she remembers.
He’s also a wonderful supply of eye candy, what with his gigantic muscles, stunning arms, chocolate skin and gorgeous backside.
“Hello, Audrey,” he said, turning to me as he washed dishes and I used my wand to heat up macaroni. “What’s up?”
“I think Gloria’s pregnant,” I said, trying to be subtle and taking a bite of my food.
Herman gave me a look. “Audrey,” he said slowly, “she’s eighty five.”
“I know,” I said, nodding my head. “But let’s say she is pregnant. What should she do?”
“Audrey, are you pregnant?” asked Herman carefully. I shook my head in reply.
“No, but what would you suggest Gloria do?” I asked.
“Go to St. Mungo’s, tell the father—by the way, Audrey, what happened to that red haired bloke you were seeing?”
I choked on my food. I’d hadn’t thought about my ex’s looks. Great now my child will definitely have red hair. Maybe it’ll also have my height; I’m of medium height so that wouldn’t be too bad. It’ll probably have my pale skin though, and of course my brown eyes.
“Well, that answers the question of who’s the dad,” muttered Herman.
I continued choking; he did nothing to help me.
“St. Mungo’s will tell…Gloria what to do next,” said Herman, rolling his eyes.
“I’ll be sure to help her do that,” I said red faced, nodded, and then I paused. “Do I have to tell the guy?”
Herman looked at me and sighed. I was getting the same vibe from him that I got from Gus.
I am surrounded by unsympathetic males.
“Yes,” he said. “You have to tell the father.”
“It’s not me that’s pregnant,” I reminded him. “It’s Gloria.”
Herman sighed again. “Yes, I’m sorry, I forgot.”
“Well,” I stood up and placed my dish in the sink. “I guess I’ll have to go and tell the guy he’s got a kid. It’s not like Gloria will remember to.”
“Have fun,” said Herman as I shut the door behind me.
Normally I would have apparated, but I was in no hurry to see my ex. None whatsoever.
You know, maybe I should go to St. Mungo’s first, just to see if the baby’s doing all right. I quickly searched my bag for my wallet, and then I remembered that Gus had made me pay for all my pregnancy tests.
My wallet was as clean as a whistle. Whose stupid idea was it to buy all those tests anyway?
Maybe I’ll just get lunch, I’m still rather hungry after all.
Oh yeah, no money.
I sighed, and began walking towards Diagon Alley, where my ex’s flat was located.
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