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Typical Clueless Guy by PygmyPuffLover
Chapter 14 : The Breakup
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 13

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Gorgeous chapter image by Magic_Phoenix :)


“So, do you have any first ideas for the wedding?” I asked Rose through a mouthful of bacon. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and positively beamed at the pair of us. Oh, just a footnote, the pair of us is Lily and I.

“I know that I want at least a three metre train on my dress, and I want white lilies as the main flower, but other than that I haven’t thought about it much.” She smiled at us and Lily rolled her eyes.

“Right, like you haven’t been thinking about it every day since you were eight.” Lily scoffed, and Rose kicked her under the table.

“Okay, but I haven’t discussed anything with Scorpius yet, so nothing is definite.” Rose said, and she bit her lip. I put my hands over my heart at the amount of love that filled her voice when she said her fiancée’s name.

Lily did the same next to me and Rose smiled shyly at the two of us. I smiled at her and tried to imagine her in her wedding dress. Rose will make the most stunning bride.

“So do you know when you want to get married?” I asked, and Rose nodded, her red tinted brown hair bouncing around her smiling face.

“Yeah, Scorpius and I both want to get married this summer, because we want to spend the second part of the summer holiday on our honeymoon.” She smiled and her eyes became misty as she thought about the guy she was going to be married to in less than a year.

I smiled at Lily widely and she beamed back. I was still struggling to wrap my head around the concept of Rose getting married this summer. I mean, she’ll be eighteen, and a wife.

Bloody hell.

I speared a sausage on my fork and crammed it into my mouth whole, chewing it and swallowing it in five seconds. Lily frowned at me and tossed a napkin into my face, which I promptly tossed back at her with a bacon covered grimace.

She scowled at me and rolled her eyes. In response I crammed another sausage into my mouth whole.

“Oh, and I wanted to ask you two something.” Rose said, and her cheeks were slightly pinker than they were before. I peered up at her and she smiled warmly. “Well, I was talking to Scorpius last night and we both agreed that it is a really good idea, so I was wondering if you would like to.”

She finished by looking at the two of us hopefully. Am I missing something here? I glanced at Lily and saw her looking at me as well.

“Sweetie,” Lily said tentatively, “Would we like to do what?” Rose blushed and clapped her hands over her mouth.

“Oh! Erm... I was wondering whether you two and Dominique would be my bridesmaids during the Wedding.” She said quietly, which made Lily and I clap our hands to our mouths in stereo synchrony. And then start clapping in stereo synchrony. And then start squealing in stereo synchrony.

We both leaned over the table and pulled Rose into a massive group hug, squealing and thanking her and kissing her on the cheek.

Rose wiped her eyes and leaned back into her own seat. She was beaming from ear to ear and her mascara had run down her face so she ended up looking like some kind of deformed panda.

“Do you mean it? You both want to be my bridesmaids?” She said, and her eyes were shining with tears. Lily and I nodded at the same time and she smiled widely again.

We just stared at each other for a moment until the silence was broken by Scorpius sitting down on the bench next to Rose. He leaned sideways and kissed her on the cheek, before using his fingers to turn her head so he could kiss her gently on the mouth.

When they broke apart Rose looked like she had died and gone to heaven.

Scorpius leaned back towards her and gently kissed up her neck, whilst Lily and I stared at them in jealousy. When he reached the top of her neck he began to kiss along her cheek until he reached her ear.

“How come you left this morning without waking me up?” He muttered, and Lily and I grinned at each other.

“Ooooooh!” We said at the same time, and Rose shot us the finger.

“You looked tired and I thought you needed your sleep.” She whispered back, and Scorpius leaned down to kiss her on the lips again.

“Hey guys.” Said a voice above our heads, so Lily and I turned to look at Lysander, Fred, Louis and Hugo, who were all sitting themselves down on the bench next to us.
Hugo sat down next to me, and I shot him a brief smile before turning in my seat to watch Lysander and Lily, who were both blushing and smiling at each other as they sat together. Those two are so meant for each other.

“Hey Lily.” Lysie said quietly, and she smiled at him and waved her hand slightly.

Right, now you should greet him back verbally. Now. Now. Okay, any time today...

“Hey Lysander.” She said, and very voice was a little squeaky but otherwise reasonably steady. I winked at her and she sat up straight, before starting a conversation with him about the Quidditch game that had been played the weekend before.

I smiled proudly and turned my attention back to the bloke sitting next to me. “Hello.” I said pleasantly, and he smiled back. He picked up a piece of toast off the silver platter in the middle of the table and held it out to me.

I frowned at him so he brought his other hand off the table and opened my mouth slightly. He put the edge of the toast into my mouth and used his hand to mash my lips together again.

“Now you chew.” He whispered, his breath warming up my face and filling my head with his special scent.

I chewed obediently and he smiled at me, putting the toast back into my mouth and letting me take another bite. My brain kicked into gear then and I realised that Hugo was feeding me a piece of toast.

Okay, maybe it’s not the most romantic situation in the world but it’s still something. It’s a very big something.

God, if I loved him anymore my head would probably fall off and start screaming it at him.


“Remember, you have to answer honestly.” He reminded me. I rolled my eyes and rotated my hand as if to tell him to carry on with what he was saying. “Do you like Hugo?”

My heart stopped beating and I wanted to run from the room. I couldn’t lie to Albus, which would be completely different than lying to everybody else. I never lie to Al, and I don’t want to start now. But I can’t tell him what I really feel... Can I?

“No, I don’t like him.” I said carefully, and Al raised one of his eyebrows. I smiled back at him weakly and then plucked up all of my courage and decided to just tell him. “I’m in love with him.”

Al froze and I flipped over so my chest was pressed up against his chest and I could see the gobsmacked expression on his face. “What?” I asked, and he just gaped at me for a moment before he rediscovered his vocal chords.

“You have to tell him!” He cried, and I shuffled backwards slightly, only stopping when he grabbed hold of my shoulders and pulled me back into his chest in a massive hug.

“No, I will not tell him.” I said against his impressive muscles. Must be something about Quidditch that gives all those lads freaking body builder muscles.

“Why not?!” He cried, looking horror struck. I allowed myself a brief snort at his expression and then swallowed against the lump that had risen in my throat.

I was sick to death of people asking me why I wouldn’t tell Hugo how I felt. I mean, Al is the only one that I have told that I love Hugo, but everybody is always like ‘tell Hugo, tell Hugo’, and I’m like NO!

I slammed my head into his chest a couple of times and I looked up at him with frustrated eyes. “Because he’ll reject me.” I muttered, and Al grabbed my head in between his hands and snapped it back so he could look at my face.

“No he won’t.” Albus said seriously, and his eyes looked a little bit angry. I blinked a few times and then decided that it was just a tactic he was using to try and get me to tell Hugo.

“He has a girlfriend; of course he is going to reject me.” I said, and Al shook his head and ran his hand through my hair.

“Vanessa, I hardly think that she qualifies as a girlfriend. More like a snog buddy.” Al said, rolling his eyes and pursing his lips as he thought about her.

“Well, either way, I am not going to tell him.” I said firmly, as I pulled myself out of Al’s arms and out from under the blanket, before walking to the door and rolling my eyes.

“Bye hot chick!” The bloke called from the bathroom. I wondered what on Earth he could be doing in there that was taking so long, before deciding that I did not want to know.

“Bye Jason.” I laughed, and I left the dormitory.


“Holy shit, get under the table.” Rose hissed at the same time Hugo and Lily grabbed my shoulders and forced me underneath it. I landed on the floor and winced at the severe bruising I was sure will have sprung up on my arse.

I heard the reason before anybody told me. Ariadne’s heels were clacking on the floor as she stomped down the aisle between the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw tables.

“Where is the little whore?!” She spat at Hugo, who crossed his legs under the table and brushed his hair out of his face. Ariadne started tapping her heels on the floor in impatience.

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” He said coolly. Ariadne stomped her foot and let out a muffled screaming noise.

“The blonde whore I share a dormitory with... something McIver.” She grumbled, tapping her foot at a quicker pace. How self absorbed do you have to be not to know the name of the girl that you have basically lived with and has been in all your classes for six years?

“Vanessa is not a whore; I wish you would stop calling her that.” Hugo snapped, and she gasped and stumbled backwards a little bit.

“ARE YOU DEFENDING HER AGAIN?!” She shrieked, and she started pummelling Hugo really hard on the arm, even harder when he winced and tried to jerk his arm out of the way.

“I’m not defending her; I just wish you wouldn’t keep calling her a whore.” Hugo said, and his voice was even more annoyed than before.

Ariadne tipped her head back and screamed bloody murder at ceiling, which surprise surprise, did not respond.

I rolled my eyes under the desk and revelled in the déjà vu of the situation. It seems like every time I’m eating breakfast with Hugo and Ariadne walks into the Great Hall, I end up on my arse under the table.

And it’s rather annoying to tell you the truth. I’d love to just leap out from under here and pummel her to a pulp.

But I won’t, because Lily is the violent one of the pair of us.


I leaned forwards slightly so I could see Hugo’s face, which was glaring bolts of fire at the girl standing only two centimetres away from his nose. His expression was furious and his hands were curled into fists under the table.

“Well, I like how I am now, I’m happier.” He spat, and she stepped backwards slightly in surprise.

“You’re happier now you’ve met her?!” She screamed back, looking beyond furious, her face contorted in anger and a vein pulsing dangerously in her forehead.

“WELL, TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST I WOULD MUCH RATHER DATE HER THAN YOU, BECAUSE AT LEAST SHE HAS A PERSONALITY, AND YOU’RE JUST A SPINELESS HAG THAT HAS LESS PERSONALITY THAN MY FUCKING PENCIL CASE!” He roared back, and without a second glance he swung his legs over the side of the bench and stormed out of the Great Hall, with his whole family gaping after him like goldfish.

Ariadne stared after him for a moment and then sprinted up the aisle after him, screaming.

My mouth was practically glued to the floor. My eyes were wider than dinner plates. I glanced up soundlessly when Lily, Rose, Scorpius, Fred, Louis and Lysie all looked under the table and gaped at me with their mouths hanging open.

I shook my head slightly like a dog trying to rid its ears of water.

Did Hugo really just say he would rather date me than Ariadne?

Well one thing is for certain, Ariadne is definitely going to smother me in my sleep tonight. I’m going to have to put a protection spell around my bed or something to ensure my personal safety.


“Merlin, this couch is comfy.” I smiled as I snuggled down on the sofa and pulled the throw off the back over my knees. Lily snorted from her position on the floor in front of me which resulted in me flicking the back of her head.

She shot me the finger without looking at me and I pulled a face, which made Al and Scorpius fall about laughing whilst Lily tried to figure out why.

I tossed my hair over one shoulder and started to braid it in a long plait down to just above my hip. When I reached the bottom I realised I didn’t have a hair tie to fasten it with. I pulled Lily’s out of her pony tail and tied it around the bottom of my plait.

Lily shot me the finger again and I chuckled merrily.

I couldn’t help but be happy after what Hugo had said at breakfast this morning. He had said he would rather date me than Ariadne.

And he is dating Ariadne. So he basically said he would prefer me to be his girlfriend.
Seriously, I was over the moon. I danced all the way back up to the Common Room.


Lily thought it was hilarious and took photos of me without me noticing.

The fire started to die out so I shot a quick spell at it and smiled into the warmth that washed over me. It was getting nearer to November now, so the fire in the Common Room was one of the only things that kept most Gryffindors going.

I felt slightly sorry for the Slytherins, who were sure to be freezing in that dungeon Common Room of theirs.

I breathed out loudly in a heavy huff, and ran my hands through my side fringe, which was sticking up at about fifteen odd angles. Scorpius grinned at me and got off the little pouffe he was sitting on and moved to the end of my couch.

I lifted my feet up so he could sit down and then put them back down on his knee. He smiled at me and pulled off my shoes.

Hey, what the fuck are you doing? If you are going to steal my shoes, you shouldn’t do it when I’m sitting right here.

Oh wait, he’s putting them down on the floor in front of me. Never mind then.

Scorpius put his hands on either side of my feet and started to rub them, before digging his fingers in slightly and rotating them from side to side. I swallowed the moan that rose in my throat and sighed deeply. Scorpius is absolutely amazing at foot massages.

“Oh, that feels so good.” I moaned, and he chuckled under his breath before digging his fingers in even harder and rubbing his hands slightly further up so they were more around my ankles than my feet.

Al grinned from his chair next to me and I peered at him in confusion. He rolled his eyes and smirked at me.

“If Rose came in now, she would so get the wrong impression. And so would Hugo.” He grinned, rolling his eyes and waggling his eyebrows.

I picked my shoe up off the floor and chucked it at his face, where it bounced off his nose and landed back where I had picked it up from. I snorted and he glared at me.

“I told you that in confidence!” I hissed, and his eyes widened, his expression looking as though he was a drowning man that had just been thrown a lifebelt.

“Yes! That is what I meant! I meant that, not anything else!” Albus said loudly, and I cocked one eyebrow and folded my arms.

Al was spared the fury of my angry glare by a distraction in the form of Hugo Weasley, who had slammed the Portrait Hole open and was jogging across the Common Room with an enormous smile on his face.

“What are you so happy about?” I asked him with a massive smile. I was

remembering what he said at breakfast and I felt like a balloon of happiness was swelling in my chest.

“I have some news. I think it will please you and Lily in particular.” He grinned back at me, and he picked Scorpius up by the scruff of the neck and dropped him on the floor so his seat was free. He plopped down into it and picked my feet up and put them on his own knee.

I had to focus very hard on remembering how to breathe.

“What’s the news?” I asked weakly, while Al, Scorpius and Lily grinned at the two of us. “And why will Lily and I like it so much?”

“I’ve broken up with Ariadne. Officially.” He beamed, and I clapped my hands over my mouth. Lily screamed and started clapping while Al and Scorpius thumped each other on the back.

I leapt off my seat and onto Hugo’s knee, where I gave him a massive hug which he gratefully returned.

Um, okay, is it just me or are his hands a little too comfortable on my arse? I wondered whether or not I should move but I didn’t mind so much.

I pulled my head off his shoulder and saw him looking directly at me, his eyes boring into my own. I stared back into his eyes and let myself drift into their ocean depths. I forgot how to swallow.

My face was drifting closer and closer towards his and he took his head off the back of the couch so he could lean closer towards me.

We broke apart when a screaming noise came from the corner that sounded like both of our names. I whirled around to see Ariadne standing in the Portrait Hole with a furious expression on her face and a torn in half book in either hand.

I made a mental note to be very vigilant with my safety from this point onwards.

I leapt off Hugo’s knee like he was diseased and slammed my back into the armrest of the couch. Lily grabbed hold of my arm and pulled me onto the floor next to her.

I heard Ariadne stomp her way across the Common Room and stab her way up the concrete stairway that led to the dormitory.

I bit my lip and peered at Hugo with a blush creeping up my face.

Has Hugo noticed that whenever I get within a metre of him I almost end up kissing him? He probably things I’m some sort of freak that can’t control my hormones or something.

I avoided Lily’s gaze at all costs and stared very hard at my toes.

Al jabbed me in the back with his finger but I ignored him.

“So congratulations on your break up!” Lily said brightly, and she leapt over my legs to give Hugo a massive hug and kiss him on the cheek. He looked at her briefly and then glanced back at me, watching my smiling face with a smile on his own.

“Are you glad we broke up Van?” He asked me in a deep voice, and I stammered slightly as I contemplated what to say.

I settled for the truth.

“Yeah, I am.” I smiled, and I got up, walked forwards and kissed him on the cheek, before heading up to Roxanne’s dorm with a huge smile on my face.

I am officially the epitome of all that is cool.

Get told.



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